by Mark McCoy
In the second stage, after your dick is wet and you’re starting to be happy, she has to work on the top part of it with her hand. Gently but in control. In addition to the movements of going up and down, there’s also an art in the circular motion. And there is an understanding that the ultimate pleasure point is one eighth of an inch below the top of the penis. This is the moment when you need to surrender to the touch of magic. The flutter of a determined butterfly.
Then the third stage comes into play: she leans down and starts sucking your balls. She can suck just one of them (if they both aren’t clean and fragrant, you’ll have to deal with me). Now, we’re in a combo movement: the hand moving skillfully on the dick, the mouth wrapping and sucking the balls. Note: she can play with them, eat them or lick them, but in principal, she needs to suck them. And she doesn’t just suck them, she sucks them like a baby sucking a nipple. If milk doesn’t come out, he’s going to be hungry. You can lift your legs to make things easier on her. You can place a pillow underneath. Yes, exactly as you do when you go down on her (you don’t go down on her?! Come with me now, we’re going to make you familiar with the interrogation room right away).
Now I’m going to share something with you, dear readers. Right now, while I sit on a Catamaran sailing ship with a bottle of perfect Montrachet, across from the Greek islands, in the final stages of editing, I discovered that my dear publisher removed, right here at the end, a really serious paragraph.
I called him. He says it’s too much (“If I wasn’t comfortable with what was written, what will the readers say?”). I heard his wife whispering to him on the other end of the phone and understood that on weekends at their place, in Vermont, she’ll look at me like a disgusting pervert. I gave up. I guess I’m getting old.
So, just so you know, for the perfect blow job, one thing is still missing. You don’t have to compromise. Find it yourself.
You Can’t Choose your Family
A few general rules for relationships with parents All four of them
Who am I to tell you how to deal with parents? To this day, I find it difficult to believe that I’m a father. And don’t even ask how I behaved with my parents. Aside from that, I have no idea who your parents are, let alone her parents. But there is one thing that all of us have in common: parents are an issue. They pass on to us all of their faults, and want to fix all of their mistakes through us. So I’ll tell you a few things, and you decide which ones you want to put into practice.
Your parents
Stay in touch with them. Regularity and reciprocity are important. Pick up the phone every couple of days, let them know when you travel.
Don’t try to fix them. They’re not going to change. Remember what bothers you and try not to be like that yourself.
Take your father out for lunch, go with your mother to a concert. Invite the two of them to supper. In the restaurant, don’t run out of patience with them. Have a drink and relax. Be grateful that they have teeth.
Help them as much as you can. Morally, financially, technically. Don’t make a big deal out of helping them, don’t make a big deal out of it if you can’t.
The more the three of you age, don’t beat yourself up about things that don’t work. There’s nothing you can do. Let go of the guilt. The problem itself is enough.
When you’re with them, be with them. Don’t be silent. Don’t get lost in front of the TV. Tell, talk. About everything. Even things that are silly in your opinion.
If they like your spouse, great. If not, don’t try all the time to fix it. It’s bigger than you are. Don’t take sides. They are like grown-up children.
Don’t be angry about childhood wrongs. The main thing is awareness. A word is a word. You promise to visit on the weekend – visit. Respect them. For real.
Her parents
In the beginning, her father is your target (after all, you’re the man taking his daughter from her current man, which is him). Come in solid, worthy, pleasant. Show him that you respect her. Later, her mother is your main target. Invest in her. She’ll take care of everything. She’ll show you who your wife is.
Don’t agree to arrangements that don’t seem right for you from the start. For example, every month at her parents’ house. It’s possible, but set your limits.
Don’t let yourself be bullied. Be nice, considerate, helpful, but don’t kiss their ass for some imaginary inheritance .
Don’t talk with them about her behind her back. It starts crooked and ends badly.
Invite them to a restaurant once every few months. Every couple of times, invite your parents too.
Don’t just show up, eat her mother’s food, and then start reading the newspaper. Be present.
Don’t take their car. Unless it’s forever. And even then, think twice.
Don’t work at her father’s factory. If you do, you’ll end up working for him forever.
Show interest in them. Their relationship with their dear daughter is changing. Right now, they need you. Her father isn’t a youngster anymore. Invite him to go fishing, bowling, something.
Give her mother a compliment. Two delighted people at one time.
Try to always listen, maybe you can even get some good advice from them.
Put vodka in their freezer. A single shot will always make your visits easier.
Monologue from the Vagina
If a man’s best friend is his dick, the vagina is his soulmate
Hey macho, we’ve talked about your dick, now let’s get to know her vagina a bit. For her sake and yours. For the sake of general knowledge, a vagina, like a fingerprint or face, is a unique organ that changes from woman to woman. Every vagina is different from every other one. This has an impact on the right angle for penetration and the preferred position.
There is a lower vagina and an upper vagina (a few centimeters separate the position, whether it is toward the stomach or toward the bottom). There are vaginas that are tight along the entire opening and vaginas that have a wide opening. Labia are the lips on either side of the vagina. Some labia are thin and narrow; others are puffy and fleshy. In some vaginas, the clitoris and labia stick out; in others, these parts are quite hidden. There are smooth vaginas and rough ones. There are short vaginas and long ones. Of course, there are also varying degrees of moisture.
