Never Apologise, Never Explain ic-2

by James Craig

  Helen was been incandescent at having another Sunday interrupted. She had booked a yoga workshop for that afternoon and Carlyle had been supposed to take Alice to the zoo. But he had insisted, trying to explain to her that he was obliged to deal with this one. He had promised Amelia Jacobs that he would speak to Michael Hagger, to stop things getting out of control. But he hadn’t. And they had.

  Jake had been picked up from nursery by his father almost a fortnight ago. Neither of them had been seen since. Except for Michael Hagger’s appearance in the video clip, which Carlyle now had stored on his phone. That afternoon he had spent some time in Kentish Town, trying to track Hagger down. Zero success. Now he had to go and face the music.

  Sam Laidlaw lived less than five minutes’ walk away from Carlyle’s flat. Walking through Covent Garden, Carlyle counted nine A4-sized MISSING posters in shop windows or tied to lamp posts. The flyer had a blurred digital image of a frowning Jake Hagger, above a text that offered a?2,000 reward for information about the boy’s whereabouts. Carlyle had no idea who had put up the money, but he was fairly sure that it would never be claimed. Already, the posters had a grubby and forlorn look about them. Jake was a fairly nondescript kid, whose most memorable characteristic was that his mother was a hooker and his father an all-round, general purpose scumbag. He was most definitely not the kind of pretty, middle-class kid with articulate, professional parents who could drum up a large supply of media interest and public sympathy. His time in the media spotlight had been brief and perfunctory. Within a few hours, he was usurped in the news agenda by a mentally ill man who had climbed into the lion enclosure at London Zoo.

  To the extent that it was doing anything at all, the police investigation was busy chasing dead ends. In any child disappearance case, 99 per cent of members of the public who came up with ‘information’ were simply time-wasters — psychics, visionaries, dreamers, nutters or ‘well-wishers’ who simply wanted to wallow in other people’s misery. Even these wretches had shown only a minimal interest in the disappearance of Jake Hagger. As far as the inspector was aware, there had been no decent leads at all. Sidestepping the tourists, and keeping out of the sun, Carlyle knew that those posters wouldn’t last another week.

  Two minutes after arriving at Phoenix House, he found himself back on the same orange leather sofa that he had sat on during his last visit. This time it was dirtier, with even more stains and a new collection of cigarette burns on one arm. Sam Laidlaw sat in an armchair opposite him, staring doggedly at the carpet. Carlyle looked for improved signs of life but Laidlaw still looked like a zombie. Aside from the odd sniffle, she made no sound.

  Amelia Jacobs was considerably more presentable. Dressed in black jeans and a grey, long-sleeved T-shirt, she paced the floor between them. Carlyle said nothing while Amelia gave him a hard stare, looking him up and down as if he was some John who couldn’t get it up. Finally she asked: ‘Did you ever talk to Michael?’

  ‘I did try.’ Carlyle leaned forward and gave her some proper eye contact. ‘I couldn’t find him.’ Not that I tried very hard, he thought. ‘Did you know a guy called Jerome Sullivan?’

  Laidlaw made no sign of even hearing his question.

  Jacobs frowned. ‘No. Why? Has he got something to do with this?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Carlyle replied, ‘but I know Michael has been hanging out with him recently.’

  ‘He must be a right scumbag then,’ Amelia snapped. ‘Have you spoken to him yet?’

  ‘He’s dead,’ Carlyle said casually.

  ‘Great! So what are you going to do about it now?’ Amelia’s question was a reasonable one. If nothing else, he admired her determination. She seemed to be the only person who really cared about the kid. Even if Jake came back, he would go straight into the care of Camden Children’s Social Services. His mother had blown her last chance. It would be a miracle — or, rather, a scandal — if she ever got her kid back. Amelia knew all this already, but she would still not give up.

  Carlyle shrugged. ‘It’s not my case.’

  ‘The other guy,’ Amelia snorted, ‘doesn’t give a toss.’

  ‘Cutler?’

  ‘Yeah. A copper in search of a freebie, if I ever saw one.’

  ‘I spoke to him about the case the other evening.’

  She looked doubtful. ‘And?’

  ‘And they are on top of everything,’ said Carlyle, parrying the query as best he could.

