Spiritual Rebel

by Sarah Bowen

  More and more, I confirmed that no two people’s definitions of God were the same. Further, I learned that the names for God were no different. They were words for the same concept—personal experiences that were described in the words of local languages by individual people. The word was not the thing. It was a pointer.

  There’s a Buddhist parable that explains this concept much better than I can:

  A Zen student had become troubled by the contradictions he saw in Buddhist doctrine and was seeking answers. His teacher invited the boy to join his evening walk with his dog.

  “You must understand,” said the teacher, “words are only guideposts. Never let words or symbols get in the way of truth. Here, I’ll show you.”

  With that, the teacher called his happy dog to fetch a stick. The dog would run ahead, fetch the stick, and then run back. Then, wagging his tail, the dog would wait to fetch again.

  “Fetch me the moon,” the teacher said to the dog, pointing to the full moon.

  “Where is my dog looking?” the teacher asked the student.

  “He’s looking at your finger,” replied the boy.

  “Exactly. Don’t be like my dog. Don’t confuse the pointing finger with the thing that is being pointed at. All our words are only guideposts. Every person fights their way through the words of others to find their own truth.”

  For example, my cats Deacon and Buba-ji are unlikely to describe themselves as cats. The word cat was invented by humans, it’s not “what they are” or what they would call themselves. Likewise, I’m not sure my cats even know their individual names. Through conditioning, they know that when I make a specific noise, there is a result: food, petting, or play. But do they know what a name is? Who knows. The word is just a pointer.

  As I dug, my list of pointing nouns, verbs, and phrases grew. A favorite is from an 85-year-old woman I met who uses an H-word: Harold. Why? A mix-up involving the Lord’s Prayer. As she was teaching her granddaughter to say the prayer, the girl professed, “Our father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name,” and it stuck.

  We must look beyond the word God—or whatever word we use—to deepen our perspective. In fact, the word doesn’t even have to invoke a being, it could be being itself. Or a force (the Force?). It could also be the state of unitive transcendence. Of course, my wise Taoist friends remind me, “The name that can be named is not the eternal name.”

  The name doesn’t have to stay constant either. Consider water. Constantly transforming, water can be solid, liquid, or gas. We can experience it as clouds, snow, humidity, or rain. (Recently, physicists even documented a mysterious “second state” of liquid water—it starts to act exceedingly unpredictable between 40 and 60 degrees Celsius.) Waves appear out of the ocean with “thingness,” then dissolve back into the ocean from which they came. Our perspective might morph too, depending on the context.

  We can each chart our own path, defining our own terms. So I’d like you to envision sacred pointing words (such as the G-word or H-word) as placeholders. A placeholder is originally a mathematic term. It’s used when the exact item is not yet known—so it saves a place. At the risk of triggering a painful algebraic flashback, you might recall working with placeholders in something like this: x = y + z. Placeholders stand in for things you want to find out but don’t have the answer to yet. By using a pointer word, you can continue your spiritual journey without having to definitively define what it is. You can get comfortable in the not-knowing state. You can understand that [x] can be defined in an unlimited number of ways, just as x = y + z can be answered x = 50 + 50 or x = 75 + 25 or x = 99 + 1.

  Which leads us to our second experiment.

  SPIRITUAL EXPERIMENT #2:

  DEALING WITH THE G-WORD

  1. Turn to page 217, where you’ll find a list of 200 names and descriptions I’ve collected for this experiment. Locate it, then flip back here to read the remaining steps.

  2. Look at the list, letting the words sink in. Notice how the words feel to you when you look at them. Do any words seem to stand out on the page?

  3. Circle words that resonate with you or feel like a good placeholder to work with. Some people find their word changes based on the context they are in or the experience they are having, so you may see multiple words that are meaningful.

  4. Dig in to any words that interest you. Research them. Meditate on them.

  5. If you feel blocked by the idea that “whatever is greater than us individual humans” can be described in different ways yet still have an underlying sameness, try the following:

  • Make a list of all the roles you fill in your life. (For example, mine includes writer, traveler, book addict, sponsor, sister, New Yorker, wife, and so on.)

  • Consider how one item doesn’t negate another. You can be both a blogger and a yoga teacher, a father and a son, a massage therapist and a volunteer firefighter.

  • Now contemplate these questions:

  ∙ If you can be multiple things, why can’t [x] also fulfill more than one role?

  ∙ If different people describe you in distinct roles, then couldn’t different people experience and describe [x] differently?

  ∙ Has your experience of [x] changed over time (just like your experience of relationships, jobs, and interests)?

  6. Add in any missing words that have meaning for you below the chart.

  7. Relax. If you don’t find any words that work, you may just choose to live with the mystery represented by [x]. If so, you’ll be in good company with many mystics who assert that it’s impossible to define this inherently undefinable concept.

  Facing our semantic issues can create a sense of relief. Understanding that we are no longer stuck with a single word or description can be liberating. Letting go of the old images that don’t work for us can lead to freedom. Indeed, letting go may be one of the most essential spiritual endeavors out there.

