Remember When

by A. D. Ryan

  “Congratulations, son. We couldn't be more proud,” he told me.

  The time finally came for me to head downstairs and wait for my fiancée—I never tired of saying that—to arrive. My parents sat in the front row, holding hands. Dressed in a lovely purple dress, her light blonde hair pulled away from her face, my mother dabbed at the corners of her green eyes with a tissue in an attempt to keep her tears of joy at bay.

  Once Cassie's bridesmaids—two of her close friends from her hometown—were in place, the music shifted into the traditional wedding march. My eyes travelled to the top of the aisle, and my breath caught in my throat when the doors opened for one final time and Cassie started her ascent toward our new life together. She was stunning in a handmade gown by my sister, and I had to ask Billy to pinch me, because I was afraid it was a dream and I would wake at any moment.

  The priest started the ceremony as soon as Cassie was by my side, her fingers laced through mine. “Family and friends. We are gathered here today to witness the joining of two people.” He continued to talk about the meaning of matrimony and love, but I failed to hear most of it as I took in the exquisite beauty of my soon-to-be wife.

  “Cassidy, do you take Jack, whom you now hold by the hand, to be your lawfully wedded husband?” he had asked.

  With a sniffle and tears brimming her eyes, she whispered, “I do.”

  He then turned his attention to me. “Jack, do you take Cassidy, whom you now hold by the hand, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

  The first tear fell onto her rosy cheek, and I brushed it away with the pad of my thumb. “I most definitely do,” I breathed.

  With a smile, he looked to my best man. “Now is the time for the exchange of rings.”

  I turned to Billy, who reached into his tux jacket pocket and pulled out two simple white gold bands. I plucked the slender silver circle from him and turned back to Cassie. I slid the ring over her knuckle and held it in place as I spoke. “With this ring, I pledge my love and commitment.” I leaned forward and placed my lips against the ring, making Cassie sigh.

  Cassie reached forward and took my ring from Billy's hand and slid it onto my ring finger. “With this ring, I pledge my love and commitment.”

  Finally, the priest closed his book and smiled proudly. “It is my pleasure to announce you both Husband and Wife. Jack, you may kiss your bride.”

  Our first kiss as husband and wife was…incomparable to any other kiss we shared. Tears of happiness had begun to spill onto Cassie's cheeks as I leaned forward to capture her lips with my own. Cassie stretched up onto her toes, throwing her arms around my neck, and kissed me passionately.

  Feeling nothing but love in that moment, the rest of the world slipped away and we kissed like nobody else was in the room. In fact, it wasn't until Cassie's father started clearing his throat that I pulled away.

  We turned our bodies to face our guests and made our way down the aisle…toward our future.

  The rest of the night was a blur of happiness and love as we greeted out-of-state friends and relatives, while still finding those few select moments to steal away for ourselves.

  With Cassie securely in my arms, we moved in the centre of the dance floor. “Enjoying the party, Mrs. Martin?”

  With a soft giggle and blushing cheeks, she said, “That'll take a while to get used to.”

  “I'm certain we have a while,” I assured her as I leaned down and kissed her once more. From all around us cameras flashed, capturing our love forever.

  We left before the reception and dance were over since we had a plane to catch. Cassie slept the entire way, utterly exhausted from the long and arduous weeks of planning our wedding.

  She awoke, only briefly, as we got off the plane and into the town car that would take us to our home for the next few weeks. When we arrived outside the oversized—and incredibly private—beachfront property, Cassie's jaw dropped.

  “Wow,” she whispered as I unlocked the front door.

  I looked slyly down at my wife and scooped her up into my arms. I carried her through the house, turning on each and every light as we made our way around. The floors were a dark wood throughout as I walked through the open-concept living and dining rooms and toward the hall that would lead to the bedrooms. At the end of the long hall was the master bedroom. It was large and white with a floor-to-ceiling window that looked out toward the ocean.

