“I swear, Connor, if you don’t tell me what the hell just happened, I will not be held responsible for my actions!”
Connor rolls his eyes. “Oh please, Addie, you’ve never been threatening. Now put the knife down before you hurt yourself.”
Gleaming with pride that I got my way, I set down the butter knife and make a show of folding my hands on the table, like an eager child ready to learn.
Glancing at my brother, Connor answers his earlier question. “Yes, this is the first time I’ve seen her since a year ago. I didn’t even know she lived in New York and she has that southern accent so I assumed she was visiting. She never gave me her last name so it’s not like I could track her down.”
He laughs and looks at me. “She didn’t even give me her real name.”
Okay, I’m as confused as can be. Kohen wears a bored expression. How? I have no idea. I can’t believe Harper left without explaining. I listen intently to the rest of Connor’s story.
“I was leaving work one night when the car in front of me smashed into me out of nowhere, then took off without waiting for the light to turn green.”
I clench my teeth. It’s hard not to be upset that Connor never shared this story. Guess we’re not as close as I thought. I make a mental note to bring this up later and focus on not lashing out. She smashed into someone and took off? That hits too close to home. I shake my head. I have no idea how I didn’t know this. How could I be friends with someone who would flee the scene of an accident?
“I did what any rational person would do when someone hits them and takes off. I followed her. I almost got hit by an oncoming car for speeding through the red light, too.”
Connor pauses to collect himself, I’m sure. I squeeze Kohen’s thigh to avoid launching myself at Connor to demand more information.
“I raced in and out of cars until I found the one that hit me. I followed it for an hour out of the city when it finally pulled up to a gas station. I waited until she was already out of the car and pumping gas before I pulled up. I don’t think she realized I was following her, until she saw me pull up to the pump behind her. She screamed when I opened my door, but stopped when she saw me.”
He pauses again and I can tell he’s thinking of what to say next. I swear, if he’s making this up I am going to gut him like a fish. Something’s telling me he isn’t, though.
“She immediately apologized saying that she thought I was someone else. I could tell that she was still freaking out. She kept glancing around as if she were searching for someone. Then she leaned into her car, grabbed her purse and gave me a wad of cash. A wad of hundreds to be exact.”
I eye him closely, looking for any signs of dishonesty. I can’t find any. She did this, she really took off. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it’s hard after everything I went through, what my family went through.
“Being the gentleman that I am, I didn’t take her money. I offered to buy her coffee so she could explain what was going on, but she refused. I told her I wouldn’t let her go until she at least told me her name. She got in her car, rolled down the window and said, ‘Elizabeth’ before she sped away.”
He regards me. “I know what you’re thinking, Addie, but it’s not the same. Don’t make her out to be the bad guy. She needs you. I don’t know what happened, but she was scared that night. Terrified actually. Frightened enough to back into my car at a stop light. She thought I was somebody else. That’s why I spent the majority of last year looking for a ghost. I needed to make sure she was okay.”
I know without a doubt that he’s telling the truth. Connor wouldn’t joke about something like this. Harper and I will be having a serious conversation tomorrow. If it weren’t for Connor explaining how scared she was, then her and I would be having a different conversation. Now, I just needed to make sure she’s okay, too.
It takes all my remaining self-control to finish brunch and head with Kohen to the carnival instead of seeking out Harper. I know that if she wanted to talk, she would have said something to me. Hopefully she’ll be ready tomorrow. Until then, I push all of this to the back of my mind. It’s time to enjoy a day at the carnival with Kohen in Manhattan.
Hand-in-hand, Kohen and I walk up to the ticket booth. I tell myself to forget about wanting to be here with Jax and to have fun with the man that wants to spend time with me, the man who isn’t afraid to be seen with me.
“Someone is a little excited,” he observes.
I twirl myself around, using his hand to spin me. Laughing, we amble to the first ride, my personal favorite . . . bumper cars. Showing our wrist bands to the attendant, we head over to separate cars. I, of course, pick the pink one. Kohen chooses the black one across from mine. I smile wickedly at him.
