He doesn’t say anything as he digs into his pocket and locks the door with a key.
“Wow, that’s not insulting,” I mumble.
“What was that, babe?” Kohen asks over his shoulder.
“Do you not trust me? I’m not going to go in there once you fall asleep. I understand why you don’t want me in there. You can trust me.”
“I trust you, Adalynn. Never doubt that. It’s just a habit.” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal, but his eyes are tense.
It doesn’t escape me that he still keeps the door locked. I let it go, for now. I have secrets of my own that I keep locked up inside me. The only difference is that my secrets are a part of me and not in a room inside my apartment.
Taking charge, I grip Kohen’s hand again and lead him to his bedroom. I’ve been here a few times so I know exactly where I’m going. When we enter his room, my take-charge attitude floats away.
I’m stuck staring at a blown-up picture of my face. It’s the picture from his living room. He’s mounted it to the wall in front of his bed. I turn away from it and glance around. For some reason the bed seems larger, more intimating. I’m being crazy. I’m just in a weird mental state, that’s all. It’s the same bed that he’s always had, fitted with the same expensive blood red sheets. His furniture is black, opposite of what I would’ve pictured when I imagined his room. It seems out of character for him to have dark furniture, it doesn’t match his light personality.
I tense more when I realize it might fit him more than I thought. He isn’t all light. If he was then we wouldn’t be facing a gigantic hurdle right now. He’s changing, changing for me. Nobody else has attempted to do that for me, ever.
“Want a shirt to sleep in? I have scrubs you can wear too, but they’re going to be huge on you.”
“Sure,” I squeak out.
Kohen hands me a pair of navy scrub pants. I open my mouth to ask for a shirt, but stop, when he removes his. I can only manage to stare. Kohen works out . . . a lot. No matter how many times I’ve seen him without his shirt, I can’t help my hormones spiking.
“Thanks,” I choke out when he passes it to me.
Kohen chuckles while he turns to give me privacy. I would rather change in his bathroom, but this is good enough. Quickly I strip out of my tank and jeans. I toss them on the chair in the corner and slip his shirt over my head. It’s still warm and smells like his sexy cologne. My stomach tightens for some unknown reason. Since the shirt covers everything, I toss the pants at his back and jump into his bed.
He leaves the pants on the floor and strides over to me. It’s the only thing out of place in his room and it makes me laugh. My laughter dies when he climbs into bed with me. He reaches over and switches off the lamp on his nightstand, surrounding us in darkness.
“Relax,” he says when he hauls me closer to him. “Come away with me,” he whispers into the darkness.
Suddenly I’m glad that he’s holding me and that I’m not laying on his chest. I don’t want him to see how broken I am from his words. It really has nothing to do with him, everything he’s doing is perfect. I just wish he was somebody else.
“When?” I ask, knowing that I’m going to go anywhere he wants because it’s the right thing to do.
“Tomorrow. I have a house in the Hamptons. I’ve been wanting to take you there for a while now.” He drags me closer to him so that my back is fully pressed against his chest.
“Why?” I’m stalling.
“Because I know how much you love the water and I want to enjoy the ocean with you. I think a weekend away is exactly what we need. We can leave first thing in the morning and be back Sunday night so that you won’t miss work.”
“Okay.”
I want to ask him how he knows that I’m not working tomorrow, but I don’t. I probably told him sometime last week that I took off today and tomorrow because I needed an extra day to relax. I can feel Kohen’s grin against the back of my head.
“I love you,” he whispers.
I tense because I can’t say the words back. I don’t love him and I won’t be that girl who says it back just because a guy tells me he loves me. Instead I snuggle as close to him as I can.
“Good night,” I murmur.
“Good night, my love,” Kohen replies with a little edge to his voice.
“All set?” Kohen asks when I enter his apartment the next afternoon.
“Yup,” I say as I drop my bag next to his on the floor.
