And Then We Fall

by Bryce Taylor

  I'm lost by myself, without her. Unwinding the scarf from her eyes, piercing blue eyes staring back in distress at mine. Her breath is caught in her throat and she swallows.

  "Please," she says, her voice cracked. "I don't know if I."

  She stops, her hand reaching up uncertainly to my face, pausing before she touches my skin.

  Her jaw clenched, words choked in her throat.

  "Please," she repeats harshly, her eyes cast down, withdrawing her hand, her shoulders slumped at not being able to do this one simple thing.

  "We don't have to do anything, my love," I tell her.

  She looks up.

  "Aednet," she says intently, "please, Christ, I need this, you."

  She is thinking this over.

  "I trust you," she says eventually.

  Only Leigh would make this, making love, sound like an exercise in conquering terror.

  Maybe it is.

  Unconsciously I pull back a little.

  "I'm sorry," she says hoarsely, "I know I'm saying the wrong thing."

  "I'm worried you'll regret it," I tell her softly.

  "Oh, Jesus," she says, finally a smile breaking through, relaxing just a little, "I could never regret anything I do in bed with you."

  I grin back at her, drawing her hands up to my face, let her draw me closer, the last tiny distance, leaning in, my lips feather light, tingling against hers. Nuzzling my nose against hers, my eyes locked with hers, kissing her again, harder, pressing her back into the bed. Smiling against her lips as her hands pull me firmly with her. My indrawn breath at the feel of her body beneath mine. Her groan against my mouth, the edge of her teeth against my tongue.

  Both of us feeling the newness of this, this passionate kiss that we are sharing equally. It's enough, it's more than enough for tonight that we kiss and kiss, then maybe we can sleep in the same bed and wake up together.

  We do. Her body becoming one with mine, her gentle kisses deepening as she realises I'm not asking for more. That I'm satisfied with this, more than satisfied, that I'm filled up with pleasure at these languid kisses, her lips that are softly drawing small sighs of enjoyment from me. Our bodies moving in tiny orbits to each other, synchronising, our breathing becoming one.

  I'm not at all expecting it when Leigh pauses, carefully takes my hand, her eyes cautiously flicking to mine as if I might complain, and draws it down to her breast. My hand tightening slightly, unable to stop myself, groaning at the silky soft skin under my palm, the give under my fingertips.

  "Oh Christ," I whisper and glance up, see the pleasure in my eyes reflected in hers. Leigh draws in a ragged breath, her other hand threading through my hair, requesting my attention a little lower.

  "Oh god," I breathe, staring at her nipples, my lips drawn there, kissing her delicately.

  She shudders when I draw her nipple into my mouth, circling the raised edge with my tongue. I shut my eyes, revelling in the taste of her, in the sense of her enjoyment of this.

  I stop and look up.

  "Darling?" I ask.

  "Yes?" she answers hoarsely, her eyes taking a long moment to focus on mine.

  "I love you," I tell her very seriously, "but Christ, I love your body."

  Leigh stares at me disbelievingly for a long moment before bursting into laughter, her face transformed.

  We grin at each other, the mood lightening.

  "Can you?" she asks, half of a question.

  "Anything," I tell her softly, then more fervently, "everything, my love, everything."

  My eyes on hers as my hand slides down her side, down her leg, drawing it up over my hip. Her eyes soften, her body moulding itself to mine. She groans hoarsely, her hand gently requesting my lips to her neck. Our legs intersecting, my hips rocking into her, feeling her body surrendering to mine.

  "I love you," I whisper in her ear, my hips moving more deeply, feeling the heat of her body rising. Leigh sighs, her arms tightening around my body.

  Leigh is so close to the edge but I can feel she is starting to think about it all again, that shouldn't she be doing something?

  "Can I go down on you?" I ask her, my lips pressed to her ear.

  Leigh freezes for a moment.

  "Yes," she agrees softly.

  I draw away from her to check that it really is yes, see it in her eyes. I growl, the need for her rising up, my lips at her throat, I can feel her pulse, the steady beat at her jugular.

  Finding that she loves it, just there, when I nibble at the edge of her collarbone, my hand caressing her breast as I make my way slowly down, pressing fervent kisses down the valley between her breasts, her ribs that are moving deeply from her indrawn breath.

  Tasting with my tongue the edge of her ribs, the inside of her bellybutton, biting at the edge of her hips. Glancing up, seeing the want in her dilated pupils, she shifts, drawing her leg up, pressing me closer with her knee, an unconscious request. I groan, caressing the outside of her thigh, kissing up the inside of her leg, biting teasingly at the tendon at the top.

  "Fuck," she whispers through clenched teeth. I try holding down a smile because, firstly; I know that Leigh is trying to be quiet because of Em, secondly; I know that Em can't hear a thing down the other end of the house, Diarmuid and I checked this fact already and thirdly; I'm going to make it very hard for her to remain quiet.

