Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1)

by Kristel, Courtney

  Once we’re in the elevator, I look up to apologize for my bipolar behavior, but the words stick in my throat. Kohen watches me with his dark, stormy eyes. Since words are nonexistent at this point, I try for another tactic. I lean up on my tiptoes and kiss him. His kiss is nothing like Jax’s. Where Jax is passionate, Kohen is tender. I break away from the kiss as soon as I realize that I’m comparing the two.

  Breathless Kohen, seems influenced by our kiss. His eyes are full of desire. I want to throw up. This is wrong and unfair to him. Luckily the elevator gods decide to have pity on me. They finally stop at my floor.

  “Next time it will be a real date.” I step out.

  “I’ll hold you to that. Good night, Adalynn.”

  I make it back to my apartment and sink to the floor. Why am I still obsessed with Jax after all this time? Why can’t I just move on? Why can’t I even remember the sensation from Kohen’s lips on mine? Forcing myself off the floor, I concentrate on getting ready for bed.

  Three weeks have flown by since that unforgettable dinner at Connor’s. Liv is a thorn in my butt that I can’t shake . . . not like I really want to, anyway. I’ve been seeing the change in myself and I won’t jeopardize my progress. Kohen has become a permanent fixture in my life. We usually have dinner together unless he’s working. Connor and Logan, Yankees season pass holders, invited him to a game. Liv seems pleased that I’m dating, she just cautions me to take it slow.

  Luckily Kohen treats me with extreme patience. Which is great because every time things get interesting between us, I think of Jax. I have to concentrate on removing Jax from my mind, total mood killer. Kohen thinks I’m just not ready to take the next logical step in our . . . whatever we are . . . but the truth is I don’t want to do anything with him that I will regret. I have a sinking feeling that if I’m with him, I’ll be thinking of Jax. So until I no longer have to force my thoughts off Jax, I can’t take that much needed next step. It’s unfair to Kohen.

  Jax avoids me at all costs. I’m not even worth the effort for him to nod in greeting. I hate that he’s ignoring me. Sure, when I’m at the office he mumbles two words to me in passing if someone is around. I learned pretty fast to give up on conversation. If he doesn’t want to talk to me, fine, I’m not going to beg him. I’m not a dog. Jax makes excuse after excuse so he isn’t forced to be around me. It’s a good thing Connor is aware of what’s going on because he helps me distract Logan.

  As much as it hurts to not have Jax in my life anymore, I know that him pushing me away is the best thing that he could have ever done for me. He’s not my savior, and I need to stop thinking that one day we might end up together.

  “Order ready for Addie,” a server calls out, jerking me out of my thoughts.

  I jump up from the bench and snag two salads for the lunch I’m surprising Kohen with, since he’s working all night. He didn’t take anything with him and he usually forgets to eat unless someone forces him to sit down. Lately I’ve become that person. I jog out the door and hail down a cab.

  When I reach the hospital, a passing nurse gives me directions on where to find him. I head into another corridor and come across Kohen facing a young guy in scrubs.

  “I know I’m sorry, it won’t happen again,” the man says, with exasperation.

  “Sorry. That’s all you have to say? I could have you fired for this!” Kohen shouts.

  “I’m not going to make excuses, there are none. This won’t happen again I promise.” The guy’s eyes bulge out of his head as if he’s afraid. He doesn’t know Kohen as well as I do because he wouldn’t hurt anyone.

  An older doctor steps out of a room and notices the situation unfolding. It takes him about a nanosecond to guess what’s going on.

  “It’s an easily corrected mistake that happens with interns, Dr. Daniels. He won’t let this slip by again and just to make sure it sticks, he’s going to be doing grunt work for the next three months.”

  The older guys pats Kohen on the shoulder and walks away, leaving Kohen and the intern alone. When the other doctor is out of sight, Kohen grabs the intern by his throat and slams him into the wall. When Kohen has the intern’s attention, he releases his throat but doesn’t back away. Instead Kohen whispers into his ear. The intern can only nod because it’s clear from where I’m standing that he’s too terrified to speak.

