“That’s what all my exes say!”
Her laughter makes me know I won. And that’s all that matters. It’s like Wyatt argued - I’m the older sibling. We’re supposed to win.
How else can we set a great example?
Chapter Thirty
LEXI
O n Wednesday afternoon when I grab my tote bag to leave work, uncharacteristically dressed for a yoga class I thought might help, I confess to Paige, “It didn’t work! I was hoping meditation and some Zen stuff would get rid of this nagging feeling in my gut, but it didn’t!”
“What’s wrong?”
Pausing by the door, my head droops. “I don’t like that it’s only been a few days and yet I’m this bothered that I haven’t heard from Gage. I can’t stop thinking something is wrong!”
"When did you last speak with him?"
"When he dropped me off after the BBQ."
“How did you leave it?”
“Fine! We were fine. I gave him a kiss and, sure, he was quiet on the ride home, but who wouldn’t be?”
She frowns, "Huh," sipping her tea and blanching, “Cold,” before setting it back on her newly organized desk. “Did you give more thought to what we were talking about?”
“About what I want to do?” Dropping the tote on hardwood flooring with a depressed thump, I lean my spandex-covered butt on her teal wall, pretending to bang my head on it. Which I would do if my cousin, Eric's, football career hadn't made me aware of concussions. “I don’t know, Paige! I just don’t know!”
“There’s no rush. It was on my mind ever since I saw you at the BBQ, that’s all.”
“Don’t know what that’s like.”
My sarcasm earns a sad smile. “There’s no rush! I didn't mean to add more stress to your day. That’s the opposite of what I do.”
I chuckle, because yes, the yoga lady isn’t supposed to freak you out, but my laugh becomes a groan and more fake-head-banging. “Why do some people know what they should do with their lives and others are like me?”
She sighs, "I don't know," toe rings winking as her bare feet wiggle it out. “I meant what I said though. I’ve been thinking about it. I’m so happy you’ve brought Om This into the black, and I would hate to lose you, but I don’t think you were meant to be an assitant.”
“I’m more your accountant and marketing ideas person, than assistant.”
“And you’re very good. But…”
“I’m more the in-charge type.”
“Yes.”
More head banging, and a final sighed, "I dunno. I guess it will come to me.” Retrieving my tote, I grumble, “And I wish a certain mechanic would come to me, too.”
“I thought you didn’t know what he did for a living?”
I blink, confused. “What? I never said I didn’t know. Of course I know.”
Paige reminds me with measured patience, “Uh, Lexi, at the party, I asked you what he did and you said you had no clue. I thought it was funny that you’d brought some guy you hardly knew to…”
“Hold on!” I throw my arm up in the universal stop-it-right-the-fuck-now symbol. “I would never do that. I know exactly what he does. He’s a mechanic. That truck he drives? Oh, you probably didn’t see it. Well, it’s amazing and he remodeled — or reassembled — or reconstructed — whatever! He made it himself! You asked where he worked. I don’t know. I’ve never been there. At least not yet, because we pretty much have the same schedules now that we took Saturdays off together! But of course I know what he does for work. He’s a hard worker, and takes his job very seriously. And from what Ralphie says, he’s excellent at it!”
She stands up, eyeing the wall because a Hatha yoga class should be starting any minute. Maybe already has. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Paige, how much do I love my family?”
She reassures me, “Immensely. I know you love your family an extraordinary amount.”
“Do you really think I’d embarrass myself, or them, by bringing some random dude to meet my parents? Or Grandpa Michael and Grandma Nance? Grams?!!! Have you ever seen me bring a date to any of our BBQs?”
Carefully she admits, “No.”
“Have you ever met anyone I’ve dated?”
“No.”
I stammer, “I was only dating that one guy—”
“—Brad.”
“Yes, I was only ever dating Brad since you and Gabriel met, and since I've known you, but still! Have you ever met Brad?”
“Lexi, calm down.”