  My tongue reaching out ever so tenderly to taste her, groaning with her when I feel how wet she is, at the way she is rocking her hips just a little closer.

  I wrap my arms around her hips firmly, thrust my tongue between her lips firmly, licking between her entrance and clit, long and deep, steadily until I can feel her body giving way to me. Till I hear her low groans, till her hands are clawing at the sheets, till she is writhing beneath me. I glance up, my eyes connecting with hers, deliberately unwrapping one arm, placing that hand flat on her chest. Drawing my nails not so lightly down her chest at the same time as I suck her clit into my mouth, massaging with my tongue, feeling her start to shudder, beneath my mouth, my hand that is lying flat on her stomach.

  "Oh god, Aednet," Leigh says in a strained voice, still low and quiet, her body arching out of the bed.

  I frown, aggressively press the tip of my tongue against that round ball of flesh, wanting more of a reaction from her then this.

  Taking more of her into my mouth as she starts to cry out wordlessly, her muscles straining. As she falls back into the bed, limp, I give her one last lick, smile at the shudder beneath me and sit up to take her in.

  Leigh is looking a little startled and happy and for once utterly content.

  She pushes herself up onto one elbow, takes me in, still completely clothed in a singlet that has seen better days and sensible pyjama bottoms. I suddenly remember that the only less sexy thing than what I have on, is what is underneath. The body of an overworked mother who doesn't have the confidence for this anymore, not with the lights on at least.

  Leigh has a half-smile on her face, staring at me wonderingly, not for one moment thinking of these issues.

  "I love you," she says, her voice breaking over the words.

  She reaches for my face, caresses down my jawline with both hands, her face upturned, tugging me down to her lips. When I do, when my lips touch her, she kisses me with a passion that takes my breath away, pulling me down onto the bed with her, wrapping me tenderly in her limbs.

  We kiss and kiss, and I'm relieved that Leigh is not trying to take my clothes off. That maybe I can just turn out the light before we go any further.

  "We don't have to?" Leigh asks cautiously a moment later, sensing the tension in my body, pulling back from my lips.

  She looks concerned, not understanding why I'm not wanting her to touch me. Lying beneath me, I can feel her ribs moving, each breath she takes and in her eyes is a vulnerability I've never seen before.

  "Oh, Leigh," I start. "It's not that I don't want to, I just."

  I look away.

  "Can we turn out the light?" I ask
plaintively, before glancing back at her to Leigh's eyes are widening at my request.

  She shakes her head.

  "Not even remotely," she says seriously.

  She pauses and I sigh, regretting my words, that I'd said them out loud and I know that Leigh is going to make it a long journey in taking them back.

  Diarmuid would have immediately turned out the light, both delighted that we were having sex and knowing enough that this wasn't going to be something we were going to talk about.

  Leigh is staring at me, trying to work out what is going on, her blue eyes a window to the clockwork of thoughts beneath.

  I'm waiting for whatever uncomfortable question she is going to ask me, or worse and far more likely the painful questions she will silently ask herself.

  Instead something changes in her face, an ache building in her eyes and she reaches out with her hand, her fingertips brushing a line from my forehead down to my jaw, her thumb tenderly tracing my eyebrow, my lips. Nuzzling her nose with mine, her eyes connected ever so seriously with mine, her hand reaching to take mine, a request that I do the same to her.

  Losing myself in the perfection of her, the outline of her ear, the softness of her lips, the curve of her throat, at her sigh as I run the tip of my finger across her collarbone. Unable to stop myself from pressing small kisses into the side of her neck, groaning as she does the same to me, our mouths moving in unison until I get down to her bare shoulder and she gets to my singlet.

  She teasingly drags her teeth across the skin there, pulls at the material and I let out a short soundless laugh, that she is making her point very clearly and I can't help but agree with her. I impatiently drag my singlet off, only able to think that I want more, more of her skin on mine, her mouth warm right there.

  I have a brief moment of, 'oh god, I hope she isn't looking' and glance down at her face and see that she is very much looking, drinking me in greedily, her fingers tightening against my ribs.

  She looks up a smirk on her face, opens her mouth as if to say something, thinks better of it and shuts it again.

  "Go on," I tell her indulgently, "say it."

  She narrows her eyes for a second, surprised at being sprung and then grins.

  "Only you would not want to take off your clothes and then," she huskily, gesturing up and down.

  "This," she says with finality, her eyes dropping back to my chest.

  She makes a sideways movement of her head, her eyebrow raised, a glint in her eyes, asking if I want to straddle her hips. It's not actually a question she needs to ask, I feel as if I've been waiting for just this moment for far too long.

  I groan as I settle over her hips, my eyes shutting, taking in the sensation of her beneath me.

  I look down to her through my half-opened eyelids, at her body, my hands caressing her ribs. That I can reach out and touch her, that her skin is soft as velvet. Leigh's hands are also touching me, warm, shaping themselves to my body and I hadn't realised how much I had missed her magical touch, how relieved I am that Leigh still wants me. That she is still looking at me as she used to, her eyes burning with a hunger as she takes in my body, her hands burning my skin.

