by Slick, Tabi
“Yeah, hi,” I replied, brushing past her to get my stuff.
“What happened to you?” She asked.
“Nothing,” I responded, not wanting to make something up.
“Why didn’t you come back last night?” She continued, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good,” I confirmed, “I just need to shower.”
“But⎼” Kia began.
“How are things with Kain?” I interrupted, trying to distract her.
“Things are actually really good between us now,” she smiled, “that’s why I tried calling you, but you left your phone here. By the way, Lee has called like twenty times in the past half hour.”
“Great,” I said, grabbing my phone, “We’ll talk later?”
“Yeah, okay,” Kia replied,crossing her arms in confusion.
After gathering my shower things I ran to the bathrooms to freshen up. I could only imagine how terrible I smelled. As I change I stretched my free hand ever so slightly towards the shower faucet causing the hot water to begin to rush out of the shower head. These powers weren’t always terrible to have. Being able to do little things like turning on the shower without having to touch the faucet almost made me forget. Forget the torture of having to transition each month, of the bruises that went bone deep and would never heal. All of this made having this power just not worth it. When I got back to the room Kia had already left. It was better that way anyway. I didn’t have time for normalcy yet. I had to find Kain and find out what he knew. I couldn’t hear him so I wasn’t sure if he would hear my thoughts right now. I pulled on some jeans, a black tank top, and a hoodie. I needed to be comfortable after everything that happened last night. I wasn’t sure how I was able to walk, but I was thankful that I was able to move and find my way back to the school. I checked my phone and saw that I had missed a call from Kain while in the shower. What was going on? I decided to text him as I made may out of the dorms and towards the main campus.
Izzy: What is it?
I hardly waited a minute before he responded.
Kain: You need to get down here. Main parking lot. ASAP
Well this was getting weird. What could be going on? I couldn’t even imagine what it might be so I just picked up the pace down the dirt path. Suddenly, my head began to explode with a pain that felt like fire. I grabbed my head as I fell to my knees, my eyes watering from the agonizing torture. I heard footsteps and I squinted up to see brown curls. That was all I needed to confirm who it was. Amadeus.
“What do you want?” I cried, “Why are you doing this to me?”
I looked up and saw him not too far away just standing there. His eyes looked dead, as though he wasn’t there at all. I saw his lips moving and it was as though he was talking to someone. More like talking to himself. I tried to hear what he was saying, but I couldn’t seem to push through the pain that was ringing through my eardrums. Once his conversation ended the agony seemed to lift and I immediately scrambled to my feet and raced down the rest of the path. I didn’t even bother to look back. Whatever he was involved in, it definitely was not natural and I had enough supernatural in my life at the moment. I slowed down before getting to the entrance of the path and as I did so I heard several urgent voices. I walked out towards the main parking lot and saw a couple of cop cars. I quickly walked closer to get a better look and I saw an officer talking to Lee. When I saw his face I suddenly realized why Kain had told me to get out here. There were no words to describe the look in his eyes. I felt goosebumps crawling up my arm just looking at his cold stare. Our eyes met and I suddenly felt an overflow of emotions. I remembered. I remembered everything that happened last night. My heart sunk as the realization settled in. He had her eyes. I had killed his mother. I had killed sweet Sara Walker! Visions flooded my mind of what I had temporarily blocked from my memory. I saw the look in her eyes right before I took her life. How it felt to have a beating human heart in the palm of my hand. Why didn’t this revolt me? How could I just kill someone and not feel anything? Soon all of our victims began to flood my vision and I wanted it to stop. I didn’t want to see their faces...the faces of the murdered and the slaughtered. These were the faces of innocent people whose blood had been shed. But why? How could this happen? The floating bodies hanging in midair or sprawled on the ground as we took their blood...my insides screamed that this couldn’t happen! But it had. So, what did it mean? Did it mean that the things we had established as being inconceivable superstitions were actually real? And if there truly was a god, then how could he have created such amazing beings only to allow them to be so cruel? Were we to blame? Had we truly become the demons that haunted our dreams? What sort of evil were we? I saw Lee as he began to walk towards me and my whole body wished that he would just turn around and leave. How was I going to be able to live with myself? If I told him it would just hurt him more, but no matter what happened next I was sure that things between us could never be the same. I could tell that he was using all his energy to just hold back the tears. Tears of a loss I knew all too well. I shook my head, immediately hating myself for even thinking I could relate to his pain. I was the demon that had slaughtered her. My heart broke into a million pieces as I felt his hand take mine and pull me into the saddest embrace I had ever experienced. I suddenly felt his hands reach for my face and his lips touch mine. This didn’t feel right to me, but I couldn’t pull away for fear of causing him anymore pain than he already had.
“Sorry,” he whispered.
There was nothing I could say to make this situation better. I just nodded, hoping the message was received.
“It’s my⎼” he struggled to get the words out, “my mom.”
I held his hand, not knowing what else I could do.
“They’re taking me to my dad” he said, obviously trying to distract himself from all that he was feeling, “I’ll call you when I get a chance.”
“Okay,” I replied.
He then turned away and I knew it was because he couldn’t hold everything back anymore. I just stood there, not knowing what to do or say as he hopped in the nearest cop car. When he looked back at me I felt a tear escape and run down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and looked for Kain. I spotted him not too far away and I stormed towards him.
“Why did you let me go?” I whispered angrily.
“You aren’t remembering clearly,” he whispered back.
“How could this happen?” I demanded.
“Come on,” Kain replied, “let’s go somewhere else. It’s too crowded here.”