Kohen woke me up with kisses this morning and breakfast in bed. And when I say this morning, I mean before the sun even came out. He was cheery, excited to leave the city for a few days. I just grumbled and wished for sleep. I didn’t get much last night because I kept tossing and turning. My brain wouldn’t shut off. When it finally did, I dreamed of Jax . . . well, I had a nightmare is more like it.
But now that I’ve showered and I’m fully awake, the nervousness has taken hold. I’m restless because this is the first time I’m going away with a guy that isn’t Jax. Going away will be good for us. I need a distraction and a few days away at the beach with a hot guy is exactly what the doctor ordered.
Kohen collects our bags. He holds out his free hand. For some reason I hesitate; this is it. If I take it, I will be sealing my fate with him. No more Jax. He’s out of your life. I take it and squeeze his hand while he leads me out of his apartment. He doesn’t let go until we reach his car.
“Thank you,” Kohen says once he’s done lining up our bags in the back of his Lexus.
“For what?” I try to think of anything special I did for him today. I come up blank
“Thanks for letting me steal you. I know that you’re a little on edge because your brother left so I wanted to take your mind off it.”
God, if he’s any sweeter I might get a cavity. “Trust me. I should be thanking you. I needed to get out of the city for a few days. I’m glad that I’m gonna be with you.” I say the last part quietly, but I mean every word of it because I have no one else, no one left to trust in my life.
Kohen gives me that breathtaking smile of his before starting the car. Immediately I plug in my phone and select one of my favorite playlists for long drives. It’s catchy music that you can sing to, but quiet enough where you can still have a conversation. It’s perfect. Basically, I rock at making playlists.
I hum along to the first few songs and watch New York City fly in a blur. Kohen is quiet, which I appreciate. I have a lot on my mind. I can’t stop thinking about my relationship with Jax. All lies. I see his face when he told me loves me for the first time, I feel his lips on mine, I hear his laughter. More lies. I want to push things further with Kohen because of Jax. I want Kohen to make me forget him.
“Wake up, babe,” Kohen says softly into my ear.
I mumble back something and turn my head. It’s only then, when I feel the kink in my neck, that I realize the car has stopped. I manage to open one eye to see Kohen standing beside me. I open the other and gasp when I spot the beautiful ocean in front of us.
“Wow!” I say, sitting up to take in the view.
“Want to take a walk on the beach?” Kohen helps me out of the car.
“Yes,” I say immediately.
Kohen laughs at my enthusiasm. “Don’t we need to stop and get groceries?” I ask when we pass the house.
“I took care of it. Fridge is full and our bags are put away upstairs already. Oh and I texted Harper and your brother to let them know where you were.”
I tilt my head to see him grinning down at me. I smile back. “You did?”
“Of course. I knew you would want them to know where you were and since you fell asleep I did it for you . . .You don’t mind, do you?”
“Of course not,” I tell him while I give myself a mental high-five.
I’m so glad that I deleted my text thread with Jax. I know that it would have been torture to re-read every text that he’s ever sent me.
“Great. Now let’s take that walk.”
; Once we take off our shoes, hand-in-hand, we head to the edge of the water. I dip my feet in. The ocean is chiller than I expected, but I warm up to it after a while. Kohen doesn’t. He keeps jumping when the waves crash and the water pools around our feet, making me laugh each and every time.
“It’s freezing!” he shouts as I try to steer him further.
“Don’t be such a baby.” I smirk when he finally lets me drag him in deeper, but not deep enough to get his shorts wet.
“You do know that we’re going to freeze to death, right?”
“And I’ll love every second of it. Now come on.” I dive into the ocean still wearing my sundress that I chose because it’s a warm autumn day. When I surface a couple feet away from Kohen, he’s standing where I left him.
“Come on!” I shout. He just shakes his head, an amused expression on his face as he watches me.
I roll my eyes and sink back underneath the water. This is my favorite place. Underneath the water, where all you can hear is the ocean crashing above you. I wish I had gills so that I never had to surface, that I could just stay here forever, in the silence. I turn over on my back and lay on the ocean’s floor. I submerge my hands into the soft sand and watch as it slides between my fingers. My body sways back and forth, moving naturally with the waves. Suddenly I’m pulled out of my oasis.
