by Parker, Ali
We arrived at this goofy little diner with a bunch of old-fashioned arcade games, great boxy things that looked as though they would need industrial cranes to move them, and Hunter showed me his favorites and his skills. Holden ordered a selection from the menu, and I sat down at one of the little booths next to him. The seats so small, we were all pressed up against each other.
“See? The food is good here,” Hunter fired in his father’s direction, taking a sip from an enormous chocolate milkshake and reaching for the plate of pancakes.
“Sure is,” I agreed, and Holden cocked his eyebrow at me playfully.
“Taking his side over mine? Duly noted,” he teased, and I grinned as I started to tuck in.
As we ate together, and Holden and Hunter chatted about the high scores on his games and how Hunter planned to beat them, I let myself settle into the moment. I hadn’t realized how much I had needed this. I could never have imagined being this close with a family other than my own, and I certainly had never guessed I would get involved with a single father. I might have worked with kids, but that didn’t mean I wanted them in my personal life as well. But this was… good. Easy. Fun.
And then Hunter’s question from before drifted back into my mind, and I tensed slightly. It wasn’t that I was worried I had said the wrong thing. I had hardly said anything at all, and I couldn’t imagine that I would spark something awful with the vagueness I’d offered him. But he was without a mother. He had always been without a mother.
Now that I was here, that was going to change a little bit. Whether I liked it or not, it was clear that motherhood was the role Hunter wanted me to play for him—maybe even needed to. And Holden being open to me spending time with the two of them together as a family meant I was already slotting into that position. Which was flattering and thus far, I was enjoying my place with Hunter and Holden, but what if I wasn’t enough? What if, when things got hard, I didn’t know what the fuck to do? I had never done anything like this before, and I was so scared that I was going to do or say something that hurt one of them. They were so wrapped up in each other that to hurt one would be to hurt both.
“You okay?” Holden nudged me, and I blinked and remembered where I was. No time for drifting off into neuroses.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I assured him, and I smiled and grabbed a handful of curly fries. I had to keep focused on the here and now, what was right in front of me, and stop my brain from straying to places it had no right going. I was having a good time and so were they. For the time being, that was all that mattered.
40
Holden
I was pouring myself a coffee as a well-earned break from work when I got the call. I wasn’t expecting anything from anyone. It was the end of the school day soon, and I would be going to pick Hunter up from one of the clubs he was part of, but I grabbed my phone anyway and answered at once.
“Hello?” I greeted the person on the other end of the line, pinning the cell between my shoulder and my ear as I poured my coffee.
“Hello, Holden?” A man’s voice I didn’t recognize came down the line, and I furrowed my brow.
“Yeah, that’s me,” I replied. “Who’s speaking?”
“This is Paul Robertson,” the man replied, and it took me a moment to place the name. I knew it from somewhere, and then it hit me. Hunter’s principal.
“Is everything all right?” I asked, concerned. I had never had a call from him at home before.
“Hunter’s safe,” he promised me at once. “But he’s in some trouble. We need you to come by the school to pick him up and so we can talk.”
“I’ll be right there.” I hung up and dumped my coffee down the drain. Hurrying to the car, I wondered what in the name of hell he could have gotten wrapped up in. I had never known Hunter to be anything other than a model student before. I hoped he hadn’t gotten into a fight. Maybe some other kids had started picking on him, bullying him, and things had gotten out of control? My mind was racing as I hurried to make it to the school, and when I arrived, I went straight through to the principal’s office.
“Hello?” I opened the door and found Hunter sitting in a small chair in the corner waiting for me. I instantly went to him, checking him all over to make sure there were no visible injuries, but he seemed fine. He squirmed away from me, as though he wished he could have been anywhere else but there.
“Hello, Holden. Take a seat, please.” Paul pointed to the chair opposite him. I did as I was told, straightening my jacket and looking at him expectantly.
“We called you in today because Hunter was caught painting his name on the side of the school building with another boy.” He sighed, sounding as though he was already exhausted with this and wanted to go straight home.
“What?” I glanced around at my son, hardly able to believe what I was hearing. He looked away from me, going bright red as he did so.
“We caught him about an hour ago,” Paul continued. “We wanted to call you in to discuss the best mode of discipline going forward.”
“I’ll pay for any damages,” I assured him at once, “and Hunter will come in over the weekend to paint over anything he left there. Right?”
I turned to Hunter, who nodded. He was still squirming in his seat, as though he couldn’t wait to get away.
“He’ll also receive a week of detention from the school,” Paul replied. “Since this is his first incident, we’ll leave it to you to discipline him the best way you see fit. For future incidents, though, he will receive a harsher punishment, and we’ll expect to meet with you again to discuss options going forward.”
“Of course.” I nodded, and I did my best to keep my brow furrowed and my face serious in light of what he was telling me. Of course, I was angry. Hunter shouldn’t have been pulling shit like that, and he knew better than to deface property in that way. But at the same time, there was some part of me that didn’t mind his acting out as much as I perhaps should have. After all, how long had I been hoping he would start acting like a kid his age?
