“Shh,” Grant murmured pulling out his stethoscope to listen to Leo’s heart. “Be calm, Leo.”
“Be calm! How can you say that?” Leo exclaimed, but then he clutched his chest and moaned, before going grey and limp.
“What is it?” Curtis asked, looking desperately to Grant. “What’s wrong?”
Jim bustled around pressing buttons and demanding the doctor on duty, as Grant said, “It might be his heart. You need to back away. Now.”
Curtis lurched away from the bed, and Grant moved aside, too, as Dr. Matthews and Dr. Jameson both came into the room. Though it took everything in him, Grant managed to stay back while the other doctors examined Leo, and meds were pushed. He released his long-held breath as Leo’s skin pinked up again.
Dr. Matthews shook his head at Grant and motioned for him to step outside the room. “You’ve got to keep him calm. Everything in his system is taxed right now. You know this, Grant.”
Grant nodded, unable to speak over his racing heart.
“For now, for the immediate time frame, he’s okay. We want him checked back in, though, after this incident,” Dr. Matthews said, with a deep frown. “I know he’ll fight us on that, but he needs to consider this a warning. And, dammit, Grant, we need to find a kidney.”
Dr. Jameson, Leo’s nephrologist, nodded at Dr. Matthew’s final statement as he exited Leo’s room. “The sooner the better,” he added.
Grant let out a shaky breath and stood in the door, watching as Curtis took Leo’s hand and said things that Grant couldn’t hear. Leo gazed at Curtis with conflicted, tired eyes. They needed a kidney. The sooner, the better, like Jameson and said. And Curtis had brought Jennifer back to them.
Grant pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed. Now he had to convince Leo to take what his sister could give. They were running out of options, and Grant’s shaking knees and trembling fingers told him that he’d never been more terrified.
Chapter Seventeen
“Hey, doc,” Jim said, passing Grant a patient chart. “I checked in on Leo earlier and he had a visitor I thought you’d want to know about.”
After the scare the other day, Leo had been checked into the hospital until they could figure out how to best handle the congestion around his heart. Lasix was usually a good option for draining the excess fluid, but Leo’s kidneys couldn’t handle the strain, and so they were monitoring him closely, trying to strike a balance.
“Curtis again?” Grant asked.
Curtis had been visiting daily, and Grant was trying to be patient about it, but it was starting to wear thin. At least Curtis wasn’t making Leo angry anymore, instead claiming that he understood that they were over, and that he just wanted to see Leo get well. Grant wanted that, too, but he wanted Curtis to be on the other side of the country when it happened.
“No, Dr. Anderson,” Jim said. He caught his breath when Grant turned his full attention on him, and then he blushed. “Um, sorry. You just—um, anyway.” Jim laughed and said, “Right. It was his sister.”
“Okay, then,” Grant said, sighing. “Great. Is she still in there?”
“No, she went back to the psych and detox unit a little while ago. She was smiling when she left? So, maybe that’s a good sign.”
Grant nodded his thanks and stepped into Leo’s room prepared for anything at all. Leo’s emotions were unpredictable when it came to Jennifer.
“Hey,” Leo said as soon as Grant shut the door. “How were rounds?”
Grant rubbed his face and groaned, “Boring. Not a single patient with any exciting diagnoses today. Maybe tomorrow.”
Leo smiled and waved Grant closer. “Aw, are you okay? Need a serious car accident with perforated lungs to make it all better?” he cooed.
“Yeah,” Grant said. “That’d be good. Arrange that for me.”
Leo snorted. “I’ll work on it.”
“No,” Grant said. “You’ll work on getting better. So, your sister’s kidney…” Grant raised his brows.
Leo sighed and adjusted his blankets. “I guess Jim told you she was in here. He’s trying to get on your good side. Probably in case I kick it. You realize he’s positioning himself to cheer you up after my death with blowjobs and casseroles.”
“I wish that were funny.”
“What? You can’t joke about my death? Does it scare you too much?” Leo laughed.
“Uh, yeah,” Grant said. “As a matter of fact.”
Leo’s face softened and he waved Grant even closer.
