Cowboys Down

by Barbara Elsborg

  Calum reached for the door and Erik thrust out his hand and stopped it from opening.

  “You ungrateful little shit. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you.” His father spat out the words.

  “And Angie,” Calum barked.

  “Yes. She’s as much my daughter as you are my son, and for all her problems, a lot less damn trouble.”

  “You have it all planned out, don’t you? What are you and Vera going to do? Retire to Florida in a few years and leave Pete to run this place, with me doing whatever he says and Angie hanging on my heels?”

  “Forget Pete. Angie’s always going to need looking after.”

  “I know that, but I also know you don’t encourage her to look after herself.” Calum felt as though there were another person inside him who’d finally burst out of a cage. He knew he should shut up but he couldn’t. “When she wanted to go and stay with that friend she made at school, you said no. When she was asked out by that boy who was a touch slow like her, you said no. She doesn’t have any friends outside the ranch.”

  “I’m protecting her.”

  “You’re controlling her, just like you do me.”

  “I’m doing what’s best,” Erik barked, his face reddening. “What the hell do you think a man like him wants with a guy like you whose major skill is throwing peanuts up in the air and catching them with your mouth?”

  Calum bristled. “He likes me just as I am.”

  “Doesn’t matter what the bastard likes. You can’t go to London. He’s not welcome here. There’s no future in this. Give it up.”

  Calum yanked open the tack room door and stalked out. He knew his father was right about one thing. It ended between him and Jasper in a couple of days. But every time he touched Jasper, he wanted him more. Calum was making things more difficult by fucking him and he’d moved beyond lust into much more dangerous territory. The guy made him hard, made him laugh, made him come so violently, his heart ached. Right this moment, all Calum could think was how wonderful it would be to walk into Jasper’s room and fuck him again.

  Only at some point, Jasper would want to fuck him back, and Calum wasn’t sure he could let that happen. He’d deflected the issue tonight, partly through the arrival of his father. Until Calum got his head round this…fear, he had to stay away from Jasper because if Jasper tried to fuck him and Calum freaked, it would definitely be over before Jasper even got back on that plane.

  Jasper could no longer blame jet lag for his sleepless night. He’d lain half-awake and hungry for more than food. He’d been waiting for Calum’s knock and it never came. He wanted to know why Calum hadn’t defended him. Now it was morning and Jasper couldn’t help but wonder if Calum believed his father about that hero crap. Hard to conceive Jasper had ever thought his life boring. He’d never had so much happen in so short a time.

  One thing was certain—forget the overnight trip. Jasper didn’t want to put his feet into a sleeping bag into which someone had stuffed a rattler. His inclination was to revert to plan B and go to Yellowstone in a rental car—with or without Calum.

  He suspected he was reading too much into what was going on between them. They were bad for each other. Oh Christ and yet so right. But there was no point prolonging it. This was why Jasper had never had a boyfriend who lasted more than a couple of weeks. If there was ever any of depth to the attraction, it was always one-sided. He’d not yet found that elusive balance. Maybe until now.

  Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. He dragged his fingers through his hair. Thinking too much was going to drive him crazy.

  A stomach growling with hunger pulled him to breakfast. He stuck to food others were eating and sat by Matt and Paul who had large steaks on their plates. Jasper had never thought of eating steak for breakfast.

  “Got your appetite back?” Paul nodded at Jasper’s plate.

  “Yes, though not enough to eat what you’re having. It’s not my sort of thing.”

  Matt smirked. “Yeah, well we all know what your sort of thing is.”

  Jasper bristled. Oh great.

  “Different sort of meat,” Paul said and laughed. “You’d fit right in with my male models.”

  Jasper wished he was wandering around Pompeii. It would be a damn sight more interesting than listening to these two. All he’d achieved this holiday was overcoming his fear of getting on a horse, only instead of breaking his neck, he’d broken his heart. It was less painful to stay alone, and when he got desperate, find someone just as desperate, have a quick fuck in a pub toilet and then walk separate ways.