Under strong stimulation conditions, the vagina can expand to surprising dimensions. You just have to get to it, slowly. Maybe after she’s had an orgasm or two, or maybe when she’s really really stimulated. If you invest in the game properly, you’ll be surprised by what can fit there (for example, your whole hand).
***
Women who have not experienced multiple orgasms don’t like to talk about it. It seems to them like an invention of women’s magazines. Well, the multiple orgasm is real. I’ve checked. I promise.
So what’s it all about? There are women, not many (about eight percent), who can have ten orgasms in thirty minutes, all from just finger stimulation. You insert two or three fingers and get them going by moving your fingers in a “come here” type of movement, as though you are scratching their vagina from the inside out. With the other hand, press on the mound of the vagina from the outside toward the inside, and from the top toward the belly button. She can have five or six orgasms this way, and also ten. The more they progress, the more aggressiveness is possible. Three fingers, four fingers, five, in the end, the entire hand. In contrast with women who have trouble having orgasms, the paradox of the multiple orgasm is that the more orgasms you have, the shorter the time between each one. In the end, she can have an orgasm with your dick inside. She’ll fall asleep, completely exhausted, but continue to dream about more orgasms. Why is it surprising that some women refuse to believe that there is such a thing?
** *
Women who have never experienced female ejaculation (squirting), and we’re talking about most women, don’t believe it exists either. In the same breath, I can tell you about men who have never had sex with a woman who squirts, and
are likely to be alarmed by it the first time it happens. We’re talking about women (between five and ten percent) for whom an orgasm can be accompanied by a lot of liquid. It’s not funny. We’re talking about a quantity that ranges from one to three cups. It’s a serious amount that usually ends up on the bed sheets and makes it necessary to change them. This doesn’t usually take place during the first orgasm, but the second or third one. Your fingers are inside, there’s pressure from the liquid to go out, and your fingers are blocking the opening. Eventually, through the cracks around your fingers, the liquid bursts out like water from a canon. The squirting comes in several waves, accompanying the orgasm. It’s a small tsunami, accompanied by groans. Incredible. Even better by adding anal penetration, something which creates an amazing squirting effect, literally like scattered showers. If you’re squeamish or scared, don’t start with it. If you’re an avid lover of sex, it’s an experience. Women who are capable of this need an encouraging and active partner, and no – they are embarrassed. The discovery wasn’t easy for them at the beginning.
The fluid is not urine and it’s not associated with normal discharge. It’s a fluid that comes from the womb. It has almost no color or smell. Don’t be confused by urination – a “golden shower” – and non-voluntary squirting. To great sex!
The Peak of Excitement
Humor is not a sense, It’s a way of life
Sensitive, spontaneous, funny. It’s an old cliché, but it’s what everyone wants. Is this you?
It all comes from the same source. The ability not to take yourself seriously all the time, not to always worry what people are going to say about you. The courage to get out of yourself, to tease yourself, mock your own ego and your ridiculousness. Stop for a moment and look in the mirror. Look to the sides. Don’t be trapped by conceptions, don’t be trapped by paradigms. Only if you can say to yourself: “Who says that...?” “So what if everyone ...?” “So what if I had other plans?” Only then will you be able to enjoy the flow of life.
Maybe a better idea came up? Something more exciting? Observation and openness, only they allow feelings to bloom. If you don’t let yourself go, you don’t feel.
Humor is also the result of observation and openness. Stand-up comedy, usually based on everyday affairs, makes us laugh because it contains everything we know, only from the opposite angle. When you hear a good monologue, you say “Wow, that’s right!” and laugh. What’s certain is that humor is not about telling jokes. Definitely not boring ones that are badly told. Good jokes are actually stories about life.
A sample joke
A rabbit tells a lion: “I fucked your wife last night.” The lion chases the rabbit, the rabbit runs into a pipe and runs out the other side. The lion gets stuck with his head in the pipe. The rabbit runs behind the lion, fucks him in the ass, and says: “Your wife says that’s how you like it.”
It’s a joke, and a crude one, but it’s also humor. The fact that animals don’t speak isn’t relevant, of course. That’s how it is in parables. Let’s analyze the scene for a moment. The rabbit tells the lion that his wife said that the king of animals himself likes it that way. This may be more sophisticated than you thought at first. Did the lioness mean that the lion likes to fuck her in the ass (and actually hinted to the rabbit that he too could fuck her that way, which means that the woman, that is, the lioness, likes it in the ass), or did she mean that the lion loves when he is fucked in the ass (and in the process, revealed the interesting sex life that she and the lion enjoy)? Or is it possible that the lioness just wanted the rabbit to fuck her in the ass, and the rabbit understood that the lion wanted to be fucked in the ass?
There’s one more interesting question. Maybe the joke requires a specific change. The rabbit says to the lion: “I heard that you like to get it in the ass.” The insulted lion runs behind him, the rabbit does the trick with the pipe, and when he is fucking the lion in the ass he says: “I swear, when I fucked your wife, she said you liked it in the ass.”
