Deadly Obsession

by J. Lea

  On the way, I stop at a burger joint to grab my favorite hamburger and have coffee at my favorite café. When I drive up to the retirement home, I see a few residents sitting outside on a bench, enjoying the sun and talking. I greet them as I walk by, heading to my dad’s room. Like always, he’s sitting in his armchair, staring out the window. He doesn’t look anything like the scary lawyer he once was, winning cases like it was a piece of cake. Only a shadow of my father’s former self sits in the armchair, a fragile old man, but I still see the traces of the person who was always so proud of me and loved me unconditionally.

  “Hey, daddy,” I smile, and pull a chair next to him to sit down. His vacant eyes are staring outside and his hands are shaking slightly. I slowly put my hands on top of his; they’re cold. But his focus shifts to our joined hands, which is good.

  “Is it time for my meds?” he asks, his voice hoarse.

  “No, Daddy. It’s me, April. How are you today?” I run a hand through his short, silver hair.

  “April, yes,” he nods and focuses his gaze back to the window.

  “I’ve come to say goodbye. I’m moving to Chicago. Remember me telling you about that the other day?”

  “Chicago,” he repeats.

  “But I promise I’ll come visit as often as possible.”

  “Visit,” he nods.

  “Yes. Want to take a walk? I think you could use some sun.”

  “Sun, yes.”

  I help him sit in a wheelchair and take him down to the park. We sit there for a good half hour, talking—well, I do most of the talking, but still. I finally tell him all about Jude, what happened between us, how he left me and then suddenly reappeared months later on my doorstep. I know his brain can’t even process the majority of the things I’ve been telling him, but I always hope he at least caught a word or two, that deep down, he still might snap out of the fog for at least a minute or two. Even when he never does it still feels good to talk to him and just talk about my problems, like I used to.

  “I think it’s time to get back.” I pat his knee and he places his hand on mine absentmindedly, squeezing lightly. I feel like he just gave me the most wonderful hug. I smile. My dear dad is still in there somewhere.

  “I love you, dad. I’ll come visit you soon.” When we’re back in his room, I help him get into bed and, as I pull the covers up to his shoulders, I press a kiss to his forehead.

  My suitcase is lying open in the middle of my bedroom; my bed looking like clothes exploded all over it. My living room is full of boxes, serving as a storage room. I’m leasing an apartment in Chicago for a year, which is for how long Todd and I signed our contracts. If we do a good job, they’re going to extend our contracts. Next month we’re starting with the show so I’ll have enough time to meet my new co-workers and explore the city.

  I’m leaving most of my belongings here, in this house, as it’s still my home. I’ll come back every time we’re on a break or when I have time off. Here’s my family.

  I’m interrupted by the bell.

  “Coming,” I yell as I throw some pairs of pants into the suitcase. I’m expecting Rebecca to come over. She’s going to help me pack and then we’re going to open a bottle of wine, to toast the good old times and all the shiny new ones. I’ll miss her like crazy. She’s my closest friend and friends like her are hard to find. But we’re not letting the distance separate us; she’s promised to come visit often.

  I open the door. “Do you have…” I stop in my tracks. “Oh.” It’s not Rebecca, it’s Jude.

  “Expecting someone?” he raises an eyebrow.

  I swallow, nodding. “What are you doing here?”

  “Trying to apologize, again. Will you let me in?”

  I nod, stepping aside so he can enter. His scent invades my senses. He still smells heavenly, reminding me of all our moments together.

  “Want something to drink?” I run a hand through my hair, standing awkwardly in the hallway.

  He doesn’t seem to hear my question. He’s looking around, taking everything in. Boxes are everywhere. He spins around to face me. “Are you leaving?” He looks hurt.

  I simply nod, unable to form words.

  Jude presses his lips together. “With him?”

  I nod again.

  “I’m too late, aren’t I? I knew I wasted too much time.” He grabs a chair and sits on it backwards so his arms are resting on the back rest. He buries them in his hair.

