Stay Lucky
Page 7
As soon as Leo hung up, Grant took Leo’s phone and tossed it onto the coffee table. Then he leaned over and brushed his lips against Leo’s, the rush of heat in his stomach pulling him in.
Leo’s hands slid into Grant’s hair, and the kiss was amazing, hot, good. When Leo pulled away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he laughed in a stunned amazement. “Uh, this is a little fast.”
“Do you want to stop?” Grant asked.
Leo shook his head, breathing heavily but scooting away from Grant. His expression bordered on panicked, as though trying to get away from temptation, or fearing that Grant might drag him into a kiss again.
“Are you okay?” Grant asked. “We can stop.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to stop, but…it’s a lot of things. Like, I’ve only been with Curtis. Ridiculous, huh? A gay man with only one prior partner? At my age?”
“Not ridiculous.”
“And, God, it’s just a lot of things, actually.” Leo rubbed his hands over his face. “Not you, though. No, you’re great. That kiss was great. And I—I sound like some silly uptight old biddy when I try to explain this, but I want to be careful. I want to be sure, you know? And conscious of the example that I set for Lucky.”
Grant stared at Leo, affection welling in him, and frustratingly true admiration for Leo’s old-fashioned earnestness.
Leo’s face changed from hot-embarrassed, to hot-something else, though. His expression was tender, fragile even, and he looked at Grant with so much vulnerability in his gray eyes. “Understand?”
“I do,” Grant said, but he didn’t move. He didn’t pull away from Leo, just continued to sit there and look at him. “But why don’t you tell me more about it?”
Leo’s expression was one of relief mixed with a strange shame, and then he said, “Some if it’s because of my sister, you know?”
Grant shook his head, but kept his face neutral. He didn’t know, but he’d like to. He wanted to know everything about Leo.
“Jennifer never thought about how things affected me or my family. She was always a mess. Still is. And she’s Lucky’s biological mother, though, honestly, Lucky seems nothing like her. Thank God.”
“You aren’t like your sister.”
“I know. But, regardless, I don’t want to make things messy in my life, and then expect Lucky to just, you know, deal with it. It isn’t fair to do that to a kid.”
“No,” Grant said. “It’s not.”
“And Curtis and I have already made things messy enough for her. And I feel like, if I’m going to put her in that position where she has to deal with me being invested that way in a lover, then…” Leo’s voice was so quiet, so soft and intimate that Grant had to lean in a little closer. “Then I really need to know who I’m with. I need to know you, Grant.”
Grant turned that over in his mind. He took a long, slow breath, ran his hand over his hair, and said, “All right. How do we do that?”
Leo smiled.
“C’mon, school me,” Grant said, feeling warm and loose, almost like he’d been drinking, but all he’d had was the cola and some buttered popcorn.
It was Leo sitting there next to him, looking like warm vanilla, and somehow Grant was willing to open up a little, to stop resisting and just go with the flow. “How do we do this so Lucky isn’t at risk?”
“We talk a lot more. About real things, not just the superficial, easy stuff,” Leo said. “You know, you ask me things, and I ask you things, and we have a conversation.”
“I’m capable of that.”
“Good to know. Let’s test that theory.” Leo paused.
Grant shrugged and said, “Go on. Hit me.”
“Okay, tell me about your first love. You know all about mine—hell half the world knows about mine now that he’s in all those stupid gossip magazines. But when it comes to you, I feel like I’m missing out.”
Grant shrugged. His mind supplied him with a flash of Leo’s tear-stained face, a memory of the tilt of Leo’s head when he listened very hard, and Leo’s smile that still drew him like a moth to a flame. “Off the top of my head, I can’t say that I can think of anyone I’d call a ‘first love’.”
“Oh, c’mon,” Leo said. “Surely there was someone. A crush? A friendly acquaintance?”
Grant reached out for his cola as he said, “I dated this guy in college for awhile. He thought I was going to be a successful surgeon bringing in big bucks, and I thought he had big hands. I think that’s about the extent of intimacy in our relationship.”