  I’m speechless. I know that I need to stop this from happening, but I can’t make my legs move. I’m transfixed as Kohen tells him something unimaginable. I watch in horror as the blood slowly drains out of the intern’s face. I can’t even pretend to know what he’s telling him. I release my death-like grip on the bag. The salads crash to the floor. Suddenly my legs move on their own accord.

  Out of nowhere, Kohen backs away. I have no idea if I’ve yelled his name or if he heard my too-loud feet. The guy sinks to the floor. Immediately I squat down beside him, ignoring Kohen. I have no idea how much time has passed, but it feels like hours, not minutes. I can’t believe Kohen reacted this way. I desperately want to know what he said that was so terrifying.

  “Are you okay?” I ask like an idiot. Obviously he’s not.

  “Yes . . . Fine,” the intern wheezes as he glares at Kohen.

  Brave man. I help him rise and when he’s finally able to stand on his own, I take a small step back, but keep myself in between him and Kohen. I don’t know this guy, but I need to protect him. There’s no telling what Kohen’s capable of. As I turn to face Kohen, the intern mumbles something under his breath that I don’t hear. Kohen does.

  In the next second, Kohen shoves me out of the way and slams the intern into the wall. I land onto the hard ceramic floor. I feel as if all air has left me. I can’t believe I’m dating someone like Wyatt, Jax’s abusive father. I swallow the bile rising.

  It isn’t until Kohen comes up behind me that I realize the intern is nowhere to be seen. I jump to my feet and put a good distance between us.

  “Don’t touch me,” I warn.

  I’m so mad at myself for not seeing the abusive man standing in front of me. My body hums with the anger coursing through my body. I’m furious with Kohen. I stalk away from him, leaving our lunch on the floor, but he stops me by wrapping his hands around my forearm.

  “Ads, wait. I’m sorry, let me explain, please.”

  I don’t know if it’s the fact that I just watched him slam his intern into the wall, that he touched when I told him not to, or that he called me Ads, but for whatever reason I slap his face as hard as I can. Each one is reason enough in my book. Without another word, I flee.

  The entire ride back to my apartment is a blur of every moment I’ve spent with him. I try to pinpoint times when I could have noticed his abusive tendencies, but I come up blank. It’s scary how much you think you know someone, just to be proven wrong. Can you really ever know somebody?

  After finishing a ten mile run through Central Park, I still don’t have any answers. I don’t know how I didn’t see that Kohen is exactly like Wyatt. He has been nothing but perfect since I’ve met him. He doesn’t even give off that too-nice vibe. He just seems to have the same amount of worries as everyone else.

  With Jax’s father, Wyatt, it was obvious since the first time I met him that he was a troubled man. He showed it in everything that he did. Even when I was little, I knew that there was something wrong. As a kid, Jax would cower away from his father whenever he raised his hand or made any fast movements. I feared him from the moment I met him and even more so the first night I saw what he was capable of; the night that Jax finally let me in, and shared his burden.

  Stumbling down the hallway leading to my apartment, I’m so preoccupied that I don’t realize someone is sitting beside my door until I trip over a pair of legs.

  “Crap I’m—” The apology dies when Kohen leaps off the floor.

  “Please, Adalynn, five minutes, and if you still don’t want to talk to me, I will never bother you again.”

  I cross my arms over my chest and nearly yell, �
�Oh, so you expect to tell me some bullshit excuse that makes it okay to slam someone into a wall? Wow, this must be good. I can’t wait. You now have four minutes. Go.”

  He runs his hands through his hair and down his face, exhaling loudly. He moves toward me, but when he sees me take two steps back, he gives up.

  “Adalynn, you know me, I’m not the person you saw today. I lost it with Mike. I’ve been his mentor for so long I didn’t even think to make sure he knew what he was doing and I failed him. I was more mad at myself than him for expecting too much, so early, and I lost it.”

  I roll my eyes and make a point to glance down at my phone to check the time. Times like this I wish I was wearing one of my watches.

