Dragonfly

by Leigh Talbert Moore

  He kissed me two more times, holding my face in his hands then looked into my eyes. “Don’t do that.”

  I was breathing hard. “Do what?”

  “I have a reason for ending this.” He lowered his hands. “My plans won’t change, and us spending time together… You’ll just get hurt.”

  “Why can’t you let me worry about that?”

  He shook his head. “I won’t do that. I like you. You’re pretty and smart, and if things were different, well, they would be different. But that’s all I can do.”

  My jaw clenched. I looked down at the sand, and he looked out at the water. He’d pushed me away, and yet here he was apologizing. I was furious, but when he kissed me, none of it mattered. All I wanted was more. He stood here, telling me I didn’t understand—and I didn’t. All of this was messed up and wrong, and I still wanted him.

  “Okay,” I said, catching my breath, grasping for anything to make sense. “Explain it to me, then. It’s been two weeks since you told me anything. What’s going to happen?”

  He glanced back at me, and I met his gaze. Then he sighed and looked down.

  “I only need two credits to graduate,” he said as we slowly started walking back to my stuff. “I don’t even have to go every day. I’ll take the exams and leave at Christmas. But I’m probably sticking closer. Going to Tulane with Lucy.”

  I nodded. “That’s good.”

  “I was never into the Ivy League. I’d rather stay near the water, my boat.”

  His boat. I thought back to the day he’d visited me here, that happy weekend. “I never got my sailing lesson,” I said quietly.

  He breathed a laugh. “Oh, man.”

  Even though my chest was still tight, we were both softening. We stood there for a moment, side by side, listening to the water.

  Finally he spoke. “I guess I did promise. Name the date, and I’ll take you out.”

  I shrugged. “What about Saturday? I’ve got to work at the paper all week.”

  “Right. Good luck with the new job.”

  I turned and lightly touched his arm. “Thank you. For coming here and apologizing. You could’ve let it go, but you didn’t.”

  He caught me by the waist and pulled me to him. My hands were on his shoulders, and I was very aware of every place our bodies touched. Then he kissed me, soft lips covering mine. My hands slid behind his neck, his hands slid to my lower back, and the last of my resistance dissolved.

  His lips moved to my ear. “You’re welcome,” he whispered.

  He released me and started back across the sand, and as I watched him go, I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t figure out any of it—him telling me no and then showing up here today, kissing me like that.

  He insisted we couldn’t be together, that I’d get hurt. But maybe I could prove him wrong, show him I was strong enough for his family. My lips tightened at the truth. I was no match for Jack’s family. I wasn’t even strong around him. I wasn’t able to fight how my body responded to him, that heat low in my stomach when he kissed me.

  But he’d come here because he was worried about me. That had to mean something. Maybe if we kept spending time like this, he would change his mind on his own. Did I want that? I was afraid to commit to an answer with everything in me still humming from his kiss.

  Instead, I thought about good journalism schools near the water. I’d never considered Tulane, but maybe I’d do a little research, maybe send them an application. Just to see what would happen—not committing to anything. After all, Lucy and I were friends. She’d probably like it if we were together, and I’d be closer to Mom and Dad.

  He was at the top of the dunes when he looked back and waved one last time. I waved, considering my alternate plan.

  Chapter 15

  I loved working at the city paper. Even if I was only an intern, it made me feel like I was doing something important, moving into my profession, becoming a newswoman. It helped me forget about my ridiculous personal life. Here, I was doing something important, finding the truth, helping creating a historical record.

  Nancy Riggs, my editor, was a cool boss—very laid-back and easy to work with. The county bicentennial was coming up, and she wanted me to help her collect photographs and old clippings for a big tabloid insert she was planning. She also wanted me to help her with regular flashback features leading up to the event, so part of my job was combing through the archives and pulling old images and stories about South County when there was nothing but farms and dirt roads everywhere. It was amazing to see familiar places looking so primitive, and I was usually in the office way later than I was scheduled to work digging through the dusty old files.

