The Funny Thing about Love: Feel Good Sweet Romance stories

by Laura Burton

  I whipped out my phone, logged into the cloud network for First Comes Love, and my stomach turned. Instead of Lindie Miller, the client who I’d known would be perfect for Dex, the name Ania Sewell was right there in black and white. Which meant that Claire had called Ania for tonight’s date. I looked up at Dex and Ania, my brows so tightly knit I was sure I was giving myself a deep set of eleven-shaped wrinkles between them. This was so not good.

  Dex gestured to Ania’s chair for her to take a seat, then pushed her chair in behind her. So far, so good. He took his own seat across from her, and even though I couldn’t hear them, my countless hours of watching dates told me he was asking her if she’d been here before. Ania looked around the restaurant and then shook her head, indicating that she hadn’t. My nostrils flared. Liar. I’d set Ania up on a date with a guy at this very same restaurant last week. And one of the reasons I knew she wasn’t a good match for Dex was her tendency to fib whenever the mood struck her. Dex would see right through her. And he valued honesty over most traits in a woman, so that was not going to go over well.

  I wondered if I should march over there and put an end to the date before it even started. Would this doomed date even count as a date if I stopped it before they got their drinks? Belinda was a tough competitor, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this whole competition ended with only one or two dates difference between us. The last thing I needed was some kind of computer glitch to cause me to lose the company to her.

  Having decided not to let this date occur, I hopped off the barstool. But before I could make it two steps from my seat, the server approached Dex and Ania. Her appearance gave me just enough pause to realize I hadn’t given any thought to what I would say to end this date without making a scene. Should I go over there and tell him there had been a mistake and Ania wasn’t the right match for him? Would that make me look completely unprofessional and put a bad taste in his mouth for the whole process? What if Ania copped an attitude (as she was so prone to doing) and embarrassed me even more?

  I sighed. No, there probably wasn’t a good way to interrupt the date without making a fool of myself and the company. And that’s not the kind of thing a CEO would do. If I wanted to be the boss, I needed to act like one. WWJD—in this case, what would Julia do?

  Sliding back onto my barstool, I squared my shoulders. Julia wouldn’t act rashly. She’d wait and watch. Maybe this date wouldn’t end in disaster. I’d been doing this long enough to know that Dex and Ania were horribly wrong for each other, but maybe they’d have a mediocre, lackluster date and I wouldn’t have any explaining to do, I just wouldn’t schedule them for a second date. Yes, it would add a date to my overall number for the competition, and yes, that could be the difference between winning and losing to Belinda. But the last thing I should do is embarrass the company by stepping in on a date that’s already in progress and make us seem like we don’t have our crap together.

  I narrowed my eyes at the couple, trying to figure out what they were talking about. Did he just look at his watch? That was never a good sign. I watched with wide eyes as Dex held up a finger to her and pointed towards the restroom. He had to pee? My mind flashed back to the funny answer he’d given Julia during his intake meeting about how he’d hold his pee instead of waking the sleeping passenger on the plane. Something told me he didn’t really need to relieve himself as much as he needed to get up from the table. And when his piercing eyes met mine from across the room and he jerked his head for me to meet him at the back of the restaurant, I gulped and headed that way.

  “What’s the matter?” I hissed.

  He crossed his arms across his broad chest. “Amy, I’m not sure this whole thing is for me.”

  “What do you mean?” I put a hand on my hip, trying to play it casual, pretending I didn’t know he was on a date with the wrong match.

  “This woman …”

  “Ania?”

  “Yeah. She’s not really my type.”

  I crossed my arms to mirror his pose. “Dex, you’ve barely given her a chance.”

  “She asked me how much my watch cost.”

  I cringed, glancing at his watch. It did look like a nice watch, and since Ania was a proven gold digger, I wasn’t surprised at all. “Well, okay. Maybe that was tacky.”

  “It led to her asking about my net worth right after ordering the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu,” he deadpanned. “Did you tell her about my trust fund? That’s not exactly the kind of thing I want these women to know about before they even meet me.”

