Right Under My Nose

by Parker, Ali

  “No, I just got back from doing something actually,” I replied, and I could practically hear her ears perk up on the other end of the line.

  “Oh?” she prompted me. “Do tell.”

  “I was out with Holden, remember?” I reminded her. “We went out for lunch, and I helped him pick out a suit.”

  “So you were on a date with him,” she corrected me, and I pulled a face even though she was at least a little bit right.

  “I was getting to know him better—”

  “By going on a date with him,” she repeated, and I laughed and shook my head.

  “You’re not going to drop this, are you? We’re a couple of people looking to help each other out.”

  “The truth? No, not planning to,” she replied and yawned again. I could hear the creak of her old couch as she bounced back against the pillows and waited for me to go on.

  “So what happened?” she asked curiously, and I pressed my lips together. I wasn’t sure how much of this I wanted to tell her.

  “Well, like I said, he needed me to help him pick out a suit, so I did, and we found something really cool,” I explained. “Then he took me to a coffee place that he used to go to when he lived in the area.”

  “Yeah, that’s a date,” she confirmed. “And a cute one at that. So, what happened after that? You’re calling me for a reason, I know that much.”

  “I was saying to him that I probably knew him well enough to start setting him up with people,” I explained. “But then he suggested that I spend some more time with him and Hunter first.”

  “Because he wants to see you again,” she pointed out. “Because you guys are totally dating.”

  “Right, yeah, I remember now,” I replied, knowing she had gotten stuck on this and that there would be no shaking her from it. “So, what did you get up to last night? Anything exciting?”

  “Nothing much, but I’ll fill you in anyway,” she replied, and soon I lost myself in a conversation with Zoe about her night, about work, about the parents we couldn’t stand. But at the back of my mind, I was beginning to tip over toward Holden once again and what exactly he had planned for the three of us when we ended up together next. I couldn’t wait to find out.

  15

  Holden

  Raymond poured us both a cup of coffee as Hunter helped Olivia in the kitchen. Hunter had always gotten on well with my best friend’s wife, and she had treated him like a practice baby, preparation for when their own had come along. They were baking something, I was pretty sure. I could hear them giggling and laughing away as they worked together.

  “So, what do you think?” Raymond sat down opposite me and handed me a mug, and I drew my gaze from the kitchen and back to him.

  “Hmm? Oh, with the company.” I nodded. We had been discussing work, a design of ours that seemed to have caught the eye of a business in the city. They seemed to like the look of it but were going back and forth for a lower price, which I wasn’t going to give them.

  “I think they’re going to take it,” I said. “In fact, I’m certain of it. They just need to get their heads around the fact that they’re not going to find anyone better for the price, and I think they’ll be all right with it.”

  “Right.” Raymond sank into a chair opposite me and pinched the bridge of his nose. I recognized the exhaustion on his face all too well. The baby had recently gone to sleep upstairs, and he was probably glad for the moment’s peace he was clinging to right now.

  “You tired?”

  “I didn’t even know it was possible to be this exhausted,” he replied, taking a sip of his coffee as though it was the only thing keeping him upright. “I have no idea how you did this with a business to run as well.”

  “People keep saying that to me lately,” I muttered, remembering that Autumn had mentioned it a couple of times when we had been hanging out together. Or maybe it was that her words had a habit of getting stuck in my head. One or the other.

  “Yeah, well, I feel like I’m hardly getting a moment to breathe, and I’m not running a business.” He leaned back and eyed me for a moment. “You sure you’re not some kind of superhuman?”

  “I might have been back then, but I sure as hell am not now.” I chuckled.

  “You ever think about packing the business in for a while?” he wondered. “I mean, you’ve probably made enough money to have you and Hunter and any kids he might have set up for life, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, probably.” I agreed. “I guess I just… I like running the place, that’s all. Gave me a sense of purpose when I didn’t feel like I had one.”

  “You’re not planning on expanding, are you?” he pressed, and I shook my head.

  “Nah, I don’t want things to get any bigger than they already are,” I conceded. “It’s hard enough as it is now, balancing all of it. I don’t want any more than I’ve already got.”

  “Right.” He shifted in his seat and watched me for a moment. Raymond knew me well enough that I sometimes felt he could peer straight through me, and I wasn’t sure if I appreciated that as a skill of his or not.

  “I want to make a name for myself, for Hunter,” I replied, even though I knew he wasn’t trying to come out here attacking me. I didn’t know why I felt the urge to defend myself, maybe because I had started questioning my own life choices recently, and it had me second-guessing everything I’d ever done with my life so far.

  “I do get that,” he replied. Raymond had been around me long enough to know what had kicked me into starting the company in the first place, and that was a wound he didn’t want to stick his fingers into.

  “But you can’t live your entire life trying to make it right, buddy.” He leaned toward me. In the kitchen, Hunter let out a burst of laughter, and I smiled as I turned in the direction it was coming from. It was so good to hear him happy and interacting with somebody else. Ever since Autumn had taken me aside and let me know what she thought about his development, I had been hyperaware of the way he interacted with other people. I had been sure it was totally normal for a kid of his age to want to hold back a little, to be his own person before he started involving others. It was what I had been like when I was his age. But she knew better than I did. How many classes had she been through, helping kids like Hunter through the hard parts? I should have taken her seriously right off the bat, not dismissed her out of hand like she was out to get me personally.