  The week passed quickly, and I did my best to avoid bumping into Julian at school. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see him after what had happened at the birthday party. Not that I was embarrassed, more I felt the need to put some distance between us for now.

  Lucy was thrilled with the ring he’d made her, and she was smiling a little more in class every day. Her meetings with the counselor were helping, she said, and on Saturday, when I arrived for my sailing lesson, she was running around her kitchen buzzy and excited. I was pretty buzzy and excited myself as I put my bag on the counter top. Then I saw she was packing a lunch.

  “What’s up with the brown bag?” I asked.

  “Well, you’ll be glad to hear your little speech about volunteering had some unexpected benefits!”

  “You’re volunteering?” My eyebrows rose. “Where?”

  “Months Bay,” she said. “They have this program where you can help with dune restoration and get credit. But they do other things—monitoring sea turtle nests, stuff like that. For conservation. I volunteered to help find and label nests.”

  “Hey, that’s cool, and it sounds like fun.”

  “It is, and guess who else is there earning college credit?” She grinned.

  “I have no idea.”

  “B.J.”

  I couldn’t help laughing. “You found him?”

  “It was a total coincidence,” she leaned on the bar looking so much like her old self. “He’s majoring in marine biology or coastal restoration or something, and he’s getting credit for working at the reserve. He’s also helping me learn the ropes, and of course I need lots of additional assistance because I’m just having the hardest time remembering directions.”

  We giggled, but she stopped and frowned, looking at my navy tank, cargo capris, and Chucks.

  “What? What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “First, Skipper, you can’t wear those shoes. Only light-colored soles on the boat. And you’re going to freeze to death in that tank. I’ll loan you one of my windbreakers.”

  “Thanks, Barbie.”

  She ran up the stairs and returned with a pair of boat shoes and a nylon hooded jacket.

  “See if these fit, and if they do, you can have them. I don’t care if I ever sail again.”

  “Why not?”

  She poked out her tongue. “Makes me nauseous. And don’t let Jack show off the whole time. Just because he was born on a boat doesn’t mean he has the right to annoy you to death with it.”

  “But… if he was born on a boat, wouldn’t that mean you were born…” I teased.

  “Figuratively, Anna. That’s one gene we do not share.”

  I smiled and slipped my foot in the shoe. It fit, so I walked out to put my others in the car. Turning back, I saw Jack coming out the door to meet me gorgeous as always and appropriately dressed in a long-sleeved tee and light pants with Sperrys. I was glad I saw Lucy first. He put his jacket in the Jeep and walked over to me.

  “Ready to go?” He smiled and my heart beat faster.

  I wasn’t sure what to expect from today—if it would be just friends or something more. If he was only keeping his word, or if I was even strong enough for this… It was too late now. I had to be.

  “Yep!” I said. “And I looked up knots online, so I’m also ready to tie her up!”


  We climbed into the Jeep for the short trip to the marina. Before long we were on the crystal blue water, the wind pushing into the tall sails that drove us forward. We put in at Lost Bay headed east, with a plan to sail around the point and back again.

  After we’d set a course, Jack went to the rear of the boat and motioned for me to sit beside him. The wind was strong and it was cold on the water, so I sat close to his side.

  “I can’t believe I didn’t go over the safety precautions before,” he said. “You might want to consider a better teacher.”

  “I think you’re doing just fine,” I smiled, reaching up to smooth the line in his brow. “We were just getting acquainted first trip.”

  “So you like it?”

  “I love sailing!” I pulled my jacket around my bent knees trying to get warmer. “And you’ve been doing this since you were little? I mean, I saw that picture in your room—you looked ten.”

