“I stole things. I stole from people,” Ronan blurted out. He didn’t know why he did it. Maybe he was trying to ruin this opportunity before he got too attached.
Ronan expected Mr. Herrin to look at him in shock, to tell him to leave his property and never look back. He expected Mr. Herrin to grab the coat out of his hands and tell him that he was ashamed to have had him so close to his family.
But instead, Mr. Herrin’s eyes turned soft. His face was full of understanding.
“Let me tell you something, son. Everyone has been faced with choices in their lives. Sometimes, they don’t have a good set of choices. I know that if you had been treated right, you wouldn’t have done those things. Do you want to steal things now?”
“N-no. I don’t need anything.”
“See? You just weren’t at the right place when you made those decisions. Don’t worry. We are your family now. Family watches out for one another. You can help me out around the farm, and then someday, you’ll probably want to find a job of your own where you can start saving up for your future. I’m sorry I don’t have much to pay you, but I do have a little something. You can set it aside or spend it, whichever you prefer.”
“You don’t have to pay me.” Ronan was shocked that Mr. Herrin had offered. Mr. Herrin had already given him more and done more than he could ever pay for. If anyone should pay someone, he should pay Mr. Herrin.
Mr. Herrin slapped him on the shoulder with a chuckle. “Don’t worry, son; I’m going to make you work for it.”
Ronan didn’t feel worried at Mr. Herrin’s mention of work like he might have with anyone else. He almost felt relieved, if anything.
Ronan shook himself back to the present. His life with the Herrins had fallen into a routine after that. He began to make friends with Elise and her father; her father was something else.
He was there; he was always kind and hopeful and trusting. Mr. Herrin would be there when he needed someone, and he gave him space when he needed it.
Ronan shook his head. “I will pay you back in some way, I promise.” Ronan hated making promises. He could feel the physical implications of his promises like they were a rope that tied him to an obligation.
But this was an obligation that he’d had tied to him a long time ago. He wished that he had made more of an effort to clear this debt before.
Ronan turned and walked down the street into Richwater. He still remembered the town. It was the one place he was fairly certain he would never forget even though he hadn’t been there in seven years. It had grown since he had last been there, but still, the old shops were there.
When he arrived at the hotel, he felt the looks and whispers but kept his eyes straight forward, and his mind focused. He didn’t let himself relax until he was sitting in the room he had rented from the hotel.
It was simple and could almost be considered bare, but Ronan didn’t care. He knew that everyone in town probably had their opinions of him. He had proven their suspicions right when he had left that night without warning.
He didn’t feel bad for that. He had nothing to prove to the people of the town. He had something to prove to Elise and himself, and that was it.
Eventually, after he felt like he was sitting and doing nothing for hours, he laid down on the bed. Some rest was in order. The last several days had been full of emotional pain and physical exertion. It was time for him to recharge. He would have to think about Elise, how to get her to California, and most of all, how to convince her to let him go with her.
He closed his eyes, summoning darkness, pushing the ghostly apparition of Mr. Herrin away from his mind.
***
Ronan was up before the sun. His last two nights of rest were laughable at best. He had tossed and turned and been plagued by fears and memories and nightmares from the past. He had struggled with guilt and grief for not returning to see Mr. Herrin before he died.
He sat up and rubbed his eyes, ran some water through his hair, and got dressed for the day.
He peered down at the street below him from the window. There were already people coming and going down the main street. So many people in this town had no idea who he was, but then there was a good number who did know him, and he hated that he had to deal with them.
He didn’t want to deal with them. He wanted to keep to himself, take Elise, drop her off in California, and go on with his life. But things were not that simple or that quick.
Even if Elise did eventually comply with him taking her to California, it would take months. The wagon train wasn’t something easy they could do in a few days. The dangers, the preparation, and the things that could go wrong were an endless list that Ronan was certain neither he nor Elise were prepared to deal with. But it seemed that one of Elise’s new skills in her adulthood was her stubbornness.
Ronan felt himself smiling briefly. It was good to see Elise again. It was a strange feeling to have, sort of like seeing something that he’d forgotten existed. He sighed, if only things were simpler.
His first stop of the day was the general store. He knew that the general store would have the information he needed about the wagon train or at least some of it. Everyone went to the general store when they needed stuff like that or the saloon. But Ronan wasn’t in the mood for a trip to the saloon today, no matter what information he needed. Besides, it was not like the wagon train was a secret that he had to find through other means.