  “I know, I know.” I turned back to the conversation at hand. “And I’ve moved on from her. I don’t even think about her anymore.”

  “All right.” He cocked an eyebrow, and I knew he was incredulous in the face of what I was saying. And I understood. I had spent most of my adult life doing everything I could to prove Hunter’s mother wrong about me, about the kind of person she was convinced I was.

  “Hey, speaking of women.” He leaned forward with interest. “What’s happening with you and that woman?”

  “Oh, the blind date?” I played it as cool as I could, even though the very mention of her name sent my pulse racing more than it should have. “Yeah, I guess things are going well. As friends, though.”

  “Hmm.” He raised his other eyebrow. “Just friends, huh?”

  “Yeah, that’s right,” I replied firmly, trying to convince myself as much as I was him. “She helped me pick out a suit the other day, says she’s going to find me some dates to wear it on.”

  “Oh, is she now?” Raymond grinned widely. “Sounds fun. How do you feel about that?”

  “Honestly, I know I should be getting back out there,” I admitted, “but I’m not sure I’ll find someone who fits with Hunter and me, you know? That seems like a long shot.”

  “A guy like you, with your success, with a cute son to match?” Raymond remarked. “I don’t think you’re going to have all that much trouble.”

  “You flatter me,” I replied dryly. “But they haven’t exactly been beating down my door the last nine years.”

  “Hey, it’s not like you’ve ever ope
ned that door to check,” he pointed out, and I cocked my head, conceding the point.

  “I suppose you’re right,” I agreed. “But I’ve been so busy. I don’t see that changing in a major way.”

  “But it will, now that Hunter’s older,” he pointed out. “You’re going to have more and more time the older he gets, don’t you think?”

  “I guess I don’t want that yet,” I confessed. “Him growing away from me, I mean. I want him to be his own man, but it’s only been the two of us for so long, you know?”

  “Well, you might get luckier than you think.” He held his hands up. “Plenty of women who would fit with you guys. Someone good with kids. A school teacher, off the top of my head.”

  “Oh, come on.” I rolled my eyes at him. “You know we can be friends and that’s fine, right?”

  “Yeah, yeah. So, you seeing her again? To convene on potential dates for you?”

  “Actually, we are.” A smile spread across my face. “I’m looking forward to it, for what it’s worth.”

  “So tell me, what are you doing with her?” he asked. “Something platonic, no doubt?”

  “I’m taking her out on the yacht.” I shrugged, and he spluttered into his coffee.

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  “I wanted to get to know her better,” I said. “She needs to get to know me and Hunter if she’s going to find a woman who’s a fit for both of us.”

  “Taking her out on your yacht, though?” he remarked. “That’s tailor-made to impress her, you must know that.”

  “I’m only showing her what the reality of my life is,” I replied calmly. I knew where he was coming from. I could see why he might have thought I was coming out here to make a point about what kind of guy I was, but it wasn’t like that. No matter how much he seemed to hope it was.

  “Yeah, but the reality of your life is that you don’t spend so much time out on that thing, do you?” he reminded me.

  “Yeah, but Hunter loves it, and I want to show her what he’s like outside of school,” I explained. “She only knows him as the quiet kid in her class, and I want her to see that he’s so much more than that.”

  “And show her that you’ve got more to you than meets the eye as well, no doubt?” Raymond added for me. I shook my head, not wanting to admit he was somewhat right. I mean, if she did wind up liking the yacht, even being a little impressed by it, then that was no bad thing, was it? I was showing her everything that came with my life, so she would be able to better match me with someone who shared or wanted to share the same kind of lifestyle as I did.

  “Well, I’m just saying, the yacht is a lot,” Raymond said with a laugh. “I can’t imagine how I’d react if someone showed me something like that within the first few dates.”

  “Not dates, remember?” I corrected him. “We’re friends. This is all in aid of trying to find me a date in the first place.”

  “Mm-hmm, yeah, sure.” he nodded, eyes wide and faux-serious, as though he didn’t buy a word of what was coming out of my mouth.

  “You think the yacht is a little much?” I asked. I hadn’t been around anyone new in my personal life for so long, I had no idea where the line between appropriate and showing the fuck off was any longer.

  “Maybe,” he said, lifting a hand to head off any protest. “But if you say it’s platonic, and she’s clear on that too, I don’t see much of an issue. At least you know she’s going to remember this.”

  “Right.” I settled back into my seat, somewhat more satisfied than I had been. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that perhaps he was right that this was a little too much.

  “Dad!” a voice came from the kitchen, and I glanced up, pulling out of the weird place in my head I had dropped into for a minute there. I ran my hands over my head and got to my feet, heading to find my son.

  “What’s up, little guy?” I asked, grinning at Olivia in greeting as I joined them.

  “We just finished making cookies,” Olivia told me. “And Hunter wants you to try one.”

