Fire & Flesh

by Kerri Carr

  Kara returned to the table a minute later, still in a sort of daze. Nina looked up from her coffee and said, “Kar- is everything alright?” Kara licked her lips and looked at Nina and said, “My mom’s getting married.” Nina clapped her hands and said, “Oh my God, that’s great.” Kara nodded and Nina looked at her, “What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy? Is this about your dad?” Kara shook her head and said, “No- It’s just that- she’s marrying Harry Wentworth.” Nina blinked at her for a few seconds before her expression completely changed. “Oh my God,” she breathed, “She’s marrying the twins’ dad?” Kara nodded, unable to process any of it. Nina shook her head in wonder and said, “That means the twins are gonna be your-” but Kara held up her hand and said, “Don’t say it. Don’t say the B word.” Nina laughed and said, “Kara, when we’re back home, I’m gonna be hanging out at your place all the time.”

  Kara buried her face in her hands and groaned and Nina laughed and said, “Oh come on- it’s not like you hooked up with them.” Kara lifted her head and looked at Nina miserably and then Nina raised a hand to her mouth and said, “No- you did?” Kara gulped and said, “Nina we weren’t friends in high school.” Nina shrugged and said, “Yeah ‘cause you were popular and I was a complete loser.” Kara chewed on her lip and said, “Do you know why I was popular? It’s ‘cause my boobs grew out in the seventh grade and I loved to show them off. Oh God, I loved all the attention- and the boys knew it.” Nina laughed and said “I’m sure whatever happened wasn’t that bad.” Kara buried her head again and said, “I can’t believe it- Lucas and Adam. Oh God, I wonder if they know yet.” Nina shrugged and said, “Maybe they don’t remember you?” Kara scoffed and said, “Trust me- they’d remember me.”

  *****

  FOUR YEARS AGO

  Kara tied a green ribbon around her long ponytail. Green was the school color and she wanted to show how supportive she was of the football team. “You hate football,” her friend Aria said in a bored voice, leaning against the bathroom wall as she smoked a cigarette. Kara tossed back her ponytail and said, “Yeah- but I love football players. God, have you seen Michael Garcia’s six-pack?” Aria dropped her cigarette butt in the toilet and pulled out a deodorant from her backpack, spraying it around the bathroom to disguise the smell of smoke as she said, “The guys are playing really well today, aren’t they?” Kara shrugged and said, “I have no idea- but they look damn good when they play.” Kara pulled up her bra to adjust it and stuck out her chest slightly before she turned to leave the bathroom with Aria. They walked out, passing a small pale girl in the hallway who nervously said, “Hi Kara, hey Aria.” They ignored her and continued to walk towards the football field.

  As they stepped out into the bright sunlight, the crowd erupted into a huge cheer, signaling the end of the game. By the dejected look on the football players’ faces, they could tell the game hadn’t gone so well. “Yes!” Kara exclaimed under her breath, and Aria looked at her questioningly. “We lost, Kar…” but Kara nodded happily and said, “I love it when they lose- they’re all so sad afterwards, and in need of validation from hot girls.” Aria laughed and watched Kara as she pasted a sympathetic smile on her face and made her way towards the team. She was looking for Michael and she spotted him being hugged by two cheerleaders. She knew that if she sashayed over there, Michael would forget all about the cheerleaders, but she noticed someone else looking at her.

  Lucas Wentworth was leaning against the bleachers with his arms folded over his chest, and his eyes were on Kara’s legs, slowly moving upwards until they met hers. Kara glanced at him and then looked away, licking her lips as she pretended to scan the crowd for someone else. As she expected, Lucas took the bait and a second later, he walked over to her. “Hey,” he said softly, shaking his long brown hair from his eyes. “Hey,” Kara said, making sure to keep her tone neutral. “Who are you looking for?” Lucas asked, moving a little closer and Kara shrugged as she said, “Nobody important,” and turned as though to leave.

  She heard Lucas say, “Nice ribbon,” and stopped to look at him over her shoulder. “Thanks- I was really rooting for you guys,” she sighed and turned to face him again, “It’s sad that we lost- but you played really well.” Lucas’s mouth twisted itself into a crooked smile and Kara admired just how heart-stoppingly handsome he really was. “Listen-” he started to say and Kara grinned- she had him right she wanted. “Meet me behind the parking lot in five minutes.” She turned around and walked away, knowing perfectly well that his eyes were on her ass. Ten minutes later, his fingers were up her skirt and her mouth was on his neck.

