The Other Mothers (Chop, Chop Series Book 5)

by L. N. Cronk

  “How are you doing?” she asked kindly, standing in the doorway of my office.

  “Fine,” I said, not looking away from the computer screen.

  “What did you have for lunch?”

  “A sandwich,” I told her. Then I remembered that we’d used up the last of the bread that morning because Dorito and Amber had both wanted toast. I turned and looked at her. “I wasn’t hungry.”

  She nodded and walked over to me.

  She bent down and kissed my cheek and I wrapped my arm around her waist, giving it an absent-minded squeeze.

  “Did you guys have fun at the pool?” I asked her.

  “Yeah,” she said, and I figured she was lying to me, too. “I’m going to go start dinner now.”

  “Okay,” I said. “Let me know if you need any help.”

  That was Thursday – a normal workday for me. Because I had spent most of the day in bed, by the time dinner was over (which I’d eaten even though I had no appetite and it tasted like cardboard) I found that I had about eight hours of work still lying in front of me. I settled down in front of the computer at about seven o’clock and tried to concentrate.

  At eight, Laci informed me that Lily was ready for bed. I saved what little work I’d been able to do, went into her bedroom to kiss her goodnight, and then returned to my computer.

  At nine, Laci let me know that Dorito was now ready to go to sleep.

  “Can you send him in here?” I asked. “I’m really behind.”

  “Sure,” she nodded, and before long, Dorito padded in for his goodnight kiss.

  At eleven o’clock, Laci stuck her head in the door one more time.

  “Gonna be ready for bed pretty soon?” she asked.

  I rubbed my eyes. “I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve actually got a lot to do.”

  “Do you want me to wait up for you?”

  “No,” I said. “I don’t know how long I’ll be. You go ahead without me.”

  She agreed, kissed me goodnight, and went to bed.

  It was after four in the morning by the time I finally crawled into bed next to her. Even though I had put in more than my usual eight hours, I still hadn’t accomplished what I’d needed to, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer and I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

  In the morning, when the alarm sounded, I turned it off and rolled back over.

  “You came to bed late last night,” Laci observed.

  “Yeah,” I agreed.

  “You going to get up?” she asked.

  “Not yet,” I said. “I’m gonna try to get a bit more sleep.”

  She paused for a moment, but finally said, “Okay,” and got out of bed without me.

  It was noon by the time I pulled myself out of bed and dragged myself into my office. Just like the night before, everything seemed to take me longer than it usually did. I had to work until midnight just to get the bare minimum done.

  I only slept until ten the next morning. Usually I didn’t work on Saturdays, but I was so far behind that I spent most of the day in my office, trying to catch up.

  Sunday we went to church and then out to eat at a restaurant afterward. I ordered something, couldn’t eat most of it, went home, and went back to bed.

  Monday was Dorito’s first day of school. I got up in time to take him to school, but passed on breakfast when Laci offered it to me and then I locked myself in my office. At lunch time, Laci asked me if I wanted something to eat and I told her, “No.” About fifteen minutes later, however, she showed up with a plate of macaroni and cheese and a hot dog.

  “I said I didn’t want anything,” I told her.

  “You have to eat,” she insisted.

  The macaroni and cheese was mushy, with absolutely no taste at all. The hot dog was rubbery and the bun stale. Laci made the mistake of leaving after I’d eaten two bites of the hot dog and one forkful of the macaroni and cheese. I fed the rest to the dog and let Laci feel satisfied when she returned in a little while to pick up an empty plate.

  When Dorito came home from school he trooped into my office and proudly announced that he had math homework.

  “Will you help me?” he asked.

  “Tonight?”

  “Yeah. It’s due tomorrow.”

  “I don’t know if I can tonight,” I said, shaking my head. I indicated my computer and my desk. “I’ve got a lot to do.”

  “But you’ve been working all the time!” Dorito complained.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ve gotta get this stuff done. I’m sure Mom can help you.”

  “Mom?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But you said the only time I was ever supposed to ask her for help with math was when you’re not home!”

  “And when I’m really busy,” I said. “I’ll try to help you next time.”

  But the next time Dorito needed help with math I was also too busy. (Or maybe I was too tired – it was hard to keep track.) It seemed that all I did was sleep, eat enough tasteless food to keep Laci off my back, or work. And even though I was working more hours than I ever had before, I seemed to be getting less and less done. It felt as if I were trudging through quicksand.

  Two weeks after Dorito had started school, Laci had had enough. She came into my office, sat down on the couch, and told me that she wanted to talk.

  “What?” I asked, not turning away from my computer.

  “Look at me,” she said.

  “What do you want?” I asked, glancing at her. “I’ve got a lot to do.”

  “You’ve always got a lot to do,” she said. “Come here and talk to me.” She patted the couch next to her. I sighed heavily, stood up, and walked reluctantly over to the couch. I sat down.

  “What?” I said again.

  “I’m worried about you,” she said gently.

