The One I Want

by Scott, S. L.

  “She planted a community garden up there, and sometimes that’s where she takes Rascal.”

  “Thanks, Mike.” Letting the elevator have its way, I punch the top floor button when the door closes.

  I vaguely remember something about the roof when I was reading the amenities guide sitting on the bar when I first arrived. I’ve taken advantage of a few of them—the gym, the on-call barber, shoe shining, and the dry-cleaning service but I don’t remember anything about a community garden.

  The elevator arrives, and I walk down the hall to the glass door and push it open. I stop just outside to take it in—the lights strung like personal stars for our building, the garden to the right that’s large enough to spend some time in, and the potted trees that give the feel of being in a park.

  The woman beyond the garden holding a leash is the most beautiful feature of it all. “It’s amazing,” I say, not sure if she can hear from there.

  She looks up, and I see a heavy breath wash through her body. “How’d you find me?”

  “Mike.”

  “Never could trust him.” I can’t see her smile as I work my way across the rooftop, but I hear the teasing in her tone.

  “What about me?”

  She’s dressed the same as earlier but is wearing black flip-flops instead of heels. “Remains to be seen, Mr. Christiansen.”

  “I much prefer Drew from you.”

  “Me too,” she adds, sounding resigned to the notion.

  Rascal doesn’t notice me until I get closer, and then he yaps before tugging on his leash to reach me. I squat down, letting him jump up on my knee. “He’s got good balance.”

  She sits on a bench, allowing the wind to sweep her hair from her shoulders. “He’s little enough.”

  I pet him as he leans his front paws on my shoulder and tries to get a few licks in around my neck. Setting him back on the grass again, I move to sit next to Juni. “I screwed up, and I’m starting to wonder if that’s all I know how to do with you.”

  “Maybe, but instead of going down that path, have you wondered if I’m worth the effort?”

  “You are.”

  “No, Drew. I don’t need your confirmation to build my self-esteem. I’m good in that department. What I mean is am I, are we, worth fixing misunderstandings, worth fighting to get to a resolution, worth trying harder to understand each other instead of jumping to conclusions? I don’t want an automatic answer. I want you to consider each one and come up with your own thoughts on the matter.” Juni’s a straight shooter. But right now, I don’t know if that means she doesn’t think it’s worth the while to resolve whatever I did wrong.

  “Have you?”

  “Yeah,” she replies, her smile coming easy. “Too much and I’m not mad at you. Well . . .” Reaching over, she slips her hand in mine. “Not anymore anyway.” Thank God. Because I’m realizing that I want this. Her. Us. And I think I finally understand what went wrong tonight.

  “I know I let you down. I’m not a romantic guy. I’m numbers and facts, and don’t run my life off hunches, emotions, or notions.” I hold her hand between both of mine. “If you can have patience with me, I’m learning.”

  “I don’t want you changing for me.”

  “But I’m willing to.”

  “Why?”

  “Because the last two weeks have been the best I’ve felt in years, and I owe that to you. It doesn’t matter how this job or Seattle or even New York wears me down because you make me feel alive. You make me feel like me again.” She wants romance and she deserves it, so I step out of my comfort zone and stand before her. “May I have this dance?”

  She looks around. “There’s no music.”

  Taking her hand, she stands before me, shorter than ever. I place her hand on my chest, and say, “There is. It’s just in here.”

  We begin to sway to the music inside us when she says, “This is so spontaneous, Drew.” A smile cracks her expression. “And I freaking love it.”

  “I’ve learned a thing or two from you.”

  She briefly looks down, but then on the end of an exhale, she says, “I feel like we’ve got the odds in our favor. We’re two for two, after all.”

  “Which two are we speaking of?”

  “Number one on your list since that’s how we met and the science fair project that connects us.”

  I think she’s right. The odds are in our favor. “I wouldn’t be opposed to taking you to Vegas.”

  She stops abruptly. “To get married?” she asks, her voice pitching.