  “Simple mistakes like the one Mike made today can cost people their loved ones. Families can be ruined by one simple mistake.”

  Guilt washes over his face. Before his eyes cast down, I see the sign of unshed tears. It’s almost enough for me to wrap my arms around him, but I need more from him. I stand frozen as I silently beg him to let me in, waiting for him to fill in the last puzzle piece.

  “I know this doesn’t excuse the way I handled everything earlier, but all I saw when he told me what happened was the doctors explaining to my dad that the brain tumor was inoperable and she didn’t have much time. It was a simple mistake. If they were paying attention to the signs, they could have noticed it sooner and things may have been different. That’s all I saw today, I didn’t even realize what was happening until I heard you whisper my name.”

  I hate that I feel badly for him. For the first time, I can see how broken he really is, like me. He’s not the perfect man I thought he was. More than anything, I hate that I can justify his actions. It’s painfully obvious how hard it is for him to share this, yet he is. I have no idea why, I’m nothing special. But for some reason, he thinks I’m worth it. I let him take a timid step towards me. He stops when he is a breath away from me.

  “I’m so sorry for what you saw today. As much as I want to say I wish you weren’t there, I won’t lie to you. I’m glad you were,” he whispers.

  “Why?” I whisper back.

  “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have stopped. You saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life.” Skimming his fingertips over my cheek, he gazes intently into my eyes. “I would never hurt you, Adalynn.”

  I don’t know if it’s that I feel like our shared grief connects us on some level, or his obvious regret for his actions that makes me forgive him. Covering the hand caressing my cheek, I lean into his touch.

  “I’m so sorry for running off like that. I should have let you explain. I know more than most people about losing yourself to your past, Kohen.”

  Framing my face with his large, strong hands, Kohen asks, “Can you forgive me?”

  “There’s nothing to forgive.”

  Kohen kisses me as if he thinks I’m going to change my mind. Wanting him to believe that I’m here for him and to show him how happy I am that he opened up, I kiss him back with everything that I have. When he trails one of his hands down my neck, along my collarbone I pull back, breathless. His lust-filled eyes, reveal how he sees me. Beautiful. I open my mouth so I can slow things down, but he beats me to it.

  “I’m going to go before I press my luck. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  After saying goodbye to Kohen with a few more heavy kisses, I head to my bedroom to get ready for bed. As I undress, it becomes disgustingly clear that I was just making out with Kohen covered in sweat. Yum, I sure know how to be as sexy as possible with men. No wonder he didn’t try going further tonight. I wouldn’t want to do anything with me, either. I step out of my sweaty workout clothes and climb into the boiling hot shower.

  I can’t believe how I treated Kohen earlier, I should have given him a chance to explain before fleeing. I know what he did was bad, but I shouldn’t have overreacted and slapped him. Okay, so he deserved the slap, but comparing him to Wyatt was inexcusable. I should have never have let that thought drift into my head. Wyatt is a poor excuse for a human being whereas Kohen is nearly perfect.

  Kohen has been nothing but nice to me. Everyone at work adores him, minus Mike. Ugh, my stomach clenches. I almost let Kohen go just because of a misunderstanding. Thank God he didn’t just let me walk away from him. Letting me in and sharing his pain means more to me than he can ever realize. I’m so used to Jax shutting me out.

  Kohen opened up to me even without the knowledge that I would listen. I can allow myself to plan things with him instead of always worrying he will leave without warning. He doesn’t strike me as the type to let me go so easily. I smile. No, he sure doesn’t. I pick up my phone.

  Me: July 12 is Logan’s surprise party . . . You in?

  Within seconds my phone beeps, making me exhale in relief upon opening it.

  Kohen: Love to :)

  As I’m texting him back the info of when and where, he responds before I can even hit the send button.

  Kohen: How old is the birthday boy going to be and what should I get him?

  Me: 28 . . . I am so the wrong person to ask.

  Kohen: You do know you’re his sister, right? Who better to ask than you?