  “Worried about me?” I asked. “Why?”

  “You’re not eating right,” she began, “you’re tired all the time. If you’re not in bed you’re in here in front of the computer-”

  “I’m working,” I reminded her.

  “No,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re burying yourself in your work and you’re shutting everybody out.”

  “No, I’m not,” I argued. “I’ve got a lot to do.”

  “David,” she said, tipping her head at me.

  “What?”

  She sighed and looked away.

  “I know you miss Amber,” she said quietly, looking back at me, “but you can’t just keep closing everybody out the way you’ve been doing.”

  “I haven’t been,” I insisted. “I’ve just been really busy-”

  “And really tired?”

  “Well, yeah,” I admitted. “Because I’ve been working so hard.”

  She looked at me for a long moment.

  “You hardly spend three minutes a day with the kids,” she complained. “Dorito’s been working on a family tree project for social studies and you haven’t even looked at it. You’ve missed his last two soccer games and Lily has to come find you if she wants a kiss goodnight – you don’t even tuck her in anymore!”

  “Things will get better once I’m caught up,” I promised.

  “I think you need to go see someone,” she finally said.

  “See someone?”

  “Yeah,” she nodded. “Like a doctor or something.”

  “I don’t need a doctor.”

  “Or just somebody you can talk to . . . somebody that can help you.”

  “I don’t need any help,” I insisted, patting her on the leg. “I just need to get caught up and then I’ll be fine.”

  She opened her mouth to argue, but I interrupted.

  “And me sitting here – talking with you – isn’t helping.”

  She looked at me doubtfully.

  “I’m fine,” I said, leaning forward and kissing her on the cheek. “I appreciate you worrying about me, but I’m fine. Now why don’t you go and make some lunch and then I’ll come down and eat with y
ou and Lily after a little bit.”

  “Okay,” she finally nodded, reluctantly, and then she went away to make another cardboard lunch that I had to force myself to join them for and choke down.

  Another week passed and I still was behind at work. Food was still bland and flavorless. I still fell instantly asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

  After dinner one night I was in front of my computer, like usual, when Laci knocked on my office door.

  “Can I interrupt?” she asked.

  “Sure,” I said, turning toward her.

  “I just talked to Danica.”

  “What’d she want?”

  “She and Mike were thinking about coming to visit this weekend.”

  “Really?” I asked, surprised. Mike and Danica were two of the busiest people I knew . . . they hardly ever came to visit.

  “They both had the weekend free and they haven’t been here in a long time,” she shrugged. “It’s okay, isn’t it?”

  “Sure. That’d be great.”

  She smiled at me. “Great,” she said, turning to leave. “I’ll tell them to come on.”

  Mike and I had grown up together and he had always been one of my best friends. He and his wife, Danica, lived in Minnesota. The fact that Mike was a general physician and Danica was a psychiatrist should have tipped me off that something was up, but it didn’t.

  ~ ~ ~

  WE MADE ARRANGEMENTS for Dorito and Lily to have a sleepover at my sister’s house Friday night. By the time Mike and Danica arrived on Friday evening, the kids were already gone, looking forward to spending the night and following day with their cousins.

  It was good to have Mike and Danica there. I barely noticed how bland the dinner tasted as we smiled and laughed and swapped stories. Sometimes I found that I wasn’t really paying attention to what was being said and someone would have to repeat something for me, but overall I did pretty good. It was the closest I had felt to normal in three weeks.

  After dinner, Mike and I went out onto the back deck while Laci and Danica remained behind in the kitchen to clean up and get dessert ready.

  “What’s Dorito in now?” Mike asked. “Third grade?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Is he having a good school year so far?”

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  Mike nodded and looked out into the yard for a minute.

  “The trees are supposed to be really pretty this fall,” he mused. “They say when you have a warm, wet spring like we did, the colors are supposed to be better.”

  “Oh,” I nodded.

  “Of course if we get an early frost, that could turn ’em brown and make ’em fall early.”

  “Oh.”

  I really hated small talk. Mike apparently appreciated it about as much as I did because he finally quit trying to make it. The next thing out of his mouth wasn’t small talk.

  “I was really sorry to hear that you lost Amber,” Mike said quietly after a moment.

  I didn’t answer, wishing he hadn’t mentioned her. The knot that always seemed to be lingering in my stomach suddenly tightened.

  “You ever hear how she’s doing?”

  “No.”

  “That’s gotta be hard,” he said. I nodded.

  “You wanna talk about it?”

  I shook my head.

  “Sometimes,” he said, “when something like this happens, it’s good to talk about it with somebody. Somebody who’s not really involved in the situation.”

  That’s when I suddenly realized that Mike and Danica had not just randomly decided to pay us a visit and I understood why Tanner hadn’t been invited to join us for dinner as he normally would have been.

  “Laci called you!” I accused.

  He didn’t answer me.

  “She shouldn’t have done that,” I said angrily.

