The C Word: Redefining Me (Book 3)

by MacQueen, Michelle

  Julian wrapped an arm around her neck and ground his knuckles into the crown of her head. “Perfect, huh?”

  She laughed until someone cleared their throat. Their mom gestured to the line of customers waiting to be seated. Peyton ducked away from Julian to help them while Julian approached his beckoning mother.

  She put her hands on her hips and regarded him coldly before nodding toward the back room and following him in. The door was still swinging shut when she started in on him. “I got a call saying you missed school today.” She pursed her lips, letting her statement sink in and waiting for Julian’s answering excuses.

  No use lying, so he shrugged. “They’re not teaching me anything new, anyway.”

  “Oh, they’re not? Hmm.” She lifted an eyebrow and gave him a look that reminded him so much of Peyton he wanted to laugh. He didn’t though. “Well, I’ll just call the school and tell them you’re ready to take your finals now if you know all the material. For heaven’s sake, Julian! Kids need school.”

  “I’m not a kid, Mom. If you’ll remember, I wanted to get my GED instead of going back to that school, and you said no. I was eighteen. I didn’t have to listen to you and come back.”

  She sighed, but it wasn’t a giving-up sigh like most people would assume. Sofia Callahan didn’t give up. Especially when it came to her kids. “I thought it would be good for you to get back to normal.” She flinched at her own words. “Or at least a new normal. You couldn’t hide out at your uncle’s place forever. And if you want to go to college, you need to graduate.”

  “What if I don’t want to go to college?” His voice grew quiet. “Mom, why haven’t I said yes to any of the schools who’ve sent me letters? They’re ignoring my average grades because my test scores were high, but what if the grades are more me than the tests? I’m not smart like Pey. What if I’m average, Mom? If I never get a college degree, are you going to be disappointed in me for the rest of my life?”

  Her eyes welled up as she crossed the room to hug him. “Of course not, sweetie. We only want you to be happy.”

  “Is it okay that I don’t really know what will make me happy yet?”

  “Julian.” She pulled back to meet his eyes. “You’re nineteen. No one expects you to have everything figured out.”

  “Okay, Mom.” He didn’t quite believe her, but he knew it made her feel good to say it. “I should get to work.”

  She patted his cheek and nodded. “Sure, son. But no more skipping school, okay?”

  He didn’t get a chance to respond before the door flew open and his dad rushed in. He waved a spatula. “Oh darn, did I miss the punishment again?” He turned to Julian. “Jules, I hereby sentence you to lawn duty every weekend this spring.”

  “Dad, I already do the mowing, because the last time you did it, half Mom’s flower bed ended up shredded, and she threw a trowel at you.”

  He rubbed his shoulder as if remembering where the small shovel hit. Julian’s mom hadn’t meant to actually hit him, but no one would ever choose her for their baseball team. Not if they wanted someone with any kind of aim.

  “Fine,” his dad said. “Then, son, I know you feel bad about what you did—”

  His wife cut him off by putting a hand on his chest and forcing him out the door. “I’ve taken care of it, honey. Go back to your grill.”

  Julian walked back to the front, freezing in his tracks when he saw the familiar notebook open behind the register. Peyton was running food to a table, and he was still standing there when she returned.

  “You took that out of my bag,” he growled, feeling no guilt when she flinched.

  “I…” Peyton tugged on her ponytail and stepped toward the notebook. “It was right there…and you’re always so secretive.”

  “Ever wonder if there was a reason I’m secretive? Maybe I don’t want you in my business.” He snatched the notebook, thankful it looked like she only saw a few pages.

  “Is that related to the pages under your bed?”

  “Stop going through my stuff, Peyton.”

  “Did that ever stop you from snooping at my No BS stuff? It’s not fun when your secretive sibling sticks their nose where it doesn’t belong, is it?”

  “Well, the difference is I was helping you, Pey. You know all that marketing I’ve been doing for you? For free.”

  “Well, maybe I want to help you with this?” Her jaw clenched stubbornly, and Julian knew she wouldn’t back down. Not his sister. “Are you writing a book?”

  The question was out there in the universe now. Was he writing a book? He hadn’t told anyone yet, as if saying the words made him a bigger fool than he thought. Who was he to think people would want to read his words? He wasn’t a writer. He couldn’t be.

  Could he?

  He tried to see judgment in Peyton’s eyes, but once again, that wasn’t who she was. If there was anyone he could tell, it was her.

  Yet, something held him back.

  He stuffed the notebook back in his bag. “Stay out of my business, Pey. I mean it.” He walked around the counter. “I’m going on break.”

  “But you just got here!” she called after him.

  He didn’t turn back when he spoke and wasn’t sure if she heard him. “You’ll figure it out.”

  As the door chimed and slid shut behind him, he sagged against the outer wall of the diner, gulping fresh air.