  When he’d finished eating, he went back to his room and started to pack. Then he unpacked. Jasper gave a heavy sigh. He knew better than to run away from trouble. It doubled in size and came after you with sharper teeth. On the other hand, why stay and be miserable? He sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. Hesitation, indecision—how come he could be decisive in his business life and yet wallow like a wounded whale in his private life?

  Someone knocked at the door and Jasper sprang up. It wasn’t Calum and his shoulders slumped.

  “Can I talk to you?” Vera asked.

  “Come in. Better leave the door open, I don’t want any more trouble.”

  Jasper gestured to a chair, and after Vera sat, he perched on the bed.

  “I spoke to Angie—carefully—and I’m as certain as I can be that she didn’t put anything in your sandwich to make you sick. She worships Bessie, who seems no worse for her ordeal, by the way. If Angie thought it was her fault the dog had been ill, I’d be able to tell.”

  “Right.” So long as the dog’s okay, I don’t matter.

  “Erik thinks you’re making it all up.”

  Of course he does. Jasper’s heart felt like it was being squeezed by an iron fist. “Why would I do that?”

  “Seeking attention? Trying to get Calum to feel sorry for you?”

  For fuck’s sake. “To what end?”

  “To have sex with you.” Vera looked down and blushed. It was catching. Jasper’s ears burned under his hair.

  He took a deep breath. “I spent a lot of money on this holiday—vacation. I’ve traveled halfway around the world. So far, I’ve thrown up twice after I’ve eaten a sandwich made by your daughter. I saved her from drowning and your husband thinks I was molesting her. Spider almost threw me after a thorn was left—probably deliberately—under the saddle. I’ve had a drink chucked at my pants by one of your wranglers and I’ve put up with snide comments from the same wrangler as well as some of the guests. As far as your husband’s concerned, I’m the son of Satan. It’s not been the vacation—damn it—the word’s holiday—I hoped for, though meeting Calum has been one of the highlights. But I know when I’m not welcome and I’m leaving as soon as I can arrange a hire car.” And spoken to Calum.

  Vera sighed. “I need to explain about Erik. He’s worried that being gay will get Calum killed.”

  “Killed?” Jasper gaped at her.

  “While Calum was at the University of Wyoming in Laramie, another student was robbed, tortured and left tied to a fence in a remote area. He died of his injuries. He’d been beaten beyond recognition and it was done because the boy was gay.”

  Oh my God. “Did Calum know him?”

  Vera nodded. “Erik thought he could make Calum not be gay and he put him through a lot of—well, he can’t accept it. I don’t know if he ever will, and now both he and Calum are miserable. You’ve put a smile on Calum’s face for the first time in a long while, but come Friday, you’ll be gone and Calum will still be here.”

  “So you think I should leave.” It wasn’t a question.

  “I can’t tell you what to do. Part of me thinks now that you should go, but by being here you’ve given Calum courage to stand up to Erik. Judging by Erik’s temper when he came to bed last night, he and Calum argued. I actually think that’s a good thing. Calum needs to speak out for what he wants. But it’s also a bad thing. Erik’s already had one heart attack. He’s on medication and we try to
keep stress to the minimum. Calum blames himself for his father’s ill health and I’ve watched him bite his tongue ever since.”

  Shit. So that was why Calum hadn’t spoken out last night.

  Vera gave him a tight smile.

  “I’d better leave.”

  “Please speak to Calum before you go. Erik’s sent him to take equipment out to the campsite. He should be back soon.”

  With nothing better to do until the cab arrived to take him to Jackson, and since he’d been warned they were short of drivers and it would be a three-hour wait, and because he didn’t want to skulk in his room like a coward, Jasper went to the lasso demonstration. He leaned against the corral fence, watching a wrangler twirl a rope in the enclosure.

  “Amazing how a piece of rope has the ladies so entranced,” Gunner said at his elbow.

  “Not so sure it’s his rope they’re looking at.”

  Gunner laughed. “Dean used to work here full time but he travels around demonstrating his skill with a lasso. Ring won’t get a look in now with the rich girls.”

  Melissa and Janie sat on the top rail, clapping for Dean, and when Jasper looked at Ring, he was scowling at him as if it were his fault. Fuckwit.