  It took all of my professional training to stifle my frustrated sigh. Of-freaking-course she asked him his net worth. Because she was a terrible person. And she was incredibly hard to find a match for because every man I’d set her up with was turned-off by her incessant questions about their money. Which, again, was not the right kind of girl for Dex. But at First Comes Love, we try to find a match for all of our clients. Even the vapid ones.

  “I would never tell a client something like that.” I smoothed my hands down my skirt and swallowed. “Would you like to finish the date with her or are you planning to sneak out of here?”

  He frowned. “I’m not going to just bail on her. What kind of guy do you think I am?”

  “A better one than most,” I said under my breath.

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing.” I shook my head. “So, you’re going to continue the date?”

  “Sure. I just figured that since you said you’d be right here if I needed anything, I’d let you know you’re oh-for-one. And I’m not impressed with the quality of women you have in your client pool.”

  I smiled tightly. “I sincerely apologize for missing the mark on this match. I can assure you it won’t happen again. Don’t give up on the process, okay?”

  Dex raised a brow. “I wasn’t even sure I wanted to do this in the first place. I’m not any more convinced now.”

  “I know, but you’re a good son.”

  “All those forms I filled out and all of that time we spent talking about my preferences and stuff … all of that led you to this girl?”

  I followed his gaze to Ania as she sat looking at herself in her compact, making kissy faces and checking her teeth. I cringed. “Not exactly. But she’s here now. So, get back over there and charm Ania into forgetting about the contents of your bank account.”

  He snorted, shook his head, and headed back to the table.

  When he was gone, I leaned back against the wall and hung my head. How the heck had this happened? Dex’s first impression of my matchmaking skills was a complete disaster. And along with that, he didn’t think I understood him at all, which was most definitely not the case. I knew exactly what kind of woman would be right for Gunnery Sergeant Dexter Harrington. And if I were being honest … she would probably be an awful lot like me.

  Dex

  “So, I’m a little nervous,” Jordan said, batting her eyelashes at me. “I hope you don’t mind me admitting that.”

  I shook my head and handed her a plastic ring so she could take her turn tossing it toward the collection of glass bottles in front of us. “I don’t mind at all. I like your honesty. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous, too.”

  “Really? You don’t strike me as the type to be nervous about anything.”

  She took her time taking the ring from my hand, letting her hand linger on mine for a moment longer than necessary. I wasn’t an expert or anything—as Amy loved to remind me—but I thought maybe I was supposed to feel something. Like a spark. It had only happened to me once before, but I knew what an instant connection felt like, and this wasn’t it.

  Disappointment coursed through me as I looked into Jordan’s flirtatious gaze. She was pretty, sure. She had an edgy style with chin-length, jet-black hair and tattoos. She had several piercings that I could see, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more that I couldn’t. Despite the hardcore exterior, her personality was bubbly and nice. I wasn’t one to judge a
book by its cover, but she wasn’t exactly what I’d described to Amy when we’d talked about physical preference. It had been a conversation that left me with the uncomfortable feeling of picking a date out of a magazine. Either way, as I stood before Jordan on my second date, I knew right away that she wasn’t for me.

  “Everyone gets nervous,” I replied, letting go of the ring and turning back to the carnival game. I gestured to the bottles. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

  Jordan tossed the ring in the general direction of the playing field, but she completely overshot the bottles and the attendant caught it before it hit him in the chest.

  “Nice try,” the guy said, a pitying smile on his young face. “That was your third chance. Better luck next time.”

  “Thanks,” I said with a wave as Jordan and I turned away from the booth.

  “If this were a movie, you would have won me the big giant teddy bear. What gives?” Jordan bumped me with her shoulder.

  “I was trying not to be too cliché.”