“I’m really angry about this, Paige!”
“Why are you so upset?” she gently asks, repeating, “Why?!”
I gasp, losing my breath, “Because…”
“Why?”
Swallowing hard I shout, “Because!”
“Why?!!”
Covering my face with my hands, I start weeping. “Because if that’s what you thought, maybe other people thought it, too!”
She gathers me close and rocks my shaking body like the nurturing momma she was born to be. “Shhhh, they didn’t think that.”
I sob, “You did!”
Murmured against my hair is the reassurance, “But I haven’t known you your whole life. I’m only close to the girl who doesn’t get close to anyone.”
She’s right. I don’t let people in. And now I’m an even bigger sniffling, gasping, shaking, snotty mess. Paige dashes for much-needed tissues just in time before things get really gross, and even gives me her blanch-worthy tea for hydration when finally I gasp over and over for air.
I slide to sit on their wood floor in a ball, workout pants stretched tight at the knees I hug. “I like him!”
“You guys looked really great together.”
“Not just because he’s hot. And he is! He’s very hot!”
“Yes, he is.”
“I like him because I am free with him. Able to be me. As wild as I want to be. We have so much fun together! We snuck into Six Flags last week!’
Fear widens her eyes. “You did what?”
After wiping my nose with a balled up tissue, I wave it. “And he was right there, down for it, ready to lift me over that fence and climb the thing like a couple of sneaky monkeys so we could walk around the park alone after dark.”
“What was it like?”
“I don’t know. We got caught, and had to run.”
“You got caught?!”
“We got away. The guard was out of shape. That’s not the point! Paige, when I suggested it, he didn’t get all shocked like you just did, and like every other person on the planet would! He was right there.” I slap my thigh. “Ready for it!”
“Were you challenging him to do it so you could see if he would?”
Blinking at her, I sigh, “No,” and rise up, gathering the used tissues and trudging to toss them before I squirt a generous amount of her sanitizer into my palms. “That’s my point.”
“What is?”
Feeling more tired than I have in a very long time I grab my tote, and rise to slide it onto a still-worried shoulder. “I wasn’t doing it for any other reason than I’m me. And to me, those crazy things we do are pure fun. I’ll see ya later. Thanks for the hug and the ear.”
As I open the door, leaving without looking back, I hear her say, “Always here for you, Lex.”
And she would be.
She is.
In the way Paige knows how.
I’m not taking it for granted.
But it sure is a reflection.
Some people just get you.
And others love you despite the fact that you’ll always be impossible for them to truly understand.
I’ve gotta talk to Sam.
There’s no way I’m calling Gage.
And they’re the only two I feel who really…get me.
Chapter Thirty-One
LEXI
T hrowing my tote across the living room after yet another stressful day of waiting, I shout into our apartment, “I can’t believe it’s Friday and still no contact!�
�
Zoe hurries in, wearing a blue romper that’s very flattering. “You scared the kitties!”
I sigh, “Sorry. You look cute.”
“You too. I’m really glad you bought that dress.”
Glancing down, I finger my silky, sunflower-orange, retail-therapy purchase. “I put extra effort into looking good since I feel like a big pile of poop.”
“Did it help?”
“At least mirrors didn’t make me feel worse.” Covering my head with both arms I groan, “Arrgh!!! I need something other than tea or coffee or another glass of fucking water to drink!”
“I’ll join you.”
As we pass the wall that separates our living room and kitchen, we glance into the hallway at Samantha appearing in her bedroom doorframe, a mischievous gleam in her brown eyes, “Juice?”
“Yeah, I want juice on a Friday night. That’s what I live for.”