  Because, ultimately, your language is just a pointer for the more meaningful part: your experience of your spirituality.

  Redefining spirituality

  We often confuse spiritual knowledge

  with spiritual attainment.

  Spirituality is not a matter of knowing scriptures

  and engaging in philosophical discussions.

  It is a matter of heart culture, of unmeasurable strength.

  MAHATMA GANDHI

  * * *

  As a kid, I somehow thought spirituality was limited to scripture reading, going to church, and prayer—none of which worked very well for me. During this time, I concluded that customs from other religions or cultures weren’t acceptable for me. I struggled with wanting to follow my heart, but I was simultaneously afraid of what might happen if I did. So I did nothing.

  Meanwhile, American young adults were flocking to unfamiliar religious movements, fueling families and mainstream religious institutions to fight back with accusations of criminal activities and brainwashing, branding new movements as cults to be avoided. Reports about Satanic churches and this mysterious, misunderstood thing called “the occult” didn’t help. Unable to separate what was accurate criticism and what was irresponsible scare-mongering of an otherwise valid spiritual community, I found it both perplexing and scary. Words like heresy, blasphemy, and apostasy came to mind, though I don’t recall from who or knowing what they actually meant.

  Luckily, later in life (like many of my friends), I stumbled into a yoga studio. Before long, I dove deep into Eastern philosophies and practices, such as meditation, kirtan, lovingkindness, seva, and, of course, yoga. Tiptoeing in, I sought things that felt good. That made me feel like a better person (i.e., less of an asshat). A space soon opened within me, so I tackled the S-word.

  As I ambitiously poured through books, looking for the perfect definition of spirituality, I read many deserving of my yellow highlighter. Interspiritual innovator Wayne Teasdale, author of The Mystic Heart, offered: “Spirituality is a way of life that affects and includes every moment of existence. It is at o
nce a contemplative attitude, a disposition to a life of depth, and the search for ultimate meaning, direction, and belonging.” As the Benedictine monk Brother David Steindl-Rast suggests: “Sometimes people get the mistaken notion that spirituality is a separate department of life, the penthouse of our existence. But rightly understood, it is a vital awareness that pervades all realms of our being. Someone will say, ‘I come alive when I listen to music,’ or ‘I come to life when I garden’…Wherever we come alive, that is the area in which we are spiritual.”

  Yet I pined for a definition that was both meaningful and concise. So the search went on.

  Visual descriptions abounded: A tree with one trunk and many different spiritual branches. A single mountain with many paths to traverse it. A river of wisdom tapped by many wells. These metaphorical definitions were indeed beautiful, but I needed something tactical, actionable. (Yes, I like to make binders, spreadsheets, and to-do lists. I’m that kind of nerd.)

  So I created my own definition. And I’m officially challenging you to consider it while reading this book:

  [Spirituality] = deeper perspective + higher purpose

  In each moment of my life, this equation provides a quick way to see if I’m on track. Cultivating a deeper perspective enables me to see beyond my own needs to the interconnectedness we all share. Living with higher purpose helps me make daily choices which support that connection. And what fuels all parts of this equation is what many people refer to as spiritual practice.

  * * *

  At first, the word practice spurred negative childhood flashbacks for me: “Get off that computer and practice your piano, Sarah,” and “Practice makes perfect!” So I looked for a new term with less baggage. Unfortunately, the often-used alternative spiritual discipline didn’t get me much further. My thesaurus didn’t offer any winners. And I swear Siri laughed at me.

  The word that finally seemed to land for me was moments. The word moment is approachable; it doesn’t require too much commitment. Thinking about doing something for a moment doesn’t freak me out.

  This book offers ideas for cultivating spiritual moments. To dissolve yourself into a bigger whole. To be able to be both yourself, and yet something greater than yourself at the same time. To be in the flow (in psychological terms) or in the zone (in sports terms). Yes, you could also say to be strong with the Force (in Jedi terms). You know you’re in a moment when:

  • You are completely absorbed in what you are doing.

  • You are totally focused on the present moment, you glimpse timelessness.

  • Worries slip away, as you feel a calm inner clarity.

  • You may perceive your sense of reality expanding, trading your concept of the small “I” for a greater connected whole.

  In these moments, spirituality and science overlap each other. Neurotheologians work in the space where neurology, spirituality, religion, and philosophy intersect. And they have plenty to say on the topic of what happens in our brains when we have spiritual experiences. Dr. Andrew Newberg is one of the leading voices on this subject. His research reveals that research subjects involved in meditation (spiritual or secular) and prayer have decreased activity in the part of the brain that constructs our sense of an independent self. In his book How God Changes Your Brain: Breakthrough Findings from a Leading Neuroscientist, he describes how various practices and rituals can affect different parts of the brain. And although spiritual experiences often defy comprehensive descriptions, people can verbalize the benefits they have felt after one, especially those that last over 12 minutes. Newberg affirms, “Activity involving meditation and intensive prayer permanently strengthens neural functioning in specific parts of the brain that are involved with lowering anxiety and depression, enhancing social awareness and empathy, and improving cognitive and intellectual functioning.”

