There were rows and rows of chairs set up filled with members of the town and from the base. With the casket only a few feet in front of her, she lost it. The symbolic boots, rifle, Kevlar, and dog tags were propped centered in front with the American flag draped on the casket behind. There seemed to be more flowers scattered everywhere, encasing it in a jungle of color and beauty. His picture stood tall and proud at the front, showcasing to them the handsome, strong, amazing man he was. The team all lined up, getting ready for the formal military burial procedures. This was it…this was the end.
Bella went numb. The chaplain went into a eulogy, bringing light to all of the wonderful things Jared had done in his life, from birth to death. His family was recognized, as was his fellow brothers in arms. She could hear the words the man spoke, but felt so far away and distanced from the events taking place not five feet from her, as if she were at the bottom of a long narrow hall. He quoted from the Bible, ending with the word of God in a blessing to Jared’s soul as he made his way behind the pearly gates. Everyone was asked to stand in a prayer next. Bella felt Mrs. Sanders steady her when her legs threatened to give out, holding her upright. She couldn’t control her body. Her heart had broken so much it hurt in her entire being. It took all of her strength and concentration to last through the prayer and moment of silence before she collapsed into her chair. She couldn’t stop her hands from trembling in the deepest devastation one could never imagine. A girl in her teens rose and walked to the front to sing “Old Wooden Cross” as part of the ceremony. Her innocent voice sounded angelic through each lyric, floating a loving hand from the heavens above over Bella’s, stopping their shakes. Calmness washed over her, giving her the ability to sit through the rest of it. This is for Jared. He has been so strong for us, it is time for me to be for him. Help me, God. Her last bit of willpower was fading fast. The hour-long service seemed to drag on for days. She didn’t want to say good-bye. It just felt so unfair.
When the music stopped, General Ashburn addressed the troops. “SGM Reynolds, take accountability.”
Leland stepped forward, stopping with precise movements. “CPT Williams?”
Brody answered loudly, “Present and accounted for, SGM Reynolds.”
“MSG Hughes?” Leland called out next.
“Present and accounted for, SGM Reynolds,” Nick answered proudly.
“SFC Strong?”
“Present and accounted for, SGM Reynolds,” Alex answered.
“SSG Shaver?” He called out Jared’s name, allowing the silence to fill the area. He waited, as if allowing Jared time to speak up. Leland asked again, “Staff Sergeant Jared Shaver?” Still, no answer. By this time, Bella lost it. Michael, Alaina, and Mrs. Sanders were all trying to get a hold of her as she fell to her knees on the grass. The true pain and agony hit at this exact moment. Violet took the kids to the back to sit by Betty and John, Bella’s parents, not wanting them to see their momma in pieces. Betty rose and took the kids away, knowing there was no reason for them to see the rest of the service at their young age. John stayed behind, scooting up to sit in the seat behind Bella. He kept his hand on her shoulder, offering that special ‘daddy’ support and strength. Under normal circumstances she would have been ecstatic to see her parents, but this wasn’t normal. John seemed to understand, and laced his fingers with hers.
Every woman, man, soldier, and biker who were present had tears streaking down their cheeks. This moment was the hardest of all. The entire team cried for their brother. One last call rang out. “Staff Sergeant Jared A. Shaver?” Leland’s voice shook this time, showing how hard it affected them all. Even with all of their precision and perfection with every move and word, he couldn’t help the emotion from wavering his words. After no answer the third time, Leland said, “Present Arms! A salute to us and those like us—damn few left!” All of the men shifted in formation, firing off the three rifle volleys, equaling twenty-one gun shots into the air. With each shot, she jumped. Each empty shell felt like a bullet hitting her square in the chest. When they ceased fire, taps were played. Bella had no recollection of the rest of the service. She accepted the flag that had been folded precisely and handed to her from General Ashburn himself, and was escorted to the coffin for a final good-bye by the entire team. They grouped around her, holding her upright, giving her the support she was unable to manage alone. When she finally stepped away, they lowered him into the ground and tossed the first few shovels of dirt in out of respect.