We continue on as my sister disappears into Zoe’s jungle, a moment later carrying into our newly immaculate kitchen one beautiful, grey-furred Sally Ashes against a black T-shirt over matching shorts. “Since your Thursday night was spent on an obsessive cleaning spree, I figured maybe—”
“—I know you’re trying to make me laugh, or cheer me up, or whatever,” I dig through our refrigerator and produce one of the beers Gage bought for when he comes over, “…but I am fine. I really am. It’s just a casual thing. I knew that. Hell, I said it over and over. He did, too. We were on the same page. We still are!” Popping the top, I lean against a counter I could lick without worry. “I’m just irritated because I would’ve expected a goodbye or something. No, that’s not true. I expected to be saying the goodbyes — not that I wanted to — but if anyone was going to exit, it would be me. And you’re welcome for the cleaning spree.”
With compassion, Zoe offers, “Thank you for cleaning. You know I hate to, but I do it anyway.”
“You and the rest of society.”
“Can I have a beer?”
“Help yourself. Wait, sorry. I shouldn’t take out my frustration on you. Here.” Digging around, I grab one of the bottled spritzers she prefers. “I’ll even get you a glass. Anything to stop thinking about what’s his name.”
“But if you’re saying ‘what’s his name’ you’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” At my warning look, Zoe clamps her mouth until I finished pouring, and takes the offered glass. “Thank you, Lexi.”
“I just think you should call him.”
“Sam! I would never do that! We don’t call guys!” I point the cold bottle at her. “And don’t bring up Logan. He’s doesn’t count because he’s just your friend — remember?!” I take a swig as they watch my mind racing over the facts. “And now that I think about it, you always let him do the calling on Mondays.”
“Not always.”
“Pretty much always. What, maybe one time you haven’t?!”
“He’s all over the world. I never know where he’s going to be.”
“Except that he tells you.”
“I…uh…don’t always remember.”
Rolling my eyes I laugh, “Oh stop. Just stop.”
Her gaze drops to the purring ball of gorgeous. “Fine.”
“What’s eating you, Sammy?”
Innocent eyes meet mine. “What do you mean?”
“You’re thinking something you’re not telling me.”
“Nope.”
“Just say it.”
“You told me to stop.”
“About calling men.”
“It’s not about that.”
Zoe interrupts, “Why don’t we call men again?”
“Because if a guy wants you, he calls. He just does.” Back to my sister, I demand, “Then what is it?”
“You said stop.”
“I take it back.”
Zoe interrupts, “But what if he lost your number?”
Samantha tells Zo, “They always find a way to reach you if they want to,” and cocks an eyebrow at me. “You take it back?”
“Yes.”
“You can’t.”
“I can, too, and I just did.”
Zoe interrupts, “But what if they need a push of encouragement. Just one push?”
My sister and I look at our cousin.
Samantha makes a dash for our dustless living room. “I don’t have to tell you if I don’t want to.”
Zoe and I exchange a look, mine incredulous, “What are we, five?!” hers a worried, “Guys…”
I swig his beer and plant it next to the sink because I wanna hear the sound of glass hitting tile. “Oh, I don’t think so!”
I race after Sam.
Zoe hurries to her room.
Samantha has already miraculously curled up on our sofa, and looks almost as relaxed as our cat, which takes commitment.
I start laughing. “Don’t try and look all innocent with me, Samantha! You aren’t just lazily hanging out in here, fully in control of your ability to keep your innermost thoughts from me. Oh no, you’re not! I know exactly what you’re doing!”
She flatly says, “What am I doing,” more stubborn statement than question.
“You’re riling me up until I explode, revealing my real underlying problem, thereby elucidating everything I’ve been hiding even from myself!”
“Only from yourself.”
“Oh, so you know what’s really going on?”
“It’s much easier to see from the outside.”
“What’s going on then?!”
She pets Sally. “You tell me, Lexi. They’re your secrets.”
I gasp, beyond annoyed, “They’re my… Oh wow, you are really pushing it. How about this? I’m going to The Local.”
Her gaze lifts.
Zoe appears, holding Ralphie. “I was just bringing him in so he wasn’t lonely. We’re going out?”
“I’m going out. You want to come?”