“What the hell?” I yell. I’m a little mad that he yanked me up so hard. Especially since I was at peace.
Kohen’s eyes darken at my outburst and I immediately regret snapping at him. He’s breathing heavily, as if just that small act angers him. Not good.
“I thought you were drowning,” Kohen says softly when he see that I’m okay. He visibly relaxes.
He’s changing. He wouldn’t have been able to calm down if he isn’t changing. With the old Kohen, I would have ended up bruised. Progress.
“I’m sorry. I was just . . .” The words die on my lips. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to explain to him what I was doing.
“Finding yourself again,” Kohen says with a knowing smile.
“Yeah, something like that.” I wrap my arms around him. I can feel him shaking underneath me. I don’t even feel the cold, I love the water that much. “Let’s go warm up.”
Kohen gives me a quick kiss on the lips and nods. Our clothes cling to our bodies as we make our way out of the water and walk back to Kohen’s house.
His home is beautiful, everything I imagined when I pictured it this morning. Flowerbeds line the driveway up to a two-story house made of different shades of grey stone. There’s a wraparound porch, complete with a swing facing the ocean. I can’t wait to have my morning smoothie tomorrow and watch the sunrise. The front door is massive, domineering in a blood red that resembles his sheets back home. I spin around and take it all in.
“Do you have any neighbors?” I ask when I notice that I can’t see any other houses.
“Of course, they’re just a short drive down the road. I bought this place because it’s so far away from everyone else. It feels like we’re the only two people here, doesn’t it?”
My stomach clenches. “Yeah.”
I didn’t realize it was so isolated out here. I wish I stayed awake in the car so I could have been paying attention. It dawns on me that I can’t escape to my apartment if I freak out. I’m here with just him.
“I’m hoping that we’ll make this a monthly thing.”
This is Kohen, not some serial killer. “That sounds nice.”
Once we’re inside, Kohen leads me upstairs to the master bedroom. “I’ll use the shower downstairs and then I’ll make us lunch. Everything you need is in the bathroom.” He grabs a change of clothes and leaves the bedroom.
Instantly I’m relieved that he isn’t pushing us. He’s letting us take things slow and giving me the space I need. I walk into the bathroom and I’m immediately in love. The huge jacuzzi tub can easily fit five people. I sit on the edge and finger one of the bubble bath bottles on the side. My smile widens when I recognize that it’s my favorite scent. I look at the rest and find all my favorite stuff. Forgetting the shower idea, I turn the nozzle for the tub and pour a generous amount of lavender bath salts followed by the bubbles.
While the tub fills, I inspect the bathroom. I’m not surprised that all of my things are in here. All of my face wash and soaps are in the shower already, along with a loofah. I open the top drawer and I discover that he even bought me a new razor, and my favorite brand of tampons. What I wouldn’t give to see Kohen buy these. He wasn’t joking when he said he wants to make this a monthly thing. I open the last drawer and I spot a new hair dryer, straightener, and a curling iron. If he keeps this up, I won’t even need to pack next time.
Once my hands are shriveled up like a prune, I force myself to climb out. Not gonna lie, it takes a good amount of effort on my part. I’m pretty sure I could live in this tub. After drying off, I step out of the bathroom to search for my bag and stop in the doorway. Kohen laid out clothes for me on the bed. For some reason I don’t find this sweet. Even though they’re the clothes I packed, I feel like it’s his way of trying to tell me what I can wear. Which is stupid since I was going to select that exact pair of leggings and sweater. I’m being irrational.
I force myself to let it go. Kohen is just being thoughtful like he was when he bought me all the bath stuff. I quickly get dressed. I ignore the irritation bubbling inside me when I realize that he touched my underwear. Once I’m decent, I brush my hair. As I’m leaving the bedroom, my phone chimes with a new text message.
