The Complete Mapp & Lucia

by E. F. Benson

  Lucia felt that it was only proper that Daisy should press her a little. She was being asked to sacrifice her personal feelings which so recoiled from publicity, and for the sake of Riseholme to rescue the fête from being a farce. She was most eager to do so, and a very little pressing would be sufficient. So she sighed again, she stroked the cover of Pepino’s poems, but she spoke quite briskly.

  ‘Dear Daisy,’ she said, ‘I don’t think I could face it. I cannot imagine myself coming out of my house in silks and jewels to take my place in the procession without my Pepino. He was to have been Raleigh, you remember, and to have walked immediately behind me. The welcome, the shouting, the rejoicing, the madrigals, the Morris-dances and me with my poor desolate heart! But perhaps I ought to make an effort. My dear Pepino, I know, would have wished me to. You think so, too, and I have always respected the soundness of your judgment.’

  A slight change came over Daisy’s round red face. Lucia was getting on rather too fast and too far.

  ‘My dear, none of us ever thought of asking you to be Queen Elizabeth,’ she said. ‘We are not so unsympathetic, for of course that would be far too great a strain on you. You must not think of it. All that I was going to suggest was that you might take the part of Drake’s wife. She only comes forward just for a moment, and makes her curtsey to me—I mean to the Queen—and then walks backwards again into the chorus of ladies-in-waiting and halberdiers and things.’

  Lucia’s beady eyes dwelt for a moment on Daisy’s rather anxious face with a glance of singular disdain. What a fool poor Daisy was to think that she, Lucia, could possibly consent to take any subordinate part in tableaux or processions or anything else at Riseholme where she had been Queen so long! She had decided in her own mind that with a very little judicious pressing she would take the part of the Queen, and thus make her superb entry into Riseholme life again, but all the pressure in the world would not induce her to impersonate anyone else, unless she could double it with the Queen. Was there ever anything so tactless as Daisy’s tact?…

  She gave a wintry smile, and stroked the cover of Pepino’s poems again.

  ‘Sweet of you to suggest it, dear,’ she said, ‘but indeed it would be quite too much for me. I was wrong to entertain the idea even for a moment. Naturally I shall take the greatest, the very greatest interest in it all, and I am sure you will understand if I do not even feel equal to coming to it, and read about it instead in the Worcestershire Herald.’

  She paused. Perhaps it would be more in keeping with her empty heart to say nothing more about the fête. On the other hand, she felt a devouring curiosity to know how they were getting on. She sighed.

  ‘I must begin to interest myself in things again,’ she said. ‘So tell me about it all, Daisy, if you would like to.’

  Daisy was much relieved to know that even the part of Drake’s wife was too much for Lucia. She was safe now from any risk of having the far more arduous part of the Queen snatched from her.

  ‘All going splendidly,’ she said. ‘Revels on the green to open with, and madrigals and Morris-dances. Then comes the scene on the Golden Hind which was entirely your idea. We’ve only elaborated it a little. There will be a fire on the poop of the ship, or is it the prow?’

  ‘It depends, dear, which end of the ship you mean,’ said Lucia.

  ‘The behind part, the stern. Poop, is it? Well, there will be a fire on the poop for cooking. Quite safe, they say, if the logs are laid on a sheet of iron. Over the fire we shall have an Elizabethan spit, and roast a sheep on it.’

  ‘I wouldn’t,’ said Lucia, feeling the glamour of these schemes glowing in her. ‘Half of it will be cinders and the rest blood.’

  ‘No, dear,’ said Daisy. ‘It will really be roasted first at the Ambermere Arms, and then just hung over the fire on the Golden Hind.’

  ‘Oh, yes: just to get a little kippered in the smoke,’ said Lucia.

  ‘Not to matter. Of course I shan’t really eat any, because I never touch meat of any sort now: I shall only pretend to. But there’ll be the scene of cooking going on for the Queen’s dinner on the deck of the Golden Hind, just to fill up, while the Queen’s procession is forming. Oh, I wonder if you would let us start the procession from your house rather than mine. The route would be so much more in the open: everyone will see it better. I would come across to dress, if you would let me, half an hour before.’

  Lucia of course knew perfectly well that Daisy was to be the Queen, but she wanted to make her say so.

  ‘Certainly start from here,’ said Lucia. ‘I am only too happy to help. And dress here yourself. Let me see: what are you going to be?’