  Across the street, Becks strode toward his family’s hardware store. He stopped and lifted a hand in greeting to Julian. Julian didn’t know how he managed a wave or how he stayed upright. Peyton was too close to his truths.

  It had been on the tip of his tongue, and now that the thought was out there, he couldn’t call it back. He had to tell someone, the only person who might understand that part of him.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: Do you ever feel like your family is just one big comedy of errors?

  He breathed a sigh of relief when she responded immediately.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: My family would have to be funny for that.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: I think the only funny one in my family is me, and not in a Ha Ha kind of way.

  He leaned his head back against the building, waiting for the ding that reminded him there was someone out there listening.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: Did something happen? Who do I need to go kung foo on?

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: Nice knowing you’ll protect me, but even when they aggravate me, I like my family too much to unleash the book nerd on them (Book nerd is said with the utmost affection).

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: You’re the first person to ever call me a nerd. I kind of like it.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: Weirdo.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: You still haven’t told me what happened.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: My nosey sister.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: I’m going to need more than that.

  Julian lifted his eyes to the sky as a couple passed him and entered the diner. He really should go back in. The dinner rush wasn’t far off. But he couldn’t make himself move until he got it off his chest.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: She went through some of my things and asked me if I was writing a book.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: Well, are you?

  He breathed slowly. He could do this.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: Yes.

  The three little dots saying she was writing appeared before going away. This was it. She now thought he was some delusional boy, writing bad fan fiction.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: So, let me get this straight. You’re mad at your sister for being interested in what you’re working on? I would straight up kill for my family to show interest in anything I actually cared about. Sounds like you’re a spoiled brat, honestly.

  Julian opened his mouth as if to speak like she was there in front of him. He snapped it shut, wanting to type a million things back. Instead, he slipped his phone into his pocket and went back inside the diner.

  Peyton had the decency not to look angry with him as she tossed him an apron.
“I need some tables cleared before I can seat anyone else.”

  He nodded and got to work.

  It was late by the time they locked up and he got a chance to look at his phone again. LitGirl sent him another message hours before.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: I’m sorry, that was harsh.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: I have foot in mouth syndrome. Please don’t hold it against me.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: I hope you’re not mad. Please don’t be mad.

  He started typing when he slid into his car.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: Not mad.

  She responded right away as if she’d been waiting for him.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: I have a question…

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: I have an answer.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: Can I read your book?

  That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? When Julian began writing, he never imagined sharing it with anyone. The closer it got to being finished though, the more he wondered what others would say.

  And this girl was safe. He’d never know who she was and vice versa. An anonymous book friend. It was perfect. Once she told him he wasn’t cut out for writing, he could push it from his mind and decide what he wanted his future to look like. He sent her one final message before pulling out onto Main Street.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: It’s not done… but… Okay.

  9

  Addison

  “Earth to Addie.” Ashley snapped her fingers in Addison’s face. “I asked you a question.”

  “Oh, sorry,” she muttered. They were supposed to be working on a group lab project in chemistry, but Addie wasn’t feeling it.

  “Where were you just now?” Meghan asked. “Thinking about hot boy Becks? You two have been spending a lot of time together lately.”

  “Becks? No.” Addison shook her head. “We’re just friends.”

  “Then who were you daydreaming about so hard you didn’t hear me ask what you’re wearing to the club in Riverpass tonight?” Ashley gave her a playful shove.

  “No one,” Addison said. “I’m just not feeling great today.” She couldn’t tell her friends she was obsessing over a guy. A guy in a book. A guy in a book BookBoy wrote. The same BookBoy friend she might be crushing on.

  “You do look kinda crappy today,” Meghan said.

  “Uh, thanks,” Addison said.

  “Your eyes are puffy like you didn’t sleep well.” Ashley checked her forehead for her temperature. It was kind of sweet.

  “I’m okay, guys. Just tired.” Probably because she’d spent every waking moment of the last three days poring over the manuscript of one of the most beautiful love stories she’d ever read. Even now, she itched to go home and finish it. She’d written tons of notes for BookBoy, and it awakened something inside her. Like maybe she might want to be an editor someday. She couldn’t imagine a more rewarding career than helping authors make their books into something truly amazing.

  “Maybe you should cut out early and go rest?” Ashley said. “You want to be fresh and beautiful for the club tonight.” They were going to Down Under in Riverpass to flirt with Defiance Academy boys. Meghan was on the hunt for a new boyfriend, and she liked them with fat wallets. The last time Addison was around Academy boys was a few weeks before at a party she’d been invited to. It wasn’t a fun night.

  “Maybe I will.” Addison thought about going home to squeeze in some editing time before Meghan would pick her up. She might even have time for a nap if she left now.

  “We need more Borax,” Ashley said. “Our crystals aren’t forming.” She picked up the string suspended in their solution with a frown. “I don’t think we mixed it right, nothing’s happening.”

