Dark Awakenings (Danse Macabre Book 2)

by Christina Quinn

  “Love is a complicated creature. I love Aleksi, and I love Nikolai… but in different ways. I’m not into Nikolai in the way you guys think I am. I have an emotional connection with him, but we’re not together. I’m with Aleksi one hundred percent.” Liar. The skepticism read plain and clear on my friends’ faces, they were not buying what I was selling.

  “It has nothing to do with love. I love Tristan. Do you think I love Garrett and Evan? I like them, well… I love Garrett but not in a romantic way. But they’re hot and looking at them making out makes me all… well you get the picture. At the end of the day, a cock is a cock and a pussy is a pussy. These things do not have emotions and don’t know love. Love is an ideal abstract concept that deals with the brain. You don’t have to love everyone you have sex with, or want to have sex with.”

  “I can honestly say I have to have some emotional attachment to actually follow through with sex. I’m not you guys… I couldn’t do it.”

  “You love Evan?” Garrett blurted out as a look of indignation crossed his face.

  “I loved you both when I was with you,” I asserted.

  “No, you still love him. Honestly, you are no better than we are. You just believe in… simultaneous monogamy.”

  “No, I’m only in one relationship with one person. Nikolai just sleeps in the same bed as us for comfort. There’s no weird stuff going on. If I had to choose between the two of them, I’d choose Aleksi. Hands down. Niki’s like a big stuffed animal that sleeps at my back.”

  “You need to see a therapist, Angel Face.” Garrett snickered with delight.

  “I am seeing one, thank you very much. Not everyone can be like you guys, and if I’m really being honest with myself—” Piano music started and we all took our spots and the barres. Saved by the bell. I sighed and tried to push their accusations out of my mind. I had enough things to worry about.

  For the rest of the day I was haunted by Garrett and Leslie’s accusations. I couldn’t shake them. Between the Sun Cross, Aleksi’s call out to Vlad and those haunting thoughts; my mind was anywhere but where it should have been. Needless to say it made rehearsal that evening exceptionally difficult. I couldn’t focus and I couldn’t relax, two requirements for dancing ballet. Standing on the stage in the old Harker Theater was humbling. Aleksi was in his usual black tank top, only today he had red and black striped leg warmers over his tights. The theater was drafty and the air conditioner seemed slightly too cool. I borrowed a pair of leg warmers from Colette, the pretty pink cashmere kept my muscles nice and warm. Honestly, they were a little too comfortable, comfortable enough they were almost distracting. They made me want to curl up and sleep, that’s how exquisitely warm they were.

  We were practicing act two, the famous white act. It was early in our rehearsal, and I froze during the first lift, and floundered as Aleksi held me over his head. I could feel my weight shifting and I knew it was all me.

  “Keep your back stiff, but not that stiff. Remember you’re not tangible, Giselle is a wisp. Stop! Why is it that everyone gets so tense dancing with Aleksi?” Evan grumbled looking at his clipboard as Aleksi set me down. “And this is… weird. Aleksi, you were early. It was just a hairsbreadth, but still noticeable. You recovered well enough, but watch for that. Autumn, keep your hands towards the grave at the back and… try… try to really lean over him when he raises you. You’ll be steadier… and coming down really—” He lifted his chin and arched his back. “Really hold that arch in your back.” He sighed. “Autumn, do you need to take five? We usually stop every twenty minutes.”

  “I’m fine.” I smiled at Evan and smoothed my tank top.

  “Alright.” Evan nodded at the pianist and the soft light tune started again. We repeated the moves from before, properly this time as Evan remained silent. That was until the lift, I did as instructed but still I chirped as I felt my balance shift forward. I thought I’d fall but Aleksi’s strong hands steadied me. “He’s not going to drop you, you’re doing great.” Evan called to us as Aleksi slowly lowered me. “And the hand. Autumn, here he can almost see you. Don’t be afraid to look into his eyes.” For the split second I did look into those amazing electric eyes, and in the reflection of the stage lights dancing in the sea of blue I saw my first vision in months.