  ‘They’ve all insisted that I should be Queen Elizabeth,’ said Daisy hurriedly. ‘Where had we got to? Oh yes: as the procession is forming, the cooking will be going on. Songs of course, a chorus of cooks. Then the procession will cross the green to the Golden Hind, then dinner, and then I knight Drake. Such a lovely sword. Then Elizabethan games, running, jumping, wrestling and so on. We thought of baiting a bear, one out of some menagerie that could be trusted not to get angry, but we’ve given that up. If it didn’t get angry, it wouldn’t be baited, and if it did get angry it would be awful.’

  ‘Very prudent,’ said Lucia.

  ‘Then I steal away into the Ambermere Arms which is quite close, and change into a riding-dress. There’ll be a white palfrey at the door, the one that draws the milk-cart. Oh, I forgot. While I’m dressing, before the palfrey comes round, a rider gallops in from Plymouth on a horse covered with soapsuds to say that the Spanish Armada has been sighted. I think we must have a megaphone for that, or no one will hear. So I come out, and mount my palfrey, and make my speech to my troops at Tilbury. A large board, you know, with Tilbury written up on it like a station. That’s quite in the Shakespearian style. I shall have to learn it all by heart, and just have Raleigh standing by the palfrey with a copy of my speech to prompt me if I forget.’

  The old familiar glamour glowed brighter and brighter to Lucia as Daisy spoke. She wondered if she had made a mistake in not accepting the ludicrous part of Drake’s wife, just in order to get a footing in these affairs again and attend committees, and, gradually ousting Daisy from her supremacy, take the part of the Queen herself. She felt that she must think it all over, and settle whether, in so advanced a stage of the proceedings, it could be done. At present, till she had made up her mind, it was wiser, in order to rouse no suspicions, to pretend that these things were all very remote. She would take a faint though kindly interest in them, as if some elderly person was watching children at play, and smiling pensively at their pretty gambols. But as for watching the fête when the date arrived, that was unthinkable. She would either be Queen Elizabeth herself, or not be at Riseholme at all. That was that.

  ‘Well, you have got your work cut out for you, dear Daisy,’ she said, giving a surreptitious tug at the knotted tape of Pepino’s poems. ‘What fun you will have, and, dear me, how far away it all seems!’

  Daisy wrenched her mind away from the thought of the fête.

  ‘It won’t always, dear,’ she said, making a sympathetic little dab at Lucia’s wrist. ‘Your joy in life will revive again. I see you’ve got Pepino’s poems there. Won’t you read me one?’

  Lucia responded to this gesture with another dab.

  ‘Do you remember the last one he wrote?’ she said. ‘He called it “Loneliness”. I was away in London at the time. Beginning:

  The spavined storm-clouds limp down the ruinous sky, While I sit alone.

  Thick through the acid air the dumb leaves fly…

  But I won’t read it you now. Another time.’

  Daisy gave one more sympathetic poke at her wrist, and rose to go.

  ‘Must be off,’ she said. ‘Won’t you come round and dine quietly to-night?’

  ‘I can’t, many thanks. Georgie is dining with me. Any news in Riseholme this morning?’

  Daisy reflected for a moment.

  ‘Oh, yes,’ she
said. ‘Mrs Antrobus’s got a wonderful new apparatus. Not an ear-trumpet at all. She just bites on a small leather pad, and hears everything perfectly. Then she takes it out of her mouth and answers you, and puts it back again to listen.’

  ‘No!’ said Lucia excitedly. ‘All wet?’

  ‘Quite dry. Just between her teeth. No wetter anyhow than a pen you put in your mouth, I assure you.’

  Daisy hurried away to do some more exercises and drink pints and pints of hot water before lunch. She felt that she had emerged safely from a situation which might easily have become menacing, for without question Lucia, in spite of her sighs and her wistful stroking of the covers of Pepino’s poems, and her great crêpe bow, was beginning to show signs of her old animation. She had given Daisy a glance or two from that beady eye which had the qualities of a gimlet about it, she had shown eager interest in such topics as the roasting of the sheep and Mrs Antrobus’s gadget, which a few weeks ago would not have aroused the slightest response from her stricken mind, and it was lucky, Daisy thought, that Lucia had given her the definite assurance that even the part of Drake’s wife in the fête would be too much for her. For goodness only knew, when once Lucia settled to be on the mend, how swift her recuperation might be, or what mental horse-power in the way of schemings and domination she might not develop after this fallow period of quiescence. There was a new atmosphere about her to-day: she was like some spring morning when, though winds might still be chilly and the sun still of tepid and watery beams, the air was pregnant with the imminent birth of new life. But evidently she meant to take no hand in the fête, which at present completely filled Daisy’s horizon. ‘She may do what she likes afterwards,’ thought Daisy, breaking into a trot, ‘but I will be Queen Elizabeth.’