  She giggled, and the sound grated on me for some reason. I sighed inwardly. I needed to snap out of it. I really wasn’t giving this thing a fair shake. And if I didn’t take it seriously, I was just wasting everyone’s time. I mentally resolved to be more open to the idea of finding a relationship through First Comes Love. This was only my second date, and Jordan was definitely a better match for me than the first girl had been. What was her name? Ania. That date had gone from bad to worse in a hurry. Hopefully, Amy had done better with Jordan. And the only way to find out was to talk to her and see what she was like under her tough exterior.

  “So, are you from California originally?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “I was actually born in Canada.”

  “Oh, wow. What brought you here?”

  “My dad’s job. We moved here when I was eight.”

  We strolled along with the rest of the crowd at the open-air carnival. I was grateful for the sights and sounds to make the awkward silences a little less awkward. There was plenty to look at and lots of commotion to distract us.

  I hated that I had no idea how to talk to women. I never had. If we weren’t dueling in an RPG, I usually didn’t know how to relate to them. And even in those situations, romance was the last thing on my mind.

  “This is a fun spot for a date,” Jordan observed. “Did you pick it?”

  “No, but you’re right. It’s a cool idea.”

  “Ah, man. I’d hoped it was your idea. That would have definitely made you my perfect guy. Fun stuff like this makes me feel like a kid again. I can see my future as freely traveling, having adventures, and acting like a kid forever. Wouldn’t that be awesome?”

  I frowned, then recovered before she noticed. I’d spent the last seventeen years traveling and having adventures with the military. My goal at this point was to settle down. Or, at least, that’s what my mother and I talked to Julia about that first day. The idea was for me to find a nice woman to start a family with so my guilt-tripping, pushy, meddling, pain-in-the-rear mom would be happy. And since I loved her despite all of that, I was here trying to make it happen.

  “Dex?” she asked, taking me out of my thoughts.

  “Sorry, yeah. It sounds awesome, but that’s kind of what I’ve already been doing with the Marines. My plan was to start settling down.”

  Jordan arched a pierced brow, making her look even edgier. “What, like, have kids and be a soccer dad?”

  I chuckled. “I’d be more of a Pokémon dad, I think. Teaching my kid not to walk across the street with his face in his Game Boy. That kinda thing.”

  “Game Boy? Aren’t those not even a thing anymore?”

  Nervously, I shrugged. “I still have mine from back in the day. Games, too. Figured I’d save it for my kids. It still works and everything. It’ll be vintage.”

  “Eesh, that sounds cute and all, but I’m not sure why Amy would pair us up. She knows I don’t want kids. My matches are always guys who either don’t want them or already had them and don’t have custody. You know, that way we could pretend they didn’t exist as long as it wasn’t their birthday or Christmas or whatever.”

  I fought back the urge to comment on why she’d want to date a guy who’d shirk his responsibilities as a dad and zeroed in on the other big bomb she dropped. Amy knew I wanted to settle down with a family, and she knew Jordan didn’t want kids. So, why had she paired us up? Was she really this bad at her job?

  I looked around, hoping she was lingering close by like she’d been at the restaurant last week. After only a moment, I located her and her long chestnut-brown hair that was piled on top of her head in a loose bun. Like the other night, she wore a jeweled tone that made her skin glow, only this time it was a red sundress with a halter neckline that made her shoulders look—wait. Why did I care to notice how her shoulders looked? She wasn’t my date. She was my completely incompetent matchmaker, and I had a huge bone to pick with her as soon as I could get away from Jordan.

  “Do you mind if we cut this short?” Jordan asked.

  My brows rose. “I’m sorry?”

  “I’ve been with First Comes Love for about a month now, and this is the first time they’ve paired me with someone who wanted kids. I’m sure there was a mistake or something, and I don’t really want to waste my Saturday hanging out with you if we’re not going to work out. No offense.”

  “None taken.”

  “Great, see ya.” She gave me a small wave and headed back the way we’d come.

