Dragonfly

by Leigh Talbert Moore

  “Let me in,” he whispered, then kissed me. I frowned, not sure I understood. My confusion disappeared when his hands went under my skirt, adjusting my position as he found the line of my panties.

  My stomach clenched as I placed my hands on his shoulders. “Here?” I whispered, my forehead against his. I kissed the tip of his nose. “Can’t we go somewhere else?”

  He kissed my jaw, burning a trail to my cheek and covering my mouth again. He slid me forward against him, teasing me, before he pulled back. “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head. “I just… I kind of wanted my first time to be a little more… special.”

  Everything stopped.

  Jack leaned his head back against the head rest and closed his eyes. I watched his lips form a straight line as he moved his hands to my waist on top of my sweater, exhaling slowly.

  “What?” My voice sounded small to me.

  His eyes opened, blue crashing into hazel. “I’m sorry. I forget how young you are,” he said. “I’ll take you home.”

  “Home?” I repeated, confused. “That’s it?”

  He didn’t answer, and I climbed off his lap and moved across the Jeep, back to my side. My heart thudded as shame filled my chest. Anger followed close behind. I shouldn’t be ashamed, and I wasn’t that young. Pulling my knees up, I looked out the window as he turned the key. I didn’t speak as he drove us the short distance to my house.

  The moment the vehicle stopped moving, I jumped out and ran to my door. I quickly went inside and slammed it, turning the lock. All those good ideas, those goals I’d spent so much time working on were so quickly forgotten. I ran up the stairs to my bathroom and turned the water on full-blast before sliding to the floor. With my back against the cabinet, I kicked my leg out in front of me. I pounded my fists against the rug as the angry tears fell.

  He couldn’t make me feel this way if I didn’t let him. That’s what they always said, right? Pain twisted in my chest, and I cried harder, hugging my knees to my stomach.

  Why couldn’t I believe it? Why did I go running every time he crooked his finger my way only to be tossed aside again because I was too young or required too much effort or he didn’t have time. Was that me? Was I that weak?

  Oh, god. Tears drenched my cheeks, and I didn’t even try to stop them. But after a few moments, I helped myself up, avoiding my reflection in the mirror. I bent over and splashed cool water on my face, taking a rag and soaking it. Then I crossed the hall and crawled into bed.

  Chapter 19

  The strange thing about fall along the Gulf Coast was the flowers. Everywhere you looked impatiens and begonias were sporting happy blossoms. It was like spring all over again. Crepe myrtle trees were bursting with lavender, white, and all shades of pink. Encore azaleas were ablaze with color, and even the ubiquitous palms were showing the white blossoms at their hearts. And it was all shoved right up next to red, orange, and yellow nylon-leaf garlands and plastic jack-o-lanterns—things not found naturally in this area.

  After three years here, I still missed fall in the Midwest. I missed it being frosty every morning by now and the cool sweater weather that made scary movies so much more fun to watch. I missed hot cider at apple orchards and low humidity. The only problem was that back home sweater weather soon turned into heavy coat weather, and it lasted months longer than everyone wished it would. And we never had blazing azaleas in the Midwest or miles of turquoise waters crashing on sugar-white sands.

  The last two days had felt like two years with me trying not to think about Jack, trying to suppress my blazing cheeks the few times I did. He sent a few texts that remained unread, and his one call was sent to voicemail. I didn’t want to read an apology if that was what he was offering, and I couldn’t hear his voice. If he was saying anything else, it would only make it worse.

  My thoughts were miles away when I heard the friendly voice calling my name. Only one voice was able to cut through it all. One person could make me forget that pain like a warm massage to the heart. I looked up and Julian was crossing the parking lot in the direction of my car. Black trousers, white oxford, shaggy dark head, as usual. Only today his left sleeve was rolled to the elbow above his cast.

  “Wait up—I have something to show you,” he called.

  He appeared very much back to normal, cute as ever, and pulling a white bundle from his back pocket.

  “Hey,” I said as he got closer. “You’re looking much better.”