  “I was about ten when Dad started driving me to Fairview to do stuff with the yacht club. They let kids join even if their parents aren’t members, and they have regattas. Dad was friends with the commodore, and he showed me different tricks. But the best part, which you would love,” he said tugging one of my curls, “was the stories, the history of sailing in our area. It’s really neat.”

  “Your dad knows everyone,” I said, looking out at the horizon and thinking about his father. “He grew up here, right?”

  “Graduated Fairview High School.”

  “That’s so weird. He’s so distant now.”

  Jack shrugged. “He works a lot. And I guess after Mom died, he didn’t feel like being involved in the community.”

  “Do you ever talk about it?” I studied his face. He shook his head, but didn’t say more.

  I looked away again, searching for a more neutral topic. “My mom said there are pirates around here.”

  “Well, not in the Sound, but if you go far enough out in the Gulf, you might run into them. I heard a shrimper say he was hit by some around Chandeleur. They took all his catch, his money, gas. He said he was lucky to get away with his boat.”

  “That settles it,” I said. “I’m sticking to the Sound.”

  “With the big sharks?”

  “I don’t plan on swimming.”

  He gave my knee a squeeze and adjusted the tiller to keep us on course.

  “So tell me about your boat.” I read the name. “Slip Away. How long have you had it?”

  He stretched back against the seat again. “Well, I’m not really into cars. The Jeep was William’s, and I’m fine driving it. I really just wanted a boat. And a micro cruiser’s a good size for small groups and shorter trips.”

  I looked at the shiny wood gleaming in the sunlight. The wind stretching the canvasses made a relaxing sound under the clear blue skies, and even if it was chilly, it was a gorgeous day to be out.

  “So you got it what? Two years ago?”

  “Yeah. I needed something bigger to take out around here. When I was at the yacht club, we used Sunfish, but they’re really too small to do anything other than cruise around in the Bay.”

  “I don’t know what a Sunfish is, but I love Slip Away.” I shivered.

  “A Sunfish is just a dinghy. They’re really small. Hey, we can go below if you’re getting cold. There’s no need to stay up here the whole time. I’ll drop the anchor and take a break.”

  I nodded. He smiled and loosened the mainsail. Then he let the small metal anchor drop into the dark waters. We went down into the small cabin that consisted of a table, a closet bathroom, and a bunk that filled what would be the front of the boat. Tiny slit windows looked out at the water.

  “Now you know how to sail,” he said. “Promise kept.”

  I nodded, my thoughts drifting to the bunk and how alone we were. “I’ll probably need more practice,” I said. “Is this my only trip?”

  “I told you I could do this every weekend, so whenever you have time.” I watched him slip off his jacket, and I did the same.

  “It’s cooler than I thought with the wind,” I said. “I’m glad Lucy gave me this.”

  We paused and studied each other for a moment, his eyes flickered behind me and then back to my face. “I’m usually alone out here. It’s pretty isolated.”

  “That’s what I was thinking.” My stomach was tight, and I took a step closer to him.

  But he took a step back. “I’ll head up.”

  “Wait—” I caught his arm and pulled. He didn’t need more encouragement.

  He held my waist, pulling me closer, and my hands fumbled to his cheeks. Our mouths crashed together, opened, and when our tongues met, a little noise gasped from my throat as that intense heat flared between us. My eyes were closed, and I barely noticed us fall back on the bunk, me on top with my legs straddling his waist. His hands were under my tank, on my sides, on my bare stomach. He was all around me, warm and ready, and my heart was beating so fast. In that moment, I was so happy. He was into it. He wanted us to be together. I rocked my hips into his, hoping for more of what we’d done in his room, but he caught my cheeks in his hands and held my face above his, looking into my eyes. We were both breathing fast.

  “Anna,” he said. “I want to do this. But it won’t change what I said. We’re still not together.”

  My eyes traveled from his blue ones up to his hair then down to his lips that had just been on mine. My body wanted him, all of him, but reading his expression and hearing his words, I knew it would be a mistake. I released a deep breath as I moved to the side, sitting next to him on the bunk.