  I rock my hips back into her as her hands are sliding up towards my breasts, her thumbs grazing against my ribs, skin prickling in response, higher, my flesh giving way to her. The tips of her fingers sliding down my sides and I sigh, needing her hands back where they were.

  Her hands at my hips, thumbs stroking the bone there, Leigh's lips partly opened, a question in her eyes.

  "Yes," I reply hoarsely. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes, you can take control.

  Her hands tightening, tugging me sharply towards her, again, setting up a faster rhythm. Leigh is groaning and I look down see that she is getting equal pleasure from this, that she isn't focussed entirely on my pleasure, that she is sharing this with me, a hoarse edge to her groans.

  "Leigh," I sigh, "Leigh."

  Her hands are sliding around my body, fingernails drawn barely across the small of my back, down further, under my waistband, cupping my arse, squeezing slightly.

  "Leigh?" I ask, needing her to do more.

  Needing more of her.

  She levers herself up on one elbow and I take her other hand, hauling her up the rest of the way.

  My hands cupping her face, tilting her head up for my kisses. Our tongues entwined, her arms tightening around my back. Arching back in her arms, one of her hands descending between my legs as her lips touch my nipple, her tongue encircling, the skin puckering, my hands tightening in her hair.

  "Oh god," I'm groaning as one of her fingers slides between my lips, slippery, tantalisingly close to the edge of my clit and then away.

  Again.

  My hips thrusting into her, moaning, my pleasure rising, unstoppable, my body pulsing with need. She makes a deep noise in her throat, returning my need with an equal ache, tormented, the taut muscles in her arms pressing into my body.

  I want to hold off for longer, it's clear from the teasing edge to Leigh's flickering touches she intends on this lasting longer. Only I've been waiting for this, just this moment with every fibre of my being for too long and I'm trembling already, every hair on end, the temperature in my body rising, a slow burn.

  I'm awkwardly shifting my body upright, straining to give her better access, her eyes connecting with mine, understanding there, her other hand descending between us without pause, grazing across swollen flesh. Her hand spreading me from behind, the fingers from her other hand sliding smoothly inside me, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as she spreads her fingers, filling me deeply.

  She's not thrusting into me, waiting motionless for me to come back to her, till I look down, see the agony in her eyes, take her face in my hands, running the tips of my fingers across her eyebrows, leaning down to capture her lips with mine. Feeling her starting to move, her hand rocking into me with an escalating rhythm.

  Her fingers reaching that spot deep inside me, my eyes rolling back in my head, pleasure filling me up, overflowing, one single thought, that I need to come.

  "Leigh," I groan, my lips still touching hers, her breathing as ragged as mine is, hoping that she understands.

  She nods slightly, her thumb caressing across my clit and I'm shuddering, rocking into her.

  "I love you, Leigh," I tell her heavily, as her hand slides from me, pushing her down onto the bed, her arms around me, pulling me with her.

  "I love you too," she whispers in my ear.

  I make a small sound of satisfaction, my lips at her throat, pressing hard kisses into her, my mouth opening over her shoulder, biting down.

  Leigh groans, her body arching up and I shudder one last time, she draws in a deep breath, lets out a sigh.

  I pull back, see the look on her face and capture her top lip teasingly in mine.

  "More?" I ask, my voice low.

  She nods, her hands descending, pulling at the waistband of my pyjamas meaningfully.

  "Yes," I agree.

  "May I?" she asks politely.

  "Yes," I tell her softly.

  She grins and her arms tighten around me, pulling me under her, tearing my pyjamas from my body with an abruptness that takes my breath away.

  She glances up, sees the look on my face, her face turning predatory, that she wants me so much in this moment that my skin is prickling, tightening, my pupils dilating in need.

  She pauses, anticipation shivering up my spine, the tip of her finger tracing my bottom lip, my jaw, a line down my neck, her eyes catching with mine, filled with desire for me, so much that I'm melting under her, helpless as she is worshipping my body with lips and hands. Groaning as her knuckle grazes the edge of my breast, fingertips cupping slightly. I arch my body up into her, offering her everything.

  Her hands exploring my body with a confidence that has me desperate for more. Leigh growls, a small sound in her throat, one hand pinning my wrist into the mattress, her lips pressing small kisses against my throat.<
br />
  Our eyes connect, the blaze in hers fuelling the heat that is burning me up from the inside. My hand is tracing the edge of her jaw, taking her in, her beautiful face, her eyes that are filled with such depths that she's never let me see before. I can feel my body surrendering, my hands moving to drape around her neck.

  There is a gleam in her eyes and she moves, leaning over me, preparing to take me and I pause, frown at her.

  My hands on her shoulders, not so much a gentle push as a shove, pressing her into the mattress. She stares up at me momentarily nonplussed and I have a sickened thought that I have done the wrong thing, that she will back away from me.