“Yes.” She kisses the cotton-ball. “Sorry Ralphie.”
Samantha sets down Sally with a stifled smile, “Let me just get changed.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
LEXI
F rom the backseat Zoe asks, “Do you want to drive by Gage’s house on the way?”
“Hell no!” Through the rearview our green eyes lock. “My Brad-games are over.” I focus on Ponce De Leon Avenue, muttering, “And it’s not on the way.”
“It’s not far,” she argues, “and I was only suggesting something the old Lexi would’ve done.”
Samantha agrees from the passenger seat, “You can’t blame her,” now dressed in a blue jeans dress to match those shoes I retrieved from my ex cheating professor’s bedroom.
“Honestly, I don’t know how I ever dated that guy.”
“You said it was the thrill of the chase. And there was a lot of chasing, Lexi. For years I covered for you two.”
“Are you as glad as I am that it’s over?”
“Yes!” We glance to the huge old Krispy Kreme shop as we pass it, silently agreeing not to stop for a donut even though it’s tempting.
We’re on a mission.
“You know, it’s crazy because I pulled Gage off that barstool out of retaliation.”
“Retaliation and the thrill of leaving with a hot guy you’d never met.”
“Right! See? You get me. But then when we got to the parking lot, we almost didn’t go through with it.”
Zoe cries out, “What?” more shocked than I’d expect her to be.
Sam freaks out, slapping the armrest, “You didn’t tell us this! You mean you both actually considered bailing?”
I correct her, “It wasn’t bailing,” slowing into an empty middle turn-lane for a sharp left into The Local’s driveway. I’m the only one noticing how crammed the front patio is with Atlantans out for a much-needed Friday night. “He knew I was only trying to make Brad furious, so we talked about that being the end of it. Just a fun stunt.”
Samantha bounces backward in her seat. “Wow! And here I thought you just drove off and
fucked his brains out.”
“I did.” Navigating my way past the building and into its wonky parking lot, I add a distracted, “Eventually,” while searching for a certain blood-red Bronco.
Zoe says it first. “It’s not here.”
Sam sighs, “I noticed that, too,” glancing to me. “I just don’t understand why he disappeared! At the BBQ you guys were having such a great time. He fit right in! It was perfect.”
“Oh God, please stop saying that. You’re killing me.” Putting the car in park, I grip the steering wheel. “We didn’t come because I thought he’d be here.”
My sister tilts her head, “Come on,” brown eyes filled with the belief that I’m full of shit and won’t confess it.
Yanking the ignition off, insisting with a weary, “I didn’t,” my gaze is locked on where he and I flirted that first night. There’s a white Honda with too many bumper stickers, in the spot. I want to peel them off and replace them with a topless Bronco.
Samantha was about to get out, but drops the handle, turning to me. “Lexi, I think it’s a bad idea for us to go inside. All you’re going to do is think about Gage.”
“Sammy’s right, Lexi. Why don’t we go somewhere new? I mean, new-ish. We know everywhere.”
Sam agrees, “Yeah, we know all the good places,” tapping on the armrest while staring off into possibilities. “We could go—”
“—We’re staying here.”
She looks at me. “You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m calling him.”
They bolt upright so fast our car jolts. “You are?!”
Digging my phone from my clutch is a struggle, fingers shaking and weak. Opening the lock screen, I tap into my favorites-list, and throw a rueful glance to foufy-headed Zoe. “You were right, Zo. I need to give him one encouraging call. Only one! And not just for him, but for me, too. I need to know that I tried. And if he’s gone, if it’s over, I won’t have to wonder anymore. It’s the wondering that’s a killer.”
Our sweet cousin reaches around to clasp my arm with encouragement. “It’s better to know.”
Sam’s fingers are tense on the armrest even as she controls her voice to appear calm. “You waited nearly a week. That’s plenty of time. Now it’s good to know where you stand.”
Lexi Cocker (Cocker Brothers Book 25) Page 16