  Two weeks later, Kara stood at the edge of Aria’s pool, looking out over the party. Aria’s parents were out of town and the house was full of people too drunk to be able to walk straight. Some guy was talking to Kara about his university of choice and Kara absently nodded along as she scanned the crowd for better company. Aria was running around trying to make sure that her parents’ furniture wasn’t being damaged. Kara spotted a familiar face across the pool and said, “Is that Lucas Wentworth? He looks good.”

  The guy talking to her stopped and looked where she was looking, and in an annoyed voice he said, “That’s not Lucas, that’s Adam.” Kara raised her eyebrow and said, “The twin?” She hadn’t interacted with the other Wentworth much, but she knew he was wildly popular and he was perhaps even more handsome than his brother. They had the same crooked smile, the same chiseled jawlines and the same blue-green eyes, but Adam’s hair was shorter and it made him look older, more sophisticated.

  She turned to the boy and sweetly said, “Would you get me another drink?” He was caught off guard and he hesitated but Kara smiled and he said, “Sure- I’ll be right back.” As soon as he turned to go into the house, Kara quickly moved away from the spot where she was and began to make her way to Adam. He was talking to a girl but the minute she walked past, his eyes immediately shifted to her. “Hi Lucas,” she said, deliberately feigning ignorance as she walked past him. “I’m not Lucas,” he called out and Kara turned, puckering her mouth to form a surprised looking O.

  “Sorry, we haven’t met. I’m-” but before she could finish, he said “Kara Swan- yeah, I know who you are. I’m Adam- Adam Wentworth.” The girl he had been talking to rolled her eyes and walked away, but Adam didn’t even seem to notice. Kara smiled and said, “I see it now- you’re actually very distinctly different from Lucas.” Adam laughed and said, “In a good way, I hope.” Kara nodded and said, “Definitely.” A few drinks later, Kara ran up the stairs towards Aria’s bedroom, bursting in as Adam followed her. She closed the door and he pressed her up against it, his hands finding their way across her body.

  FOUR YEARS LATER

  “Both of them?” Nina exclaimed and Kara held up her hands defensively. “How was I supposed to know that my mom would want to marry their father?” Nina shook her head and said, “You know- even your mom was marrying some other guy, you’d still probably have slept with his son too.” Kara glared at Nina, who grinned and said, “Okay sorry, not the time for jokes. Look- can’t you just pretend it never happened and be cool for your mom’s sake?” Kara nodded slowly and said, “Yeah- that’s what I’ll have to do. I just hope the twins do the same.”

  *****

  The sun hung low in the sky, bathing Kara’s hometown in rose gold as the plane descended over a patchwork quilt of houses and trees and lakes. Kara pressed her forehead against the window. All her memories of her childhood, everyone she knew and met, could all fit in one hand-span from where she was. She sighed and leaned back in her seat, securing her seatbelt as the flight attendant announced that they were landing. The next few minutes were torture. She was wracked with anxiety, and as the plane dipped lower in the sky, Kara felt her stomach drop with it.

  She walked off of the plane, picked her luggage from the conveyor belt and headed out of the airport as though she were in a daze. It was only when she heard a delighted squeal that she snapped out of it and looked up to see a woma
n waving frantically at her, carrying a sign that said “WELCOME HOME KARA!!!” Kara smiled brightly at her mother and hurried towards her, pulling her trolley bag behind her. As soon as she reached her mother, she pulled her into a huge warm hug. As they parted, Kara said, “Mom you look amazing!”

  It was true, Margo’s hair, usually brown and mousy, was newly highlighted and her hazel eyes had a spark to them that Kara hadn’t seen since she was a little girl. She was also dressed up more than she usually was. She had eyeliner on, and a subtle pink tint on her lips, while she wore a white blouse with tailored beige pants. She tossed back her hair and laughed as she said, “You really think so? Gosh, I’ve been working hard on myself- but forget about me, look at you!” She beamed at Kara and said, “You’re more beautiful every time I look at you!”