  “She’s worried about you-”

  “She shouldn’t have made you drive all the way here to see me for nothing!”

  “It’s not for nothing-” he began, but I cut him off again.

  “And I don’t appreciate her going behind my back!” I said, slamming my hand down on the deck rail. “I can’t believe that she did this!”

  “When you lost Gabby,” Mike said, “and Laci went through a hard time, you called me.”

  Gabby was our first child. She had been stillborn and Laci had gone through a period of depression after we’d lost her.

  “That was different.”

  “How?” he asked. “How is it any different?”

  “Because Laci needed medicine,” I said, “and I don’t.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I don’t need drugs!” I cried. “Drugs aren’t going to help!”

  “What will help?”

  “If I had Amber back,” I said crossly, “that would help! Or if I could at least find out if she’s okay somehow . . . that would help!”

  “You need to put Amber in God’s hands,” Mike said gently. He loves her even more than you do . . .”

  “That doesn’t mean nothing bad’s going to happen to her!”

  “No,” he admitted, “I know.”

  “So you’ll forgive me if I don’t think drugs are the ticket here?”

  “Maybe it would help if you talked to someone,” he suggested again.

  “Maybe it would help if you stayed out of it,” I snapped back.

  He let out his breath and turned away.

  “You know,” he said after a minute, turning back to me, “when I was little and my dad was so sick, he could hardly ever play with me.”

  I looked away from him and didn’t say anything.

  “But,” he went on, “I always knew it wasn’t his fault. I knew he couldn’t help it . . .”

  He paused for a minute. I still didn’t say anything.

  “Is Dorito going to be able to say that one day?” Mike asked bluntly. “Is he going to say, ‘My dad couldn’t help it,’? Or is he going to spend his whole life wondering why you didn’t do everything you could to be the same kind of a father to him that you were before Amber went away?”

  “This is none of your business,” I said sharply and I stalked into the house.

  “You can quit giving us time to talk,” I snapped at Laci. “We’re done,” and I stormed out the front door and walked to the end of the block. I turned around and came back, finally sitting on our front stoop and staring into the starry night sky for a long time.

  Mike was right – I knew that. I knew that I had to do something to pull myself together. I thought about Dorito and Lily and how they needed me, just like Mike had said.

  I kept expecting Mike or Laci to come out and try to talk to me, but neither one did, so finally I went back through the house and onto the deck, finding them all quietly eating cheesecake.

  “You want some dessert?” Laci asked me gently when I stepped through the sliding glass door.

  “Who made it?”

  “Have you ever seen me making cheesecake?” she wanted to know with a small smile.

  “Well, if Danica made it, I guess I’ll have some . . .”

  “Yeah,” Mike laughed. “As if Danica could ever make cheesecake.”

  Danica swatted him and we all laughed and I sat down to eat store bought cheesecake among people who loved me enough to forgive me no matter how I treated them.

  The next day Tanner took us all out on his pontoon boat and that evening, when Jessica brought Dorito and Lily back, all of us were in the hot tub.

  For the entire day, no one mentioned Amber . . .

  Or therapy . . .

  Or drugs . . .

  It was a good day.

  Sunday we went to the early church service and then to a restaurant for brunch. Ever since the cheesecake Friday night, food had actually started to have some taste again. I still wasn’t terribly hungry, but I managed to go through the buffet line twice.

  “Have you thought about what I said?” Mike ventured tentatively when we got home.

  �
��Yeah,” I said. “I know you were right. I’ll do better – I promise.”

  “You might need some help,” he worried. “It’s not always easy to do on your own.”

  “I’m not taking any drugs.”

  “I didn’t say you needed drugs,” he said. “But you might. Or you might need counseling-”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head determinedly. “I don’t wanna see a shrink.”

  “They’re not all bad, you know,” he said, glancing out onto the deck where his wife and Laci were drinking coffee and watching the kids play in the back yard.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled. “No offense.”

  “Why don’t you talk to her for a few minutes?” Mike suggested.

  “No,” I said adamantly, shaking my head.

  “Why not?”

  “No.”

  “What are you so afraid of ?” he asked.

  “I don’t know,” I admitted.

  “You don’t even have to lay down on a couch or anything,” he smiled. “You two could just go for a walk or something.”

  I didn’t answer him.

  “She’s right here,” he persisted quietly.

  I looked away and thought for a minute. They had made a special trip just to try and help me. And Dorito and Lily needed me to get better. I finally looked back at Mike and gave him a tight nod. Then I went out onto the front porch, sat down, and waited until he sent Danica out to find me.

  When she joined me I didn’t look at her – I just kept staring straight ahead. She didn’t say anything, but she sat down next to me on the top step.

  “I don’t want to do this,” I finally told her, still not looking in her direction.

  “Do what?”

  “Tell you what’s bothering me. Have a big psychological breakthrough. Get in touch with my inner feelings.”

  I glanced at her and saw that she was smiling.

  “What do you want?” she asked kindly.