He had given him a place to sleep in their parlor. His daughter had sewed the clothes to fit his lanky frame. They had been the family that Ronan never had, that was until things had gone wrong, and he’d never turned back.
Ronan had always meant to go back, to talk with Mr. Herrin and thank him for everything he’d done, but now it was too late. Ronan forced himself to stand and start packing his things. He had put off visiting the Herrins for too long. He needed to make it to Mr. Herrin’s funeral.
Chapter 5
The caravan of people following the simple wooden box that held her father’s body was bigger than even Elise had expected it to be. Her father had many friends. Being one of the kindest men alive, he had made quite the impact on a lot of lives.
The many people who had gone out of their way to give Elise their condolences and ask her if she was doing all right blurred together in her mind. She couldn’t have kept track of all of them, even if she was in her right mind. She was distracted and barely paying attention to anything around her.
But what she did know was that the number was growing and growing. The day was grey, casting a dark shadow over everything. A rumble of thunder in the distance made her realize that it might rain.
It would be fitting. Not because it was a sad day but because her father loved the rain. She couldn’t believe that four long days had already passed since that morning that she had spoken with her father for the last time.
She hated being in the cabin alone. She had already spoken with several people about the possibility of selling it. The walls of the cabin reminded her of her father. There were so many memories, conversations, and moments they’d shared together in that cabin that she was in a perpetual state of longing and sadness.
She kept thinking that she heard his voice calling to her from his room. She kept imagining that she was a child again, and he was about to read her a bedtime story or needed her help out in the barn. But that wasn’t the case. The cabin was an empty shell filled with ghosts of the memories that were lost forever, and she couldn’t hardly stand to be around it any longer.
Elise had already taken the time to speak with the men in charge of the stagecoach about getting to California. The general consensus was that she should find the wagon train and head to California that way. It was the only way to get there reliably, and the wagon train was passing through San Antonio, Texas in about thirteen days.
Elise was not sure how she could prepare everything in time. She had to find places to sell most of her belongings and use the money she made to purchase the things she would need to get to California. It was a terribly long journey. She had heard stories of the wagon trail and how treacherous it was. She would have been terrified of doing it if she hadn’t promised her father. She was still terrified, but she was also determined to honor her promise.
She was trying to keep her mind from wandering to the scary things about the trip, telling herself that she would manage it one day at a time. The small group with her father’s casket reached the churchyard. She had already spoken with the minister, and he was waiting for them.
Everyone crowded around the casket. The grass in the churchyard was green, vibrant almost. Where they were going to bury her father was a deep hole, ready to receive him to his final resting place.
Elise swallowed hard as she watched six men lower the box down into the ground. Her father would no longer emerge from that place. This was where she would say goodbye forever.
The minister began to speak; he talked about how everyone appreciated her father. He spoke of the reputation that her father had with everyone in town.
“Frank Herrin, or as we all knew him, Mr. Herrin was a very kind man. We all knew him for his generosity. We all knew him for his willingness to help those in need. I can’t think of a single time that Mr. Herrin turned someone down. He took in several hard-luck cases over the years, and many a time he was seen giving something to a poor man on the street.”
Elise watched as the heads around her nodded in agreement.
“Frank Herrin will be missed. This town and those towns around us where he visited in his younger years will never be the same without him. We will always remember him with love in our hearts and fond memories in our minds.” The minister continued to speak.
Elise heard parts of it, and other times, she let herself drift off, thinking of her father’s kind smile and warm laugh.
As the minister began to finish his words, her gaze swept over those in attendance. Toward the back of the crowd, her eyes landed on a man standing alone, separate from the crowd, who she had never seen before, yet he looked very familiar.
His head was angled down, a mop of dark brown hair blocking his eyes from view. His jaw was square, chiseled even, and it looked like he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days. He looked as if he were crying, his shoulders shaking, and his hand swiped his face as if to brush the grief away.
His shoulders were broad, and he was tall. He was far off, and Elise was fairly certain he would be even taller up close. The weirdest thing was that it felt like she knew him. Through the rest of the funeral, she kept glancing toward the mysterious stranger. Even though he was on the outskirts of the crowd, he was paying intent attention. She wondered who her father had been to him. It was obvious that her father meant something to him. After her father’s casket had been covered and the minister said the final prayer of farewell, people began to leave. They paused in front of Elise to tell her how sorry they were for her loss, and then they walked away, leaving her there, alone.