  ‘Right.’ Amelia looked as if she wanted to give him a slap. He couldn’t blame her.

  ‘I’m sure that they,’ Carlyle corrected himself, ‘that we will find him.’ The reality was that he wasn’t sure at all.

  Amelia Jacobs balled her fists, her face locked into a brittle stare. ‘Someone has got to show some interest in this little boy.’

  Giving up on the eye contact, Carlyle stared at his shoes.

  ‘Otherwise, it’s like the poor little sod never even existed.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘That bastard can’t have just vanished.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘It’s been weeks now…’ Her voice trailed off.

  Carlyle stared harder at the floor. ‘I know.’ He did know. He could shut his eyes and paint a very clear picture in his head. But that didn’t mean he could do anything about it.

  Waking the next morning, Carlyle watched Helen pad out of the bedroom to make a cup of green tea. Declining her offer of coffee, he got up, stretched and headed into the bathroom. After getting dressed, he decided on one last effort at conciliation. The TV was still playing, but Alice’s fifteen minutes were up and it was time for school. He wandered into the kitchen, where Helen stood gazing aimlessly out of the window at the London skyline, sipping her tea.

  ‘Why don’t I take Alice to school this morning?’ Carlyle suggested.

  Helen turned to face him. ‘No need.’ She reached for the kettle and poured more hot water in her mug.

  He looked at her carefully. This had to be a test. He needed to show more willing. ‘I don’t mind,’ he continued carefully. ‘It’ll give you a bit of extra time before work.’

  Helen sipped her tea demurely. ‘Actually, I spoke to Alice about it yesterday, while you were out making your enquiries.’ A small smirk crossed her mouth. ‘She’s going on her own.’

  ‘What?’ A sense of panic flashed through Carlyle’s brain. How could his daughter be travelling across London on her own at her age? There were so many dangers; all those nutters and perverts, watching and waiting for an opportunity to prey on the innocent. Not to mention all the crazy white-van men itching to knock down any careless pedestrians. What the hell was Helen thinking about?

  His wife watched these emotions flash across his face and fought to stop her grin getting wider. ‘Don’t worry, she’ll be fine.’

  ‘Fine?’

  ‘Yes. Alice, as if you hadn’t noticed, is a very sensible child. Anyway, she has to do it.’

  Carlyle frowned. ‘She does?’

  ‘Yes. The term is almost finished. After the summer she’ll have to go on her own.’

  ‘Says who?’

  ‘Says the school. We got a letter about it, remember?’

  Carlyle grunted. He remembered various letters, but none in particular.

  ‘The school,’ Helen dropped her mug in the sink, ‘insists that all kids Alice’s age have to be able to go to school on their own. The Headmaster says it’s part of the process of becoming more independent as they grow up.’

  ‘Becoming more independent?’ Carlyle sniffed, not liking the sound of that one little bit.

  ‘Exactly.’ Helen put a hand on his arm. ‘You can’t remain a paranoid parent forever.’

  Oh can’t I? Carlyle wondered. Just watch me.

  Helen squeezed his arm gently. ‘She’s got to start sometime.’

  ‘I know, I know.’ Carlyle pressed his thumbs to his temples. He could feel a headache coming on. He really needed something to eat. Breakfast, however, would not solve his problem. Fa
r worse than the dangers of the big, bad city (most of which, he knew, were just down to media hype and invention) was the realisation that the golden years were coming to an end. His daughter was leaving him behind.

  Almost on cue, there was a call from the hall. ‘I’m off!’

  Helen skipped out of the kitchen and gave Alice a hug. Carlyle sheepishly followed. He smiled at his daughter and tried to ignore the spasm of discomfort in his guts. ‘Go carefully.’

  ‘Yes, Dad!’

  He looked her up and down. She looked younger in her uniform than she did in jeans and a T-shirt. He bit down on his fear once more. ‘Will you get the bus?’

  Alice pulled on her jacket. ‘I’ve got plenty of time, so I might walk. I could pick up Sarah on the way.’

  Carlyle looked at Helen.

  ‘One of her classmates,’ his wife explained. ‘She lives in Hatton Garden.’

  Carlyle turned back to his daughter. ‘But you’ve got your Oyster card with you?’ he asked.

  She sighed theatrically. ‘ Yes. ’

  ‘And your mobile?’