When Grant was close enough, Leo jerked him down by the collar of his shirt. “I love you,” he whispered.
“And I love you too,” Grant said, irritably, rubbing his eyes, not finding the jokes at all amusing. Casseroles and blowjobs from Nurse Jim were no substitute for Leo. “So, your sister’s kidney. You’re going to take it.”
“You sound like Memaw,” Leo said. “She’s already called to tell me the same thing.”
“Then it’s settled.”
“Yeah,” Leo agreed.
Grant stared at Leo in surprise. He’d expected another fight, and he’d been ready to deal with whatever upset Jennifer’s visit might have caused, but Leo seemed calm, relaxed even, as he stared at the opposite wall and nodded slowly.
“Yeah, it’s settled,” Leo said. “She’s got to detox, and then we’ll schedule the operation. She’s…different this time.” Leo shrugged. “I can’t explain it. But she really wants this, and her doctor thinks that it might even help her stay clean, give her an added incentive to keep healthy. I don’t know.” Leo raked a hand through his hair and looking stressed again. “I just know I promised Lucky to be here for her and I’m running out of options, Grant. I guess I have to do this.”
Grant pulled up the chair and sat beside Leo’s bed, taking his hand. “I’ll bring that little girl in here every day and make her tell you how scared she is that you’ll die if that’s what it takes.”
“No,” Leo said. “I know how scared she is. And I have to do what I have to do. For her. Jennifer doesn’t come first anymore.”
Grant nodded, raised Leo’s hand and kissed Leo’s knuckles. Leo squeezed Grant’s hand and gave him a wan smile. He shifted in the bed and sat up slowly.
“Curtis’s been here again,” Leo said, sighing. “He wants to know if he can have Lucky for a few weeks this summer.”
“Oh?”
“He wants to take her to Scotland with him. He’s filming a movie with dragons.”
“Huh, strange. I thought dragons were make-believe. Leave it to Mr. Banks to school me,” Grant said, flipping through Leo’s chart, darting his eyes over the information the nurses had been recording like clockwork every two hours.
Leo laughed but his heart wasn’t in it. “Yeah, well, that part’s all going to be CGI’d in later. Curtis went into great detail about all of that. He’s pretty excited to do so much work with a green screen. He likes to exercise his imagination, he says.”
“You don’t sound happy at the idea of her going.” Grant snapped Leo’s chart shut, satisfied with what he’d seen there. If things continued at this pace, Leo might be able to go home for a few weeks before the surgery. That would be good.
“I’m not,” Leo said. “I mean, I guess I should be glad that he wants her around and in his life, that he’s making the effort but…I’m not.” Leo looked at Grant, searching his face. “How do you feel about it?”
Grant shrugged. “I like the carrot home with us where she belongs, but it’s your choice. He’s still part of her life. And I’m not her father, so…” Grant pressed his lips together. “That’s that.”
Leo swallowed. “Yeah, but if you were, you know, her father. What would you think?”
Grant said, “I’m not. But Scotland’s not a third world country. He loves her. And that’s all I’ve got to say on the matter.” Grant stood up and tucked Leo’s blanket in around his feet, taking a moment to run his hand over Leo’s warm skin.
Leo looked a little disappointed but he n
odded and lifted his head up to meet Grant’s kiss goodbye. Leo’s lips were soft and Grant tried to deepen the contact, but Leo pulled back, smiling and blinking slowly, as if dazed.
“Later,” Leo said, softly.
“That better be a promise,” Grant said, and Leo nodded, looking breathless and aroused.
At that moment, a nurse buzzed through. “This is Patricia. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, fine,” Leo said.
“All right. Your heart rate jumped and we just needed to check.”
“S’all good,” Leo said.
Grant smirked and Leo smiled, ducking his head.
Grant was anxious for Leo to get home for a lot of reasons, one of which was purely selfish. Their sex life had been put on hold with Leo always hooked up to monitors. The nurses would know if they got up to anything just by Leo’s heart rate.
Grant slapped Leo’s cheek softly and turned to go. “By the way, I’m stopping by the farm tonight.”
“You are?” Leo asked.
