By Way of Water

by Charlotte Gullick

  Lacee turned a page and Justy wondered why Dale didn’t pay attention to what the girls read. She imagined that books like Catch-22 were telling Lacee something different from what the Witnesses thought. But she knew that the books, like the river, could take Lacee away from the unpredictability of Jake‘s hands, the uncertainty of Dale’s days. She thought again of Gil Walker and how he couldn’t read. Justy wanted to swim inside his head for a day and feel what that was like, to live in a world where words slid away.

  ***

  After lunch Dale herded the children into the bedroom and helped them pick out clothes to wear. Lacee made such a face that Dale said they might go swimming after service, if she could talk Joella into it. Justy put on her green bathing suit under a skirt. Then they tamed their hair and were ready when Joella and Lucas’s silver Ford crawled up the dirt road.

  Dale sat up front beside Joella and fiddled with her Bible, thinking about the Scriptures she was supposed to quote. Justy’s red corduroy skirt scratched her legs, and she wished for pants or to be already in the river. She looked out the window and turned Ochre’s stone, feeling how it was smoother—her constant attention polishing it like water. One more week of school and summer vacation would arrive. Justy wondered again if she would get to see Ochre. She rolled down the window and stuck her head out, letting the warm wind caress her face.

  “Justy,” Joella said. Justy pulled in her head. Dale turned to look at her and said, “You’ll get all mussed up, doing that.”

  “We need to remember that we are Jehovah’s representatives,” Joella said. “At all times we must remember this.” As she spoke, Joella’s thin wrists hung over the steering wheel. Justy studied her eyes in the mirror. Micah elbowed Justy and nodded. Lacee raised her eyebrows. A drawn-out quiet filled the car, and then they turned off the old road and headed downhill to the Hermitage. Their descent brought them almost level with the Eel, and Justy could see the deep green of the river fifty feet away. She looked for the Ravens’ parked car but didn’t see it. Joella stopped the sedan and got out, then stuck her head back in through the open window and smiled. “Who wants to go first?”

  “Me,” Micah said. He, Dale and Joella walked to the first house, a black book bag hooked over Joella’s arm. Dale looked stiff in her yellow cotton dress, not ready to convert people. Justy stared at the river, wanting to look for pebbles and listen to the water’s song.

  “Hey, look,” Lacee said. She pointed to the top of the tipi tucked behind a stand of bay trees. Justy and Lacee stood in the afternoon sun, simply studying the poles interlinked at the top. Lacee leaned against the trunk of the car and lifted her face to the sun. Justy looked toward Joella, Dale and Micah, who were talking to a woman standing behind a screen door. She waited one more minute and then was walking, sandals slapping against the dirt road. She looked back once. Dale and Joella weren’t watching, but Lacee gave her a thumbs-up.

  Justy entered the shade of the bay trees, smelling their sharp tang, and followed a path. Her steps quieted on the thick carpet of damp leaves. She stopped when the tipi was in full sight. It sat in a small, grassy clearing. She expected to see symbols or patterns painted on the side, like the ones she’d seen in books, but the canvas walls were a dull white, clear of any design. Flowers bloomed around the base. The boxy Volvo with the beads and leaves sat next to the tipi, and beyond the car was another, smaller tipi. A chicken coop stood farther back in the trees, and nine brown hens and one white rooster scratched in the dirt of the pen. A small goat was staked to a pole, eating the grass in the clearing, the radius around the pole shorn clean. A worn path between the two tipis revealed dry earth, and a less-worn path led back into the trees on the far side of the clearing. Justy could see the green plastic on the roof of what she thought was a greenhouse.

  She didn’t hear anything except the river and the occasional clicks of grasshoppers. The goat lifted its head and looked at her, chewing. It stared at her with big brown eyes and then let out a soft baa. The tipi flapped open and Sunshine’s clear voice lilted through the air. “What is it, Yarrow?”

  The goat looked at the tipi, then at Justy. Its little beard made her think it was a hippie, and she smiled. Sunshine stepped out, her head free of any scarf. She wore jean cutoffs and a deep-green halter top. Her stomach and legs were deeply tanned. She stretched, and when she was at the height of her stretch, arms arched over her head, she saw Justy. Sunshine smiled and dropped her arms.