  “No,” I say, my hands flying in front of me. “No. No. No. To the tables. Gambling. We said the odds are in our favor—”

  Laughing, she lowers her hand from her chest. “Yeah, I may need a little romance in my life, but I don’t tempt the fates with that commitment nonsense. So Vegas, Atlantic City, and all the other quickie marriage locations are out of the question.”

  One minute I’m not sure how to move forward in the relationship, and now she’s rejecting a marriage proposal that I never intended. I should be used to this craziness, yet I’m not.

  Rascal is chasing his tail while Juni watches him. I sit down again, and ask, “What do you mean you don’t tempt the fates with commitment nonsense?”

  Her smile fades as she paces to the other side of the grass patch, taking Rascal with her. “Look, I know I have issues. Commitment is one of them. More long-term, to be specific.”

  “Then what are we doing?” The question seems to throw her as she shifts her head. “Two for two and all that. How do you believe in destiny and not believe in commitment?”

  She moves the leash from one hand to the other, and Rascal lies at her feet.

  “My parents showed me that being too passionate about anything always ends badly. They chose their work over me. If I allow every Tom, Dick, or Harry into my heart, where will that leave me? Alone, just like Karl did.”

  “What about a Drew? How does a Drew fit into your heart?” When she can’t answer or chooses not to, I add, “We all have our issues. Mine are on full display, but I’m working on them.”

  “I took the job to work on mine. It may not seem like much to you, but ten weeks is a long time for me.”

  “Who’s Karl?”

  “He’s the one who told me my parents were dead. He’s the one who stepped into the spotlight and presented my research and discoveries as his own. And I let him. I stood there at the edge of the spotlight in too much shock to say a word.”

  “He won?”

  She nods. That someone she cared about could so easily betray her makes me so angry. And perhaps that’s the reason for some of her tears yesterday. But I understand betrayal—not quite to the extent of how that bastard treated Juni though. But I understand how that can skew self-worth. How it stays with you for years after. “My high school girlfriend cheated on me. I was the most popular kid in school and she still cheated. This may sound cliché, but it wasn’t about me. Karl stealing your moment wasn’t about you, but you’ve willingly carried that burden for years. It’s not yours to carry anymore.”

  “What happened with the high school girlfriend? Did you make amends?”

  “Fuck no. I’m a guy. I started dating college girls my junior year in high school, fucking every one of them, and made sure she knew.”

  “That sounds healthy,” she deadpans.

  “Yeah, real healthy.” I was only seventeen and had the brain of a gnat. Clearly. I walk over to the side of the patch where she retreated earlier and take the leash from her. “We’re friends now.”

  “You are?”

  “She was fighting her own demons back then. We ran into each other a few years ago and tried to date again, but we both realized we got it right the first time when we broke up.” Dalen is complicated, but the one thing that’s not is where she stands in my life. “We’re friends now. You know why? Because I didn’t feel about her the way I do about you.”

  She comes to my side and wraps her arms around my middle. “I like
you, too, Drew.”

  Words don’t always come the easiest when emotions are involved. Although I hadn’t told her how much I like her directly, I’m glad she understands my language. I wrap my arm around her, holding her close, and say, “Karl sounds like a real asshole.”

  “He is,” she replies, laughing. She bends down to pet Rascal. He’s looking sleepy lying in the grass. Glancing back up at me, she asks, “You know that proposition I made?”

  “Trading your help on the list for a date? I think I’m still coming out ahead on that one.”

  All sadness is gone, and she says, “The date is an event in my parents’ honor. Karl will be there.”

  “Good. I can’t wait to show him how lucky I am. He’s going to regret ever stealing your research, your grant, the scholarship . . .” I stop, too late, remembering the prize she really wanted to win. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I may not have won the money and other stuff, but I know it’s my work that won it for him.”

  “Betrayal is a hard pill to swallow, but how you’re looking at it is true.”