  “Jude,” I murmur, opening my mouth to explain, but he stops me with a raised hand between us.

  “No, let me say what I came here to say.”

  So, I do.

  “These past few months without you were hell on earth. Yes, I left you. It was my decision, but it was also the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I never regretted anything like I’m regretting the moment I chose to walk away from us. I thought I was doing you a favor. I was terrified of my feelings for you; you have to know I never felt anything like this before you came along. And I blamed myself for what happened to you. I couldn’t look into your eyes and see your betrayed look. I couldn’t face you. I should have never let it come to this. You shouldn’t have suffered so much.”

  “Jude…”

  “Please, let me finish. I can’t shake off this goddamn guilt, and I can’t seem to get rid of this emptiness in my heart that’s there because of you. And only you can make me whole again. Please, give me a chance. Give us a chance. I want to show you how much you mean to me.”

  I can’t stop the flow of tears, my chest constricting in agony. I want to give him another chance, but how do I know he won’t run off again when things get tough? Taking a deep breath, I kneel down in front of him.

  “Jude, I’m sick and tired of shallow relationships and guys who don’t know what they want. I’ve had enough of that to last me a lifetime. I deserve more. I want a man who sticks by my side and respects me, not someone who takes flight when the tiniest problem arises instead of facing it.”

  “I’m facing it now.” We’re so close I find it hard to remember how angry I am with him for hurting me.

  “I love you, I really do. I don’t know if I could ever stop loving you, but my plans have changed now. It’s too late.”

  “It’s because of him, isn’t it?” He says through clenched teeth.

  “No, Jude, Todd has nothing to do with this.”

  “And yet you’re moving away with him!” He throws his arms in the air.

  “You have no right to be jealous!” I cry out. “No right! You walked out on me!”

  “Because I thought you’d be better off without me,” his voice is shaking. “I know how much my mother suffered watching dad leave, for months at a time, working all the time, facing danger more often than not. I didn’t want this life for you. I could never ask you to wait for me while I’m gone for God knows how long, going wherever the job takes me. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  “Because I’m willing to give up my career for you. I love you and I need you.” He studies my face, then leans closer, taking my hands in his. “If I could turn back time, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’d want nothing more than to erase all the pain I’ve put you through, all the times you were suffering alone. I’m sorry for not telling you this sooner, but I love you with all my heart, and I need you to believe me. I was too proud, and too unfamiliar with the feeling, to admit I loved you.”

  “You know, pride is like a sharp knife that cuts deep. And you stabbed me straight in the heart, Jude. You left and I pretended like I didn’t care, but I was breaking on the inside. It took ages to put myself back together.”

  “You have to believe me my intention was never to hurt you. And yet I did just that and I’m sorry.”

  Dropping my head to my chest, I close my eyes.

  “Please tell me you’re not with Todd, and that you’re not moving in with him. You belong to me.”

  “I don’t belong to anyone!” I tell him. “And yes, I’m mov
ing away, with Todd, for business. We got our own show in Chicago.”

  “You’re moving to Chicago?” his voice breaks.

  “Yes, my flight’s in a few hours.” I take a step back.

  I slowly get up. “I don’t want you to go.”

  “You have no say in the matter. It’s all set in stone and I’m going.”

  He stares into my face with a determined look in his eyes. It only takes one motion and he’s standing right in front of me. Lifting my head to look him in the eyes, we’re standing so close our chests touch with every inhale. I wait for him to say something. Anything. I’m caught by surprise when he takes my face into his hands and presses his lips to mine. I lose myself in his kiss, like every time before, and my head starts spinning from all the emotions swirling inside me.

  When he breaks the kiss he takes my hands in his and stares into my eyes, telling me, “You make my heart beat faster. My love for you is real - it’s deep, strong, crazy, and if you must know, forever. I know you still have feelings for me, I felt it in your kiss. I see it in your gaze. You can’t deny it. I’m asking you, one last time, to give me one more chance to prove myself to you, to redeem myself for every time I made you cry. I love you.” And then he kisses me again.