Leo’s brows crinkled. “That’s it? That’s…well, I’m sorry to say, but that’s pathetic.”
“It was a very deep, meaningful relationship. In bed.”
“Oh, I’m sure,” Leo said. “It was probably wrought with intensity and feeling, too.”
“Exploding with it,” Grant agreed, laughing softly.
Leo sighed, shifted a little, and his expression couldn’t contain his disappointment.
Grant swallowed hard and then relented. “Okay. I was sixteen. He was nineteen and we were in the same grade at school. This was not because of my incredible genius, which tells you all you need to know about his intelligence. We were in the same class because he wasn’t the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.”
“Yeah, so you like ’em stupid?” Leo asked. “Should I be insulted?”
“No, I like ’em pretty,” Grant said, as he settled back, gazing up at the ceiling, remembering the way Steven’s hair had fallen over his face in soft curls that should have been trimmed back. But Steven’s mother was dead, and his father never seemed to give a damn, so long as Steven wasn’t in the way of his alcoholic stupors. At least, that’s what Steven had said as Grant worked out the math problems for him, and Steven copied the right answers into his notebook in his own handwriting.
“The neighborhood where we lived in Cincinnati was divided. The middle class kids lived at the top of the hill, and Steven and I lived at the bottom. I don’t know why he talked to me at the bus stop, but he didn’t let the other kids pick on me, and I did his math homework in return. I remember he smelled like peanut butter all the time and I thought I’d die of joy if I could ever get him to kiss me.”
Leo’s eyes shone bright with interest. “And did he? Kiss you? Ever?”
“No,” Grant said, shaking his head. “He was put in a foster home before the year was out and I never saw him again.”
Leo’s soft noise made Grant remember the way he’d felt when he came to the bus stop and one of the other boys had shoved him, spit on his books, and said, “Steven’s gone. He won’t protect you now.”
Grant had bent over then, crying out in pain, but it’d barely had anything to do with Michael’s swift kick to his shins, and a lot more to do with knowing he’d never see Steven again.
“I barely knew him, but, you know how it is, somehow I’d imbued the idea of him with everything that was good, if stupid, in the world. I suppose, if I had to say that anyone was my first—crush, I guess—maybe it was him.”
“What was his name?” Leo asked.
Grant paused, feeling strangely like he was handing something valuable to Leo, some kind of control that he hadn’t intended to give up. “Steven. Steven Hamilton.”
Leo smiled. “That’s nice. Thank you.”
Grant snorted, rolling his eyes. “Whatever. It was what it was.”
“So…you’ve really never been in love?”
Grant remembered two fevered kisses, Leo’s hands in his hair, and a walk under the stars on Leo’s farm. He remembered the sensation of falling every time he got close to Leo, the anger that he’d tried to horde against him when he’d left, and the way that anger had mellowed in the face of him again. He also remembered what it had felt like to have that hope, so barely kindled, utterly guttered by the sight of Leo and Curtis holding hands in the grocery store barely a week after Leo had called it quits with him. It’d been a blessing when Leo had left with Curtis for Los Angeles.
“What happened?”
“He got back together with his ex-boyfriend and moved away. And that was that.”
Leo swallowed and whispered, “Grant.”
Grant slapped his hands against his thighs and said, “So, now, it’s my turn?”
Leo still stared at him, his eyes like stars, and Grant wanted so much to kiss him.
“Grant—” Leo started again.
“Come on. Quid pro quo.”
Leo acquiesced, but his eyes were still glowing and Grant felt lighter just looking at them. “Okay, fine. Ask away,” Leo said.
“All right then, I’ve been wondering this for awhile now. Why the hell did you name that poor kid Lucky?” Grant said. “She’s gonna get made fun of, you know.”
“Hey, it’s a cute name,” Leo said, offended.
“For a dog. Or a rabbit. Or a cute little stuffed snake.”
Leo rolled his eyes and laughed, sinking back into the sofa, licking his lips, and going distant, like he was remembering something fond and painful both. “Okay, so it’s a long story.”
Grant shrugged, took a swig from his cola, and said, “I’ve got all night.”