“Thank you for coming in.” Paul shook my hand and glanced over at Hunter to give him one last long look. “You’re both free to leave now.”
Hunter hopped off the seat and trailed behind me out to the car. He didn’t say a word, probably thinking I was mad at him and he was in for a chewing-out as soon as he opened his mouth—which I would give him, of course, because I didn’t want to be caught in the middle of raising a little vandal. But it was hard to be too cross with him.
He climbed into the seat next to mine and turned to look out the window. Despite the downturned corners of his mouth, there to convince anyone looking that he felt bad for what he’d done, I could see a glimmer in his eyes—something like amusement, as though he was going over what he’d done in his head and couldn’t get over how fun it had been. I had pulled plenty of stunts like that one when I was a kid and I had turned out all right. I had done them alongside all my best friends, all the kids who’d made my life worth living when I was growing up. If he could be a part of some of that energy, then I wasn’t going to begrudge him a little bit of nonsense in the process.
“Are you mad at me?” Hunter asked quietly as we pulled in to the driveway of the house. He had been silent the entire trip back home, as though he was under the impression I might up and forget about what he’d done while we were on the way back here.
“I think what you did was very wrong,” I told him firmly as I switched off the engine. “And I’ll be driving you there on the weekend to clean it up. If I ever hear about you doing anything like this again, there’s going to be real trouble, all right?”
He nodded. “All right. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Who was the boy you did it with?” I asked, and his face lit up at once.
“Jason,” he replied. “We were playing with the paints after school, and he said we should see what happened when we put them under the sunlight, so we decided to paint our names out there together.”
Okay. That didn’t sound too nefarious.
“And what did happen?”
“We got caught, and they took us to the principal’s office.” He made a face.
“Well, that’s what’s going to happen if you deface other people’s property,” I told him sternly. “Don’t let your new friends lead you astray. I know some things can seem fun on the surface, but you have to make sure they’re not going to hurt anyone else. Otherwise, they’re not fun for the person who’s getting hurt.”
“I get it.” He nodded, clutching his bag close to him on his lap.
“Good. Now, get inside and finish your homework before dinner. Think about what you’ve done. Try not to paint on any of the walls in the process.”
“Okay, Dad.” He hopped out of the car and hurried into the house. I followed him after a moment or two. He was likely embarrassed and probably wanted some time to be by himself after what had happened. I could remember what it was like to get caught at that age when you felt as though every idea you had was the greatest in the world right up until the moment some big boring adult came by to dissuade you of the fact.
When I made it back into the house, he was already upstairs in his room, the door shut behind him, and finally, I allowed myself a smile. I sincerely hoped this would be the last bit of trouble he got into—hell, that he would learn to be smart enough to keep himself from getting caught the next time.
I should have been more mad that I’d had to come down to the school in the middle of the workday to pick him up, mad that he’d been pulling a stunt as silly as that one. But I couldn’t find it in me to feel that way. The way he’d told the story, it didn’t sound like either of those boys had intended anything nasty with the painting. They’d been curious and too silly to consider what the consequences of that curiosity might be.
Even if it had sprung from somewhere a little more rebellious, I found it hard to mind too much about that, either. I had spent so long worrying about Hunter, worrying that he wasn’t acting like other boys his age. This kind of troublemaking, the kind where a kid and his friend put their heads together and came up with an idea that they were both too dumb or too excited to notice would get them in trouble, that was an integral part of being a kid. It had been to me, at least. I would never have been able to become the man I was today if I hadn’t spent my growing-up years taking silly risks and reaping the rewards—or the punishments. It was the only way he was going to learn how the world worked, this kind of low-stakes boy stuff that he had seemed to hide away from for so long.
And he’d been doing it with a friend. That seemed, to me, the most important part of this. He was coming home and telling me about the friends he’d been making, even if he was doing dumb stuff with them. I couldn’t wait for him to start bringing them around, so I could see him surrounded by all his companions, the people who made him feel valued and special and safe.
I headed to the kitchen and went to have that coffee I had been so rudely interrupted from when I had received that phone call. This time, I had a smile on my face as I was making it. Yes, I would have to sacrifice my weekend to teach my son a lesson about respecting other people’s property, but if it meant he had friends by his side, I would have given up every weekend for the rest of the year. He was turning into the boy I’d always dreamed he would be, and nothing was going to get in the way of how good it felt to finally see him come out of his shell.
41
Autumn
I waited in front of the main window in my house, looking out to the street and waiting for Hunter and Holden to get there. Any other weekend, I would have been mad at the thought of heading back to school and giving up my Saturday, but as long as the two of them were there, I had no problem at all heading back in.
Besides, a member of the staff had to oversee the detention they’d given Hunter for the little stunt he’d pulled during the week. I still couldn’t believe someone like Hunter could do something like that, but then I’d found out Jason Mann was involved, and it all slotted into place. Jason was a bit of a rebel, not much bothering to let the rules get to him wherever he could, and he was popular for it. I was surprised when I heard the two of them were spending time together, but I supposed it was sort of sweet too. They were bonding, even if what they were bonding over was painting their names on the back of the school’s janitorial shed.