Grant said, “Yeah, even though your mom and dad are staying out there with Lucky, for some reason the carrot wants me to be the one to tuck her in. So…” Grant shrugged.
He didn’t mind doing anything for Lucky. He just didn’t know what he was supposed to do.
“Thank you,” Leo said, his eyes soft. “Thank you for being there for her.”
“Yeah, well. She’s a good kid,” Grant said, leaving out that he cared about Lucky, that he wanted her to be happy, and that he wanted the three of them to be happy together, whatever the hell that meant.
“She really likes you,” Leo said.
“I like her, too.” Grant waggled his fingers. “So, adios.”
Leo smiled and called out a quiet goodbye as Grant left the room.
As soon as Grant was around the corner from the curious and observant Jim, Grant pulled out his cell phone and dialed Sheriff Memaw Marie’s number.
“Mission accomplished,” Grant said.
“He’s taking the kidney?” Marie demanded.
“Indeed he is.”
“Well, hallelujah!” she said emphatically. “I knew I could count on you to make him see reason.”
Grant leaned against the wall in the corridor and said, “Well, surprisingly the credit isn’t mine. The kidney donor herself made the plea and Lucky was the glue that sealed the deal.”
“Excellent news,” Marie said. “Jennifer—for all her problems—loves her brother. She won’t screw it up this time. I’ll see to that.”
Grant made a noise of agreement.
Marie went on, “No matter what. Leo will get that kidney if I have to harvest it my own damn self.”
“Same, Marie,” Grant said, softly. “Same.”
• • •
Present
Grant pulled a chair up next to Leo’s bed in the recovery room. He watched Leo’s heart rate beep on the monitor, steady and regular, and then he let himself really look at Leo’s sleeping face. They’d removed the oxygen mask; he was still puffy from the surgery, but the bag attached to the catheter showed that Jennifer’s harvested kidney was working, producing urine well, and in copious amounts, which was good.
“Hey,” Grant said, softly. Now he was one of those people who stood by their unconscious loved one’s bed and talked to them. But he had talk to Leo, had to make sure that he knew how important he was to Grant, and to Lucky. So he’d know that he had to make it through this.
“Hey,” Grant started again. “Leo, you better get your ass in gear and get better, because I…” His voice cracked a little, and he cleared his throat, looking over his shoulder to make sure he was still alone. “I need you. I love you. So, I’m counting on you. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave Lucky.”
Grant wiped at his face quickly when he heard footsteps, and Dennis stepped between the curtains to put his hand on Grant’s shoulder. “Listen, the tests are looking really good, okay? Dr. Gregor’s landing shortly, but, Grant, I think he’s already fighting this thing. We might not even need her.”
Grant nodded, wiped at his nose, and kept his eyes on Leo.
Dennis sighed, squeezed Grant’s shoulder, and said, “Come on, you can’t do anything for him right now, and you need to calm down. Let’s get out of the hospital. Alec can take you—”
Grant shook Dennis’ hand off. “No,” he said. “I’ll be here. At the hospital. Until Dr. Gregor gets here and I hear what she has to say.”
Dennis loosed a sound of frustration and said, “Grant, what about Lucky? She really needs you now.”
Grant closed his eyes. He put his hand in Leo’s unresponsive fingers, and swallowed. “She’s with Chuck and Meryl. It’s fine.”
“Come with me, buddy. You know and I know that for whatever reason the person Lucky most trusts in this world is you. She needs you right now. Leo wanted that.”
“Wants that,” Grant said. No one would talk about Leo in the past tense. Not now, not with things still so touch and go.
“Exactly,” Dennis said. “So, get your act together, and go be the person that kid needs.”
Leo’s eyes were swollen and ringed in blue, and his fingers warm and pliable in Grant’s hand. His lips were dry and slightly open, but he was breathing, and his new kidney was working. The seizing had stopped, and if Dennis was right then it was possible that the meds they’d already pushed were making headway with the infection.
“Give me a minute,” Grant said.
Dennis crossed his arms over his chest, but moved behind the curtain, leaving Grant as alone as he could be right now with Leo.