  “Ochre’s with Nolan.” She indicated the river. Justy nodded.

  Sunshine squatted and hooked a tanned arm over the goat. “Come over here, Justy. I won’t bite.”

  Justy took three small steps closer and then looked back, thinking about Dale and Joella, why they had come down here. She squeezed the stone and walked closer. She stopped two feet from Sunshine and reached out and touched the goat’s head. Its fur felt scratchy and soft at the same time.

  “Goats are great animals,” Sunshine said. “They give you milk and everything. Yarrow’s been a good buddy, even if some people say goats look like the Devil.”

  She tugged on the goat’s beard, and Justy took a step back. Yarrow reached down to the short grass.

  “How about some tea?” Sunshine asked, and stood. Justy looked back again, but she couldn’t see anyone. Sunshine waited, watching Justy, who finally nodded, heart racing.

  “Can you take your shoes off?” Sunshine pointed at Justy’s sandals. Justy’s feet felt free as she stepped into a cool darkness. She was standing on a carpeted wood floor, and she was hit with the deep smell of plants. The tipi was much larger inside than she had expected; a loft held a bed eight feet above her head. Sunshine followed Justy’s gaze and said, “That’s where Nolan and I sleep.”

  The inside of the tipi was extremely tidy. A wood cook stove stood in the center, and lit candles hung in holders from the outside edges of the loft. Bunches of drying plants also hung upside down from the wooden planks. On the backside of the tipi sat a full bookshelf made from a rough redwood burl. On the floor next to the shelf a bundle of blankets and pillows waited. Justy assumed this was where Ochre slept. Pillows of various sizes and colors dotted the floor. Sunshine sat on one near the entrance and poured a clear brown liquid from a mason jar into a ceramic mug. She held it out to Justy, who sat on a smaller pillow, folding her knees under her because the skirt wouldn’t allow her to cross her legs. The tea was strong and cool and Justy tasted it carefully.

  “Do you like it?”

  Justy nodded and took another sip. It tasted like a shady section of creek. Sunshine poured herself a cup and set it on the ground. She coiled her long hair and tucked it into itself forming a bun. Her thin hand picked up the mug and she took a sip.

  “I made this myself with herbs I’ve grown in the greenhouse. There’s licorice root, stinging nettle and raspberry.” Sunshine watched Justy over the lip of her mug. Justy liked how Sunshine wasn’t surprised by her appearance and that she sat with Justy like she would with an adult. Justy looked from her steady gaze to a colorful circular design hanging from the center pole. Sunshine followed her look, stood and unhooked the design from a nail.

  “It’s a mandala,” she said. Justy frowned at her, and Sunshine repeated the word. She handed the disk to Justy, who studied the colors and the way the designs fit into one another.

  “Mandalas are centers, or magic circles,” Sunshine said. Justy handed it back, afraid of what she meant by magic. According to the Witnesses, all magic was the work of Satan—his ways to deter people from the path of Truth. Sunshine turned the mandala over. Justy took another sip of tea, wondering if maybe the herbs had been grown with magic.

  “Circles have always been sacred,” Sunshine said, looking at the mandala. “Mother Nature is the first place you’ll see them. Rocks, eggs, our wombs.” Sunshine put a hand on her lower belly and went on, “The tipi is a circle, too.” She then swiveled her wrist, smiled and continued,
“Ancient cultures, African and American Indian cultures. Mandalas can be found almost anywhere in the world. They can include colors, numbers, animals.”

  Sunshine stood and hung the mandala. She closed her eyes, took what Ms. Long would call a cleansing breath and sat back down.

  “If you think about it,” she said, “even the seasons move in a circle.”

