Leo whispered, “Because it feels so good to know the man you devoted part of your life to, built a family with, never really thought you were worth a damn.”
“His loss.”
And it was a huge loss. Grant was acutely aware of that fact. The idea of Leo no longer being in his life cut Grant down the middle. So, yes, what Curtis had let slip through his hands was huge, vast even, but the thing was—if Curtis had never truly understood or appreciated what he had in Leo to begin with, not even in the losing of him, then Grant could only sneer. Despite being an almost-superstar who appeared to have the world at his feet, Curtis was the biggest fool he’d ever met. And Grant had met a lot of fools.
Leo shook his head. “Yeah, well….” He lifted and dropped his hands in defeat.
“It’s his loss,” Grant said again. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to him.”
“Yeah, well, tell him that.” Leo laughed. “You know what? Don’t. He’s certainly not the best thing that ever happened to me. What do I care what he thinks?”
Grant risked putting his hand on Leo’s shoulder again, and this time Leo let it remain. “Beats the hell outta me.”
“And you really think so?” Leo asked.
“What?”
“You think I’m the best thing that ever happened to somebody?” Leo gazed at Grant with his clear, gray eyes, half teasing and half begging Grant to say the right thing.
“Oh, wait, I was wrong. You are an idiot.”
Leo rolled his eyes.
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to about a dozen somebodies, and while I might be the only one lucky enough to know it, it doesn’t make it less true,” Grant said, rubbing his fingers gently over the soft fabric of Leo’s t-shirt. He would have liked to work out the tight muscles of Leo’s shoulders, but he didn’t want to release additional toxins. Leo’s kidney was working hard enough.
“Thought you didn’t believe in luck,” Leo whispered.
“Maybe I need to change my stance on that.”
Leo smiled, and he let himself fall over into Grant’s lap, twisting until his feet were hanging over the edge of the sofa’s arm, and his head was cradled against Grant’s legs.
“I’m so in love with you,” Leo murmured, gazing up at Grant with a soft expression.
“I know,” Grant said, and ran his fingers through Leo’s hair.
Leo smiled sweetly and after a few minutes his breathing slowed down.
Grant pressed one palm to Leo’s chest to feel his heart beat and when Leo relaxed enough to fall asleep, he pressed a kiss to Leo’s temple, and rested his own head on the back of the sofa.
Chapter Sixteen
Present
Grant thought he was going to have to kill Leo’s mother if she didn’t shut up and listen.
“What are you saying, doctor? Are you saying something went wrong?” Meryl asked.
Chuck held Meryl, his strong arms around her sturdy frame, and said, “Honey, shh, let’s hear what the doctor has to say before we panic.”
“Panic?” Meryl reacted to the word like it was a bomb. “Do we need to panic? Grant? Dr. McGraw? Dr. Jameson? Do we need to panic?”
Grant glanced to Jameson, and then back to Dennis, waiting for someone to tell them something about what the hell had happened in there, and what the prognosis was, and whether or not Grant needed to go find a loaded gun and put himself down, because he was not doing this without Leo. If there was no Leo at the end of this, he wanted none of it.
But then he looked down the hall and saw Lucky standing there holding the nurse Carrie’s hand, looking terrified and abandoned in the shuffle as the doctors had exited the ORs. She stared right at him, and as his eyes met hers, they bore into him with a deep, old wisdom that it made him feel sick to his stomach. He stared back at her torn between going to her side immediately to offer some kind of reassurance that he could never honestly offer, and staying to hear what Jameson had to say about it all.
“Mrs. Garner,” Dr. Jameson started for the third time. “Please, your son will need you to be calm and—”
“Forget that,” Grant interrupted. “Skip the niceties. Tell me what the hell went wrong in there, because from what I saw, it was— “Grant,” Dennis cut him off. “Let’s focus on the situation at hand.”
Jameson took that opportunity to actually talk, thank God, and said, “Leo is stable. He had an unusual reaction on the table, and we suspect that he’s contracted a CNS infection—”
“CNS? What’s that? Is it serious?” Meryl asked, clasping James’s hand that clutched her shoulder.