  Her house, with its mulberry-tree in front and its garden at the back, stood next Georgie Pillson’s on the edge of the green, and as she passed through it and out on to the lawn behind, she heard from the other side of the paling that tap-tap of croquet-mallet and ball which now almost without cessation punctuated the hours of any fine morning. Georgie had developed a craze for solitary croquet: he spent half the day practising all by himself, to the great neglect of his water-colour painting and his piano-playing. He seemed indeed, apart from croquet, to be losing his zest for life; he took none of his old interest in the thrilling topics of Riseholme. He had not been a bit excited at Daisy’s description of Mrs Antrobus’s new apparatus, and the prospect of impersonating Francis Drake at the forthcoming fête aroused only the most tepid enthusiasm in him. A book of Elizabethan costumes, full of sumptuous coloured plates, had roused him for a while from his lethargy, and he had chosen a white satin tunic with puffed sleeves slashed with crimson, and a cloak of rose-coloured silk, on the reproduction of which his peerless parlourmaid Foljambe was at work, but he didn’t seem to have any keenness about him. Of course he had had some rather cruel blows of Fate to contend against lately: Miss Olga Bracely the prima donna to whom he had been so devoted had left Riseholme a month ago for a year’s operatic tour in the United States and Australia, and that was a desolate bereavement for him, while Lucia’s determination not to do any of all these things which she had once enjoyed so much had deprived him of all the duets they used to play together. Moreover, it was believed in Riseholme (though only whispered at present) that Foljambe, that paragon of parlourmaids, in whom the smoothness and comfort of his domestic life was centred, was walking out with Cadman, Lucia’s chauffeur. It might not mean anything, but if it did, if Foljambe and he intended to get married and Foljambe left Georgie, and if Georgie had got wind of this, then indeed there would be good cause for that lack of zest, that air of gloom and apprehension which was now so often noticeable in him. All these causes, the blows Fate had already rained on him, and the anxiety concerning this possible catastrophe in the future, probably contributed to the eclipsed condition of his energies.

  Daisy sat down on a garden-bench, and began to do a little deep-breathing, which was a relic of the days when she had studied Yoga. It was important to concentrate (otherwise the deep-breathing did no good at all), or rather to attain a complete blankness of mind and exclude from it all mundane interests which were Maya, or illusion. But this morning she found it difficult: regiments of topics grew up like mushrooms. Now she congratulated herself on having made certain that Lucia was not intending to butt into the fête, now she began to have doubts—these were disconcerting mushrooms—as to whether that was so certain, for Lucia was much brisker to-day than she had been since Pepino’s death, and if that continued, her reawakened interest in life would surely seek for some outlet. Then the thought of her own speech to her troops at Tilbury began to leak into her mind: would she ever get it so thoroughly by heart that she could feel sure that no attack of nervousness or movement on the part of her palfrey would put it out of her head? Above all there was that disturbing tap-tap going on from Georgie’s garden, and however much she tried to attain blankness of mind, she found herself listening for the next tap… It was no use and she got up.

  ‘Georgie, are you there?’ she called out.

  ‘Yes,’ came his voice, trembling with excitement. ‘Wait a minute. I’ve gone through nine hoops and—Oh, how tarsome, I missed quite an easy one. What is it? I rather wish you hadn’t called me just then.’

  Georgie was tall, and he could look over the paling. Daisy pulled her chair up to it, and mounted on it, so that they could converse with level heads.

  ‘So sorry, Georgie,’ she said, ‘I didn’t know you were making such a break. Fancy! Nine! I wanted to tell you I’ve been to see Lucia.’

  ‘Is that all? I knew that because I saw you,’ said Georgie. ‘I was polishing my bibelots in the drawing-room. And you sat in Perdita’s garden.’

  ‘And there’s a change,’ continued Daisy, who had kept her mouth open, in order to go on again as soon as Georgie stopped. ‘She’s better. Distinctly. More interested, and not so faint and die-away. Sarcastic about the roast sheep for instance.’