  Justy closed her eyes, letting the sound of the river be the only thing in the whole world. She shoved Jake and Dale down deep and listened to the water working its way to the Pacific. All the time she’d remained wordless, she’d become full with the noise of other people and never really let herself be quiet. It surprised Justy that it was here, of all places, with a person who probably meditated and opened herself up to Satan and didn’t even know it, that Justy felt calm. She felt Sunshine tuck a strand of Justy’s hair behind her ear. Justy opened her eyes to see Sunshine resting her head on her drawn-up knees.

  “Ochre is so glad you’re his friend. He talks about you all the time, telling us how you pay attention to every little thing.” Sunshine sighed. “Nolan picked out his name, wanting our child to be colorful.” She laughed and said, “He sure is.” She straightened her legs, stretched her arms upward and then grabbed her bare feet with her hands.

  They heard voices outside and Sunshine stood. Justy handed her the tea mug.

  “Hello?” Joella called from the edge of the trees.

  Sunshine gently squeezed Justy’s shoulder. “Hello,” she said. Justy followed her out of the tipi and stood by her while Joella and Dale walked closer. Justy knew she was standing on the wrong side of the equation from the look on Dale’s face. For a split second, she pretended she was Sunshine’s child and lived in the tipi at the river’s edge with Nolan and Ochre. They grew plants they made into teas, painted with bright colors, ate fresh trout and watched the night sky through the open tipi entrance. They fell asleep lulled by the water’s song.

  All these thoughts flowed through Justy’s mind, and then she took a step away from Sunshine. Joella started talking, explaining why she, Dale and Justy were going door-to-door, spreading Jehovah’s message and his plan for an earthly paradise. Joella made sure she didn’t enter the goat’s circle. She held out an Awake! magazine depicting people of different skin colors gathered under a flowering tree. In the foreground, a white boy sat next to a lion and a lamb. Dale crooked a finger at Justy, who grabbed her sandals and walked barefoot over to Dale’s side while Joella invited Sunshine to the public talk at the Kingdom Hall in Madrone, any Sunday Sunshine felt curious to learn more about God’s true plan. While she talked, Justy could see Dale’s eyes run up and down the length of Sunshine’s body, taking in all the skin Sunshine showed outside her halter-top and cutoffs.

  Sunshine accepted the magazine and said she appreciated the invitation but she pretty much believed she’d found her earthly paradise. Joella smiled sweetly and a slow moment passed, with Yarrow inching his way closer to the hem of her skirt.

  “Well,” Joella said finally. “We don’t want to take up too much of your time.” She came back to stand next to Dale and Justy. Sunshine picked a red tulip from the mass of flowers that encircled most of the tipi. She walked over and handed it to Justy, who took it with a small nod. Sunshine whispered to her, “Red is for strength and learning.”

  “We’ll be going now,” Joella said loudly, waving her hand at Sunshine and moving toward the trees. Dale and Justy followed. Justy didn’t look back, but she could feel Sunshine watching them.

  ***

  Joella drove the car up out of the canyon, going faster than she’d driven down. “I’m not sure, but I think they might be dope growers,” she said.

  “How else do they survive?” Dale asked.

  “You know, Dale, some of the brothers in the congregation have been saying it isn’t safe for us women to go out in service by ourselves.”

  Dale nodded.

  “I think it’s safe until the fall. That’s when people are harvesting,” Lacee said.

  “How would you know that, Lacee?” Joella searched out Lacee’s eyes in the mirror, and Dale twisted to look at her.

  “At school, you learn stuff,” Lacee said, and shrugged. Micah nodded at Dale.

  Justy nibbled on the tulip while Joella guided the car onto the old highway. She and Dale continued to talk about Sunshine, wondering who else but dope growers would choose to live in a tipi. Joella spoke in soft tones about people she thought might be growers and the tons of black plastic pipe that the hippies bought at the hardware store she worked at two days a week.

  “Lucas says it’s for irrigation purposes,” Joella said as she turned into the paved driveway that led to Gaines’s house. The area surrounding the house was full of flowers, green grass, antique carriages and wheelbarrows. Fifty feet beyond the house, beside a matching red barn with white trim, a black horse in a wooden corral watched the car.