Holden was making the right choice by sending him back to the school to clean it up, though. It was exactly the sort of thing that would keep him from doing it again without going overboard. I had no idea how Jason’s parents were dealing with it, but they seemed content to give him a longer rope than he should ever have. They were probably talking up their son’s latest modern art installation, knowing them, instead of teaching him that people weren’t going to be so impressed with this play once he got a little older and grew out of his cute little chubby cheeks and cheeky smile.
I saw Holden’s car pulling up the driveway and headed outside to meet them. It was a cool day, colder than I’d expected, and I wrapped my coat tightly around myself as I slipped into the front seat next to Holden.
“How’s it going?” I asked, fighting the urge to lean over and give him a kiss to greet him hello. We weren’t quite there yet, and Hunter certainly wasn’t. The last thing I wanted was to make this day any more uncomfortable than it already was for him.
“Tiring.” Holden glanced in the mirror at Hunter. “Had a little trouble getting this one out of bed to take care of his mess this morning.”
“I feel you.” I flashed a smile at Hunter. It was a little weird for me, given that I was his teacher, but this also felt like a date with his dad. We hadn’t seen each other since the weekend before when I’d slept over and we’d gone out together afterward. I’d missed him more than I should, especially because he’d been busy with work and sorting out everything with Hunter and hadn’t had much time to keep in touch.
We headed over to the school, and I went to grab the paint can and painting supplies that the janitor had left out for Hunter to use over the weekend. I handed them to him, pointed him in the direction of the shed, and planted my hands on my hips.
“Off you go!” I told him, waving my hands, and he trudged over to take care of his graffiti. There was hardly anything, really, a few tiny smudges of paint, but I wanted to see him deal with it anyway. The only way to stop this kind of thing from happening again was to nip it in the bud early, before he got it in his mind that it was worth doing.
Holden and I took a seat on the small bench at the other end of the playground, and we kept an eye on Hunter while he worked. Holden slung his arm casually along the back of the seat, and I found myself shifting back against it, wanting to feel the weight of him near to me. I had missed him so much, not only talking to him but his presence, being near him, feeling his softness and his warmth coming off him in waves.
“What do you know about this Jason kid?” Holden asked as Hunter began to paint. “Hunter says that was the boy he did this with.”
“Yeah, Jason’s all right,” I said. “Popular. Bit of a troublemaker but nothing bad, just a kid who probably gets encouraged in everything he’s ever thought of at home.”
“Popular?” Holden raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah, he’s always got his little crew around him.”
“And now Hunter’s part of that?” He grinned. I could see how excited he was at the mere thought. I supposed it was a big deal, once I thought about it. Only a few months ago, I never would have known Hunter to do anything like this, let alone doing it with one of the most popular kids in his class.
“Well, if this doesn’t do it, nothing will,” I replied, gesturing to the cleaning operation taking place in front of us.
“That’s good to hear.” Holden leaned back and grinned, stretching his arm over his head before he let it come to rest behind my shoulders once more. I shot him a look out of the corner of my eye and raised my eyebrows.
“You’re totally pleased about this, aren’t you?�
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“Well, we met because you said he wasn’t making any friends,” he replied. We were far enough away that Hunter couldn’t hear us, and I let out a laugh.
“Okay, but this wasn’t precisely what I had in mind.” I waved my hand in the direction of Hunter and the paint smears on the walls, which were rapidly disappearing under the busy hand of his paintbrush.
“Yeah, but it’s something, isn’t it?” Holden pointed out. “Look, I know it sounds weird, but he seems like he’s had such a hard time finding people he connects with. Then you come along, and he gets on so well with you, and then the after-school clubs, and now this…”
As he trailed off, I could see him getting a little misty-eyed.
“Look at you, getting all soppy.” I nudged him.
“This is my son we’re talking about,” he pointed out. “I think if I’m allowed to get a little soppy over anything, it should be him.”
“Fair point.” I grinned. “And I guess you’re right. He’s been doing well on the social front the last few months, better than he has in the whole time I’ve known him, at least.”
“I think it’s going to get better,” Holden replied. “Him getting involved in silly boy stuff like this—it’s good news, I think, in the long term.”
“If not for our weekend plans.”
“I can live with it if you can,” he shot back, and he briefly traced his fingers across my neck. I shivered, and it had nothing to do with the cold that time around.
“I’m sure I’ll find a way to push through.” I sighed like this was all some deep struggle I could barely handle, and I was doing some great noble task by going through with it.
“I appreciate the effort,” Holden grinned. “And I’ll have to find a way to pay you back later.”
“Mmm.” I shivered on the spot again and gave him a look. “Maybe save this till later, huh? Don’t want us getting into trouble for inappropriate conduct on school grounds.”