The Baseball

by Zack Hample

  Asking for help—If you don’t know a player’s name, ask the fans around you to help identify him. Warning: if the other fans are trying to get a ball from him too, they might not tell you.

  Hide your balls—Don’t celebrate after catching balls during BP. If any player sees you with a ball, he definitely won’t give you another. Along these lines, if you’ve already snagged three balls, don’t let the ushers hear you begging for a fourth (unless they see you giving balls to kids, which is always a nice thing to do).

  Fan interference—When you’re about to catch a ball, don’t stand back passively and wait for it to come to you. Lean forward and reach all the way out for it in order to prevent other fans from snatching it.

  Airmail—When two guys are playing catch perpendicular to the stands, position yourself directly behind them in case there’s an overthrow. If you happen to catch one, they might ask you to toss it back so they can finish throwing. Do it. They won’t forget about you, and in the meantime it’ll feel great to watch major league players using your ball.

  Second chances—Balls that get thrown into the crowd don’t always stay in the crowd. If half a dozen fans reach for a ball and collectively bobble it back onto the warning track, the player who tossed it will probably give them another chance. Run over there and get in on the action. (Always get as close to the balls as possible. If you’re standing in straightaway left field and a ball rolls to the wall in left-center, move near it. Sometimes that’s all it takes—not being the youngest or prettiest or biggest fan, but simply standing in the right spot.)

  Don’t worry if your hand-eye coordination isn’t great. Players are perceptive about these things. They’ll gauge your athleticism and throw the ball accordingly. They might toss it gently from a short distance or roll it in your direction if you’re standing in a spot where the railing is low, or they might even walk over and place the ball in your glove.

  DON’T BE ANNOYING

  A funny thing happened at Minute Maid Park in 2005. It was ten minutes before game time, Astros shortstop Adam Everett was playing catch along the right-field foul line, and in addition to me, there was only one other fan with a glove—a middle-aged man with tight jeans and a mustache who screamed for the ball every time Everett caught it. Meanwhile, I politely asked Everett if I could have it when he was done. That’s all it took. Everett appreciated that I understood that he was actually using the ball (what a concept!) and threw it to me before jogging off the field. “Oh, man!!!” shouted the other fan as if he were the unluckiest guy in the world.

  The moral of the story? Don’t be annoying.

  Baseball can’t be played without balls—the players have to keep some for themselves—so be patient and strategic. If the third baseman is fielding fungoes, don’t ask him for a ball every time he catches one. Wait until the batter hits an extra grounder his way, and then ask. If several pitchers are shagging balls in the outfield, wait until a ball rolls nearby before calling out to them. And if you’re going to ask while two players are throwing, you better request the ball when they’re done.

  No matter when you ask for a ball, there’s no need to use the word “Mister” in your request. Players, for the most part, prefer to interact with the fans on an informal basis, so call them by their first names or their nicknames. Don’t whistle at them or call out their uniform numbers or shout their last names. It won’t work. Don’t bother telling them that it’s your first game, or that they’re on your fantasy team, or that your mother is in the hospital with some incurable disease. That won’t work either, even if it’s true.

  TAILOR YOUR REQUEST TO THE SITUATION

  When you first enter the stadium, you probably won’t need to be too creative when asking for a ball. You might not even need to say anything. In some cases, simply pounding your glove and holding it up (as if you’re giving a target) will do the trick. But when it’s crowded and noisy, or if you’re dealing with a player who’s ignoring everyone, you’ll need to find some way, however silly or offbeat, to get inside his head.

  In the mid-1990s, it was nearly impossible to get a ball from the Astros. For whatever reason, the entire team was unbelievably stingy, so one day, when all the pitchers headed toward left field to play catch, I called out to reliever Todd Jones and asked, “Is there any possible way to get a ball from you guys? What would it possibly take to make that happen?”

  “I’ve never been asked like that before,” he said. “You know what? Just for that, I’m gonna get you one.”

  Years later, I found myself trying unsuccessfully to convince the Dodgers’ equipment manager to spare one of the hundred or so balls that he was slowly transferring to a zippered bag after BP. I figured that because of his relatively low rank with the team, he probably wasn’t supposed to give balls away, and because of his job description, he was hyperaware of their condition—so I came up with a request that covered everything.

  “There’s gotta be a really dirty ball in there,” I finally said. “I don’t want a new one. I want the ugliest ball you got. I want the ugliest ball you’ve ever seen. There’s gotta be a ball so ugly that it’s a disgrace to the entire Los Angeles Dodgers organization, and it would be my pleasure to take it off your hands.”

  The guy fought back a smile and eventually flipped a ball to me—proof that anyone can be cracked.

  Here are some other ways to tailor your request to the situation:

  Shhhhh!!!—Ask more politely when it’s quiet. Begin by saying, “Excuse me,” and follow it with a question like, “Is there any chance that you could throw me the ball, please?” If the player doesn’t look up, don’t repeat your entire request. Wait a few moments and then just say his name.