  I set her down on her feet. “I'll go get the bags,” I said quietly, suddenly nervous.

  It seemed silly that we were both as nervous as we were. It wasn’t as though we’d never made love; we’d been together almost six years, living together for more than half of that. But this—making love as husband and wife?—it felt like an enormous amount of pressure.

  When I returned, I found Cassie at the large picture window, staring at the gentle waves as they lapped up against the shore. She saw my reflection in the window and melted into my embrace as I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her close.

  She laid the back of her head against my chest and sighed. “It’s beautiful.”

  I lowered my lips to her neck and kissed her tenderly. “I couldn't agree more,” I whispered as my lips ghosted a trail down to the pale flesh of her shoulder.

  “I was talking about the ocean.” Smiling, Cassie slowly turned her body to me, her eyes full of love and apprehension. “I love you, Jack.” She must have seen the same emotions in my eyes, because she laid her hands on my jaw and smiled. “We don’t have to… If you’re tired, I mean.”

  Eyes wide with surprise, I smirked. “I’ll never be too tired, Cass,” I replied thickly, lowering my face to hers and kissing her softly.

  Cassie's fingers found their way into my hair as she pressed her body closer to mine. I lifted her off the ground and spun us around so I could walk us to the oversized bed. I lowered Cassie back to her feet and stared into her lust-filled eyes as I lowered my hands to the hem of her shirt.

  We worked quickly to undress each other, our nerves from earlier quickly taken over by our hunger for one another. With our clothes discarded, I pulled her body to mine and kissed her with everything I had.

  Our hands explored each other's bodies, memorizing each curve of every muscle before we fell onto the bed where we made love…

  …and our daughter.

  The day Cassie told me she was pregnant was one of the best days of my life.

  Right before the wedding, Cassie and I had found a nice little apartment to rent in Hanover until the spring when I finished school. I had arrived home one Friday evening at five and was surprised to find Cassie's Toyota already in its parking spot. She always worked until six. Always.

  “Cassie?” I called as I took my shoes off at the front door.

  “In the kitchen,” she replied.

  I walked through the hallway and found Cassie sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of tea. I walked to her and placed a kiss upon her temple. She felt warm. “How have you been feeling today?”

  She smiled weakly and shrugged. “No better, no worse. Listen, we should talk,” she said, her face suddenly taking on a very serious, and honestly quite frightening, expression.

  My stomach rolled as I pulled the seat out next to her and sat down. “What is it?”

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. “I love you, obviously, but something's happened.”

  I couldn't help the multitude of thoughts that crashed through my mind regarding what she could be talking about. I swallowed thickly and finally found my voice. “I know that. I love you, too. But, Cass, you're scaring the hell out of me. What's wrong?”

  Her brow softened, and a small smile started to spread. “Oh, no! It's nothing like that,” she said, intuitively knowing what I must have been thinking. She placed her hands on my knees. “I'm pregnant. I know it's much sooner than either of us even expected, but…”

  “What?”

  The expression on my face must have scared
her, because she instantly pulled her hands back and averted her gaze. “I…um, it wasn't on purpose…”

  “You're certain?”

  She nodded meekly. “I met with the doctor this morning. He confirmed it. I'm about six weeks along,” she said quietly, her voice shaking and her chin quivering. “I'm sorry.” She dropped her gaze from mine, and I saw a tear fall onto her lap.

  I shook my head. “Sorry? Why on Earth are you sorry?”

  Her head snapped up, and she wiped her cheeks. “Y…you mean you're not mad?”

  “Not at all. This is… Cassie, this is fantastic!” I exclaimed, jumping from my seat and sending it clattering to the ceramic tile. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her.

  “Really?” she asked, her tone full of the relief she felt at my reaction.

  “Definitely.”

  With a smile and a tender kiss, she looked up at me. “You're going to be a daddy.”

  We called our families immediately to tell them the news.