  Jasper hadn’t realized so much could be done with a lasso. Dean flicked and spun it high, twirled it low and then made it dance somewhere in between. He jumped over, through and around the spinning rope in a whirl of continuous elegant motion. Even though this was a guy skipping, which didn’t sound good in theory, in practice, Jasper was mesmerized. Dean made it look simple, so of course it wouldn’t be.

  After showing off on foot, Dean repeated some of it on horseback. He even stood on his saddle as his horse cantered and still roped his target. His exuberance reminded Jasper of Ben who always threw himself wholeheartedly into every activity, mostly without thinking.

  Pete let seven calves into the corral and called, “Janie, which calf do you want Dean to catch?”

  “That cute one with the white patch on his head. He’s so sweet.”

  Gunner rolled his eyes. A moment later, the calf was roped and Dean was off his horse pinning the animal down. Jasper felt a rope being pushed into his back. Gunner was handing out lariats to everyone.

  “We’ll show you what to do,” Ring said. “Then those brave enough can climb into the corral and try to rope a steer.”

  Wranglers had drifted out to watch and Jasper guessed this was a chance to laugh at the guests. Gunner pulled Jasper to one side.

  “Hold the loop lightly in your right hand and coil the rest in your left. Okay? Leave about five feet of rope between the two.” Gunner stood back and waited while Jasper sorted himself out. “Now relax your wrist and swing the rope over your head, right to left. Keep going until it feels right.”

  Jasper was determined to do this.

  “Once you have it in a nice spin, you need to throw the loop forward quickly. As you bring your wrist down to the level of your shoulder, swing the loop toward the target. The trick is to keep it smooth and straight. The stronger you throw, the farther it goes. Then pull on the length in your left hand to tighten the loop. Got that? Try and catch me.”

  Jasper had enough problems getting the rope to swing around his head let alone throw it at a target, but he waited and waited until it felt right and then released it like a slingshot. The rope flew through the air and settled around Gunner’s shoulders. Jasper was so shocked he stood there gaping.

  “Your calf’s wriggled free because you didn’t tighten the loop,” Gunner said and pulled the rope off his head. “But that was pretty good for a first attempt.”

  A fluke. But it wasn’t. Jasper roped Gunner the next three times despite him moving farther and farther away—though Jasper had done something like this before, just with less panache.

  “I’d run so you could see what it’s like to rope a calf, but I’d probably give myself a heart attack,” Gunner said.

  Jasper guessed Gunner wanted him to laugh, but since Vera had told him about Erik, Jasper didn’t find the idea of a heart attack very funny. He practiced throwing the lasso over the fence posts. A couple of the guests seemed to be pretty good at it. Melissa and Janie were useless.

  “Okay,” Ring said. “Climb in when you’re ready. Choose your calf and go for it.”

  Instant chaos. The calves ran all over the place pursued by rope-swinging idiots while the wranglers roared with laughter. Melissa and Janie squealed as they ran from the animals not toward them. Jasper kept his eye on a little brown calf and followed it, swinging the rope around his head. When he let the lasso go, it flew straight and true but another got there a fraction before his, knocking his rope aside. Jasper followed the lasso back to Ring and didn’t miss the smirk on his face.

  A rope smacked Jasper hard across his cheek, then something hit him behind the knees and the next moment he was eating dirt in the middle of a mini-stampede. Jasper gasped in pain as a hoof stomped on his lower back and he inhaled a lungful of dust. As he pushed himself to his feet, rubbing his eyes, Jasper began to cough and knew he was in trouble. Apart from the throbbing in his back, he had a tight ache in his chest and his breathing was short and shallow. Oh fuck. A lot of good his inhaler did in his room.

  Jasper wasn’t the type to panic but he was breathing way too fast in an attempt to get more oxygen. He hadn’t had a full-blown asthma attack in months, and he put his hands on his thighs as he tried to slow his breathing. A rope landed around his neck, yanked tight and fear surged. Jasper wrenched it off, laughter ringing in his ears as he staggered to the side of the corral.

  As he climbed the fence, Gunner came over to him. “You okay?”