  Keep talking—If it’s crowded and the player is standing nearby, don’t yell his name and wait for him to look up. Everyone will be shouting at him for different reasons. The autograph collectors will want him to sign. People with cameras will want him to pose. Someone might even be trying to get his phone number, so be loud and make your entire request at once.1 He’ll hear you.

  Long distance—When a player is standing far away from you, try yelling, “Let’s see the gun!” or simply, “Reach me!” (Remember to personalize your request by using his first name.)

  Age factor—If you’re with a kid, make sure the players know it. Shout, “How ’bout a ball for this young man right here?” or, “This little girl would really love to have a baseball.” If you’re old enough to be a parent, but you’re at the game by yourself, ask the players if they can “spare a ball for a big kid.” (If you can’t hide your age by crouching down and raising your voice, you might as well embrace it.)

  Be a fan—If you’re dying to get a ball from a particular player, tell him how much it would mean to you. Say that you love how he plays the game. Wear his jersey. Make a sign with his name on it and hold it up during BP.

  When you ask for balls and the players say no, you might be able to get them to change their minds if you’re persistent and friendly. At a game at Camden Yards in 2006, I ran to the right-field seats as soon as the gates opened and asked Orioles pitcher Kurt Birkins for the first ball he fielded.

  “They’ll hit plenty of ’em your way,” he said as he fired it back toward the infield. “Don’t worry.”

  “Yeah, but within a few minutes this place is gonna be overrun by munchkins.”

  “Ya gotta overpower ’em!” he shouted. “You’re big! You can do it!”

  “C’mon, Kurt,” I said, “hook me up before this place gets crazy.”

  A minute later, the batter hit a deep fly ball that one-hopped the wall in front of me. Birkins jogged over, scooped it up, and tossed it to me.

  Don’t forget that baseball players are human beings. They can get bored too, especially during BP when they’re standing around shagging balls for the 12th day in a row. Engage them in conversation. Ask them if they want to play catch. Ask them to show you their changeup or knuckleball. Tell them you’re “going deep” and then run up
the steps like a wide receiver waiting for a pass. When it’s crowded and the players are being bombarded with generic requests, you need to stand out. Offer to get them something to eat or drink. Seriously, you never know. I once saw a fan at the old Yankee Stadium trade two gigantic cannoli (from a famous bakery) to a player on the visiting team for two baseballs.

  WHERE TO GO AND WHEN TO BE THERE

  It’s pretty simple. If you want to get baseballs from the players, you need to be near them—not just when they’re standing around in the outfield during batting practice but at all times. Any one of them can give you a ball, and if they don’t have one, they can get one. It doesn’t matter if they’re signing autographs near the photographers’ box, eating sunflower seeds in the bullpen, or walking slowly off the field. Be there. Follow them. No exceptions.

  The home team always takes BP first, but before they start hitting, they stretch and run and play catch in the outfield on their side of the stadium—most likely the right-field side. If the gates open at least two and a half hours early and BP hasn’t yet started, find a spot in the seats along the foul line. Meanwhile, the coaches (who are just as likely to toss balls into the crowd) might also play catch in front of the dugout. If that happens, go wherever it’s less crowded.

  Approximately 90 minutes before game time, the home team clears the field. Make sure you’re already in the front row behind their dugout. With so many players and coaches heading your way, you might get two or three balls in a 30-second span, but don’t waste time admiring them. The visiting team will already be playing catch in the outfield—most likely along the left-field foul line. Hurry out there and get the players’ attention before they finish. If you don’t, they might end up chucking the balls toward the bucket in shallow center field.

  The Red Sox playing catch at Camden Yards. (Photo Credit 11.2)

  When two guys play catch, they always start close together, then move farther apart (to stretch out their arms by long-tossing) before bringing it back in. Study their body language to determine when they’re going to finish. If one of them holds up three fingers, that means he’ll be making three more throws; a flick of the wrist means he’s about to make his final throw. If the players start throwing knuckleballs or any other goofy pitches, it’s a sign that they’ll soon be wrapping it up.

  Batting practice usually ends 40 to 50 minutes before game time, and when it does, you need to be in the front row behind the visiting team’s dugout. Don’t wait to run over there until you see the players jogging off the field. You won’t make it in time. Head to the dugout with a few minutes to spare; you’ll know BP is about to end when the groundskeepers are standing near home plate. (They’ll be waiting to break down the cage and prepare the field for the game.) Always ask the coaches for baseballs, even if it appears that they have none. One of them could have a ball hidden in his back pocket.

  When I first started attending games, the players regularly took infield/outfield practice after BP, followed occasionally by a quick round of pepper down the foul line. It was great. The snagging opportunities kept on coming. Nowadays, unfortunately, once the last BP pitch crosses the plate, that’s it—but don’t be too quick to bolt for the concourse. Look for baseballs that might be hiding somewhere. If you see one tangled in the L-screen, get one of the groundskeepers to free it for you. If you discover one wedged behind the rolled-up tarp, ask an on-field security guard for some help. Check all the nooks and crannies—the flower beds near the bullpens, the gaps behind the outfield walls, and the area in front of the batter’s eye. If you manage to point out a ball that someone on the field doesn’t see, there’s a great chance he’ll give it to you.