  For the first time ever, I saw myself. Not my grave, not the aftermath or the precursor to some event I’d take part in. I saw myself being hurried, hastily down a hallway and out into a parking lot with a group of black clad vampires circled around me. I knew one of the faces, Wyatt. He was leading the group, but something seemed strange, he seemed tenser than normal.

  As quick as the vision came to me, it faded. I wasn’t even I half beat off as I let my hand fall away from Aleksi and moved across the stage from him.

  “And turn to the grave… good,” Evan commented to Aleksi as I slipped into the wings.

  The rest of rehearsal went quickly, before I knew it I was at home, practicing my mime in the mirror in the bedroom as Aleksi kissed my cheek before leaving. He was going to have dinner with Dorian after Coppelia. It was weird to think of vampires having dinner and catching up. But since I was going to be alone for a few hours I decided to pull on something decent and surprise Nikolai… and distract myself from my thoughts. I didn’t want to think about the last time I had a vision out of the blue. I didn’t want to think that it was very near the one year anniversary of the event it showed.

  After thirty minutes of wrangling my hair with curlers, and pulling on a soft charcoal gray, a-line, pleated, mini skirt and a black boat neck blouse I was out the door with tasteful makeup applied and without a single word from Miss Manners.

  Even with the care I took with my appearance I still stuck out like a sore thumb at the opening night of Coppelia. Opening night for Du Nuit meant tuxes and evening gowns. So I decided to sneak backstage and dip into Nikolai’s dressing room. I paused at the door recalling the painful exchange between Aleksi and myself that happened in the room. The lead male always had the same dressing room. I paused as I looked at the handful of gifts that littered the table where Nikolai’s discarded make-up pallet was. Both Ballerinas and Danseurs often did their own make-up—unless it was something elaborate. I stared at the small, near empty pots of buffs and beiges. They looked near to out, but they hadn’t been touched in a while. The tops of those warm vibrant living tones had started to crack as they dried out from disuse—he was ghastly pale now, almost like Giselle in the white act. Pursing my lips I sat on the couch, and crossed my ankles.

  I wasn’t waiting very long, it seemed mere moments passed before the soft sounds of a heard of feet padding down the hall sounded outside of the door, followed by a loud uproarious chorus of claps and cheers. The ballet had ended, and it was a success judging by the applause. However, that applause usually means there’s a good five to ten minutes to go before the dancers actually make it backstage. Suddenly I found myself anxious like I was a foreign invader in an unwelcome land. My heart beat loud and thunderous in my chest, and every breath felt like a struggle. I slid my palms over my thighs, smoothing the soft fabric of my skirt and feeling the silk of my skin. The simple habitual act seemed to calm me. You’re nervous because you know you two will be alone, which means you’ll have to be in charge. I started chewing on my bottom lip. Scared little girl.

  As though on cue Nikolai entered the room, ruddy cheeked and glistening with sweat. The black and gold waistcoat was open and the shirt underneath gapped revealing the dark lines of ink and raised intricate scar tissue peeking out beneath. He paused in the doorway when he saw me. He stood there as frozen as I was.

  “Cl-close the door,” somehow escaped my lips before I stood and walked over to the vanity and flipped on the light above the mirror. “I’m… I just came to see you. I would say you danced sublimely but I got here a little late.” I smiled at him, and he mimicked me with a nervous smile of his own as he closed the door and finally stepped in the room. The tension was clear.

  “How
did rehearsal go?” His voice was soft as a feather as it left that playful mouth of his.

  “It w-was better than I thought.” I leaned against the wall and watched him as he took a seat in front of the vanity and snatched a few makeup wipes out of a plastic container.

  “Well… if Evan didn’t lose his voice by the end you were probably wonderful.” He laughed that nervous laugh of his and started wiping the thick makeup off of his face. With the foundation, and eyeliner on, he looked almost like a stranger. He used that heavy stage paint to downplay all of the features that made it clear he was Aleksi’s blood.

  “Your hair’s getting longer.” I idly mentioned as he wiped off the last remnants of that strange face and stripped off the jacket and shirt. As always, I stared at his nude body as he started wiping the concealer from his hands; the thick airbrush paint clotted and crumbled before wiping away, revealing the tattoos on his hands and wrists. Every motion made those lean, defined muscles twitch and tense under the pallid tattooed flesh.