  So what we feel in our spiritual moments is paramount—not our intellectual descriptions of our beliefs.

  * * *

  In the next section, you’ll find instructions for a variety of activities, designed to inspire meaningful moments during the entire week—not just reserving our spiritual sides for a particular day or a specific building.

  The activities are divided into days because our lives are. Taking our spirituality one day at a time helps us fully live in the present moment, with each dawn presenting opportunities for curiousness and exploration. Consider setting aside some “you time” each morning to read a section and try out the suggestions. Dedicating each day to a different spiritual focus encourages us to live the day fully—not just check a to-do box, “Yup, got my 10 minutes of meditation in today.”

  Each section starts with a description, followed by How It Works step-by-step instructions. Just below the steps are Rebellious Variations to explore. Choice is an essential value for most of us, so I’ve peppered in plenty. If something grabs you, check out the Discover Deeply resources to dive in further. Finally, jot down any “aha” thoughts about your experience, using the Reflections & Ahas pages.

  This book includes three weeks’ worth of creative activities, which build upon each previous week. Integrate these into your daily life or go all in and plan a spiritual staycation. Just as moments connect to make days, which combine into weeks, and then meld into months, each activity becomes part of a greater aliveness. By taking a spiritual smorgasbord approach, you can decide what to keep doing in future weeks and what gets tossed into the “Meh, didn’t work for me” pile.

  The only rule is: There are no rules. In the spirit of daring, always feel free to adapt anything. This is your journey. Write in the margins, rope in your friends, post your aha! moments on your social feeds. Above all, get started.

  SPIRITUAL MOMENTS

  MINDFUL MONDAYS

  TALKING TUESDAYS

  WONDER-FILLED WEDNESDAYS

  TREKKING TUESDAYS

  FEARLESS FRIDAYS

  SEVA SATURDAYS

  SANGHA SUNDAYS

  WEEK 1:

  Being

  Truth is broadcasting 24/7,

  but most of the time we’re too busy

  listening to the static of our busy lives to tune in.

  VICTORIA PRICE

  * * *

  Be here now. Three simple words.

  Immortalized by spiritual teacher Ram Dass, these words have been on society’s collective lips for over 45 years. Yet for many of us, this phrase is still aspirational. With one foot in the past and one foot in the future, we’re never experiencing what’s going on in the present. So just what is it about merely being that is so difficult?

  The ability to be seems hidden or forgotten, undervalued in our hurried, high-performing lives. Identifying with what we do, what we have, or what we might become, we have lost track of what we are. As the spiritual teacher A.H. Almaas, founder of the Diamond Approach to Self-Realization, muses in his book Unfolding Now, “How can my atoms, which are scattered, vibrating, and oscillating in some kind of frenzy, slow down, collect, and settle here as what I am?”

  Being spiritual is not about changing who we are. It’s about sinking more fully into what we already are. My mentor Rev. David Wallace once offered me his own three-word spiritual instruction: Notice and inquire. It seems to me that these three words give us a hint on how to be here now. He didn’t say, “Notice, inquire, and find the perfect answer.” Nope. Instead, we observe and we inquire, because, as Almas puts it, “Inquiry is based on an open and curious desire for knowing the truth of your experience exactly as it is.”

  So let’s get curious.

  Mindful Monday

  Candy is nature’s way

  of making up for Mondays.

  ANONYMOUS

  * * *

  Monday gets a bad rap. Often the transition from free days to work ones, Monday can feel like a slap in the face, or masquerade as an ending. But that also makes the day a beginning and an opportunity. Instead of listening to the constant static of our usual busyness, we can tap into the stillness that lies bene
ath it.

  My perceptive friend Zulma endlessly reminds me that I am supposed to be a human being, not a human doing. And she’s on to something. Every moment of my life seems filled with a task screaming for my attention, something to do. I suspect this idea resonates with more than a few of us. But I think we’re meant to be more than a giant human version of an ant farm.

  What if today all we had to do was to notice our being? To discern the eternal silence under the daily noise? Let’s ease into the week with a mellow activity designed to encourage glimpses of deeper being.

  WEEK 1: BREATHE

  Most of the time, we breathe without thinking about it. Our bodies have the amazing ability to keep us breathing involuntarily without much effort. Ordinarily, we only spend time consciously thinking about our breaths if we have health problems (like COPD, sleep apnea, or bronchitis) or are super active (perhaps running a 5K, getting immersed in hot yoga, or summiting our favorite mountain).

  But not all animals have the luxury of subconscious breath control. For example, dolphins and whales are mandatory conscious breathers. Dolphins use their mouths for capturing and eating prey, and their ingenious blowhole for breathing, typically four or five times per minute, when on the water’s surface. Unlike humans, dolphins must think about inhalations and exhalations. Dolphins never fall completely asleep, and part of their brain remains alert at all times for regulation (and to keep one eye open for predators).