  “Ribs have eased up a lot,” he smiled and my shoulders relaxed. I leaned against the car, and he stood in front of me unrolling the paper.

  I watched his progress curiously. “What is it?”

  “This.” He held it open, and I almost squealed. It was my ring! I forgot everything as my book bag slid to the ground

  “Oh, look at it!” I cried softly. “It’s so beautiful!”

  It was shining silver with a tiny, rainbow-sparkling dragonfly across the center. I reached forward to touch it carefully.

  “I wanted it to fit you,” he watched my face as I studied it.

  I lifted the delicate piece. “How did you make it sparkle?”

  “Mom gave me a few crystal beads, and I ground them down and mixed them with the silver. I was just experimenting, but it paid off, I think.”

  My eyes went to his. “I love it.”

  He took my hand and slipped his unique creation on my right middle finger, seeming very pleased. A lump was in my throat.

  “There you go,” he said, still holding my hand.

  “But don’t you need it to show? Maybe you could just dedicate it to me like a book or something.”

  “I told you, I’ll borrow it when I go for my interview,” he said. “But it’s yours. I want you to keep it.”

  I couldn’t stop looking at my hand, tilting it in the light and watching the sparkles. Julian grinned watching me.

  “I’m supposed to be at the paper office. Otherwise,” I hesitated. “I don’t know.”

  “Are you coming to the hay maze with everybody tomorrow?”

  “Yeah!” I looked up at his face. His eyes flickered to my mouth and then up again.

  “Go with me?”

  Just then I remembered—and I knew why Jack had probably called me. I looked down, that weight back in my stomach. “I invited Jack to come along. I think he’s picking me up.”

  Julian poked his lips out and nodded. “I get it.”

  “It’s not like—”

  “No worries. I’ll see you there.” He touched my chin with his finger. “Later. Oh, and have fun at the paper, cubby.”

  “Thanks, Julian.” I watched him go, releasing the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. This tension was killing me. I needed to check my phone.

  * * *

  When I got home that night, Mom was in the kitchen stirring a pot of what looked like yellow soup. An oval baking dish sat on the counter, and inside were layers of vanilla wafers and bananas.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “I’m trying to make a banana pudding,” she frowned. “Nana sent me the recipe.”

  “Banana pudding? That’s new. What’s it for?”

  “We’re helping with the hay maze fundraiser, and they want to do a dessert auction. You get the release I sent over?”

  “You sent that? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t want to bias your cute little newsy nose,” Mom grinned. “Did you send it on?”

  “I sure did. And I’ve got a group of friends going tomorrow for the thriller maze.”

  “It’s going to be a hoot,” she chuckled. “Rain Hawkins is getting a bunch of the coaches together. They’ve got a chainless chainsaw, fake blood. I think the Catman is supposed to make an appearance.”

  “Catman?” I frowned.

  “Half-man, half-wildcat. Local legend.”

  “Hey, speaking of that, how old were you when Nana and Pop-pop moved to Indiana?”

  “Huh? Oh, I was just finishing elementary s
chool, I guess. Why?”

  “We were digging through the archives at work. Nancy’s working on the bicentennial insert, and she found some old pictures of Ms. LaSalle when she was a senior in high school.”

  “No kidding,” Mom said, thinking. “We’ve got some of her old paintings in the hotel, you know. She should send a photographer over.”

  “Funny you said that. That’s exactly what she wants to do. I’m supposed to find out when would be a good time.”

  “Any time. Tell her to call me, and we’ll set something up.”

  “Did you know any of those guys before you left?”

  “Alex LaSalle? I knew of her. There never have been that many full-time residents here. But we were all kids when I left.”

  “Did you know Jack’s dad?”

  “I doubt it,” she said. “What’s the sudden interest?”

  “Nothing. I was just wondering.” I poked her in the side. “Remember to answer the phone.”