  ‘What? Did she talk about the fête again?’ asked Georgie. ‘That is an improvement.’

  ‘That was what I went to talk about. I asked her if she wouldn’t make an effort to be Drake’s wife. But she said it would be too great a strain.’

  ‘My dear, you didn’t ask her to be Drake’s wife?’ said Georgie incredulously. ‘You might as well have asked her to be a confused noise within. What can you have been thinking of?’

  ‘Anyhow, she said she couldn’t be anything at all,’ said Daisy. ‘I have her word for that. But if she is recovering, and I’m sure she is, her head will be full of plans again. I’m not quite happy about it.’

  ‘What you mean is that you’re afraid she may want to be the Queen,’ observed Georgie acutely.

  ‘I won’t give it up,’ said Daisy very firmly, not troubling to confirm so obvious an interpretation. ‘I’ve had all the trouble of it, and very nearly learnt the speech to the troops, and made my ruff and bought a rope of pearls. It wouldn’t be fair, Georgie. So don’t encourage her, will you? I know you’re dining with her to-night.’

  ‘No, I won’t encourage her,’ said he. ‘But you know what Lucia is, when she’s in working order. If she wants a thing, she gets it somehow. It happens. That’s all you can say about it.’

  ‘Well, this one shan’t happen,’ said Daisy, dismounting from her basket-chair which was beginning to sag. ‘It would be too mean. And I wish you would come across now and let us practise that scene where I knight you. We must get it very slick.’

  ‘Not this morning,’ said Georgie. ‘I know my bit: I’ve only got to kneel down. You can practise on the end of a sofa. Besides, if Lucia is really waking up, I shall take some duets across this evening, and I must have a go at some of them. I’ve not touched my piano for weeks. And my shoulder’s sore where you knighted me so hard the other day. Quite a bruise.’

  Daisy suddenly remembered something more.

  ‘And Lucia repeated me several lines out of one of Pe
pino’s last poems,’ she said. ‘She couldn’t possibly have done that a month ago without breaking down. And I believe she would have read one to me when I asked her to, but I’m pretty sure she couldn’t undo one of those tapes that the book is tied up with. A hard knot. She was picking at it…’

  ‘Oh, she must be better,’ said he. ‘Ever so much.’

  So Georgie went in to practise some of the old duets in case Lucia felt equal to evoking the memories of happier days at the piano, and Daisy hit the end of her sofa some half-dozen times with her umbrella bidding it rise Sir Francis Drake. She still wondered if Lucia had some foul scheme in her head, but though there had ticked by some minutes, directly after their talk in Perdita’s garden, which might have proved exceedingly dangerous to her own chance of being the Queen, these, by the time that she was knighting the sofa, had passed. For Lucia, still meditating whether she should not lay plots for ousting Daisy, had, in default of getting that knotted tape undone, turned to her unread Times, and scanned its columns with a rather absent eye. There was no news that could interest anybody, and her glance wandered up and down the lists of situations vacant and wanted, of the sailings of steamers, and finally of houses to be let for summer months. There was a picture of one with a plain pleasant Queen Anne front looking on to a cobbled street. It was highly attractive, and below it she read that Miss Mapp sought a tenant for her house in Tilling, called Mallards, for the months of August and September. Seven bedrooms, four sitting-rooms, h. & c. and an old-world garden. At that precise psychological moment Daisy’s prospects of being Queen Elizabeth became vastly rosier, for this house to let started an idea in Lucia’s mind which instantly took precedence of other schemes. She must talk to Georgie about it this evening: till then it should simmer. Surely also the name of Miss Mapp aroused faint echoes of memory in her mind: she seemed to remember a large woman with a wide smile who had stayed at the Ambermere Arms a few years ago, and had been very agreeable but slightly superior. Georgie would probably remember her… But the sun had become extremely powerful, and Lucia picked up her Times and her book of poems and went indoors to the cool lattice-paned parlour where her piano stood. By it was a book-case with volumes of bound-up music, and she drew from it one which contained the duets over which Georgie and she used to be so gay and so industrious. These were Mozart quartettes arranged for four hands, delicious, rippling airs: it was months since she had touched them, or since the music-room had resounded to anything but the most sombre and pensive strains. Now she opened the book and put it on the music-rest. ‘Uno, due, tre,’ she said to herself and began practising the treble part which was the more amusing to play.