  He nodded and headed back toward the ranch. Jasper heard catcalling behind him, but he blanked his mind and kept going. He didn’t have the breath to explain what was wrong and he doubted they’d care. Dry dirt under his feet, but he might as well have been wading through mud. What was no distance at all looked fucking miles. Why hadn’t he brought his inhaler with him?

  He was almost at the house, wheezing like an old man, when he heard Calum call.

  “What’s happening? Been running?”

  Jasper forced out the word. “In…haler.”

  “In your room?” Calum snapped.

  The relief that Calum understood allowed Jasper’s focus to slip and he stumbled to his knees. “Bag. Bed.”

  “Hang on.” Calum raced up the steps.

  Jasper sat and leaned back on his elbows, trying to force himself to breathe more deeply. Clammy sweat beaded his brow and he felt chilled despite the strong afternoon sun. Bessie nuzzled and whined at his side, but he didn’t have the strength to reassure her. He kept his eyes on a car moving toward the ranch, a cloud of dust billowing in its wake. My taxi? Calum would be back with his inhaler before the vehicle arrived. Ten more seconds. Count.

  Calum jumped down the steps and pressed the inhaler into his hand. “I’ve been shaking it. The cap’s off.”

  Jasper breathed out, put the mouthpiece between his lips and as he pressed down on the canister, he inhaled. He was supposed to hold his breath for ten seconds but barely managed five.

  “Okay?” Calum asked as he dropped down to sit beside him.

  Jasper nodded. He needed another dose but he had to wait. Calum’s hand pressed on his lower back where he’d been kicked and Jasper flinched. Calum dragged his hand away and Jasper would have groaned if he had the energy.

  He shook the inhaler again.

  Calum rose to his feet. “Oh fuck it.”

  Breathe out. Press. Breathe in. Count. He only got as far as five before he had to breathe but panic stalled as the medication took effect and enlarged his airways. The car skidded to a halt and a woman in a tight dress emerged from the driver’s side. Not the cab. Bessie growled.

  “Bessie, quiet,” Calum snapped and then turned to the redhead. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  “That’s not a nice way to greet your wife.”

  No dust this ti
me clogging Jasper’s lungs, but shards of glass. Wife? He should’ve stayed where he was until he had his lungs under control, but that one word kicked Jasper to his feet. He staggered up the steps into the ranch.

  What the fuck had Calum been playing at?

  As he pushed open the door, he heard Angie yell, “Suz! Suz!” Jasper glanced back before he stepped inside and watched the attractive woman wrap her arms around Angie. His gaze drifted to Calum who stood with his shoulders down, his lips a tight line, dog at his side. Oh fuck it, and I still fancy the idiot. While Jasper paused, he hoped Calum would at least look at him, but the cowboy bolted toward the barn.

  Jasper passed Vera on the way back to his room.

  “You okay?” she asked.

  Jasper nodded. He didn’t have the energy to speak. He concentrated on walking in a straight line and once he was in his room with the door closed, the inhaler fell from his fingers and Jasper dropped to his knees. He rolled onto his back and flung his arm over his eyes. Christ. Talk about everything being right and wrong at the same time.

  This was his fault. Partly. Messing around with a guy he knew virtually nothing about. Calum had asked if he was attached but Jasper hadn’t asked him the same. He’d assumed. So was Calum bi? Jasper sighed. Idiot. Of course he was. Did it matter? It did if he had a wife.

  He wished he could put the tight feeling in his chest down to the asthma attack, but he knew part of it was bitter disappointment. Those moments when he and Calum had held each other, kissed—Jasper had felt more alive than he had for years.

  And that was all he was going to get.

  He could hide in his room and nurse his broken heart while he waited for the cab or put a brave face on and go for a swim. At least that would help his asthma. Jasper stripped. His shirt and pants were filthy and he wasn’t bothered. His indifference almost made him smile. Jasper washed his face and hands, pulled on his swimming trunks and slunk to the pool. The cab wouldn’t leave without him.

  The gentle exercise eased his chest, forcing his body into a pattern of regular breathing and he felt tension slide from his muscles. He didn’t overdo it. Once he’d calmed down, he climbed out, and lay on a lounger facing the sun. The nagging ache in his lower back hadn’t diminished. Impossible to get kicked by a cow, no matter how small, and not feel it.