  “We should probably start over,” Addison said with a sigh. “I’ll grab the Borax while you clean up and reheat some fresh water. Use the filtered water maybe? It’s probably better than the tap water for this.”

  Addison stood in line for the supply closet. It felt good to be on her feet again, but she couldn’t wait for the day she could take this awful boot off. Soon. Physical therapy was killing her, but the harder she worked at it, the sooner she’d be back to normal.

  “Addie,” Nari whispered behind her.

  “You don’t have to pretend we aren’t talking.” She turned to face her one-time friend.

  “Keep your voice down, I have a favor,” Nari hissed. “I heard Meghan talking about going to Down Under in Riverpass tonight.” There was a hint of desperation in her voice.

  “Are you guys playing there? Tonight?” She knew Nari’s band, Anonymous, was anonymous for a reason. They didn’t want Twin Rivers students to know about them. Becks in particular didn’t want the added attention. She couldn’t blame them for it. “I don’t know if I can talk them out of going, Nari.” Addison only knew about the band because they’d played at the Defiance Academy party.

  “We’re just opening the show with a short set. We go on at seven.”

  “Got it.” Addison nodded. “I’ll make sure we’re super late.”

  “Thank you.” Nari breathed a sigh of relief. “I know we can’t keep it a secret forever, but Meghan will make my life a living hell.”

  “More than she already does since you and Avery made it official?”

  “Exactly.”

  “I’ve got your back, girl.” Addison returned to her seat with their ingredients.

  “Took you long enough,” Meghan snapped.

  “Well, there was a line.”

  “Whatever, let’s finish this crap so we can talk about tonight.”

  Addison searched through her bag for her phone. She’d had enough of Meghan for one day, and she had to get home to find out if Adele and Jackson would finally get together.

  Addie: I’m not feeling well. Would you call the office so I can head home early?

  Mom: I’m sure you can make it a few more hours. You shouldn’t miss any social opportunities this close to graduation. You never know when you’ll have an encounter you’ll be able to use for your Kappa Alpha Theta interview. You only have so many opportunities left.

  Addie: We’re supposed to go out with some Defiance Academy students tonight and my eyes are all puffy and gross.

  Mom: Well that’s a different story. Go home and take a nap, sweetie. Put some green tea bags on your eyes so you’ll look beautiful as always tonight. I’ll call the secretary now.

  No one could ever deny Nancy Parker’s priorities were legit messed up.

  * * *

  She didn’t know how lovely she was. Adele surrounded herself with people who adored her for her beauty and the things she could do for them, but they didn’t truly know her. Jackson doubted whether she knew herself. She surely didn’t know how he felt about her. And he feared the opportunity to tell her was quickly slipping through his grasp.

  But could a woman such as Adele ever love a man like him? With a fire in her soul every bit as lovely as her face, he was nothing in her shadow.

  “Yes! Oh my God, yes! She loves him, damn it. He just has to tell her.” Addison had tears in her eyes, all the feels turning her into a complete wreck. Jackson was just like Adele, too caught up in his own mistakes and self-loathing to see he was just as beautiful as she was. Just one more chapter. She was almost done with the book and couldn’t wait to tell BookBoy how amazing it was. How she would die to have someone love her the way Jackson loved Adele.

  “Addison? What are you doing?” her mother demanded. Addie was so caught up in her reading she didn’t realize how late it was.

  “Just doing a little reading before I get ready.” She wiped her eyes and closed her computer, sure she looked a mess.

  “You were supposed to come home and rest. You’re a wreck, sweetie.” Her mom stepped into her room to sit on the bed beside her. “Are you sure you should go tonight?”

  Addie wanted nothing more than to stay at home and finish the book, but she’d promised Nari she would make sure they were late to the club. She couldn’t let her down for something
this big.

  “I’ll be fine. And this is more Meghan’s thing tonight. I’m just along for the ride.”

  “You never know, Addison. You might meet a wonderful boy tonight.”

  “Is that all that matters to you?” Addie blurted. She clapped a hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry, that was awful.”

  “What do you mean?” Her mother frowned. “You know I want only the best for you, sweetheart.”

  “I know… But.”

  “But what, darling? Talk to me.”

  “What if the best for me isn’t what you’d choose for me?”

  “Addison, I don’t want to make your decisions for you. I always thought we were on the same page about your future.”

  “Mom, you’ve been planning my future since I was seven. I’m not that little girl anymore. I don’t know if going to your alma mater and pledging your sorority and marrying a rich guy is the path for me.”

  “You make it sound frivolous. Like I want you to be a trophy wife. Like you think I’m a trophy wife.”

  “I just… I want more than to be someone’s wife someday.”

  “Ouch.” Her mom clasped her hands in her lap. “I never saw myself as just your father’s wife. I’m his partner. In life and in business. I helped your father build his thriving law firm. I went to law school too, you know.”