“Good morning. Can I help you?” the man in the general store asked as soon as Ronan stepped inside.
“Eddy, it’s been a long time.” Ronan forced a smile. He didn’t like Eddy. He hadn’t really liked anyone in this town. But for now, he had to set those feelings from the past aside.
“Well, if it isn’t Ronan. How long has it been?” Eddy’s smile spread across his face even as his eyes went up and down Ronan as if taking in the ways he’d changed since their last meeting.
Ronan was no longer the lanky young teen who came into the store at Mr. Herrin’s side with an uncertain in and out of the world look on his face.
“It is. I have a few questions about the wagon train and when it goes through San Antonio. I’ll also be needing some supplies. Do you think you can help with that?” Ronan didn’t spare time or breath on pleasantries. He had no desire to catch up with Eddy or make him a bigger part of his life than he already was.
“I- I suppose I do.” Eddy sighed, and for a moment, looked tired.
Ronan nodded curtly. He was going to do what he needed to get through his time in this town, and then he was going to leave, and after he left Elise where she wanted to go, he was never going to come back.
Chapter 7
The older couple was giving Elise strange looks again, and she didn’t like it one bit.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Elise? We remember when your father built this cabin, goodness, when you were born in this cabin,” Mrs. Smith said softly.
Elise blinked rapidly. “Yes. I’m sure. My father wanted me to go to California. I can’t … I can’t do that and leave the cabin all alone.”
The only thing that was worse than selling the cabin to someone who knew her and her father and how important it was to them was to leave the cabin abandoned where a stranger would eventually take up residence in it.
“If you ever want to visit, just to remember old times, or even if you want to buy it back one day …” Mr. Smith hesitated for a second. “Just come back and talk to us,” he finally said with a kind smile.
“Thank you, but I don’t think I will be coming back from California. It’s a long trip.” Elise looked over to where her wagon was waiting. She still needed to take it into town to make sure it was ready for the trip and fill it with supplies.
“Be safe, Elise. We would love to have you live with us if you wanted. But if you are set on going to California, we understand.”
Elise nodded, forcing her chin not to tremble. It was kind of the Smiths to offer, but she needed to find her own path in life. She needed to
do what she’d promised her father.
She gave the cabin one last look, not wanting to go inside again. It was empty. The ghosts of her father and their time together were fading, and that seemed even worse than the overwhelming feeling she’d had before of sadness filling her and taking over every single thought.
“Take care of it for us,” Elise said softly. She wasn’t sure if the Smiths heard her or not, but it didn’t matter. She knew them well, and she knew they would take good care of the home she had lived in her entire life.
She turned and walked away, hanging onto the bravery for dear life that threatened to slip away. Climbing into the wagon, she cracked the reins against the horses’ backs, and they were off. The wagon didn’t have hardly anything in it. She knew how important it was to take only the necessities to make the load light. She had heard enough stories about going in the wagon train to fill her heart with worry.
When Elise thought of everything she needed to prepare in the next few days, she felt the panic encroaching on her. She didn’t know how many supplies to buy, what sort of supplies they should be. She had a small but decent amount of money after selling everything. She had sold all of her father’s animals, his tools, and everything in the house.
She had only kept one small trunk of her most treasured possessions. She hoped that she had reduced enough and had enough money to purchase what she would need for the trip.
Since she had never been on a trip like this before, she had no experience to draw from. She thought of Ronan’s offer from two days before. She wasn’t about to trust him or let him near her again.
Ronan was not trustworthy. No one was, but Ronan was less trustworthy than most. He had broken her heart, her father’s heart, and probably anyone else who had come to care about him in his life.
She could still remember the shocked and then numb feeling she’d had when she realized he’d left, without saying goodbye, without telling her or her father that he was leaving. She had been a child, and she didn’t know what was happening or why he did it, but the pain was real. The feeling of betrayal and of losing her best friend, those things would stick with her forever.
Elise decided she would go to the general store first. Eddy had told her about the wagon train and how to get to it, and the basics. He could probably help her with what supplies she needed to buy.
When Elise stepped into the general store, she gave a look around and was once again overwhelmed by everything that she didn’t know. She was so distracted; she didn’t realize there was someone already at the front counter until she looked over and saw him.