  I thought about Mr. Kyser and Ms. LaSalle at the hospital. I wished I could remember what all they’d said to each other. They’d said they were just old friends, but it was obvious they had more of a connection. What did it mean? I was dying of curiosity, and it seemed like a harmless way to get my mind off boy troubles. Of course, I had no intention of ever doing anything with the information or telling anyone. I was simply following Gabi’s advice and focusing on work. Doing a little off the record snooping—just for me.

  Chapter 20

  The thriller hay maze was even bigger than the advertisement had made it sound. Giant speakers blasted spooky noises and eerie music across the grounds, and the place was jammed with groups of teenagers and families with younger kids. Twilight, the crisp air, and screams erupting every few moments from inside the maze created the perfect late-fall adrenaline rush.

  Jack didn’t say a word about our previous date night or how it had ended when he picked me up, and I wasn’t going there. Every time I thought of his expression, how he’d shut down and shut me out, my stomach twisted with shame, which I also knew was stupid.

  The upside was these feelings drowned out my frustrating desire for him. I’d returned his text simply verifying what time he could pick me up, and the radio precluded any conversation on the short drive to the pasture off the old county road. I was back to our previous agreement. We were only friends. Nothing more.

  We arrived just in time to see Rachel and Brad, wearing orange and black fleece jackets and scarves. They walked over to meet us, and further in I saw Julian looking over the silent auction table. He was dressed in jeans and a dark blue shirt under a brown tweed blazer. His dark hair was tossed to the side, and a small smile touched my lips until I saw he was holding hands with Renee. Then I frowned. I hadn’t realized he’d go back to her after we’d talked. Not that I had any right to be mad.

  She was dressed in a tight sweater and jeans, and she whispered something in his ear. He smiled and walked away. Then she waved to Rachel, who grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the silent auction area. Each item had a little card beside it to hold the handwritten bids, and I saw a small metal figure that looked like a miniature version of Julian’s runner. My finger lightly touched the band of the dragonfly ring hidden under my glove. So far I hadn’t taken it off except to bathe and wash my face.

  “Hey, Rach! I’m so glad you guys are here,” Renee said. “We can go through the maze together. It’s supposed to be really scary.”

  “Chicken?” Rachel laughed. “Who set it all up?”

  “Mr. Hawkins donated the land, and he got some of the guys from the ranch to help.”

  Rain Hawkins was one of the few farmers left in South County, and one of Renee’s relatives owned a horse ranch in Midlind.

  “Is that one of Julian’s sculptures?” I asked pointing to the small runner.

  “Yeah, I put that together to help out,” Julian said, handing a bag of popcorn to Renee.

  “Oh, hey,” I said, trying to be casual. “I like it.”

  “Make a bid,” he grinned. “I know I’ve spoiled you, but it’s for a good cause.”

  “Spoiled me?” I frowned. “What…”

  “You like something, I make it for you.” He smiled, and I looked down again quickly.

  “Oh, right,” I said.

  “What did Julian make for you?” Renee asked.

  I noticed Jack and Brad walking toward us. “Looks like we’re ready to start,” I said, ignoring her.

  “One of those Helen Freed pieces.” Julian said taking Renee’s hand and pulling her toward the entrance. “Who’s ready to get lost?

  “Didn’t somebody see the Catman sneaking around this field?” Brad teased.

  “Shut up, Brad.” Renee put a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

  “Somebody’s about to be screaming,” Brad sang out.

  We handed over our tickets and started into the maze. Renee and Rachel were giggling nervously as we walked, waiting for something to happen. Jack held out his arm to me, and I took it, not minding a little temporary protection, regardless of the source.

  It was cooler inside the maze, and the height of the walls made it darker as well. Huge spotlights lit certain portions of the grid, but some corners were almost completely dark. Those were the tense spots, where you could feel the actors lurking, waiting to scare you. It was all in good fun, but I was glad we were going through it as a group.

  We rounded the first corner, and from the shadows, I felt the swish of air as something ran toward us from behind. Rachel screamed as a fur-clad figure snarled at her. We scattered in six different directions, screaming and laughing. It was terrifying, and I couldn’t stop giggling. I ran as hard as I could from our grisly pursuer, thinking someone was with me, but after several turns, I stopped running and looked around. I was alone. Great.