  Me: I suck at giving gifts so if you want to get him something then you have to come up with it all on your own C:

  Kohen: You couldn’t suck at anything if you tried, but fine, thanks again for all the help.

  Me: Welcome!

  Kohen: Night Adalynn xoxo

  I can’t help the little chuckle that escapes when I read his last text. XOXO. So cheesy and high school, that I wrinkle my nose.

  Chapter Eleven

  Since the incident at Kohen’s work, we’ve become a lot closer. I still haven’t opened up to him about my past, but I make up for it by telling him about everything else. If he’s proven anything in this past month, it’s that I can count on him. To move our relationship forward, I’ve let him spend the night during the weekends. I don’t know why we haven’t had sex yet. Whenever we get hot and heavy, I always end up stopping it. I love that every time I do, he doesn’t get mad at me or even say I’m a tease. He just pulls me in close and holds me all night.

  Kohen is the only one who knows what I have planned today. It still amazes me that he was able to get me an interview. One night I told him that I wanted to do something with my business degree and the next day he’s selling me on anyone’s dream job. It’s something that Logan would want me to do; he’s never said it, but I don’t think he approves of my current job. He will be thrilled if I can land the interview at Malcara Enterprises. I might be accomplishing his dreams today. For the life of me, I can’t muster the excitement I should be feeling. I almost feel numb; I’m at the point between numb and feeling everything all at once. My heart races as I decide on the perfect interview outfit.

  After pinning my hair into a knotted bun, I apply minimal make-up. Gazing at myself in the mirror, I untie the sash of my robe and let it fall off my shoulders to the ground. I slip into my white sheath dress and then slide my arms through the sleeves of my black blazer. Not a strand of hair is out of place, my lips bear a glossy shade of light pink lipstick, my violet eyes are accented with only mascara. I appear to be well put together, perfect.

  As I sit in the back of a cab, I check the time to make sure Logan’s in his morning meeting. I wait an extra five minute before I call Logan’s assistant, so he can inform my brother to meet me at Liv’s, instead of picking me up. If my overprotective brother knows that I’m on my way to an interview, it will be more than my nerves I’m worrying about. Adding Logan’s would be too much for this opportunity, that arose thanks to Kohen.

  Before I know it, the elevators open and I’m walking across the overly polished floor to the office of my hopefully soon-to-be boss and owner of Malcara Enterprises, William Malcara. If I can land this interview, I will be an assistant for the second largest marketing firm in the US. The first is Trinity. I square my
shoulders back as I enter the impressive office, every step feeling as if I’m following my brother’s footsteps instead of my own. I can’t even think about what my own would be right now because I need to land this job. I need to prove to everyone that I’m not a kid anymore.

  A receptionist ushers me down a corridor and introduces me. Mr. Malcara stands as I reach his desk. I shake his hand like my dad taught me. A firm handshake will go a long way in the business world, was his mantra when I was growing up. He looks as if he’s in his early twenties, but I know he’s in his late thirties from the internet.

  “Have a seat, Ms. Maxwell.” He directs me to the chair in front of his desk.

  I hide my surprise that we’re not moving to the conference style table to the left of his office. That’s where my brother would hold an interview, Connor too. Jax wouldn’t have bothered inviting them into his office. He would have them shown to the actual conference room.

  “Thank you, Mr. Malcara.”

  My eyes scan the room and I notice that he is very much in love with his wife. Pictures of her, and of them together, fill his office.

  “Can you tell me why you would want to work for me instead of your brother?” He gets straight to the point.

  I was prepared for this question. I knew he would recognize my last name from his competitor. I get straight to the point. Mr. Malcara doesn’t seem like the type for bullshit. I like that.

  “If I wanted to work for my brother, all I would have to do is ask. I want to work somewhere where I can prove myself instead of being the owner’s sister. Here, I can flourish and make something of myself. I can be an asset to your team. Working at Trinity I couldn’t do that, and frankly I’ve never wanted to work for him.”

  He rubs his clean-shaven chin. “You have no experience in the industry except the internship you completed in college. Why should I choose you over any of the other candidates?”