  Once your scavenger hunt concludes, you’ll have about 20 minutes of free time before the players come back out. Use it wisely. Get your eating and peeing out of the way first. Take some photos for your blog, chat up the ushers, look for ticket stubs, wander all over the place, familiarize yourself with the stadium, and make your way back to the seats behind the visiting team’s dugout. (There are just as many snagging opportunities on the home team’s side, but it’s more crowded.) When the players start throwing, try to predict which one of them will end up with the ball—usually it’s the guy with more major league experience—and then move toward his end of the dugout. The first baseman, as a general rule, won’t toss you his ball because he’ll soon need it to warm up the infielders, but it doesn’t hurt to ask.

  The dugout is not your only pregame option, so don’t worry if you can’t make it down into that section. Several guys usually play catch (and then sign autographs) along the foul line in shallow left field, and the starting pitcher always throws near the bullpen. He won’t give away his ball until after he finishes warming up in the pen, and even then he might hang on to it. He might tuck it in his glove when he starts walking back across the field, and when he returns to the dugout, he might toss it into the crowd, so keep your eye on him. You should always pay attention. Any ball you see can potentially end up in your hands.

  IF IT RAINS

  Players are more likely to reward you with a baseball for standing out in the rain like a putz. That’s the good news. The bad news is that there won’t be batting practice, but don’t stay home just because it’s wet outside. The stadium will still open early, and as long as it’s not pouring, the players will still come out and throw. Tell them you were hoping to get a ball during BP and then ask for one as a consolation prize. They’ll hear you. There won’t be nearly as many fans (or security guards), so the stadium will be quiet and laid-back. After the players finish throwing, they won’t have much to do. Some of them might stick around and talk to the fans and sign autographs. Later on, if there’s a delay during the game, you’ll get a bonus snagging opportunity when the players come back out to warm up all over again. Don’t use an umbrella. It’ll slow you down. Just load up on vitamin C and wear a raincoat, and you’ll be fine.

  1 If you get really lucky, you might snag a baseball and a phone number at the same time. That’s what happened to a fan named Molly Ray at Safeco Field in May 2009. Mariners bullpen catcher Jason Phillips spotted her in the stands, wrote his phone number on a ball, got her attention, and tossed it to her. Thirteen months later, the two got married. In similar fashion, A’s ballboy Kevin Fennell attempted to make a love connection of his own in August 2010. He spotted a young woman in the stands named Jacki Lynch—and wooed her with a bouquet of baseballs. The 21-year-old Fennell, stationed along the left-field foul line, handed her four foul balls over the course of the game. Other fans grumbled about it, but the move paid off as the two made plans to meet for drinks the following week.

  CHAPTER 12

  THE GAME ITSELF

  WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

  It’s much harder to snag a ball during a game than during batting practice, but it’s probably not as hard as you think. Let’s say the paid attendance is 30,000. And let’s say 30 foul balls reach the seats. What does that mean? That your odds of catching one are 1 in 1,000?

  Uh, no.

  Your odds are way better than that. Think about all the fans who won’t be competing with you. For starters, there’ll be thousands of people sitting well beyond foul ball range; at many stadiums, balls never reach the upper deck, so you can forget about anyone who sits there. Then there will be thousands more who don’t even bring their gloves, so you can pretty much forget about them too. Of course, most fans who do bring gloves are too young to judge the trajectory of foul balls or too uncoordinated to catch them. And finally, at any given moment, there will be hundreds (if not thousands) of fans who aren’t in their seats. They might be standing in line at a concession stand or browsing for souvenirs in the team store or testing their arms at the Speed Pitch booth or making their way toward the bathroom or fighting rush-hour traffic. Naturally, you don’t need to worry about these people either. Don’t worry about anything. Think happy thoughts. The odds are not insane. And when you start planning strategically (and factor in all the game-used
balls that get tossed into the crowd), they’ll become even better.

  FOUL BALL THEORY

  Have you ever seen a batter hit back-to-back foul balls to totally different sections? You know what I’m talking about, right? He’ll bloop one into the seats behind the first-base dugout, then jerk the next pitch 430 feet into the second deck down the left-field line—and leave every fan in between thinking, “WTF!!!”

  Foul balls appear to be random and unpredictable. They tend to fly all over the place. It’s why everyone assumes they’re so hard to catch—and can you blame them? How the hell are you supposed to position yourself in the right spot when luck seems to be the guiding factor?

  I’ll tell you how, but you’re gonna have to pay extra-close attention. It’s a complicated three-part process, but I promise it’ll be worth it. It’s the crux of Foul Ball Theory—20 years’ worth of my expertise—boiled down to 237 words. Here we go.…

  •Step 1—Draw an imaginary line from the left fielder through home plate and back into the stands. Although foul balls can land anywhere, right-handed batters hit lots of them in this particular direction. Balls hardly ever fly straight back; they deflect off the bat at an angle, so you should never sit directly behind home plate. To find the best angle for lefties, draw the line through the plate from the right fielder.