Elise noticed that one person besides herself hadn’t left yet, the stranger. He was still a good distance away as if he were afraid to get any closer.
Elise was standing alone, on the edge of her father’s grave. She looked down at the fresh dirt among the green grass.
“Goodbye, Papa,” she whispered. She fought the tears that were right there beneath the surface, having to hold herself together until she completed her promise. Elise knew that if she let herself feel the full force of her grief right now, she wouldn’t be able to go through with what she promised. She wouldn’t be able to go through with anything.
“Elise.” A deep voice made her look up with a start.
The stranger had approached her. He was only a few feet away from her now. His face, it came rushing back to her, and immediately she knew who he was.
“Ronan.” Elise said the name with a slight hint of venom. How dare he show up at her father’s funeral? Was he trying to be cruel? After all the years he’d stayed away, he had denied her father the opportunity to know what happened to him. Now he was here after her father was gone. He had come too late.
“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have come. I don’t have the right to be here. But I couldn’t stay away. I wanted to make sure you were all right.”
Her fury caused her to lash out at him. “Since when do you care if I’m all right? You were gone for seven years, Ronan! Seven years! My papa wondered about you all of those years, and you waited until he was gone to come!” She felt some of the fight go out of her. There was a tiny portion of her that was relieved to see that Ronan was alive, that he was well, but that bit of her was overpowered by anger and frustration.
“It has been seven years, hasn’t it?” For a moment, Elise thought she saw regret in his eyes, but it was gone as soon as it had come. His expression was back to being unreadable. That was something that always bugged her as a child. She could never tell what Ronan was thinking.
“What do you want, Ronan?” Elise knew she was being rude, but she didn’t have the time or desire to be polite to anyone, much less Ronan.
“I- I knew that I needed to come back and say goodbye. I always wanted to come back before, I just …” Ronan trailed off. He didn’t make an effort to finish his sentence, and Elise didn’t ask. She didn’t know why he hadn’t come back, and she told herself that she didn’t care. “What are you going to do now?” Ronan’s voice was soft.
“I- I’m going t
o California.” Elise wasn’t sure why she told him. He didn’t have any reason to know what she planned on doing. It wasn’t like she could count on him to come visit or anything. If he were the visiting type, he would have visited her father sooner, the man who had taken him in when no one else would. The man who had treated him like he was his own son.
“You’re going alone?” Ronan asked. He looked worried.
“Yes. I am going alone. Did you forget that my father was the only family I had left? Apparently, I have an aunt in California. She is my only remaining relative. I don’t even know why I am telling you this,” she said with resignation.
“You shouldn’t be traveling alone.” The concern in Ronan’s eyes came back, and for a moment, Elise felt like she was staring into the young boy’s eyes who her father found in the barn. He’d been fifteen then, almost a man, but she had always seen the boy in him. He had been like an older brother to her for the time he had lived with them.
“I am traveling alone. Why are you still here, Ronan? Everyone else already left.” Elise looked around. Even the minister had gone back inside. He probably saw them talking and thought they could use the privacy.
“How are you going to get to California?” Ronan asked, ignoring her question.
“I don’t need to tell you that,” Elise bit out. She was getting increasingly frustrated that Ronan was making himself a part of her plans, that he was coming back into her life at a time like this.
If he wanted to be involved with her or her father, he could have come back before. He could have stuck around in the first place. Instead, he had left, with no warning, with no goodbye.
Even though her father had kept a strong face, Elise was able to see how much Ronan leaving hurt him. He had started to think of Ronan as the son he never had. He always spoke of Ronan and what they would do together in the future. But those dreams had never come to pass.
“Elise, I know you’re angry, and I understand that you have every right to be. But I do want to make sure you are safe and get to California safely. Your father would have wanted me to do that.”
“You know nothing about what my father would have wanted. Did you ever even think of him all these years? Do you know that one of the last things he said to me was about you? You are so selfish.” Elise could hardly believe her outburst. Usually, she kept her thoughts and hurts to herself.
But she had thought about what she would say to Ronan if they ever spoke face to face again, and this was her moment. She wasn’t about to let it slip away.
Ronan’s face turned stormy and then sad, but he said nothing. Elise wondered, did he really ever care about her or her father at all? She hoped that her words hurt him to repay him for hurting her father.