  Joella stopped the sedan in the half-circle drive. In the middle of the green lawn, a painted statue of a black man stood, his lips and eyes white. He wore white pants, high black boots and a red-and-white-checkered jacket and hat. Justy looked away from the statue and saw Dale shake her head.

  “I don’t want to go to his house,” Dale said.

  Joella took a breath and turned to Justy. “It’s your turn, little one, to go to a door with me.” Joella grabbed her book bag. Justy left the tulip on the seat, put on her sandals and then followed Joella to the house. Four flower boxes filled with pansies and daffodils lined the edge of the slate porch. Justy smelled horse and looked around her while Joella rang the doorbell. Chimes deep within the big house boomed, and Justy tried to remember if any of the other houses in Sequoia had doorbells. The little white dog began barking somewhere inside, and Justy looked for the ditch Jake had dug for the sauna and hot tub. Joella looked at her watch and rang the doorbell again.

  “His truck is here,” she said, and Justy saw the tail end of Gaines’s truck poking out from behind a neat stack of wood on the far side of the circle. Barks came closer and then Gaines opened the front door, a cigarette hanging from his mouth and a beer bottle in his hand. He wore a white bathrobe over dirty denim overalls.

  “What do you want?” he said around the cigarette. His brown hair stuck out in the back and Justy imagined him when the bell rang, slouched on his couch, watching television alone in his big house.

  “Well, hello, I’m not sure if you know who I am, but—”

  “I recognize you from the hardware store. Get to it, woman.” Gaines did not look at Justy, for which she felt a certain amount of relief. Joella swallowed and smoothed the front of her skirt. Justy studied the white fuzzy slippers Gaines wore over his dirty socks.

  “Mr. Gaines, we’re here to tell you about Jehovah’s Word.” Joella held out the magazine with the different-colored people in the restored Eden. Gaines ran a hand through his thick hair and scowled at the cover.

  “I ain’t interested,” he said, and started to close the door. The dog got in the way and Joella took a small step forward. Gaines spilled part of his beer trying to back away from her.

  “Mr. Gaines, I think with all that’s happened to you, you might be interested in what will transpire when this world ends.” Her soft voice seemed to grow in strength as she spoke. The dog licked up the beer that had spilled.

  Gaines jerked the door back open. “What’s happened to me?” Ash from his cigarette fell on the floor.

  Joella smiled and said, “You probably didn’t realize you could see your son or your wife again, did you?” She didn’t look at him but studied the dog’s wagging tail. Justy looked at the car, where Dale, Lacee and Micah were watching. The horse snorted and Justy watched its muscles ripple to shed a fly. Each of the four horses and their riders meant something different, and Justy tried to remember what would ride on the black one. Everyone in town knew that horse named Nigger was the only thi
ng in the world Gaines loved besides turning a profit.

  Gaines looked from Joella. The silence between them bloomed and he shifted his weight, unable to close the door because of her foot. He took a drink, and Justy wondered if he was afraid of Joella. She looked back at the horse and tried to remember when Jake used to have horses. The dog moved outside and Gaines saw Justy’s gaze.

  “You like horses, huh?” Excitement filled his voice and he shoved past them, knocking into Joella without seeming to notice. Gaines moved in his run-walk toward the horse, stopped and said, “Come and see.” He beckoned to Justy.

  Justy took a step toward him and Joella cleared her throat. “Well,” she said, “he might listen to us if we listen to him.” Joella folded the Awake! under her arm and followed Gaines. They all stopped at the corral. Gaines pushed back a bathrobe sleeve and held out a hand. The mare’s black hair shone in the sun, and there were white ribbons braided into her mane. The horse reached out and sniffed Gaines’s fingers. He threw the cigarette butt on the ground and stamped it out with his slipper. The dog eased under a corral pole and began sniffing the ground.

  “Ain’t she a beauty?” Gaines spoke to Justy and rubbed the horse’s nose; she pushed against his hand. Justy loved how soft the mare’s nostrils looked, and she wanted to reach out and feel the animal’s breath. Joella cocked her head while raising her eyebrows. She pulled the Awake! from under her arm and waved it in front of Gaines. He scowled again and coughed from deep in his lungs.