  Cassie's morning sickness lasted the first three months, and nothing we did seemed to help. There wasn't much she was able to keep down, and it was starting to concern us, even though the doctor said it was quite normal. Once she hit that second trimester, though, her appetite was back in full force. I honestly don't think I had ever cooked that many waffles in my life. It was all she ever craved for weeks.

  If I never saw another waffle in my life, that would be fine by me.

  Watching her body change with each passing week was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced. The way her stomach grew with the life that was inside of her, the way I would catch her rubbing her protruding abdomen and singing soothing lullabies…

  Such beautiful memories.

  We tried to find out the sex of the baby at our twenty-week ultrasound, but the baby was uncooperative. Cassie was convinced we were having a boy, while I had no preference one way or the other, as long as the child was healthy.

  With Cassie and I now expecting, it was very important for us to be close to family. So, I had my upcoming residency transferred to Denver, Colorado and, after I finished up with school, we moved back to Frederick and started house-hunting. It took two days and five houses before we found “the one.”

  It was love at first sight. It was a newer two-story home with four bedrooms on the upper floor and a large backyard. There was a den off the main entry where Cassie had set up her home office for the graphic design company she had started.

  Then came the day Cassie went into labor. It was probably one of my more terrifying life experiences. It was September first, two days before Cassie's twenty-fourth birthday. I had just walked through the door to find Cassie hard at work in her office on her latest project. Not wanting to interrupt her, I headed for the kitchen to start dinner.

  I had just pulled out the vegetables from the fridge to start chopping when I heard Cassie groan. I stopped what I was doing and waited. I heard the clicking of her keyboard start up again, so I turned back to dinner.

  “Ooooh,” she groaned again, a little louder this time.

  I put the knife down and moved to poke my head into the hall. “Cass?”

  “It's nothing. It must have been the Mexican food Jen brought by for lunch. I'm fine,” she assured me.

  “You know, I have half a mind to talk to her about bringing that stuff over for you when it doesn't agree with you right now,” I muttered.

  I heard Cassie laugh as she continued to work. “You know as well as I do your sister wouldn't listen to you anyway. What the baby wants, the baby gets,” she reminded me.

  Ten minutes had passed, and I had just cut into the peppers for the salad I was preparing when Cassie came hobbling into the kitchen. I looked at her, and my smile quickly vanished as she looked back at me, her eyes full of distress. “Sweetheart?”

  “Um, either I just peed myself, or my water just broke.” Suddenly her body hunched over, and her knuckles turned white as she death-gripped the fridge handle. “Ooooh my God!” she cried.

  I dropped the knife immediately and turned the burners off before rushing to her side. I grabbed her bag that sat by the front door for the occasion and helped my very pregnant wife out to the car. We rushed through the busy streets, breaking multiple traffic laws in the process. I called our families to let them know what was going on while Cassie groaned and practiced her breathing in the background.

  When we reached the hospital, I helped Cassie out and took her inside to be admitted. Once we were in our private room, the labor really kicked itself into high gear, and I had never seen Cassie so uncomfortable. Dr. Morris arrived an hour later and did a quick examination of Cassie's stomach.

  He was a portly, middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair. His bedside manner was impeccable, and Cassie was instantly comfortable with him when we first met with him. After finishing his examination, he looked at us both solemnly. “It would appear that some time in the last week, your baby has flipped into a breech position. We'll have to perform a cesarean.”

  Cassie's worried eyes met mine, and I forced a smile in hopes of reassuring her. Dr. Morris looked at us and went over everything that the procedure would entail before he left the room to get ready. Nurses came in with a pair of scrubs for me and a blue cap for my hair. They prepped Cassie for surgery and then wheeled her off to the OR.

  I waited in the hall until the doctor came for me. When I stepped foot in the brightly lit room, I saw my wife lying on an operating table, her arms spread wide and strapped down. There was a blue privacy sheet draped above her chest, and her stomach was bare and exposed.