“Central Nervous System infection, and, yes, it is always serious. For someone on immunosuppressants it’s even more so. He suffered a seizure on the table, and his blood pressure dropped a great deal. We believe, however, that we can control this infection—”
“How did he get it?” Meryl asked.
“There’s always a risk with long-term immunosuppressant patients for the introduction of—”
“The anti-rejection drugs for his heart made him susceptible,” Grant interrupted. “He could have been infected at any point recently—introduction of foreign bodies into the AV fistula—”
“But Leo is fastidious,” Meryl said. “He always cleans that carefully.”
“I know,” Grant interrupted. “There’s no telling how it happened. It’s happened.”
Dr. Jameson turned to Dennis. “We’re getting Dr. Lynn Gregor in from Raleigh via helicopter. She’s an expert at these situations. In the meantime, we have all hands on deck for Leo.”
Dennis clapped Jameson on the arm. “Dr. Jameson, aside from the uncontrollable—good surgery.”
Grant clenched his teeth, glared at Jameson, and said nothing.
Chuck said to Dr. Jameson, “This Dr. Gregor—she’s the best?”
Grant noticed Carrie walking toward them with Lucky, as Jameson said, “She is.”
Grant interrupted. “Time for brave faces, Chuck and Meryl, here she comes.”
Lucky clutched Sammy Spider in one arm and Carrie’s hand in the other. She didn’t take her eyes off Grant, not even when Chuck lifted her up, and Meryl told her that her daddy was out of the surgery and he was okay.
“Don’t lie to her,” Grant said. “She’s not stupid. You’re just scaring her more by lying to her.”
Lucky swallowed hard, and her lips started to tremble. Chuck cleared his throat and looked at Meryl, but then nodded toward Grant, agreeing with him.
“Lucky,” Grant said. “Leo had a problem, but we’ve got the best doctor in the entire world coming to help—”
“You’re the best doctor in the entire world,” Lucky whispered.
Grant’s throat went tight and he had to clear it to say, “This lady’s better than me.”
“Don’t lie,” Lucky said.
“She’s better than me at dealing with CNS infections. She’s better at what your daddy has, and I couldn’t treat Leo anyway, even if I was the best.”
“Which you’re not,” Lucky said.
Grant swallowed. “Right. Not at this. She’s the best.”
“Like how daddy is better at ping-pong, but you’re better at chess.”
“Exactly.”
“Will this doctor fix him?” Lucky sniffled against the top of Sammy Spider’s head. “Will he die?”
“No!” Grant said, so vehemently that everyone jumped a little. “Leo won’t die.” He said it like a promise.
Lucky stared at him, measuring what Grant’s words, and she said, “Sometimes people tell lies by accident.”
Grant remembered when she’d told him something like that before and he said, “No. Not this time.”
He knew he couldn’t guarantee anything. He’d never made a promise like this before, but he couldn’t entertain the idea that what he said might not be true. He had to stay focused and make sure that Leo got the treatment that he needed, and that Lucky got her Daddy back as soon as possible. There were no other options
he was willing to consider.
Lucky nodded at him solemnly, as though they’d made a pact, and then she buried her head in Chuck’s neck and started to sob. Meryl comforted her, and Chuck stroked her back. Grant swallowed hard, and then turned on his heel, leaving them there with Dennis calling after him.
He headed directly to Recovery, because even though he knew Leo wouldn’t be waking up in an hour, wouldn’t be smiling up at him and asking for that wonderful meal he’d planned, Grant still had to see him.
He had to look at him and know.
• • •
Two Months Ago
“She’s not in New York,” Leo said, drowsy from the sedative they’d given him for the more invasive tests. “At least not at the place where she used to be. Memaw said that no one in the…the hovel had any clue where Jennifer might be. Hadn’t heard from her since before. Before…you know, before.”
It’d been a month since Jennifer had bolted the night before the surgery. While Lucky had been eating ice cream with Curtis, and Leo had been sleeping on Grant’s lap, Jennifer had signed herself out of the hospital, and gone to God knows where, and didn’t seem to be hurrying back.