  He sat up and turned away, running his hands through his hair. I watched as he grabbed his jacket and climbed back up the ladder, then I stepped over to the tiny bathroom and went inside.

  The light automatically switched on, and I bent over the sink, commanding myself not to cry. It didn’t work. My shoulders folded as tears flooded my eyes. But I inhaled deeply, fighting to stop. I could not fall apart out here with only him. I had to save some dignity.

  Several deep breaths, and I turned on the water, letting it run as I studied myself in the mirror, looking deep into my hazel eyes. What did I want? To change his mind? Was that even possible? And was I willing to fight for us when he wasn’t even convinced we should try?

  I couldn’t help my feelings, my desire for him, but I would never change his mind this way. I had to be the one who left him wanting more. Otherwise, I would always lose, and he would always walk away. It would be hard, but I had to be stronger around him. And wasn’t that my plan anyway? Stronger around him and his family?

  Then maybe, one day, things would be different. Maybe.

  I took another deep breath, touched up my face, and went back topside. The anchor was lifted and Jack had repositioned the sails. We were going again, back to the marina. Once everything was secured, he sat in his previous location, and I went back to sit beside him. But this time I didn’t get as close as before.

  “I’m sorry.” I said, trying to project a confidence I didn’t feel.

  His brow creased. “For what?”

  I hesitated. I was sure he knew I meant for coming onto him down below, but I decided not to go there. “I should’ve been up here helping. That’s why I’m here, right? And I never showed you my knots.”

  He relaxed and leaned forward in his seat. “I’ll let you tie her up.”

  Back at the East End Marina, I attached the boat to the pier with a clove hitch. The rabbit comes out of its hole, round the tree and back down the hole again.

  He smiled. “A-plus, Skipper.”

  Once the boat was secure in its lift, we drove back to his house. Standing in the driveway by my car, he stepped forward and gave me a hug. I held him for a moment, my heart clenched, then let him go. “So am I a sailor now or do I need another lesson?”

  “You need practice, but I think we’d better put that on hold until the weather changes.”

  I nodded, wondering if his words had a double meaning.

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  Back home in bed, I curled into a ball on my side and let the tears fall. In that moment, I made a vow to myself. From then on, I would be the strong one. No more games and humiliations. No more chasing him. I would focus on school and work and getting back in control. I’d turn the tables before it was all over, and who knew. Maybe one day Jack Kyser would be begging for me.

  Chapter 16

  As if to help me in my resolve, Jack was taken out of the class we shared and moved into an accelerated independent study. Now I only saw him at lunch when everyone gathered in the quad.

  Brad had gotten a brand-new cherry-red Camaro as an early birthday-Christmas present, and it was the talk of the school. I wasn’t the muscle car type, but I had to admit it was a slick ride and perfect for him. Rachel was thrilled, and even Julian had seemed impressed when Brad had wheeled it into the student lot.

  “We need to see what that baby can do.” Julian grinned, clapping hands with Brad as he straddled the concrete bench where we sat having lunch.

  “After tomorrow’s game, we’ll go down to the old beach road, and you can see what driving a new car feels like,” Brad said with his usual star-football-player swagger.

  Rachel walked up with Renee Barron and the two joined us.

  “What’s going on?” Rachel asked, sitting down in front of Brad. Jack was with us today as well, but he didn’t seem interested in the conversation. I was doing my best not to be interested in him. Time was passing, and though I still missed him, I was keeping my vow.

  “The guys want to pit the Camaro against Julian’s T-bird after the game tomorrow,” I said.

  “Won’t Julian’s car just blow up?” Rachel laughed, but Renee studied him.

  “Not cool, Blondie. Respect your elders,” Julian stood and flipped one of Rachel’s locks over her shoulder. “Besides, my car has seen way more action than that new toy.”

  Rachel frowned, “Did you get overheated in welding?”