  Another sigh, even more dramatic this time. ‘Yes. And I’ll text Mum when I get there.’

  Carlyle glanced again at Helen, who nodded in confirmation.

  ‘And you’ll text me?’ he asked his wife.

  ‘Yes, on your work mobile. That way, you might just manage to pick up my message.’ Helen had never been overly impressed by her husband’s insistence on having two phones. In addition to his work-issue handset, Carlyle always carried his own cheap, pay-as-you-go mobile. Currently, it was a Sony Ericsson J132, which had cost him just a fiver at the Carphone Warehouse on Long Acre. He had bought it a couple of weeks earlier and would change it again in a couple of months. Meanwhile, very few people had the number to his personal phone, or even knew that he had one. Carlyle saw this as an attempt to keep at least some of his communications private in an increasingly trackable world. It was so private, in fact, that he had been known to go for days, even weeks, without remembering to check it.

  ‘Okay.’ He grabbed his daughter and gave her a tight hug, before she squirmed away. ‘Have a great day at school.’

  ‘I will.’ Alice kissed her mum on the cheek and bounced through the front door. ‘See you later.’ Ignoring the lift, she disappeared round the corner towards the stairs.

  Carlyle listened to her footsteps on the stairs until they faded to nothing. He turned and noticed Helen’s eyes welling up. ‘I know,’ he said, putting his arm around her and pulling her close. ‘I know, fucking hell.’

  TWENTY-ONE

  Sitting in the front seat of the BMW, Rosanna Snowdon cursed the late-night traffic. She was hoping that the congestion would ease, so she could manage to make it home before she had to throw up. The bottle of supermarket Rioja after taping the latest edition of London Crime — on top of the two double vodkas she had taken to relax before recording her show — had not been a good idea. She had vowed to go easy on the booze, but that plan had gone out the window after her boss’s boss had started hitting on her for the umpteenth time. Alcohol was a key part of her coping strategy when it came to fighting off the unwanted attentions of fat, menopausal television executives, something of which Rosanna had plenty of previous experience.

  There was a long BBC tradition of management ‘mentoring’ the talent. It was something that she had always robustly resisted, even if sometimes her would-be suitors put up quite a struggle. Ian Dale, the Managing Editor of Factual Programming (London), had been chasing his ‘little star’ for almost a year now. If Rosanna was not really in a position to tell him to get lost, she did nothing to give him any encouragement either. Now he had offered to drive her home. That should have been a major red flag, but she was pissed and tired and couldn’t be bothered to wait for a taxi, which could take ages at this time of night. It was already almost midnight and she had to be back in the studio by 8 a.m. tomorrow morning. Anyway, pissed or not, she was confident that she could handle Dale. If all else failed, she had her ace card, his wife Erica’s mobile number, prudently acquired from Dale’s secretary when it became apparent that he was going to be an ongoing nuisance. The number was programmed into her own phone. If he got out of order, she could just call up Mrs Dale, hand her husband the phone and invite him to explain himself.

  Finally the Beemer made it through the last set of traffic-lights and turned into Gladstone Terrace. In front of her mansion block, Dale pulled into a bay marked Motorcycles Only and put the car into neutral. Spandau Ballet’s ‘Gold’ started playing on the radio. Rosanna didn’t know if she would make it inside in time; if not she could make use of the bushes either side of the front door. It wouldn’t be the first time, she thought ruefully.

  ‘That’s great, Ian, thank you.’ Before the car even stopped, she was trying to release the seat belt and make good her escape. However, in her intoxicated state, it was proving a difficult task.

  Seeing her difficulty, Dale smiled lecherously. ‘Here, let me help.’

  Putting one hand on her knee, he reached over for the buckle with the other, copping a quick feel of her left breast on the way.

  ‘Ian!’ It came out as a squeak rather than a shout. With a click, the belt released itself and he was all over her. She could smell his sweat and could hear his panting. She tried to sound forceful: ‘Get off!’

  Grunting, he kept on pawing her, trying to force his tongue into her mouth. He was stuck half on top of her now, too heavy for her to try and lever him off. Her sense of nausea was overwhelming. A hand went between her legs. Energised, she pulled her thumb out of her right fist and slowly, deliberately, jabbed it into his left eye.