Chapter 6
Ronan found himself amazed at how much Elise had changed. He still remembered the shy young girl he had known when he lived with her and her father.
The woman standing in front of him now was very different from that girl. She had changed in more ways than one for sure. She had grown into the beauty he had always seen in her.
But her eyes were full of pain and hurt, and there was fear there too. He knew she must be afraid. She was all alone in the world now. The man who had always been there for her had died and left her all alone.
“I’m not here to cause any problems, Elise. All I can ask for is a chance to help you get to where you need to go.” Ronan forced himself to say the words. Since he’d heard she was going to California, he knew that he should help her get there.
But he also saw that convincing Elise of the fact that he should accompany her was going to be a lot harder than he thought. She was clearly angry at him for the past and with good reason.
“You are causing a problem by just being here in the first place. Whatever you think this makes up for, it doesn’t make up for anything. Whatever you think was so important that you couldn’t bother yourself to come back for seven whole years, that is where you should be right now.”
Ronan clenched his jaw. Elise was right. She was more right than she could even guess. But he wasn’t about to tell her that. He needed her to let him help her. It was the only way to even begin to pay back the debt that he owed her father.
“I will be staying at the hotel in town if you decide that you want to talk more.” Ronan took a step back. It was clearly in bad taste for him to turn up here at her father’s funeral to talk to her about their past. She needed space to see how she felt. He needed to let her come to terms with what was happening now instead of trying to force her to think about the past.
“I don’t want to talk about this more. I just …” Elise trailed off, and her breath hitched.
Ronan wanted to step forward, to wrap her in his arms and comfort her. He could see how much she was hurting, and he could see how hard all of this was for her, but that wasn’t his place.
Whatever Elise might have felt for him at one time was long gone. Ronan shook his head. Old feelings that had been dormant for years stirred in his chest, and a strange protectiveness toward Elise surprised him. He wanted her to be safe and to be happy. She deserved that.
And he deserved nothing. That much she was right about.
“I can’t trust you, Ronan. You left me and my father. You left us, and you didn’t even tell us why. Why would you even think I could trust you now?” Elise’s words were soft now, and they had ten times the impact on him over her tirade from a few minutes ago.
Her words cut into his chest, embedding themselves into his heart. They were accompanied by a look so full of pain that he knew it would haunt him forever.
“I know. I messed up, Elise. But I am going to do everything I can to make it up to your father. I made some mistakes.” Ronan bought her father’s face into his mind. Mr. Herrin was the closest thing he had ever had to a father.
He had made plans to be around Mr. Herrin for the rest of his life. Those plans had all changed one afternoon, but that wasn’t Elise’s fault. That was all on him.
“I should go.” Elise took a step back, turned, and hurried away before Ronan could stop her. He watched her leave, her black skirt swishing around her ankles. Her thin form faded away as she rounded the corner. He felt a chill settle around him after she was gone.
He turned to the fresh grave. He was too late. He had come back too late. He felt the open wound in his heart that he had tried to cover up. He would never forgive himself, but maybe he could still fix some of it. If only Elise would let him, he could still protect Mr. Herrin’s daughter, the way Mr. Herrin had done for him when he needed it.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for being so late,” Ronan whispered. He knew that Mr. Herrin couldn’t hear him, but he still felt like he had to say it.
He let himself be taken back to the last time he’d been here, by the church, when Mr. Herrin was alive, and Elise was his friend and little sister.
“Are you sure?” Ronan looked up at Mr. Herrin with trepidation.
“Of course, son. It’s about time I got myself a new coat.” Mr. Herrin held out his old coat yet again. This time, Ronan took it into his hands, admiring the thick fabric. It was the nicest coat he had ever owned, and he was already planning when he could wear it even though they were in Texas and the chances of needing a coat were low unless it was midwinter.
“Why are you helping me so much?” Ronan asked. It was one of the rare times that he was alone with Mr. Herrin. Even though he had already been living with the Herrins for nearly two months, most of the time, Elise was there too.
“Why wouldn’t I be helping you? You are part of this family now.” Mr. Herrin grinned, one of those wide sparkling grins that made Ronan feel like he was the center of attention.
“I- You don’t even know me.” Ronan thought of all the terrible things he’d done and the reasons others had chased him from town.
“I do know you. You are a good kid who just got a little bad luck. Don’t we all fall on bad luck every once and a while?”
A Long Way to Love: A Historical Western Romance Book Page 4