Conversations about Jennifer always resulted in Leo losing his shit in some way or another, or trying to blame himself for Jennifer’s behavior. Grant braced himself for it, and sighed when it began almost immediately.
“I put too much pressure on her. She never should have felt ob—obli—obligated to give me a kidney,” Leo said. “If I hadn’t, she’d be here getting straight. Wait. She is straight. Getting… narrow. Getting good? What’s she getting, Grant?”
Grant didn’t say “drugs” and instead sat down next to Leo’s hospital bed and brushed Leo’s hair off his face. “Shh, you should be resting.”
“Sick of resting,” Leo said. “Wanna go home.”
“You and every other patient in this place,” Grant said.
“Tests are over. They should let me leave.”
“Not until the drugs wear off.”
“Yeah, I’m a menace to society,” Leo said, loopily. “Menace? Menace. Why does that sound wrong?”
“Because you’re high.”
“Right!” Leo said. “You should use this opportunity to ask me inappropriate questions!”
Grant chuckled. “What do you suggest?”
Leo looked hilariously thoughtful as he considered. “How I keep my teeth so white? No, I know! Why I’m so darn attractive to you, even though I’m a mess?”
“Getting cocky, aren’t we?”
“Admit it. You’re kind of hot for me,” Leo tried to lean over, but Grant pushed him back against the bed. Leo took the opportunity to run his hand over Grant’s hair, and breathe in Grant’s ear.
Grant shivered, and planted a kiss on Leo’s forehead.
Leo said, “See? I told you.”
“Yes, obviously, you turn me on like no other,” Grant said, sarcastically.
“Charmer,” Leo laughed.
“Leo,” Grant began, but was interrupted by a nurse coming into the room, dragging a cart along with him.
“Sorry, Dr. Anderson,” the nurse said. It was the same nurse who for whatever reason often flirted with Grant, and now he gave Grant the same look through his lashes that he always did. “I just need to get his vitals.”
Grant moved away from Leo to give the guy some space to take Leo’s temperature and blood pressure. But the nurse couldn’t seem to stop looking Grant’s way and smiling softly. Grant huffed in annoyance.
“Seriously?” Grant asked.
The guy was going to flirt with him in front of his sick, morphine-filled boyfriend? Grant was going to have to learn this kid’s name and make his life hell. Clearly, he didn’t understand how this worked at all, or that Grant was not interested.
Leo looked between the nurse and Grant, and giggled. “Oh, he likes you,” Leo said to Grant. “He thinks you’re hot.”
The nurse flushed a little, though he couldn’t seem to stop himself from looking at Grant again.
Grant rolled his eyes, saying to the nurse, “You didn’t think you were being subtle, did you? If a man high on painkillers can see what you’re doing, I can assure you that I’ve figured it out by now, too.”
“He’s a doctor,” Leo slurred. “He knows things.” Then Leo laughed again. “You’re pretty cute, though. Should I be jealous?” And Leo looked up at the nurse with such a coy, flirtatious expression that Grant’s stomach curled with possessive irritation.
The nurse, whom Grant would definitely soon make sorry for all of this, smiled down at Leo and said, “No need to worry at all, Leo. He doesn’t even look at me once, much less twice.”
Leo laughed loopily. “Yeah, he’s kinda in love with me.”
The nurse grinned. “I know. Everyone knows.”
Leo nodded and closed his eyes happily as the blood pressure cuff swelled on his arm. “Yeah,” Leo sighed. “He’s great.”
The nurse bit his lip and looked like he was trying not to laugh. “Now, Leo, don’t rub it in.”
Leo snorted and chuckled again. “I can’t help it! You should know! Everyone should know!”
Grant rolled his eyes. Leo was exuberant when high. To say the least. Grant wondered if he was like this when drunk. He’d probably never get a chance to find out.
The nurse patted Leo’s arm as he took the blood pressure cuff off. “126 over 89,” he reported. “You’ll be out of here in a few hours, Leo,” he said. “My name’s Jim if you need anything, okay?”
Leo nodded and waved him off.
Jim took the opportunity to smile at Grant again and mouthed, “He’s cute.”