Grant leaned over and kissed the stubble along Leo’s cheek, and whispered, “You left me once. You can’t do that to me, again.” Grant ran his hand in Leo’s hair, kissed his cheek again, and said, “You’re needed, Leo. Kick this infections ass and come back to us.”
He pushed away, rubbed his hands over his face, and left the room with a defiant glare at Dennis, avoiding the empathetic gaze every nurse and doctor seemed to be trying to send his way.
He was in love and scared. He didn’t need their googly eyes gazing at him. What he needed was Leo, and unless they could provide him with that, he wasn’t interested in what they had to offer.
Chapter Eighteen
Grant and Lucky played endless games of chess, mostly in silence, with little instruction going on at all. When Lucky lost, Grant didn’t explain to her why, or how she could’ve prolonged the inevitable, but just cleared the board and started over. Neither of them wanted to talk.
Meryl paced the room like a caged bear, fretting and worrying, and asking all kinds of questions that Grant wouldn’t answer, until Chuck reminded her, “Honey, Grant’s hurting too. Leave him be for awhile, okay.”
“But he’s just playing chess.”
Lucky had turned to her then and said, “No, he’s waiting, and he’s scared like me. He loves Daddy.”
Grant put his hand on her head. She didn’t need to defend him, even if her furious little face did warm his heart. “Meryl, I assure you, I’ve told you everything I know. I’m waiting, just like you’re waiting.”
Chuck put his arm around Meryl, and led her toward the couch. An hour later, she finally came back over and put her hand on Grant’s shoulder, saying, “I’m sorry. I know you care about him.”
Care about him. Grant had almost laughed. It was the biggest understatement he’d ever heard. Care about Leo? Leo was his safe place, his everything. His love for Leo was a once in a lifetime thing. It wouldn’t fluctuate and it wouldn’t fade. So, no, he didn’t care for Leo. What he felt was so much more.
At that point, Lucky had abandoned her seat beside him to wrap her arms around his waist and bury her face in his chest, breathing slowly, clinging and worried. Grant patted her arm and she relaxed a little against him.
Dr. Gregor appeared several hours later, harried and frowning. Grant hefted Lucky up, standing as Dr. Gregor entered.
“And?” he asked. “Did you see the test results? W
hat’s the—”
“Dr. Anderson,” she cut him off. “Are these the patient’s next of kin?”
Meryl and Chuck stood up. “We’re his parents, yes.”
She turned her focus onto them. “Well, it’s not the best news. I’ve seen the latest tests and examined the patient. As I said, it’s not good. I’ve confirmed that it’s progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy, a rare brain infection that occurs mostly in patients who have been on immunosuppressants for an extended period of time. It’s often fatal. I should warn you in advance, this is a difficult diagnosis.”
Grant was washed in cold, and he held Lucky tighter. He stared at Dr. Gregor, waiting for her to tell them more.
“The good news is that I’ve had success fighting this virus. There’s a new protocol that I’m willing to try. I had a good outcome with my last PML patient. Methfloquine,” she said.
“An anti-malarial drug,” Grant said.
“Yes, this past June we reversed the virus in a case much worse than Leo’s using methfloquine,” she said.
Hearing Dr. Gregor use Leo’s name for the first time, like he was a person, not a thing, made Grant’s stomach relax a little, and he nodded and swallowed. “Do it then,” Grant said.
Dr. Gregor looked to Chuck and Meryl. “It’s not Dr. Anderson’s call.”
“Whatever you can do to save our son,” Meryl said, gripping Chuck’s hand on her shoulder.
Lucky clutched Grant’s neck harder at Meryl’s words, and Grant held her a little tighter. He took a breath and closed his eyes, terrified that he’d accidentally told Lucky a lie. And if he had…if he lost Leo now…what would that do to him, to her, to both of them? He opened his eyes and glared at Dr. Gregor, willing her to fix this.
“All right,” Dr. Gregor said. “We’ll know by the morning if the treatment is working. I’ll start it right away.”
Lucky whispered against Grant’s ear, “Don’t leave me. Promise. Don’t leave.”
Grant said nothing, rubbing her back, and sat down with her on his lap. It was going to be a long night.
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