Of all the people it could have been, there he was. Looking as sure of himself as ever, that smirk on his face and with those pools of confidence in his eyes.
“Good morning, Elise. How are you feeling today?” Ronan asked the question as if they were friends and as if she hadn’t yelled at him two days ago at her father’s funeral.
“I’m fine, thank you. What are you doing here?” Elise wasn’t interested, and she told herself she didn’t care. What she really wanted to ask was when was he leaving. There was something about the history between her and Ronan that made her not want to show him just how clueless she was about this entire trip that she was supposed to make to California.
“Not much, just talking with Eddy for a second. Catching up, you know? What about you? You can go ahead; I’ll wait.” Ronan motioned for her to speak with Eddy and request what she wanted.
The problem was that she didn’t know what she wanted.
“I- I brought the wagon. I just sold the house.” Elise was talking to Eddy, but she found herself glancing in Ronan’s direction. He was watching her intently. Sympathy and worry filled his eyes when she mentioned the cabin.
“I’m sorry to hear that. What can I get you?” Eddy pulled her attention to him.
“I don’t know.” Elise nearly mumbled the words. She didn’t know where to start. “I need supplies, enough to get me to California.”
Elise forced her eyes to stay forward. She didn’t want to look over at Ronan. Speaking honestly to Eddy in front of him was probably a huge mistake. It would only make Ronan think that she needed his help more than he already did, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. She didn’t need or want Ronan’s help. She wanted to be as far away from Ronan as possible.
There was an awkward silence for a few moments.
“I suppose I could try to calculate what you need. It will be around three months. But you can’t take too much of the heavy stuff, or you will never be able to keep up with the wagon train.”
“You should calculate supplies for two people,” Ronan spoke up. “I’ll pay for half.”
“No. One person. Ronan isn’t coming.” Elise could hear the annoyance in her voice and hoped that Ronan could hear it too.
“You know, I’ve already made the calculations. We will need enough food and some extra blankets. I can take the wagon over to the shop to get it fitted with a rain cover too.” Ronan’s voice was kind, and for a moment, Elise’s resolve threatened to break.
She looked over just as he slid a small piece of paper over to her. Scribbled with charcoal pencil were the amounts beside the names of the things she was supposed to get.
Flour, sugar, coffee, and a pile of other food items, that now that she looked at them, she knew were important. She read the other things on the list. Some were things she’d thought of, and others were things she would never have thought of.
Even so, she hesitated to take the list.
“Go on; it’s not like it will change anything.” Ronan’s eyes twinkled. He looked amused by her predicament of what to do.
Elise reached over and accepted the paper. It did change things. It made it look like she was accepting Ronan’s help, and she wasn’t sure if that was what she wanted to do. In fact, she was fairly certain that was what she didn’t want to do.
She finished reading the items off and then handed it to Eddy. “Everything that is on the list,” she said softly.
Eddy nodded, glanced between her and Ronan, and then disappeared to the back.
“See? That wasn’t so hard.” Ronan’s voice made Elise bristle. She wanted to leave the shop and wait in the wagon, but that would show Ronan just how much he was getting to her.
“What are you doing here, Ronan? I thought you would have left town by now. Isn’t that what you usually do?” Elise almost winced at the harsh tone of her voice. Why did she care that a look of hurt graced Ronan’s face for a brief moment?
“No, I didn’t leave town because I am waiting for you to do that. Then I will go with you, and when you are safely in California, then I can leave, and you will never have to see me again.” Ronan sounded sincere and serious, but Elise didn’t want to spend the next three months in close proximity with Ronan. Already, a few days was too much.
“You’re not coming with me to California.” Elise hoped that she sounded sure of herself.
“I don’t know. I might be. Maybe I will be on the same wagon train as you, and we’ll run into each other, and I will end up riding near your wagon. Not much you could do about that.” Ronan chuckled, and Elise got the feeling he was having fun.
“Why are you so insistent on this?” Elise asked. There was more than one reason that she didn’t want Ronan to come with her to California. She didn’t want to be a burden on anyone. Even though she had a rough past with Ronan, and that would be terribly difficult for her to get past, she didn’t want anyone taking her to California. She could manage on her own. She was a grown woman, after all.
Even if it was someone she got along better with, she would still turn them down. She wanted to do this on her own. She wasn’t about to drag anyone along with her.
A Long Way to Love: A Historical Western Romance Book Page 5