  She moves to the wall at the edge and looks over the side of the building. “You know what my parents would want me to do?”

  “What?”

  “Live life unapologetically.”

  “I believe they would.”

  Coming back over to me, she takes the leash and leads Rascal toward the door. “Come on. I have plans.”

  I jog to catch up. “Do they include me?”

  “They absolutely include you.”

  Holding the door open for her, I ask, “Are you going to tell me?”

  She lifts on her tiptoes and kisses me, and in Juni speak, I think that means I’m forgiven. Thank fuck. “I’d rather show you.” Fuck. Yes.

  29

  Juni

  “I don’t understand.”

  I sound it out slower this time. “I don’t have a condom.”

  “Why not?” Drew asks, staring at me like I’m an alien.

  My defenses kick in, and I cross my arms. Even though it’s over my bare breasts, he gets the message. “Well, for one, I haven’t been sexually active in a long time. Secondly, you should have one as backup.”

  “Like carry one on me at all times? I’m starting to worry what you really think of me, babe. I’m not some sex-crazed animal roaming the streets. I might have slept with a few women over the years—”

  “A few?”

  His finger shoots up, noting my point for that round. “A lot, but that doesn’t mean I can’t control myself. Also, how did this get turned around on me?”

  “Because we’d be upstairs right now if your mom wasn’t visiting. And upstairs is where the protection is.”

  He sits up next to me on the bed and angles my direction. “Are you on the—”

  “No. Reference number one again, the not sexually active with a human in many—”

  “Months?”

  I distract myself with the lights dotting the nightscape through the window and whisper, “Years.”

  “Years?”

  “Okay, don’t say it like that.” My arms tighten because if I’m not getting any, he’s not even getting the pregame show.

  “Like what?”

  “Like I’m a weirdo.”

  “I don’t know how accusing someone of being a weirdo sounds, but it’s not a bad thing that you haven’t had sex with a human in years.”

  Grabbing the blanket, I pull it up to my chin. He’s really close to getting my promise to show him revoked. “Wow, that did not sound convincing at all.”

  “I have an idea.”

  “I’m listening.” Fine, I’m hot for him and weak to a good idea. A little desperate as well.

  He gets out of bed and searches for his pants. They’re in the living room, but I enjoy the show too much to stop him. “I’ll go upstairs, get a condom, and bring it back down.”

  The lack of confidence in his suggestion is unrecognizable. “Why does this sound like an impossible mission?”

  “My mom might be awake, and if she is, she’ll want to talk.”

  I laugh. One of the biggest problems he’s shared with me is that he has a parent who actually wants to spend time with him. I might be a little jealous of his family being so close, but I also love it. Everyone should feel that comfort of love.

  This adventure is sounding fun. “Can I go?”

  “No,” he says, throwing his hands in front of him. “Don’t leave this bed.”

  Getting out of bed, I head to my closet and yank a little sundress from the hanger. “I want to come.”

  “So do I. That’s why I want you to stay just like this.” His hands run over my shoulders and then down to my breasts. Men are so easily distracted. “I’ll be quicker if I’m alone.”

  “Come on.” I pull the sundress on over my underwear. “It’ll be fun.”

  “Yeah, fun,” he grumbles, pulling on his undershirt. “Do you know where my pants are?”

  “Living room next to my shirt.”

  He disappears into the other room and then returns with the pants on. Without putting socks on, he slips on his shoes.

  “I was surprised to hear your mom ask if I was staying over.”

  “I think it’s hard for her to have her boys all grown up, but she tries to respect us as men as well.” His gaze does a once-over on my body, and then he asks, “Ready?”

  “Mission retrieve condom is on.” On the way out the door, I slip my flip-flops back on. We take the stairs for convenience and probably because it feels sneakier.

  He opens his apartment door slowly and scouts the surroundings on the other side before we enter. Using his hand like a map, he points at the top right quadrant of his palm and then gives me a thumbs-up before we start down the entry hall.