  Bewildered and feeling slightly rejected despite my own lack of interest in the girl, I turned to the spot where I’d last seen Amy and crossed my arms. Her full lips pulled into a thin line and she slowly walked toward me. I could tell by her body language that she already knew what the issue was. The only thing I couldn’t understand was why she’d let it happen.

  “Amy.”

  “Dex,” she said, coming to a stop before me. “How was your date? Is it over so soon?”

  I scowled. “Really?”

  Amy threw her hands in the air then let them flop back down to her sides. “Okay. I’m sorry. I have no idea what the heck is going on with your dates.”

  “Go on.”

  “I spent hours hand-selecting the perfect matches and planning dates for you, and somehow both of them have been the wrong women who show up.”

  “The wrong women?”

  She nodded. “Ania wasn’t supposed to be there last week. And Jordan wasn’t supposed to be here today. I had two completely different women written down for these dates but somehow their names in the computer keep getting swapped out with women who I know for sure aren’t right for you.”

  “Like a known gold digger and a free spirit?”

  Amy snorted. “Yes. Ugh. I’m sorry, Dex.”

  I scratched my head. “So, the women I was supposed to meet … they would have been more my type?”

  “Yes.”

  “You think it was a security breach on your company’s computer network?”

  Amy laughed, and the melodic sound did funny things to my insides. “No, take it easy, Special Agent Computer Crimes Guy. I’m sure it was just a glitch.”

  I grunted, narrowing my eyes at her and adjusting my crossed arms in reply.

  She bit her lip. “Gunnery Sergeant Computer Crimes Guy?”

  “That’s better.”

  Amy laughed again and it made me feel like I’d won the big giant teddy bear after all. I cleared my throat. “So, Jordan cut the date short because she didn’t want to waste her Saturday. Is your Saturday fully booked with dates today?”

  “It is,” Amy confirmed, checking her watch. “But I don’t have another one scheduled for about two hours.”

  I looked around the carnival, taking in the smell of corn dogs and funnel cakes. “I’m starving. Have you had lunch?”

  Amy

  I hadn’t had lunch. In fact, I’d been about to head over to grab myself a bag of curly fries from a food truck when Dex and Jorda
n had stopped walking. I wasn’t surprised to see the looks of confusion cross their features. I’d known the date wasn’t going to end well the moment Jordan got out of her car that morning instead of Erin, who I’d been expecting. But just as I had with Ania, I let the date progress, just in case it would go better than the embarrassment of stepping in and admitting to the mix-up.

  “Lunch?” I asked.

  Dex stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I just figured if you had to hang out here and wait for your next date, maybe we could grab a bite.”

  Impressed with his smoothness, despite being a self-described computer geek with no dating game, I blinked up at him. He was smiling, and as his eyes held mine, I could see that he was nervous behind his confident facade. Even though he was very honest about his lack of practice when it came to women, he was also the actual embodiment of the word dashing. Looking at him now, I couldn’t believe he was still single and needing First Comes Love’s services.

  He’d chosen a basic black T-shirt and jeans with Chuck Taylor sneakers for his carnival date ensemble. His biceps strained against the sleeves of his black shirt, taking the boy-next-door outfit to a dangerously tempting level. His video game obsession and complete understanding of computer systems made him even more complex.

  I shook my head and sighed. “No.”

  “You’re not hungry?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  The corner of his mouth twitched. “Look, I’m hungry. You’re hungry. We’re at the same place at the same time. It makes sense.”

  “You’re my client.”

  “I am. And I think you need to get to know me better.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and pointed my toe. “Oh, you do, do you?”

  “You’re oh-for-two now.”

  Pursing my lips, I knew I couldn’t argue with him. I needed to get to the bottom of this computer glitch before it messed up any more of Dex’s dates. I wondered why it wasn’t effecting my other clients. I’d had a date before and after Dex’s last week, and both had been the right partners. I had two more scheduled for this afternoon at the carnival, and I prayed they would also be correct. But one thing was for sure, I was going to give Claire my handwritten notes for Dex’s next date so she could use that info to schedule it. No more relying on the network.