All of the bikers, women, Cavalry, and other patrons made a guarded aisle for her to walk protected away from the slanderous Westland Baptist Church. By this time, they had quit their chants from the ‘peaceful’ threats the bikers had given.
Joker and Kodiak took her back to the limo and got her propped between them. The others followed, taking her home to calm her down, somehow.
Chapter Eight
The team had managed to move Bella into one of the larger cabins on the property in just a few days and got her cleared from housing. Her kitchen had been stocked with an overabundance of food every Friday, which was almost unnecessary given they ate most meals at the main house. She had no bills but her car, Jared’s Jeep, and the auto insurance aside from all of the debt that her mother-in-law had caused. It was a damn miracle. The entire team had pulled together during her time of need and wiped all of her troubles away without a second thought. Every day was a struggle to get through with her broken heart and raw unhealed emotions that still got the better of her more often than not, but she had a few moments from time to time that she could get through without falling back into tears.
Each member of the tight knit group went out of their way to check on her and include her in daily life and activities around the farm.
She had quickly grown close to them all, and was so grateful they were there after her parents had to fly back home in a hurry for doctor appointments. Her daddy had tried to get her to go home with them and live, but their tiny trailer was barely big enough for the two of them, much less for two kids and her on top of that. Her momma had promised to find a way to return in the next few weeks, but no matter how hard she may try, Bella knew there was no way they could afford it, and felt like crap for not being able to enjoy their rare and infrequent visit. Maybe someday she could make it back to see them and take the kids, if she ever found a way to survive. Even if the life insurance policy did get released, it wasn’t enough to live on for very long. She had no education aside from high school, and hadn’t worked anything besides crappy little jobs in the past twelve years. There was no way she could land anything more than a minimum wage job. With so many things that still needed a solution, Bella tried to push it all out of her mind until she could think clearly. Clearly…humph. Who was she kidding? Did one ever think clearly after losing their husband?
Joker had stuck close, trying to help in any way he could. Today was proving to be one of the most difficult so far. Her mind had taken over, swarming into the dark pools of depression. As if she had sent up black flags to fly over the house and transmitted some sort of ESPN signal, there as a knock at her door, and no doubt as to who it was. He knocked relentlessly until she answered. She didn’t want to deal or cope with anyone or anything today, but knew he wouldn’t go away until she did.
Joker leaned against the doorframe looking hotter than sin, making her feel even worse. His eyes roamed over her from head to toe, taking in the fuzzy pajamas she was still clad in and the hair piled lopsided at the top of her head. If she had the energy, she would have been embarrassed. Today, she stared aimlessly and emotionlessly, waiting until he was done with his once over.
“Come on, honey. Let’s get you out for a little bit. You need fresh air.” His tone left little room for argument, but Bella still just shook her head.
She glared at him like he had lost a screw. “Thanks, but not today. I don’t feel good.” Instead of inviting him in like she normally did, she just stood, praying he wouldn’t be persistent and would go away. No such lu
ck. He pushed the door open and brushed past her, fetching her coat and shoes. Without saying a word, he leaned down and stuck each hot pink zebra striped fuzzy sock into each of her fuzzy topped boots despite her many protests. She all but pulled away, barely able to stop the childish move. Instead, she stood and watched, sticking her arms in the sleeves of her jacket when he pulled it over her shoulders. Before she knew what was going on, he had her by the hand and was pulling her out the door.
She scooted her feet, shuffling behind him off the porch and down the drive. Once he had her far enough he thought she wouldn’t make a break for it, he slowed his pace and turned to see her reaction. If reasons for her demeanor weren’t so grave, he would have burst out laughing. Bella’s face was scrunched up with her eyebrows furrowed and her bottom lip pooching out in the same fashion Skyler does when he has to go to bed early on a weekend. Her frump and grump was absolutely adorable. “Come on, Oscar the Grouch. The best thing for a bad day is a fishing pole and the great outdoors.” Before he could finish his sentence, she had turned on her heel and started back to the cabin. He hopped over and cut her off, turning her by her shoulders and pressing her on. Low grumbles escaped her, making a grin impossible.