  “That’s the only thing about me that will ever change. If I want to keep my mortal color there’s a product I have to put in it every day… it’s just not worth it.” He trailed his fingers back through his hair and stood and I surveyed the lower half of his body encased in those pale tights. Without a word he stepped towards the closet and started undressing. I averted my gaze. It was weird, we showered together but after the conversation I had with Garrett and Leslie this morning I couldn’t shake the oddness.

  “How… how do you feel about the manifesto?” I asked as he walked back into my view dressed in his street clothes.

  “I’m not really thinking about it, I know what the Sun Cross is capable of. Mainly, I’m worried for you other than that…” He shrugged and snickered nervously. “I’m already dead. If I thought you’d listen—or that it was my place—I’d tell you to move and stay away from vampires.”

  “Thank you for your concern, but I’m staying where I am.”

  “It was a thought.” He sighed and gathered the handful of gifts from the top of the vanity. He was inches from me and that resonance made my head swim. Grabbing for a stuffed white bear his fingers brushed my thigh and he stilled with a swallow. He stood there practically trembling. As I stared at him there was admittedly a certain appeal to his clear desire for me, I could see why Aleksi adored how I acted around him. Nikolai was a mirror to me, he played my role as I played Aleksi’s. I would never call him the other half of my coin, because he wasn’t. But I cared for him, and I did love him though he was second to Aleksi.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I came here. Th-this… this was a mistake.” I shook my head and jumped off of the counter.

  “It’s okay. I meant what I said all those months ago, I’ll take you anyway I can have you. If this is all I have… I’m happy enough to just have you show that you care. That’s more than anyone else does.” I turned to look at him as he spoke, and at the end of those very frank words he flashed me a weak smile and I couldn’t not embrace him. I closed the distance between us quickly and gathered him into my arms. I savored that light headedness and the feel of his body against mine.

  It was so odd to know that he wouldn’t do anything unless I pressed it. I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that this was the same man who used to like making me crawl on my hands and knees for him as he lightly tapped at my bottom with a riding crop. My head lulled to the side as I recalled it while staring up into his beautiful face. Could I do the same to him? I thought you weren’t going to have both of them? The phantom of a smile on my lips faded and I broke our embrace looking down at the toes of my boots.

  “You should… tomorrow if you’d like, you could stand with Leslie and me at the barre. I hate knowing that you’re alone.”

  “But I am alone, in every way a person can be. My sire and father treats me like I don’t exist. I have no girlfriend. The only person in my life who doesn’t treat me like I’m a fucking inconvenience is you… and you clearly aren’t comfortable with the thought of more than one lover. I thought this would work. When Aleksi first woke up I was pretty sure it would work by the end of the night. At first I was… fuck I was angry. I did what I did for you, to save you.” He sighed and shook his head. “If you want me to go out and find someone to cover all of my needs, just say it. Aside from acting like a brat I have only ever done things for your benefit. It’s clear that you’re not comfortable with multiple partners… if it makes you feel any better neither is Aleksi.” He laughed nervously. “I’m fairly certain he wants me dead, and the only thing keeping him from ending me, is you.”

  Wetting my lips I nodded. He was so very right. It was almost painful how right he was. I couldn’t help but to think of our first few nights together and how accommodating he was then. Could I handle the thought of him with anyone else? Nope. I didn’t need to get super introspective to find out the answer. I wasn’t comfortable giving him up to Estella the other night.

  “I’m not sure what I want, this has been a very…busy year.”

  “At least the Charlotte thing is over.” Nikolai offered as he stepped away from me and grabbed a black backpack out of the closet and stuffed it with the gifts from the top of the counter.

  “I’m not so sure that she’ll go away.”

  “She’s been outed as a fraud, more people will catch on… Are you worried about Aleksi being out with Dorian?”

  “No, at least I don’t think so. I mean, they’re just friends. I’m okay with him spending time with Colette and…” I trailed off as my eyes leveled with his. His lips immediately pursed and he looked away.