“You’re going down.” I even give him two thumbs down to stress my point.
The music fades away so the attendant can review the rules. When I notice Kohen watching me, I wink at him.
I ram into Kohen and laugh as he maneuvers his bumper car in-between mine and the others, taking the hits for me. Maybe I should have informed him that this is a game and I can’t get hurt? The ride ends far too quickly for my liking. Kohen slings his arms over my shoulder while he reminds me about all of the other rides and cotton candy. Yum!
We go on rides for the next few hours, hitting everything twice, some three times because I’m a little kid at heart. I’m surprised how easy he makes it to forget about Jax, and everything else. I’m enjoying myself because of him. After we go on the Zipper, we’re both in desperate need of refueling. As we stand in line for food, I contemplate opening up to him, to an extent. Right now seems like the perfect time.
Kohen orders burgers, fries, and one large coke to share. He leads me to an empty bench away from the crowd. We eat in silence. I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to date Jax in the open, for it not to be a secret. Kohen takes my hand into his, raises it up to his lips and kisses the inside of my palm. It’s hard not to notice the nonexistent goosebumps. If he was Jax, my skin would be on fire with a simple touch like that.
“So I’ve told you all about growing up as an only child.”
Crap, I know where he’s going with this. Even though I’ve been considering opening up to him, I haven’t been able to get the words out. I didn’t know where to start.
“How was it growing up with Logan? Has he always been so protective over you? I swear, sometimes I don’t know if I should be more worried of Logan’s approval or Jax’s.”
I brush off his dislike for Jax with a laugh. It comes out forced, like the way he’s forcing a smile even though we’re talking about Jax. I need to change the subject, it’s been clear that Jax is not something we discuss.
Okay, I can do this. He’s given me the perfect opening. I decide to only mention the good parts. I’m not ready to share the accident, not yet.
“Logan was impossibly protective of Hadley and me.” I can see the surprise on his face, all of the questions, but he composes himself and lets me finish. “He included me in everything he did when we were younger. He would even make the guys watch The Little Mermaid.
“When Hadley came along, we would play dress up with her. She loved to remind us that we were her real dolls. Jax and Connor were even roped into attending her tea parties and dressing up. We were all forced into tutus and tiaras.”
Kohen stiffens at the mention of his name which I ignore. I chuckle, remembering walking into the house after practice with all three sweaty soccer boys in different shades of pink tutus and tiaras, drinking pretend tea with stuffed animals. Hadley was around six or seven so the guys were thirteen, I believe.
I don’t say anything for awhile, as I remember what lengths we would all go to make Hads happy. After a few minutes of memories floating through my mind, Kohen breaks the silence.
“And your dad?” he asks tentatively.
“My dad, Andy, was extremely strict when it came to his little girls and boys. I think that’s where Logan gets it from and why he’s f
ond of running background checks.”
Kohen forces out a laugh that doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Don’t worry I’m sure yours came back with flying colors, or I wouldn’t be allowed to see you,” I say to ease his noticeable tension.
He grins at me, but again it seems forced. I shouldn’t have said anything, hopefully it doesn’t ruin our day. Right as I open my mouth to apologize for my brother, even though I’m not really sorry, Kohen shakes his head and recovers from his sour mood.
“And Jax? Has he always been this protective over you, too?”
There is no easy way to talk about Jax. Just thinking about him makes my heart beat a little faster. I choose to ignore why. This is not a conversation I want to have with Kohen.
I shrug. “He’s been Logan’s best friend since I was seven. I was always around. I guess Jax forgets that I’m not his responsibility. Old habits and all that.”
He takes ahold of my hand again. “You’re a wonderful package to be a part of, Adalynn. They’re lucky to have been in your lives for so long.”