  “Let me get my coffee, and I’ll be right back,” I said, eyeing the fresh-made batch of cookies sitting on the counter in front of them. They did look good, I had to admit. I grinned as I headed to grab my cup, happy to have some time with the people I loved most in the world. No wonder I had never bothered seeking out anyone new. Why would I when I was already surrounded by so many amazing people?

  Still, my mind strayed to her and our day on the yacht I had planned. I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when she saw what I had prepared for us. In fact, I just couldn’t wait to see her face, full stop. And maybe there was more to that than I would have cared to admit. Even to myself.

  16

  Autumn

  I planted my hands on my hips and surveyed the cafeteria. Everything seemed to be as it should be—groups of friends were sitting around, chatting away, laughing and kicking their legs and waving their arms like they were happy to be there. Well, except one kid. The kid who I’d been focused on the last few weeks.

  I watched Hunter for a while as he sat at the end of one of the tables, picking at his lunch and staring intently at a spot somewhere off in space across the room. The other kids at the table didn’t seem to be saying anything to him, not picking on him specifically. They were acting as though he wasn’t even there. He glanced in their direction a couple of times, his eyes hopeful, and then returned to his food, as though he believed it wasn’t worth the trouble to try and engage with them. I grimaced, and I knew I had to go over there and talk to him. I couldn’t bear the sight of him sitting there all by himself. It didn’t seem fair or right.

  There was another lunch monitor on that day, and I raised my eyebrows at him and tipped my chin toward Hunter to let him know what I planned to do. He smiled back, letting me know I was good to go, and I headed over to the boy and perched myself down next to him. Jesus, I always forgot how low these seats were. I had to plant a firm foot on the floor to make sure I didn’t go careening over on the spot.

  “You mind if I join you?” I asked him gently, and Hunter glanced up at me and shrugged.

  “No.” he shook his head. His food was nearly uneaten, and I felt another buzz of concern. A growing boy like him needed every bit of nutrition he could get in his body, and this wasn’t exactly encouraging that.

  “How are you doing today?” I asked him, cocking my head in his direction, and he shrugged again.

  “Fine,” he replied. “How are you?”

  “I’m really good, thanks,” I told him. He had impeccable manners. I had to concede that—just like his father. I flushed as I thought of Holden and pushed him quickly to the back of my mind. This wasn’t about him. It was about Hunter.

  “So you like eating by yourself?” I asked. Hunter gave me a look. He wasn’t a stupid kid, and he probably knew his lack of enthusiasm for the other kids in his class wasn’t going unnoticed by the staff. Plus, he had to be somewhat aware of what was going on with his dad, and he knew whatever was going on between us wasn’t exactly standard procedure.

  “I guess,” he replied, picking up his packet of chips like he had noticed me noticing his lack of consumption.

  “Can I ask you something?” I leaned in a little closer as if I were going to share a secret with him and waited for his nod. “Why don’t you like to sit with the other kids?”

  I furrowed my brow like it was a genuine mystery to me that I needed his help figuring out. He glanced beyond me to the small cluster at the other end of the table, all of whom randomly exploded into laughter at that very moment. He returned his gaze to me and shook his head.

  “I’m not cool enough for them,” he told me, and my heart sank. It was one thing for children to be left out of some social groups by their peers. Dynamics at this age were hard, and we could at least intervene to make sure they were included where we could encourage it. But it was nearly impossible when that division came from this self-imposed exclusion, when the child in question clearly didn’t believe
they would ever be able to do anything to make themselves part of the group.

  “That’s not true,” I protested. “You’re very cool, Hunter. Besides, that’s not the only thing you can do to be friends with someone. There are lots of qualities beyond just coolness.”

  “That’s what they care about, though,” he replied, a little glumly. It would have been totally inappropriate, but I wanted nothing more than to give this kid a big hug and tell him everything was going to be all right. But I was already picking him out of the crowd enough. Anything more, and the other kids would begin to notice, and that was only going to make the situation worse.

  “I don’t think that’s true either.” I shook my head, but I could see that this conversation wasn’t exactly helping matters so I decided to shift toward something a little nicer instead.

  “Hey, I’m going to be visiting you and your dad this weekend, right?” I reminded him. Hunter’s face instantly brightened, and I felt a wave of relief that I’d managed to move toward something a little more positive.

  “Yeah, that’s right!” he replied, smiling.

  “Are you looking forward to it?” I asked. I knew this was an odd situation, but it wasn’t the first time I had followed up with a student’s parents outside of school, and it wouldn’t be the last either. I knew I was making excuses to myself as to why I felt that zing in my chest every time I thought about Holden and spending more time with him, but that initial attraction would fade eventually. Once we spent more time together, I would be able to see him as the truly platonic friend that he was.

  “Yeah.” Hunter nodded excitedly. “My dad says we’re going to—”

  He stopped himself short and narrowed his eyes at me, and I almost burst out laughing. Sometimes, just once in a while, the kids I worked with would do something so strikingly adult that it took me a second to remember they were children, not little adults trapped inside tiny bodies. This was one of those times, as Hunter silently tried to parse something without giving too much away.