  “That’s different. He tolerates Colette and fucks her when he’s bored. He and Dorian had a relationship… like what we had before. Dorian was his submissive and his lover. Rumor in the company is that they were inseparable.”

  Jealousy ate at me, my attention fixed on Nikolai and my lips set in a hard line fighting the frown that seemed at that moment inevitable. I wanted to rail on him, to scream at him for being petty and jealous. However, I knew it would accomplish nothing. He and Aleksi were trying to be accommodating to me, but just under the surface neither of them was too happy. This was probably him lashing out the only way he could. I closed the distance between us and pulled him in for a hurried hug before raising on my toes and placing a quick kiss on his cheek. It wasn’t a mistake coming to visit Nikolai, but it was a mistake to linger. I didn’t need Miss Manners to impart her two cents to know that if I stayed, Nikolai and I would have sex. There was that hot, heady tension which lurked between us, lacing even his little jealous outburst with sexual frustration. He might be legitimately warning you. And here I thought you hated Nikolai. There’s something off about Dorian Grey.

  “I’m going to head home.” I smiled up at Nikolai and nervously fished my phone out of my purse. I had no text messages, no phone calls; nothing from Aleksi to tell me when he’d be home. My fingers nervously feathered and fretted with my dark tresses.

  “I’ll walk you out.” Nikolai flashed me a nervous smile and hastily cleaned up the dressing room.

  We walked in silence, our footsteps lost to the hiss of cars passing on the stretch of rain slickened street. As we rounded the corner from behind the theater my building came into view, with the two males in front looming close to one another. I didn’t realize at first that it was Aleksi and Dorian but when I did, my throat was tight and I felt like I was going to cry as he leaned in to kiss the slightly shorter male.

  “Aleksi!” I squawked. There was nothing sexy about my voice, oh no, it was pure panic and desperation. What else had they been doing all night that warranted a kiss goodbye? Miss Manners was stunned in silence as I ran across the street without looking to the tune of horns honking, Nikolai followed behind me. The rain picked up again, hard and heavy, soaking me in seconds. Still I stood there, staring, and mute. My voice had left with the rain that hid my threatening tears. Without thinking I grabbed for Nikolai’s hand squeezing it for comfort as
betrayal welled up inside of me.

  “Don’t you fucking touch her!” Aleksi growled at Nikolai, before he shoved the younger vampire, breaking his hold on my hand. Dorian started laughing, his utter delight at watching them fight made my stomach turn.

  “Stop it!” I hushed out, my voice almost swallowed by the rain that still fell torrentially from the sky.

  “Russians are so brutish aren’t they?” Dorian smirked as he watched the two men fight like he was admiring a painting.

  “I think you should leave.” Again my voice was almost gobbled whole by the rain and the dull thuds of fists pounding on flesh.

  “Oh no, I’m Aleksi’s guest not yours.” Dorian smirked at me and I turned from him back to Aleksi and Nikolai. “Sometimes, a certain type of man needs to be physical to rid themselves of frustration, Miss Darling.” The anger and jealousy I felt was quickly replaced with guilt and helplessness. “And you don’t really sound very sincere. But you do sound like you want that to stop. Do you have a problem with violence?” Every word that fell from his lips made my stomach twist over and over again. It was like he didn’t care what Aleksi was doing. I rushed to Aleksi’s side, grabbing his wrist, trying to get him to stop.

  “Stop!” I yelled as my power slipped between them and held them apart. “Stop it!”

  Aleksi dropped his fist and Nikolai sagged against the wall. Nikolai spat blood out onto the sidewalk, the scent was so strong I could almost taste freshly minted copper pennies in my mouth. Beyond that I could feel the rawness settling into my face from both of their wounds. My lip felt like it was split, I could feel the soft sting from sweat and rain. However, my lip wasn’t split, my tongue traced the flesh finding it whole.

  “Can we please just go inside?” I sighed out rubbing my cheek that now had a dull ache settling in.

  Aleksi blinked. “Let’s go in.” He almost repeated as he shook his head. It was like he wasn’t aware of what he had done. Both Aleksi and Nikolai hobbled into the building leaving me to stand outside with Dorian who was grinning happily. I stepped in front of him and took a deep breath.