I curse at myself when I pick it up. It’s practically dead. I should have let it charge this morning while I was getting ready. Whatever, I’m not going to need my phone anyways. Pressing the unlock button, I read Harper’s text.
Tinkerbell: Hey I went by your place today to see how you’re doing, but you’re not there. Let me know when you come home and I’ll bring over ice-cream and wine :)
I start texting her back so I can tell her that I won’t be back till Sunday, but of course I can’t because my phone dies. I search all over the room for the bag with the charger, but I can’t locate it. Opening the closet, I discover my bag on the floor. I unzip it to find that it’s empty. Kohen’s unpacked everything. Maybe he plugged in my charger for me. I search every outlet. No charger.
As I’m coming down the stairs I remember that Kohen mentioned texting Harper and my brother, informing them we went away for the weekend. So then why did she ask where I was? His messages might not have went through, the service out here might be spotty. A little part of me doesn’t believe that, though.
“Hey, do you know where my charger is?” I ask Kohen when I reach the kitchen. He’s dressed in low-hung jeans and nothing else. I’m not ashamed that it takes me awhile to raise my gaze from his abs to his face.
“No, sorry, babe. I didn’t see it. That’s why I unpacked everything for you, I saw that your phone was dying so I was looking for your charger.” He shrugs then continues chopping on the cutting board.
“So you didn’t see my charger?” I ask again because I know I packed it. It was the last thing I put in my bag before I zipped it. I remember because the cord got in my way.
Kohen turns around with a smile. “Nope, that’s usually what I mean when I say I didn’t see it.” He walks over to the cupboard for plates.
“Okay . . . where’s your charger?” I ask.
“I forgot it,” he says with a shrug.
“You didn’t bring your charger?” I ask, dumbfounded.
Kohen is always the responsible one. Why wouldn’t he pack his charger? But I don’t understand why he would lie to me, either. Something isn’t right.
“I just said I didn’t,” he snaps.
I decide to drop the charger thing. It’s not that big a deal. It’s definitely not worth arguing about and setting him off before our weekend even starts. I’m so over fighting. Fighting with Jax, and the war with myself wondering if I should be here or not, is exhausting.
/>
“Did the text go through to Logan and Harper, though?” I ask with forced lightness in my voice.
“It should have. Why?”
“Just wondering. I got a text from her before my phone died, asking where I was.” It’s my turn to shrug.
Kohen turns around with the same smile on his face, but it seems forced. Weird. “You can use my phone if you want to check that they got it.”
I’m tempted to take him up on the offer, but I feel like it’s a trap. To see if I trust him enough. I decide to let it go. I can always use his phone tomorrow to call Logan and ask how his flight was. Yeah, I’ll do that. It’s not like I can call him now since he’s on a plane and I can’t call Harper since I don’t have her number memorized. Something that I’m going to have to do in the future in case this happens again.
I wave off his suggestion. “No, it’s fine. I’ll check in with Logan tomorrow.”
Kohen nods and carries our plates outside. I grab the glasses of wine that he’s already filled. I take a sip while I follow him. Walking up to him, I kiss him on his cheek for his thoughtfulness. He managed to pick up my favorite wine and prepare one of my favorite meals. Pesto pasta with roasted tomatoes. Yum.
“It’s perfect,” I tell him as I sit down.
“You’re perfect.” He captures my hand and kisses my palm.
I don’t even bother to correct him as it will just cause a fight between us. Like it usually does whenever he calls me perfect. I’m so far from perfect, it’s laughable.
Chapter Thirty-Two
I curl up closer into the warm arms around me. They squeeze me tighter. I’m afraid that I’m dreaming so I keep my eyes firmly shut. I’m in Jax’s arms again. I don’t care about the repercussions of being here with him. If I’m dreaming, I never want to wake up. I want to forget about the secrets and be happy in the arms of the man I love. Eyes still tightly closed, I turn around so that I can snuggle into his chest. Inhaling deeply I feel like I’m home.
“Are you really here?”
Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) Page 45