Grant glared at him and Jim just laughed and left the room, pulling the cart behind him. Grant leaned over Leo’s bed and whispered, “You’re ruining my reputation.”
“He’s hot,” Leo said. “Should I worry?”
“Yeah, you should worry,” Grant said. “Worry that I’m going to make his life hell.”
“Aw, Grant, he can’t help it!” Leo said. “You’re just so sexy!”
Grant couldn’t help but laugh at that.
“It’s bound to happen. Just don’t encourage him,” Leo said, and yawned. “I’m tired.”
“Rest. I’ve got to go check on some patients. Is it safe to leave you here alone? Or will you be calling Jim in for extra-curricular fun?”
Leo waggled his eyebrows. “I’m high. I can’t be responsible for my actions.”
Grant said, “Uh-huh,” and kissed Leo’s forehead again. “I’ll be back.”
“A’right,” Leo murmured. “Be sleepin’.”
Grant paused in the doorway and Leo was already out. He glanced around, saw that no one was looking, and he blew a small kiss toward Leo’s bed.
• • •
A few hours later, Grant groaned as he walked out of the elevators on Leo’s hospital floor to find Curtis Banks standing at the nurses’ desk outside of Leo’s room, surrounded by ogling fangirl nurses. And one fanboy nurse—the very flirty Jim.
“I thought you left,” Grant said to him. “A month ago.”
“I came back,” Curtis said.
“Obviously,” Grant muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. “You should star in more horror films.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Curtis asked, crossing his arms over his chest, too, and squinting at Grant angrily.
“You know, that clichéd ending where the monster just won’t stay dead? You’ve got that part down pat, don’t you? Coming back again for more?”
Curtis’s lips twisted into a sneer. “You don’t know anything about me. Or about me and Leo.”
Grant pursed his lips. “I know enough. Enough to say I don’t want you here. And enough to know he doesn’t either.”
The nurses’ eyes flicked between Grant and Curtis with interest. Grant thought that at any minute a magical bowl of popcorn would appear in their hands to go along with the show.
Curtis shook his head.
“You know, if I were a different person…. You know what? Never mind,” Curtis said throwing up his hands and starting to turn away.
Good riddance, Grant thought.
He paused and turned back, “Look, I have Jennifer. She showed up at my place in L.A. and my assistants there contacted me. I left my film set to go back to California and talk with her. I’ve brought her to Blountville to do the right thing by Leo, okay? That’s all I’m here for, so take your attitude and—”
“What’s going on here?” Leo stood by the door of his room, his hospital gown flapping open in the back, and his face looking swollen with retained fluids. “Curtis?”
Grant and Jim rushed to Leo to help hold him up. “You’re supposed to be in bed,” Grant said, irritably.
The other nurses busied themselves with coming to aid Leo, too.
“I’m fine,” Leo said, pushing Jim, Grant, and the other nurses away, his focus back on Curtis. “What are you doing here? I thought I told you that I didn’t want to see you anymore? If this is about Lucky, we had an agreement—”
Grant swallowed, taking hold of Leo’s arm again. He raised an eyebrow at Curtis, waiting for him to pass on to Leo the bomb he’d just dropped.
“It’s Jennifer,” Curtis said.
Leo glared at Curtis, his lips tight, and his head tilted with suspicion. “Jennifer?”
“Yeah—it’s a long story, Leo. Maybe you should get back in bed. You don’t look so good.”
“Is she okay?” Leo asked, and Grant felt Leo tremble under his hand.
“Yeah, she’s fine,” Curtis said. “Well, kinda. I mean, she’s here. In the hospital. I just checked her in. She needs a few weeks to get clean again, and then she’s going to donate her kidney.”
Leo shook his head. “No, that’s…I can’t take it.” His eyes were wide and wild. “She needs to take care of herself, and she…she’s a drug addict, and she might need that kidney—”
Grant steered Leo from the doorway back into his room and then into the bed with Jim’s help. Leo’s skin was grey, and a film of sweat stood on his upper lip. Grant motioned at Jim to get the crash cart ready just in case, and Curtis bent down in front of Leo, his blue eyes full of worry as Leo swallowed and seemed to fight for a good breath.
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