  Nervous, I took my place beside her head and placed a kiss on her forehead to reassure her that everything was going to be fine. The steady sound of the monitors kept me sane while my wife's body moved gently under the doctor's ministrations. I stroked Cassie's head soothingly as she smiled up at me.

  We sat in silence for ten minutes before Dr. Morris told Cassie there would be a little pressure, and then she gasped. It didn't take long before tears of happiness spilled from the outer corners of her eyes.

  “Here she is,” he announced.

  “She?” I asked, looking down at Cassie.

  Dr. Morris moved away from Cassie momentarily, and in his arms was a tiny, pink bundle. “Congratulations—it's a girl.”

  After whisking her away to be cleaned up, the doctors proceeded to finish stitching up Cassie before wheeling her to recovery. I went with our daughter to the nursery where I got to help with her first bath and hold her. She opened her eyes almost immediately, and I realized I was staring into Cassie's eyes.

  I got to introduce Cassie to our daughter an hour after her birth. When I walked into the room, holding our baby in my arms, Cassie began to cry. I placed our daughter in her arms and sat next to them as Cassie got acquainted with her. Cassie seemed extremely tired as she held the tiny bundle in her arms.

  “So, what are we going to name her?” I asked, hoping to rouse her slightly. “You were so convincing that we only had a boy’s name set.”

  Cassie looked up at me with a slight smile. “I was thinking maybe, Charlotte.”

  I looked at her with an arched brow. “Charlotte?”

  “Yeah. I really liked Charlie for our baby boy’s name, and I think she looks like a Charlotte.” She looked at me and pursed her lips. “You don't like it.”

  I chuckled and looked down at our sleeping baby girl. “I think it suits her perfectly.” I kissed Cassie's forehead softly before I noticed her eyes flutter closed in contentment and exhaustion. I took Charlotte from her and held her while Cassie rested her head on my shoulder and slept.

  Four years later, I stood in Charlie’s doorway watching her sleep soundly. Her soft blonde curls framed her cherubic face as she snuggled her little stuffed kitten close to her heart and smiled.

  “Hey,” a soft voice said from behind me.

  I closed Charlie's door before turning to Cassie. The moonlight that shone through the window in the hallway
cast a silver glow across her perfect features and she offered me an apologetic smile. “You're late.” There was no hiding the edge of anger in my voice.

  She tilted her head to the side and placed a hand on my cheek. “I'm sorry. I'm here now, though.”

  I brushed past her and headed to our bedroom. Her soft footfalls were heard behind me as she followed. “For tonight,” I said, closing the door once she had crossed the threshold.

  And like every other night for the last two years, we argued until we were both too tired to say anything else.

  Chapter 1 | I Do it … for Her

  I slapped the “off” button on my alarm clock and opened my eyes to see the sun streaming in through the bedroom window. I turned away from it, reaching across the bed only to find it empty…and freshly made. I was instantly wide awake and flopped back over onto my side of the bed, running my fingers through my messy hair as I stared up at the ceiling.

  Our fight the night before was no different than any other in the last few years…

  With the door closed, I turned to Cassie and waited for her to say something, but she only looked at me, smiling. That infuriated me even more than her missing out on an evening with her family.

  “You said you'd be home for dinner,” I reminded her angrily, keeping my voice down so as not to wake Charlie.

  Cassie sat on the edge of the bed looking up at me calmly. “Jack, you know it can't be helped. I get home when I can.”

  “Then leave earlier!” I fumed. “This shit is unacceptable, Cassidy. You're not here for her anymore. She needs a mother.”

  Tears welled in Cassie's eyes, and she swallowed thickly. “Don't…”

  I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. “Don't what? Don't tell you that your daughter needs you? Don't tell you that she doesn't even ask about you anymore?”

  Cassie stood from the bed and approached until she stood inches from me. “You think I don't want to be here with the two of you? Do you think I love the fact that I've been away for as long as I have? I'll tell you something, Jack Martin, you don't know a damn thing about what I'm going through,” she seethed.