Leo pressed his hands nervously against his thighs, and then sighed heavily. “Okay, then. Well Jennifer was a mess when she had Lucky. She’d moved out to Los Angeles, too. Not too long after I did. She wanted to be in films. You know, the usual. At first, we were helping her, and Curtis was introducing her to agents and directors. Then we started loaning her money, just a little here and there to get by, but in the end, we realized she was blowing it all on drugs.”
Grant loosed a low grumbling noise.
Leo sighed. “I tried to get her help, you know? I mean, it’s not like I didn’t see how it happened. Drug use is rampant out there. But she didn’t want to change. I don’t know if it was the drugs, or the boyfriend, but she wasn’t interested in making her life better. I didn’t even know she was pregnant. Honestly, I don’t know how long she knew that she was pregnant before Lucky was actually born. It was a shock to everyone.”
Grant had seen cases like that over the years: women too far gone into drugs or alcohol to notice their growing bellies until it was too late. He’d seen some messy and horrific attempts at illegal, late-term abortions from those situations, too. He was glad, for Leo’s sake, that Jennifer hadn’t attempted something like that.
Leo went on, “Lucky was low birth weight, so small, and born strung out on drugs. We weren’t even sure she was going to be okay.”
Grant settled back against the sofa, tipping his head to rest it on the back, watching Leo carefully as he talked. He imagined little Lucky of the blabbing mouth and challenging eyes as a tiny infant detoxing in her hospital crib. His stomach tightened nauseously. Some people should never be allowed to breed.
“And then Jennifer took off again, leaving Lucky in the hospital. Lucky was offered to Mom and Dad first, of course. But they were having money problems. Like they’re never not having money problems, you know?”
Grant lifted his brows a little but stayed silent. He figured if he said anything it would be wrong, and then Leo would stop talking, or he’d start talking about something else, and this strange melancholy moment would lift away. And if it did, Grant would have lost something precious. He knew that for certain.
“And Mom and Dad would have taken her anyway. Don’t get me wrong. Of course they would have, but I was in L.A., and Curtis had finally gotten to where his career was really taking off, and he was feeling good about himself and his opportunities. I was optimistic that maybe things would get better between us since he was doing so well, that we could make a family of our own, and build something really good.”
“Makes sense,” Grant murmured, not wanting to break the flow, wanting to stay right in the moment for as long as possible. Leo was so beautiful right now, with his skin still healthy and pink from freshly dialyzed blood, and his eyes burning with warm heat in the low light. Grant could watch Leo’s hands move when he talked forever. The way they lifted and illustrated with gentle movements, the length of his fingers, and the elegant shape. Grant cleared his throat, focusing on Leo’s words again.
“So, I said we’d take her.”
Leo went quiet and Grant sensed a struggle in him, as though he were weighing whether or not to reveal the next part of the story.
Leo took a breath and said, “Curtis wasn’t too happy about it at first. He said that he wasn’t sure he was ready, that he’d rather have waited, made the choice at a different time in our lives.” Leo cleared his throat. “I talked him into it. I mean, what was I supposed to do? There she was, this tiny little thing that my sister had abandoned, and I couldn’t just leave her there, Grant! I couldn’t just leave that little baby alone and hope they found a good foster home, or that my parents wouldn’t struggle taking care of her—” Leo was getting upset now.
Grant reached out a hand and put it on his shoulder. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say. Grant made hard choices every day, but Leo was a different person, and Jennifer was his sister, and Lucky was his niece. Family was important to Leo, and so, no, he couldn’t imagine that Leo would walk away from that. Grant would have been horrified if Leo had chosen to do anything different than he had.
“We fought about it. She was very sick, and it was awhile before we could bring her home anyway.” Leo sighed. “I’m sorry, you didn’t want to hear all of this. You just asked about her name.”
“No, I do. It’s fine. Tell me,” Grant said. He wanted to know all of this more than Leo could possibly understand. He wanted to know it so very much. He wanted to know everything about Leo.