  Twenty

  Jude

  I’ve never begged anyone in my life. I was never in a position to care enough to beg, at least until April walked into my life and made me rethink all my life decisions. I’d be lying if I said she didn’t test my nerves on a daily basis, but before her, my life was boring and empty, monotonous. She swept me off my feet with her boldness, challenged me on every step and made me laugh. I finally discovered my heart is capable of love and I want to give all of it to her.

  April blinks a few times after we break apart, rubbing her hand on the nape of her neck. I don’t let her recuperate. I pull her back again, kissing her senseless. I plan on doing that until she changes her mind and gives me a chance. “I love you,” I keep saying. “I’ll make my life’s mission to make it up to you and to show you how precious you are. But for that I need you to let me back into your life.”

  She gently pushes me away, breathing fast. Taking a deep breath, she frowns and announces: “I need to finish packing.”

  What? Did she even listen to a word I said? She walks in the direction of her bedroom and leaves me standing in the middle of the living room, completely devastated. I look around me, let out a breath I’ve been holding, and bury my hands in my hair. “Shit.”

  After her rejection, I can’t wait to get out of her house. I stop at the first dive bar I come across and drown my sorrow in whiskey.

  I’m awakened by a persistent beeping coming from my phone. Not ringing, beeping. It takes a while for my brain to start functioning again, and I blink, looking around me. I’m in my car. There’s light outside. After last night’s pity party, I wasn’t in any state to drive to a hotel. I passed out in my car. The persistent beeping is getting on my nerves, so I reach in my pocket to fish out my phone. “What the hell?” I look at the screen. April activated the tracker on her bracelet. Throwing my phone on the passenger seat, I rev the car and speed toward April’s house where the signal’s coming from. She was supposed to fly to Chicago yesterday, so why is the signal coming from her house? Was there a break-in? Is she in danger? I’m caught up in the same swirling vortex of emotions as the first time I heard the signal go off. I pray I don’t find her in the same situation again.

  I leave the engine running, pushing the door open to run up to her house. Pressing the door handle, I’m surprised the door isn’t locked. I grip my gun harder. The signal is getting stronger, coming from the bedroom, so I head there. With my ear pressed to the bedroom door, I listen to any sounds inside. When I don’t hear anything, I carefully open it, gun raised, pausing in shock at the sight that awaits me.

  April is standing in the middle of the room looking at me with her big eyes. Three suitcases are by her side, Bella sleeping at her feet.

  “What is happening?” I frown, lowering my gun. “How come you haven’t left yet? Your flight was yesterday.”

  She looks at the floor, hesitating. “I needed some time to process your words,” she begins. She’s holding the silver bracelet I gave her before our lives turned upside down, a lifetime ago it seems, and she’s fidgeting with it.

  “And?” My stomach is twisted in knots. I can’t handle another rejection.

  “I’m saying,” she walks to me, wearing sandals and a simple summer dress, her luscious curls spilling down her shoulders, “I won’t be needing your bracelet anymore.”

  I lower my head to her hands and take them in mine, closing my eyes. That’s what she wanted to tell me? She’s returning my bracelet? “You can keep it,” I tell her quietly.

  “No. I’m no longer in danger. The only danger I’ll be facing from now on is the possibility that you might break my heart. Again.”

  I jerk my head back up, my eyes meeting hers, full of hope. A gentle smile plays on her lips.

  “What are you saying?” I whisper, studying her face.

  “That I love you, too, Jude.” A heavy weight lifts off my heart and I’m reborn at her words. “I tried so hard to get over you, but it didn’t work. You showed me what true passion is, what love is. You hurt me, yes, but my stupid heart wants to give you another shot. It wants you, so please, don’t break it,” she says, eyes filling with tears.