  Kara carried her bag to her mom’s car, while her mother chatted away about all the things Kara had missed while she was away at college. “You should see your cousin Holly’s baby, looks exactly like her father, poor thing. I mean I love Uncle Albert, but to see a child with his nose is truly terrifying.” Kara laughed out loud, happy to be around her mother after so long. It was as though nothing had changed and they were gossiping as they had always done. Of course, that wasn’t true. Everything had changed, and it didn’t matter how much Kara delayed it, her reunion with her new family was inevitable.

  She took a deep breath and said, “So, when’s the wedding?” As soon as she had said the words, the entire atmosphere seemed to change. It was as though a dam had been opened, and her mother burst forth with wedding talk. “Kara, I was just flipping through a magazine one day and I saw these stunning dresses by Zuhair Murad, and I just sort of gushed a little over them and you won’t believe it but Harry set up my bridal appointment there. I mean can you imagine it, me in haute couture? When I married your dad, I wore Grandma Nicki’s lacey nightmare.”

  Kara laughed along with her mother, but some degree of her mirth was gone and she wondered if the boys felt the same strange tug in their stomachs whenever their father mentioned his bride-to-be. “Have you picked out your dress yet? I’d love to go with you if you haven’t,” Kara said, trying very hard to be as supportive as she could. This wasn’t the time to be selfish. Her mother was so unbelievably happy. Kara patiently listened to her mother talk about cakes, guest-lists and venues. When enough time had passed, she raised the only topic she really wanted to discuss.

  “So- um- have you met his kids yet? The twins, I mean.” Kara nervously licked her lips as she waited for a response. Her mother nodded and said, “We told them right after we told you. They’re such sweet boys. Kara, I’m surprised you didn’t hang out with them in high school.” Kara tried to hide her bright red face as she pretended to look for something in her bag and mumbled a non-committal response just as her mother said, “Anyway, I’m really excited for you to meet them all tomorrow night.” Kara’s head snapped up and she said, “Tomorrow? What’s tomorrow night?”

  Her mother pulled into the driveway of Kara’s childhood home as she said, “Harry’s throwing a dinner in your honor. A family dinner- God Kara, it feels so good to say that, you know? Family.” Kara knitted her brows together and her mother mistook her dread for something else and said, “I didn’t mean it like that, sweetie- you and I were a family, of course, but it’s just more complete now.” Kara nodded and said, “I get it Mom, you don’t have to explain- I’m honestly so happy, and I’m really excited to meet them.” Her mother smiled widely and tossed her the house keys as she said, “Go on and run inside, I’ll bring your bags.”

  As Kara unlocked the door and walked inside, she was hit with a flood of memories. She hadn’t been back home in over a year, and the familiarity of home had her all choked up. Things were a little different though, the picture of her parents’ wedding that used to be in the hallway was gone, replaced with the smiling photo of Kara at her high school graduation. Her mom walked in with her bags and set them down next to the door as she said, “I had to take it down, Kar. I’m starting a new chapter, and I just don’t want to be held back by-” before she could finish, Kara walked over and hugged her mother, and said, “Mom, I love you- and yeah, I miss Dad but he left us a long time ago. You deserve to be happy, and that’s all I want too.”

  *****

  Kara changed four times, tossing aside each outfit as she felt more and more frustrated. Why did it matter so much what she wore? She knew she wanted the twins to find her attractive, but it was a strange thing for her to want considering they were all going to be siblings soon. She settled on a pink crushed velvet dress and let her tousled waves down, adding a light dusting of highlighter to her cheekbones before heading down the stairs to the hallway where her mother was waiting.

  “Oh my God- Kara, look at you- you’re radiant.” Margo said, smiling happily and Kara smiled back as she said, “And you look beautiful, Mom.” Kara linked her arms with her mother’s and they happily chatted away as they made their way to the car. As her mother drove, Kara tried to keep still, but she kept fidgeting with the hem of her dress. “What’s wrong baby, are you nervous?” Her mother said, her own voice cracking with the anxiety she felt, and Kara shook her head. “Not nervous- excited. I’m looking forward to meeting everyone.” Her mother smiled and said, “Ah, we’re here.”