Leo brought up one shaking hand to run through his hair. “Yeah, well, I’ll cut to the chase. Curtis eventually came around. I mean, she was so tiny, and kind of ugly, like a drowned kitten.” Leo laughed, remembering. “He’s the one who named her. We were arguing over the name. We used to argue over everything. Anyway, he wanted to name her after his mother, Harriet Roma was his preference. And I thought Marie Leona was nice—after my grandmother and me, since we were her blood.”
“That makes sense,” Grant said, though he wasn’t sure that it did. Leo was confounding in so many ways. Still, it didn’t hurt to agree.
“She was so tiny. She could fit in both of my hands. And I said to Curtis, ‘We’re so lucky to have her. We’re going to make her life perfect in every way.’” Leo laughed then, a little bitterly, but he kept talking. “And Curtis said, ‘That’s it! Her name is Lucky!’ And he was right. I took one look at her and knew that he was right. So she’s been my good luck charm ever since.”
Grant let out a slow breath, allowed his hand to move from Leo’s shoulder, up to Leo’s hair, and then massaged the back of Leo’s neck gently. He didn’t mention that between contracting myocarditis, requiring a heart transplant, and now having two bum kidneys, Leo’s life had been anything but lucky since Lucky had been born.
“It’s a terrible name,” he said, instead.
Leo laughed. “Yeah, well, it’s actually Lucille Marie, and she can choose to go by either of those when she’s older if she wants. For now, she’s Lucky.”
“Or Robot Twinklestars,” Grant said, quipping a pretend game Lucky had been playing when he saw her the day before.
“Robot Twinklestars eats her breakfast,” Leo said in a robotic monotone. “Robot Twinklestars brushes her teeth. All systems functioning. All systems ready for the day.”
Grant laughed, his hand moving back to Leo’s shoulder, feeling the heat of his body through his thin shirt. Leo sighed, rested his head back on the couch, and then turned to face Grant, his eyes wide and dark, and his lips wet, open, and inviting.
“Leo,” Grant said, softly, leaning closer. “I want to kiss you again.”
Leo whispered, “I’v
e wanted you to kiss me again for a long time now. For like, the last fifteen minutes.”
“That is a long time,” Grant murmured.
“Felt like eternity.”
Leo’s mouth was hot, and Grant couldn’t get enough of it. He expected Leo to push him away, to stop it before things got heated like before, but Leo just slid down on the sofa, bringing Grant on top of him, and things grew intense very fast.
“I thought we were waiting for this,” Grant said, panting into Leo’s mouth.
“Changed my mind. I’m entitled.” Leo laughed, kissing Grant hard.
“Get your shirt off. I want to touch you.”
“Later,” Leo said, grinding up against him like a high schooler. “This is good. All systems functioning,” Leo muttered, pushing his hips against Grant. “All systems ready for the day.”
Grant shut him up with another kiss, and Leo wasn’t long in giving in completely to the moment. He wrapped his legs around Grant’s back, humping up. The sound of their blue jeans scraping together was almost as loud as Leo’s hot breath in his ear. It was going to end a lot faster than Grant wanted it to, but the ache in his cock and the desire to be closer to Leo drove him on. They clutched each other and moved desperately together.
As Leo’s wet mouth moved down onto Grant’s neck, Grant could hear him babbling, murmurs of yeah, and good, and please. It was hot, so fucking hot.
“Leo,” Grant murmured, and Leo shook against him, making a high, needy sound that ricocheted through Grant like a bullet of want. Grant clutched Leo’s shoulders, buried his face in Leo’s neck, jerking in Leo’s arms as he came so hard that he muffled his cry by biting down on Leo’s straining throat.
Leo made a startled noise and then shook hard, trembling as he cried out and came, too. He arched against Grant, clutching Grant’s head to his neck, and encouraging the pain.
After they both calmed, panting and kissing each other down from the height of orgasm, Grant kissed the mark he’d made on Leo’s neck, and pulled away to examine it. The teeth marks were deeper than he’d thought, but when he looked into Leo’s eyes, he saw nothing but hot, liquid warmth, affection, and gratitude.