  I have no clue what any of it meant, but it was cute, like we’re on the same team and huddling. I really like huddling with Drew.

  Pinning himself to the wall around the corner, he then peeks backs and waves me forward. Unfortunately, the flip of my flop against the wood floor is loud, so I kick them off and make a run down the hall on my tiptoes. When I reach him, he bends and gives me a kiss because why the hell not? We’re not actually in any kind of danger.

  When we pass the guest room, no light shines from underneath the door, and I whisper, “I think she’s asleep.”

  He’s still not satisfied until we’re locked inside his room. “I’ll grab the condom.”

  “Grab two or three. Just grab the box. You never know.”

  “It’s a bowl.”

  Pinned to the back of the door, I ask, “What is?”

  “The condoms. I store them in a bowl.”

  “Wait, let me get this straight. You have a bowl of condoms?”

  “It was here, so I used it.”

  I can’t argue with that logic. “Grab the bowl, and let’s get out of here.” I head back down the hall, put my shoes on, and wait by the front door.

  This has to be torture . . . waiting to get back to my apartment. I thought he’d give up after our tiff before dinner. That he’d retreat to being distant Mr. Christiansen. But the fact he pursued me, opened up a little more to me, has made my heart beat even stronger for him.

  He’s an underwear man, so I’d actually planned on teasing him a little when we got back to his apartment. Tonight’s tease comes in the form of a black silk thong with two sweet pink decorative bows on the hips.

  I wore them just for him.

  I’m sexual to a point, but it’s not been like this before. I crave his touch but need his cuddles afterward. The way he changes from angel to devil in the span of minutes keeps my body on high alert. I’m not above begging this man for an orgasm. He’s that good.

  God, now I’m turned on. I look up into Andrew’s eyes, and I’m pretty certain he can see exactly what’s going on inside my head.

  I watch him as I run my hand between my breasts and then lower over my belly, making sure he can see very clearly how ready I am
for him. “Drew . . .” I lean up and kiss him. Thoroughly. Soon we’re both panting. “Why does the thrill of almost getting caught turn me on?”

  “Are you trying to make me come right here in the entryway?” There’s a weakness in his voice that tells me I’m getting to him. “Fuck it.” The bowl is set on the small table behind him. He takes a breast in his hands and kisses my nipple, teasing it with his tongue and then moving over to the other to repeat the technique.

  His hands are enormous, like other parts of his body, and span my sides. So hot as he slides to his knees in front of me. “Is this what you, babe? You want to come on my mouth and have me lick you clean? Or maybe you want to fuck you right here against this wall? Tell me what you want?”

  I run my fingers through his hair and then take a section and give a little squeeze. “Why can’t I have both?”

  As if he didn’t already drive me crazy, the smirk comes first and then he takes hold of the silky string wrapped over my hip. He rips that one and then moves to the other side. This time. he pulls it away from my skin with his teeth.

  He’s about to shred it when a light comes on.

  There’s no time . . . we freeze, our gazes locked on each other. Then we hear his mom say, “Oh, I . . . um. Is that my jade bowl? Full of condoms? Not important. Not important. Pretend this never happened. Right. Good night.”

  Neither of us makes a move or says a word even after the lights off and we hear her door close loudly down the hall. I’m thinking she wanted us to know when it was safe again.

  Just when I think our night of fun is over, I’m swept into his arms, and he sprints to the bedroom. The Fast and the Furious have nothing on him. My thong is ripped, and he’s naked in seconds.

  Remembering to leave a condom behind before he grabbed his expensive jade bowl of protection, he’s covered and positioned in no time. “Do you need a warmup?”

  “No.” The word barely leaves my mouth before he’s sinking into me.

  We’re not making love. This is sensual and desires sated, carnal to the core. His body moves of its own accord, mine taking and giving, opening for him. With him on top, thrusting his body as it glides against mine, I whisper, “You feel so good, Drew.”