In this version, the humor stems from the deep and comic understanding of the lion’s situation, in which he must choose between the lesser of two evils: the rabbit’s dick in his ass, or the fact that his wife is fucking on the side, and with a rabbit, of all animals. And maybe both. And if the rabbit fucked the lioness in the ass too, then the situation is terrible all around.
And why am I fucking with your brain? So that you understand that humor is observation and sensitivity. If you don’t have sensitivity, you won’t be able to observe anything in your life. If you don’t observe, you won’t have a sense of humor. Spontaneity is a type of mental flexibility, anti-fixation and the ability to make decisions on an immediate emotional basis.
We came to all of this from a story. Everything is a story. Like I already said, the world is a stage and life is one big show. Live it. Enjoy it. Not only will she respect you more, but you’ll also enjoy life a lot more. She forgot the key to the apartment? Instead of belittling her about how she could lose a key, while waiting hours for a locksmith, get a hotel room, open a bottle of good wine, and tell her about the rabbit and the lion. You may well end up giving the lioness a bit of action in the ass.
Before We Part Ways
Some practical recommendations for implementing the theoretical knowledge you’ve acquired
Every secret agent has been through dozens of courses and training exercises. Creativity and the ability to improvise under pressure are two qualities that are already required in the screening and elimination stages, after which there are many exercises and tests along the way. A trainee who is caught must not talk about his status. Some of the training is to see how he handles things with the police or in prison.
Field agents and collection officers are street animals. They are charismatic and charming, and supposed to have innate persuasion abilities. Go make a nun show you her underwear. A trained agent must not exploit his abilities or use them for evil. I am also forbidden from telling you how to get on a plane without a ticket. But I think I can tell you a few small things that won’t harm anyone. Let’s just agree that if they catch you, you’ll apologize like a man and go home quietly. OK?
** *
At every stadium, there’s an entrance that leads backstage. Usually, you’ll see an equipment truck there. Look for a gray door without a sign. Take a guitar or flute case with you, put an old cap on your head, open the door and go inside, walking with indifference. You’re in. Place your equipment in some room and go into the concert hall. Look for an empty seat. Like I said, in the front rows, you’ll almost always find empty seats. That’s how rich some people are – they don’t pay for good seats and don’t even show up.
***
At the airport, there are VIP lounges for business and first class passengers. Some people, after they identify themselves and go in, go back outside to do some shopping and return. The attendants at the counter can’t remember everyone. Note: Just as you walk inside, turn around and shout to some imaginary figure outside: “Just grabbing the trolley. I’ll be right back.” Go into the lounge and let the attendant know, with a wink or a few short words that mean, “Hi sweetie, I’m not just coming back, but I’m going out, too.” She’ll pretend that she remembers you, even though you don’t interest her at all. Go into the lounge, no one will look at you. Champagne, salmon, ESPN, a magazine or two, what could be better?
** *
It’s hot outside. You’re bored. Go into the fanciest hotel in the city. Go to the souvenir shop, ask for a large bag with the hotel logo, fill it with newspapers. Go into the bathroom, put on your bathing suit, put your clothes in the big bag. Put on sunglasses, hold the bag in both arms in front of your body, and walk by the concierge straight to the pool. Go into the change room, put your clothes back on, find yourself a lounge chair. A day to relax. Use some creativity to strike up a conversation with some older woman. Invite her for a drink, make sure it evolves into some grilled fish and crème brûlée. Note her key and room number. If she doesn�
��t hurry to sign the bill, sign it with her number. If the mood strikes you, ask her, “my room or yours?” and then take her to bed.
Every bar and restaurant has a back entrance that leads directly to the kitchen. Look for it according to the smokestack, or simply walk along a back alley. Outside the door, grab a greasy tray, walk cross the kitchen and go sit by the bar or at an empty table. You avoided the hostess who would have thrown you out because you didn’t reserve a place.
***
A luxury nightclub, just celebrities and models. The city’s hottest spot. Dressed in trendy casual, put on some sunglasses. Grab a luxury taxi, preferably a limo. Ask the driver to bring you straight to the door. Give him twenty dollars and ask him to open the car door for you and escort you to the doorman. Now, the dramatic moment. No, he doesn’t explain who you are. He tells the doorman that your sister will be there in an hour and he should let her in. Her name is Manissa Johnson. You’re inside. Who would dare ask who you are.
***
Night. You and your woman are hungry. Head to one of the more popular hotels and go downstairs to one of the lower levels, where they hold events. There’s a sign about a wedding: in the Carousel Hall, Joanna and Joseph Tizi. Take an envelope, put a dollar in it, seal it. Write the couple’s name on the outside...You understand the rest, right?
Of course you understood. You’ve read this far, right? Just remember the tips below are a random collection. Not all of them are applicable everywhere, not all of them are right for you. The important thing is the idea behind them. The accessibility. The protagonist in the middle. You. Trust me, the world is waiting for men that have something to offer. Men who trust themselves, whose senses are sharp and whose charm is obvious. Take advantage of it. Trust yourself. The rest will happen on its own. In your room or hers.
Decent. Cool. Generous.