Little by little, they made their way to the creek that lay behind the barn. He watched her out of the corner of his eye. Even with her frump going on, she was breathtaking. He watched her hair glisten in the sunlight, bouncing with every step. Even in the baggy clothing, he could see the curvacious, perfect figure that lay beneath. As his eyes took her in, his stomach ached. He shouldn't be checking her out damn it! Immediately Jared flashed through his thoughts, dropping his heart back into his knees. Being around her was both a huge help, and a ginormous curse. She reminded him that Jared was gone, and made the pain hollow his soul...but in the same instant being with her helped mend that hole.
Bella stopped, shocked at the thoughtfulness he had put into the outing. Her mood had already changed immensely.
“Come on over and have a seat.” He motioned to two lawn chairs set out lining the water’s edge. Neatly propped in front of each was a fishing pole, with a tackle box and ice chest in the middle. It took a little love shove, but he managed to set her feet moving toward the layout.
“This is all very sweet. It is beautiful out here.” Bella reached for the Styrofoam bowl of worms and popped the lid.
“She speaks! Ladies and Gentlemen, we have performed a miracle!” he teased. Joker was more than glad she had finally broken out of the death spell for even a few minutes.
Bella shot him a half goofy, half dirty look before grinning. “Laugh it up. So, maybe I did need out of the house.” Her mood lifted, focusing more on the slimy worm she was shoving on the hook and his light teasing instead of the negativity that plagued her.
“Do you want me to bait your hook for you?”
“No. I am not that girlie. My dad would kick my butt if he found out I had to have someone put the worm on for me. I don't mind getting my hands dirty from time to time.” The corners of her mouth tilted up ever so slightly and her eyes glassed over in the memories of her past.
“Glad to hear. In that case, here you can put mine on while you are at it. I don't want to ruin my manicure.” He held up his hands with a diva's flare, examining the short, work-calloused hand.
Bella shook her head and smiled, shooing the tip of his pole away that he had stuck in her lap. “I don't think so, mister. Here, there is a big, fat, juicy one on top.” She handed the container to him. After they both hooked their worms and cast their fishing rods, she turned to Joker and smeared the dirt from her fingers off on his jeans.
“Hey!” He took a dab of the dirt and wiped it on her nose, finally getting a giggle out of her, which led into a worm fight until she got a bite. The twinkle in her eye came back for that split little second, warming his heart. As she reeled it in, he just sat and watched her. She was truly an amazing woman. He had woken up with a negative, depressed attitude, and had been adamant on snapping out of it. The only medicine and fix to help was Bella. Joker had alienated himself from the rest of the team since the funeral. From the guilt of not being there to help them take down the fuckers that did this, to his own mourning, they had all let him be, checking on him from time to time but giving him the space he needed.
As the afternoon drew on, she found herself feeling better and having a somewhat good time. If guilt would stop popping up every few minutes, it had the possibility of being a perfect day.
Joker worked her into a smile gradually. With the simple brush of his hand against hers while he helped untangle her string, or the casual friendly shoulder bump, she began to reciprocate touches and nudges without realizing.
“You are out-fishing me. This has to be against the law somewhere.” He fake pouted in a slump.
“Nope. It just proves that women are better fishers, that’s all. We do need you to take the fish off the hook for us though.”
“Oh, now you’re talking smack. I will take it. At least I am needed.” He smiled and reached into the cooler, retrieving a thermos of hot coco and two cups. He added a handful of mini marshmallows to each before handing her one. “Here, I knew it would be chilly, so I had Mrs. Sanders make up her famous coco.”
Bella grinned and took a sip, letting the cup warm her freezing hands. “Mmmmm, this is delicious! That woman is a genius in the kitchen. Thanks. I needed something to warm me up.”
“You’re welcome. Yeah, I have packed on ten pounds from her ‘genius’. Leland and Brody are working on turning one of the old barns into a gym. At the rate we’re all going, we will be too fat to strap our flak vests on.”