His words should be endearing, but I feel like he just stabbed me in the gut. All I can think about is Hadley’s lifeless body while I was unable to help her, watching as the paramedics fought to bring her back. She’s in the ground while I’m not. Why? She deserves to be here, not me. I force these disturbing thoughts away. Time for a change of subject.
“Do you know anyone that would love to buy me cotton candy and win me a bear?”
He makes a show of looking around. “I think I might know the right man for the job.”
I help him collect our trash. I flee to the cotton candy vendor, hoping being in the crowd again will help chase away the haunting memories. He buys me a huge bag of pink cotton candy and I dive right into it. Tearing off a piece, I feed it to him. He pulls my finger into his mouth and sucks the cotton candy off it. Slowly he allows me to drag out my finger, but not before he bites the tip. Now would be a perfect time to give into him and forget about Jax.
“Mmm, best cotton candy I’ve ever had.”
I force the images of Jax’s naked body away. Picturing him is what makes my face heat up, not Kohen’s sexual advances.
Kohen plays three games of shooting cans off moving objects so he can win the biggest stuffed animal here. It happens to be a brown bear with a pink tutu around it’s waist and a tiara. Fitting. Kohen holds the stuffed animal out to me.
“It’s perfect!” I say. “What should we name her?”
Kohen rubs his chin as if in deep thought. “What makes you think it’s a girl?”
I glare at him.
He gives me an innocent expression, but I know better. “What? It looks like a manly bear to me.”
As I balance the overly large bear on my hip, Kohen draws me to him. When his lips touch mine, the memories fade a little more, into the distance. I back away before he can turn it into something much hotter.
“How many manly bears do you see wearing a tutu?” I don’t wait for him to respond. “Of course it’s a girl!”
“So just because it has a tutu, it’s a girl? I’m pretty sure you know a few guys that like to wear tutus and tiaras.”
I can’t help it, I snicker. He always know how to evoke a smile from me.
“Well, when you put it like that.”
“How about Mac? That’s a manly name for a bear like this.”
I choke a little and tense at the name. Hadley’s teddy bear, her favorite teddy bear, the only one she slept with every night, the one buried with her, was named Mac. How does he know? It can’t be a coincidence, could it? I’m about to ask him, but think better of it. It’s just a name, I’m analyzing this too much.
I force my voice to work. “It’s perfect.”
Out of every name in the human language, how did he pick Mac? It’s not like it’s a common name for a stuffed animal. It’s just a coincidence.
“I can’t believe you haven’t been on a Ferris wheel before,” Kohen says, breaking through my mental freakout.
Did I tell him that? I can’t summon the mind power to search through our conversations from today. Obviously I did or he wouldn’t know. I give myself a mental shake. I’m over-thinking everything. I need to stop before I voice my crazy thoughts of him being a stalker and ruin our day.
“Yeah, I know, but my mom would never let us ride them when we were younger and I haven’t been to a carnival since . . .” I trail off, not wanting to go there. “So hopefully this doesn’t break and we don’t fall to our deaths like my mom was always afraid of.”
“Your mom sounds like a lot like my mine. My mom wasn’t the biggest fan of this ride either.”
When we’re seated on the Ferris wheel, I’m sandwiched between him and the stuffed animal that comes up to my knees.
Clutching my hand, he whispers, “Relax, Adalynn, this isn’t going to break, we won’t fall to our deaths. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Easier said than done. I yelp in surprise when the ride moves, making Kohen chuckle. It stops to let on the next passenger.
“See, that wasn’t so bad,” he says into my ear as we move again.
He trails small open mouth kisses from my ear down my throat. My breath hitches. He’s trying to distract me and it’s working. He slowly kisses my nose, my closed eyelids, both cheeks, and as we reach the top he kisses my lips. All my crazy thoughts earlier about Kohen disappear as I open my mouth to him. Slowly, oh so painfully slow, he strokes his tongue with mine. He keeps the kiss slow, sensual, barely touching his tongue with mine.
“Open your eyes, babe.”