  Kara looked up and saw a large stunning mansion sprawled out ahead, with tall gates blocking it off. Their car slowed down, and her mother rolled down the window as a guard approached, “Hi Robert, it’s me,” she smiled, and the guard smiled back before he threw open the gates, and the car drove down the long winding driveway, leading to a garage that held five more cars, each one more luxurious than the next. Her mother parked between a white Bentley and a black Rolls-Royce and Kara let out a low whistle as she said, “Mom, wow- these guys are loaded.” Her mother nodded as she quickly checked her lipstick in the rear-view mirror and said, “Yeah- but I didn’t know that when I started dating him, so don’t you get any ideas about me.”

  Kara laughed as she got out of the car and said, “Relax, the thought didn’t even cross my mind.” Her mother took a deep breath and said, “Alright, time for my fiancé to meet my daughter.” They walked up the front steps and Kara waited, masterfully concealing her nervousness under a smile, while her mother rang the bell. The door was opened a second later by a plump lady in a maid’s uniform who smiled and said, “Miss Margo, welcome.” Kara’s mother smiled and said, “Hi Ellen, this is my daughter, Kara.” Ellen turned to Kara and said, “Welcome, Miss Kara- you are beautiful just like your mother.” She led the two of them in and Kara tried not to stare as she let her gaze wander over the marble floor, the large double staircase and the stunning paintings adorning the walls.

  A handsome man with salt and pepper hair and a charming smile walked down the stairs as he called out, “Margo, darling.” Margo turned to face her fiancé and smiled brightly as she said, “Hello, Harry.” Harry Wentworth made his way down to them and embraced Kara’s mother before turning to her and saying, “And you must be Kara.” Kara beamed at him and nodded, and Harry said, “It’s an absolute pleasure- I’ve been waiting so long to meet you.” Kara shook his hand and said, “The pleasure’s all mine- I’m just happy to see how happy you’ve made my mom.” Harry laughed and said, “Oh no, I’m the lucky one here. Your mother is just a dream come true.”

  He led them to the dining room and said, “Please, take a seat. My son, Adam, is upstairs on a phone call, he’ll join us in a minute, and Lucas said he’s on his way.” Kara’s heart seemed to leap up to her throat as he said the boys’ names. She had momentarily forgotten about them and had been so focused on meeting Harry. Now, suddenly, the thought of meeting them scared the hell out of her, and she stood up without meaning to. Harry looked at her, smiling, waiting for her to say something. Kara quickly covered up by asking for directions to the bathroom.

  “Oh of course, it’s right down the hallway, first door on your right.” Harry smiled as Kara hurried past him
into the bathroom, and she closed the door, leaning her forehead against the cool polished wood. “Kara, chill,” she said to herself softly, “It’ll be fine- just go out there and smile and focus on dinner and then it’ll be over.” She took a deep breath and turned to glance at her reflection in the mirror. She looked good, really good. She smiled at herself, and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear before she put her hand on the door handle and squared her shoulders, ready to go out and face the Wentworths. As she walked back into the dining room, she could hear her mother and Harry talking, and she pasted her fake smile onto her voice before she walked in.

  Kara took her seat at the table and Harry asked, “Kara, can I pour you a drink?” He stood up and Kara smiled as she said, “Yes please, I’ll have whatever you’re having.” Harry nodded and poured her a decent amount of Scotch, adding ice and lemon to it before handing it over. Just as she gratefully accepted the glass, a man walked in and Kara’s heart skipped a beat as she saw the familiar jawline and blue-green eyes. Adam Wentworth paused in the doorway as his eyes met hers. Kara thought she saw a flicker of recognition on his face for a brief second, but it was gone almost immediately and he said, “Hi, I’m Adam- it’s lovely to meet you.”

  *****

  Adam sat down across from Kara and struck up a conversation with her mother. Kara was left feeling irrationally embarrassed. Did he really not remember her? Had she imagined the look of recognition on his face? “Kara?” Her mother’s voice suddenly jolted her out of her own thoughts and brought her back to her crushingly embarrassing reality. “Kara, weren’t you two in the same grade in high school, honey?” Kara’s mouth was suddenly dry and she knitted her brows together as though she was thinking, “Um yeah, I think so- I was the graduating class of 2012.” Adam nodded, “So was I, but I guess our paths never crossed in high school,” he smiled and Kara gulped, amazed at how he had just grown more handsome over the years.