Before the day was over, he had scooted closer to her and was able to get a giggle from time to time. The highlight of the afternoon had been when he wandered off to take a leak and came back with a bouquet of wild winter Hebe blossoms, honeysuckle, and white Fatsia blooms. Her face lit up and a sliver of light had made its way back into the paleness of her cheeks. Mission accomplished.
Over the next few days, Joker made it a point to show up and force her to do something besides wallow in grief. If only for a couple hours a day, he started bringing her out of the dark place she so wanted to stay.
****
Back at the main house, the team was growing restless. The few weeks that had passed since the funeral had left them all in a funk, sinking morale to an all-time low. In an effort to give them an outlet, Michael and Brody had spent a whole afternoon turning one of the side barns into a gym. What better way to relieve pent up emotions than being able to sweat it out and beat it on the sparring mats? Just before dinnertime, they made their way back to show the others.
Michael stepped in the door, followed by Brody close behind. The whole team was there ready to munch down on the amazing culinary work of Mrs. Sanders.
“Hey, we have a surprise for everyone. If you will all follow me, please.” Brody did a dramatic bow, with one arm extended outward and the other folded across his waist.
“What kind of surprise? If I go out there and you have more stalls to muck or fence that needs fixed I swear I'm going to beat the living shit out of you. I have freaking blisters on my hands and enough cuts and scrapes to last a lifetime,” Kodiak whined. He had lost at rock-paper-scissors and was stuck with the most hated chores today.
“How the hell is a Sasquatch lookin' bastard like you whining like a baby over a few little farm chores? Alaina does what you did today all the time, and a heck of a lot faster. I have never heard her whine not once,” Leland joked.
“Because she isn't normal, that's why. Have you seen that woman toss a bale of hay? She has a catapult arm that puts Hulk and I both to shame.” Kodiak grinned at Alaina, who had just walked in on the conversation.
“I am just not a big sissy la la like you boys are. You and I can trade places tomorrow, Kodiak. I will go fix the fences and clean out the horse stalls if you stay here and dust, vacuum, sweep, mop, scrub toilets, do laundry, and get dinner ready.” She had
to bite her lip at his reaction. “And that is all before lunch time. After, you have a bigger list.”
“After lunch when everyone goes back to work, it's playtime. Tomorrow is Little Red Riding Hood. You will look hot in a pair of red thigh highs and a velvet cape, bro.” Leland busted out laughing. There was no way to keep a straight face with the big bear twisting his face like he was sucking on a lemon. His eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head. It took a few moments for recognition to set in that Leland was joking.
“No thanks. I'll take the pain of a few more wounds. You two couldn't handle all of this sexiness.” Kodiak ran his hands up and down his torso in a burlesque fashion, puckering his lips out in a fish kiss. The group erupted in laughter, only egging him on. Vince let out a catcall, whistling and tossing dollar bills in his direction. “This is the best entertainment I have had since I got here! Come on over here, big boy, and show me what daddy likes!”
Kodiak stood up out of his chair and did a mock lap dance to it, bouncing his butt in a twerk. When Michael walked in on the hilarious display, the room went silent. Like always, he had went in to 'check' on lunch, which everyone knew it had more to do about him finding a reason to talk to Mrs. Sanders and less to do with him wanting to put a rush on the meal. Lately, he had become more laid back than he had been for as long as Leland could remember. His grumpy ol' coot of a dad was smitten with the sweet lady. The man had old-time values and a hard as steel exterior that was melting fast. Yesterday, he had caught him with a red apron on and a rolling pin in his hands. Living on a farm, especially after his mom had passed away, him and Michael both had to learn to do the domestic stuff around the house that had always been considered 'woman's work'. They could cook a few meals, and manage to keep the house from getting gross, but never had either of them taken a hand at baking. The homemade pie that was served after dinner looked like a train had railed over it a few times, but Mrs. Sanders' eyes sparked with pride. Which, if his dad's expression was anything to go off of, had earned him some major brownie points. Leland was glad. Michael deserved happiness for once.
Broken Battlefield, Mended Hearts (Breaking Protocol Series Book 2) Page 10