  A wide grin spreads over my face, and taking her face into my hands, I lean in to kiss her, to taste her, to lose myself in her. She returns my kiss with equal fervor and I feel like shouting from the roofs with joy.

  “Thank fuck,” I breathe between the kisses. April can’t seem to stop crying despite grinning at me. “I thought I lost you for good. I won’t take you for granted, April, and I’ll enjoy every moment I get to spend in your company.” I’m trailing wet kisses down her cheek, tracing her jaw with my lips. I lean closer to her ear, whispering, “I’m going to kiss you often, hard, every minute, every hour, every day.” This brings a chuckle out of her and I wipe the tears from her cheeks with my thumbs. “I will use every single minute I have with you, loving you—without limitations.”

  April places a hand on my chest.

  “Even though I’d love nothing more but to stay in your arms—God knows I’ve missed that—but I have a flight in a couple hours.”

  “You’re still leaving?” I’m not hiding my disappointment.

  “Yes. I told Todd I need to clear things with you and that I’ll join him later. I love you, but I have to do this. This is my dream, and nobody and nothing is going to stop me from chasing it.”

  “I would never ask you to give up your dreams. It would be as if I told you to cut off your limb. And I love every goddamn piece of you. Even the annoying ones,” I grin, teasing a smile out of her. “I’ll stand by you and support your every decision. You can count on it.”

  “Are you sure you want this? Long distance relationships are hard. We won’t get to spend a lot of time together,” she says, worry in her voice.

  “Yes. I’ve never been more sure of anything. I want you in my life more than anything. We’ll find a way to make it work. I have a few vacation days saved up and I’ll use them to come with you.”

  “Seriously?” Her face lights up.

  “Seriously.” I give her a peck on the mouth. “When’s your flight?”

  April intertwines her fingers with mine. “What’s with the hurry, Mister O’Rilley? Are you so eager to leave the house?” she breathes seductively, throwing her arms around my neck, pressing her body snugly against mine.

  “Hell no!” Placing a hand on her hips, I gently pull her to bed. “I’m just asking so I know if I have enough time to worship every part of your body. You’re leaving this house thoroughly loved.”

  “Well, you better get started then, Mister, clock’s ticking.” She grabs the hem of her dress, pulling it over her head in one swift motion. Now she’s standing in front of me dressed only
in her turquoise-black bra and matching panties. She crawls onto the bed, leaning back on her elbows, and beckons me with a finger to join her.

  “You have no idea how stunningly beautiful you are,” I say hoarsely, my voice filled with lust as I run my eyes over her body.

  “I think you’re wearing too many clothes,” she sticks out her lower lip.

  “We can easily rectify that.” I’m out of my jeans and boxers in a second, my shirt following suit. “Better?”

  “Much better,” her eyes shine as she’s drinking me in.

  I crawl to her on all fours like a tiger right before he attacks its prey. I bend my head to kiss her stomach, and my lips slowly make their way up until they reach her lips. “I really missed you, April. I was lost without you.”

  She reaches out to touch my unshaven cheek. “I missed you too. Every single day.”

  “I’m sorry I hurt you. I was certain I was doing you a favor, saving you from me.”

  “I’ve already forgiven you. But this is your last chance, so use it well.”

  “Hah, no worries about that,” I puff my chest. “You’re mine, forever.”

  “You’re right. I’m yours. Now shut up and show me how much you’ve missed me.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I respond with a grin. I take her lips, burying one hand into her hair, exploring her body with the other.

  I take April to the airport straight from the bed. Well, from the shower, to be more specific. I could’ve known our intention to save water by showering together would end up with her on her knees, my cock in her mouth, followed by my mouth on her wet clit a few minutes later. It was definitely worth almost missing the flight. When we arrived there, we were told the flight was full so I’ll have to join her in Chicago tomorrow. We were quite disappointed as we hoped we’d be able to spend the night together. We need to make up for all the lost months we weren’t together.