  Immediately, both hands went to his face, and he slumped back into the driver’s seat. ‘Hell! My eye! You’ve blinded me.’

  It took Rosanna a second to realise that she was no longer wearing the seat belt. But then, even as she reached for the door release, she felt a terrible pain in her stomach. Turning back to face Ian Dale, she was able to catch the look of horror in his good eye as she started to puke. For what seemed like an eternity, a prodigious stream of projectile vomit bounced off his shirt and pooled in his lap. Finally the retching finished. Rosanna took a moment to ensure that there was nothing more to come before taking some deep breaths through her mouth. Pulling a tissue from her pocket, she wiped her mouth daintily, before rolling it up into a ball and tossing it in the pile of sick. ‘Phew!’ She grinned, wiping a tear from her eye. ‘I feel a lot better for that.’

  Ian Dale still had one eye clamped shut. The other was bulging in shock. It looked as if he was going to cry. The inside of the car was a complete mess and the smell was truly appalling. Rosanna opened the passenger door and swung her legs on to the pavement. ‘This is your wife’s car, isn’t it?’ She asked, turning back to take one last look at the mess. ‘It looks as if you will have some explaining to do when you get home.’

  ‘Can I at least come in and clean up?’ Dale whimpered.

  ‘Are you kidding?’ Rosanna asked, edging out of her seat. ‘After you just tried to rape me?’

  ‘What?’ This time he did let out a sob. ‘It wasn’t rape.’

  ‘No, but it jolly well would have been,’ Rosanna said. She felt sober now and, even better, in control. ‘We’ll call it quits, then, but if you are still here by the time I get upstairs I’ll call the police. And then I will call Erica.’

  ‘But…’ Dale’s protests died in his throat.

  ‘I’m sure that Mrs Dale would be very impressed by the sexual urges you are still able to display at your age.’

  At the mention of his wife, Dale finally put the car into gear and released the handbrake.

  ‘Well done, Ian,’ Rosanna said, stepping out of the car. ‘That’s a good boy. Now, remember, you are getting off very lightly indeed. Have a good evening and see you tomorrow.’ Slamming the door firmly shut, she threw her shoulders back and walked as steadily as she could manage towards the front door.

  The win
dows of the rusty old Peugeot 307 were wound all the way down, but the smell inside the car was still disgusting. It was as if someone had vomited and then curled up in a nest of fast-food wrappers and died under one of the front seats. Even with his latex gloves on, the man was reluctant to touch anything. He had already decided that when he got back to his apartment he would shower — twice.

  Trying to suck in cold air from outside, he stuck his head out of the driver’s window and fired up another cigarette, careful to drop the stub from the previous one into his jacket pocket. As the smoke percolated into his lungs, he at least felt a little better. He had been waiting outside the dilapidated student pub in North London now for more than two hours. Every time a knot of punters emerged, he let his hand hover over the ignition, ready to spring into action. But, so far, his target had not emerged.

  Every minute that ticked by on the car’s electronic clock increased his annoyance level another notch. He was missing a poker game for this, and he loved his poker, even if it was an expensive habit. Grinding his teeth, he thought about how ridiculous it was that he was having to sit here, waiting. In any proper country, he would be able to have someone walk right into the Cow Pub, put a couple of. 45s in the girl’s head, toss the gun on the floor and walk out. No questions, no problems, no comeback and there would be change out of $100 US. But this was not a proper country, he knew that well enough. The weather was vile, smoking was almost a criminal offence, and shooting people in public was considered ‘bad form’.

  The thought made him laugh. Bad form was what he did best.

  He glanced at his watch: eleven fifty. Yawning, he started picking his nose.

  When she finally appeared, he was just flicking a ball of snot at a passing mongrel.

  ‘How nice to see you,’ he muttered.

  Finally, after all this time, he had caught a break. The woman was on her own, singing along quietly to a tune playing on her iPod. Swaying to the music. Probably drunk.

  Perfect.

  He started the engine and watched as she stepped between a couple of parked cars, twenty yards or so further up the two-lane road. Peering out from behind a small Ford, she saw that there was no traffic in either direction. Stepping out, she got halfway across before realising that the pavement on the far side had been closed off for repairs. Turning away from him, she continued walking down the road itself, heading towards the traffic-lights at the next junction.