I gasp in surprise when I see the breathtaking view. I almost feel like we’re floating being up this high. I have a clear view of the city lights from here. I want to look down, but I know that will be a mistake. Instead I stare, mesmerized at the setting sun reflecting off the water in Central Park. It feels more like a dream than reality.
“It’s beautiful.”
The last remaining thought of Jax floats away as I look into the horizon. I can’t believe I’ve never done this before. And that I’m sharing this experience with someone as special as Kohen. I lean against him and we enjoy the view in silence at the top. As the ride descends to let us off, I think this is the beginning of us, and the end of Jax.
“Want to stay the night?” I ask when we reach my door.
He nods as he closes the distance between us and brings his mouth down to mine. I force myself to turn my head so I can unlock my door. Kohen takes full advantage of my exposed neck, making it impossible to concentrate on the task at hand. It takes me six tries until I’m finally able to insert the key.
Chapter Seventeen
The door bursts open as Kohen eagerly pushes me inside my apartment. Dropping my purse, I turn to face him. His mouth captures mine so fast I gasp. His mouth is powerful, punishing even. I can’t even kiss him back, I stand helplessly as he steals my breath away. He runs his hands down my arms to my waist and picks me up. Automatically I wrap my legs around his waist and kiss him back just as fiercely as he’s kissing me. He carries me through my apartment heading in the direction of my bedroom. Perfect.
I moan into his mouth when he bites my lower lip. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but it feels too good to stop.
Tongues fighting each other, we finally reach my room. Slowly, Kohen releases me, dragging my body down his strong one, letting me feel every one of his muscles with my body. I squeeze my thighs together, hoping to stop the moisture gathering in my panties. I only make it worse.
He brushes the hair out of my face. He bends down so that his mouth hovers over mine, but doesn’t move closer. I stretch so I can close the tiny distance between us. He backs away.
“I love you. God, Adalynn I love you so much. I’ve loved you for so long, since the day I first saw you.”
Breathing is nonexistent. I so did not expect him to declare his love for me when he opened his mouth. Why did he have
to ruin this? I push away from him and sit on the edge of my bed. This can’t be happening. He doesn’t really know me. He can’t love me. I examine his face and see that he believes he really does love me.
I’m going to throw up.
I press my hand to my mouth and will myself to take small deep breaths. He isn’t down on one knee. He just said ‘I love you,’ no big deal. I know people say this all the time, but not to me, this feels wrong, he isn’t Jax.
I need to say something, but I can’t. Every time I open my mouth to speak, it feels like someone poured cement into it, making it impossible. He cups both hands around my legs and rubs them. After several awkward minutes of silence, he pulls his hands away from my legs and begins to stroke my face.
“Babe, it’s okay. I know it’s too soon for you. You don’t have to say it back. I want you to say it when you really mean it, not because I said it.” I hear the sincerity in his voice, “I couldn’t wait any longer. I need you to know that I love you, that I’ve always loved you and I always will. I want to be the person you love, the person you want a future with. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes to hear those words for you, Adalynn, because you’re worth it.”
I give him a tight smile and nod since I’m incapable of speaking. Everything he says is perfect, what I’ve always wanted to hear from the man that loves me. I’ve just always pictured that the man confessing his love for me would have green eyes, not blue. It hurts that the image I’ve had since childhood has disappeared with Kohen’s words. This isn’t fair to him. I should be ecstatic that he loves me, but the only thing I can think about is the green-eyed God.
Kohen is the type of man that I should be in love with, the man that my parents would admire. He’s the type of man to plan a future with, to grow old together. Maybe one day, he can be that man for me.
“I think in time I can fall in love with you, too.”
Kohen opens his mouth to say something, but I stop him with my lips. I don’t need anymore words tonight. He takes control of this kiss, too. I can feel the extent of his love; he’s showing me with his mouth how much he cares. I pull away first because I can’t go further. He frowns so quickly that I would have missed it if I wasn’t paying attention.
Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) Page 25