  I walked slowly through the dim-lit stacks, straining my ears for familiar voices. I thought I heard Rachel off to my right, and I followed the sound. But as I rounded the corner, it was a shadowy dead end. I doubled back and listened again. It sounded like they were just on the other side of the hay wall, and I started running straight ahead. My heart was thudding when the passage opened. I could go right or left. I waited and listened, and once again, I felt the swish of air as a figure came up behind me. I spun around ready to scream, but it was only Julian.

  “Hey,” he said low in my hair, as his hands found my sides.

  “Julian!” I laughed, hugging him in relief. He smiled and pulled me into a shadowy corner. “I hate being alone in these things, and I thought you were—”

  He leaned in and cut me off with a kiss. My heart had been racing from the fright and the running, but now it was flying for a different reason. Instinctively, I pulled him closer, not wanting to let him go, and he held me tighter in response.

  This time his kiss was not a question, it was a demand, and the part of me I’d been pushing down for weeks came rushing up to meet him. My arms were around his neck, and I slipped my fingers into his hair. I felt his lips curve into a smile against mine, and our mouths opened, tongues touched, and electricity raced to my toes. It was hot and breathtaking, and everything I’d expected returning Julian’s kiss to be like. His uncasted arm circled my waist, holding me strong against his body, then he lifted his head to look into my eyes.

  We were both breathing fast. Neither of us spoke, we only smiled, a little amazed and unable to look away. He leaned forward to kiss me again, and once more I kissed him back, open-mouthed and eager. Hungry. I felt confident and strong, and I didn’t want to stop ever. He held me back against the scratchy hay wall, and my hands moved from his shirt to his shoulders and then his neck. I wanted to touch his skin. I wanted to pull him closer. I wanted to feel his skin against mine.

  His lips moved to my jaw then my chin, and without thinking, I murmured his name. I dropped my face against his neck, inhaling deeply the faint scent of his cologne mixed with the straw all around us. We were swirling in a dizzying wave of adrenaline u
ntil I heard voices coming toward us.

  As if waking from the most amazing dream, I opened my eyes and reluctantly stepped away, out of Julian’s arms.

  “I think I heard them over here!” Renee ran up and stopped short, the laughing others close behind her.

  I turned away and tried to pick the hay fragments out of my hair. There was no denying what we’d just done, and I didn’t know what to say. Going after another person’s date wasn’t cool, and it wasn’t the reputation I was after, even if it was for Julian.

  “Hey, Renee.” Julian said, clearing his throat.

  “What’s up, Date? You know, you really should try a different shade of lipstick with your complexion.” Her tone was sarcastic.

  “I was considering a Goth phase. You say no?” Julian wiped his mouth. Jack appeared with Rachel and Brad close behind.

  “Do what you want, Julian. You always do.” Renee walked back toward Rachel, who was staring at me.

  “Anna, you okay?” Jack came over and took my arm, turning me around. I looked up at him, trying to smile, but I only succeeded in looking sheepish. He hadn’t given me any reason to guard his feelings, but still. This wasn’t who I wanted to be.

  “I… I guess I ran the wrong way,” I said quietly. “Julian found me.”

  Jack frowned. “Your lipstick’s smudged.”

  I couldn’t speak.

  His lips formed that line again. “C’mon. I know the way out.”

  He took my hand and led me away from the group. I could hear our friends’ low voices as we made our way through the remainder of the maze and away from them. Jack stayed ahead of me, walking with controlled determination. I could tell he was angry, which made me angry, but I followed him past group after group of screaming teenagers being chased by costumed adults. When we reached the exit, he kept walking in the direction of the parking lot.

  “Are we leaving?” I asked.

  He didn’t answer as I followed him to the Jeep.

  “I’m headed back,” he said. “It’s your choice—you can catch a ride with those guys if you want to stay.”