We walked off towards the cafeteria and made our way towards the woods in the back. I crossed my arms in frustration.
“Now, we need to clear some things up,” Kain began once we were out of earshot.
“You can say that again,” I scoffed.
“Listen, Izara,” Kain growled, “stop accusing me for your own actions! I didn’t stop you because you just disappeared!”
“I can’t disappear,” I said, “I don’t have that power.”
“Well, you flew off pretty fast,” Kain pointed out, “I understand why you did, I feel the same things you do.”
“Then why was I the one who killed⎼?” I couldn’t finish that sentence as tears filling my eyes once again.
“I don’t know,” he whispered, “but I do know that I’ve done some things, too, ya know. Remember winter break?”
I looked down at my feet, remembering all too well.
“But somehow when I’m here,” he added, “I can push through those feelings and focus on finding out who we are. Because I don’t want to be like this forever.”
“I know the feeling,” I agreed.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I knew we would get through this. We were good at surviving through the worst that life could throw at us, but this was the first time that we had hurt anyone that we knew. Before I could just distance myself from what happened because I couldn’t even put a name to their face. But this time it was very different.
I jumped at the sound of a door slamming shut as several students exited through the back door to the cafeteria. They were probably gossiping over what they thought had happened. I knew it was at least ten times worse than whatever they could come up with.
“I should get going,” Kain said.
“Sure,” I shrugged.
We headed out of the woods and went our separate ways. I had no idea what I was going to do next, but I wasn’t ready to face the world yet so I headed back to my dorm room. Luckily the room was empty and so I curled up into a ball on my bed and let myself break down. I told myself that I would pick myself up later. I closed my tear drenched eyes and prepared myself to spend the rest of the weekend in bed.
‡‡‡
The next few weeks slipped by me in a blink of an eye and soon it was the eve of Spring break. Unlike other students who were preparing their bags to run off to some place tropical, I was dressed in black as this was the day of the funeral for Lee’s mother. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror as a scarf wrapped itself around my neck and I hated what I saw. I had huge dark circles under my eyes from the nightmares I had been experiencing since...since that day. The lack of sleep had given me a constant headache that not even the strongest pain relievers could soothe and the guilt of what I had done made it difficult to be with Lee. I tried to be there for him, but whenever I looked at his face I saw his mother’s dead eyes looking back at me. Was I making the wrong decision? Should I just break it off? My heart felt like it would break into a million pieces whenever that thought crossed my mind. I shook my head as I pushed these thoughts away. I left the dorms and met Lee where the paths to the dorms met.
“Hi,” I said once I saw him.
“Hey,” he replied, taking my hand.
I saw Kain coming down the path to join us.
You can’t tell him a thing, his thoughts reminded me.
I didn’t respond, but I knew that he was right.
“Okay, let’s go,” Lee said.
We walked to the parking lot in silence and as I hopped into his truck I felt a raindrop hit my cheek. I looked up to the gray covered sky and I could tell a storm was brewing. How fitting. As we drove to the funeral home the rain began to pour down like nails hitting the windshield. It almost made me feel better that the weather was bad. At least there was something else out there that was also just as sad and angry as me. My eyes hurt from all the tears I had shed crying myself to sleep only to be traumatized by the darkness that tormented me in my dreams. We pulled up to the nearly deserted funeral home and headed into the small room. The pews were draped with lilies and next to a small pedestal there was an intricate urn sitting atop it. I glanced at Lee to see his reaction and I immediately regretted it. His stare was as cold as his hand and his complexion looked slightly gray. We made our way down the narrow aisle and sat next to Shane, who barely acknowledged our presence. The speaker stood up and began the service in prayer. Lee never let go of my hand and his grasp seemed to tighten as the speaker began to speak.
“As requested by officer Walker,” the speaker announced, “please turn in your bulletin and read with me Psalm 46:1.”
I flipped the bulletin to the back and held it up so that Lee could see it also. He didn’t even look down, his eyes were locked on the urn of his mother’s ashes.
“I declare to you, brothers and sisters,” the speaker began, “that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Listen, I tell you a mystery. We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed⎼in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed…”
His words rang in my ear. I knew all too well that not all of us would sleep. I hadn’t gotten any sleep in such a long time. And ever since my sixteenth birthday I had been totally and completely changed. I knew I was probably taking whatever verse this was out of context, but it still rang true for me. The service soon ended and Shane and his dad went to the front so that the guests that were there could pay their respects the family. I gazed around the room, looking for any familiar faces. I saw Kia in the back who waived when she saw me. I waived back, knowing that I needed to spend time with her as I had been avoiding her along with everyone else the past few weeks. I continued scanning the room and then spotted a head of familiar brown curls. When I met the gaze of his cruel green eyes my head exploded in a pain I knew all too well.
He’s here, I barely heard Kain’s growling thoughts through the pain.
“I know,” I gasped out loud.
Shh, Kain’s thoughts warned.
I tried to look away from his piercing eyes, but something was preventing me from looking away and suddenly the room disappeared and I was no longer looking into the eyes of Amadeus, but someone else. Someone whose eyes were completely white and his pallid skin was so hollow I could almost see his skull. He almost didn’t look real. I knew I had never seen him before, but somehow he seemed familiar. I saw dark wings expand as his face seemed to contort into a smile of a sort, exposing sharp fangs. I blinked and the man disappeared and the pain returned as I looked back into the eyes of Amadeus.
What was that? I heard Kain’s thoughts ask.
I felt Kain’s blood pressure rising as his rage grew.
I have no idea, I thought back.
Amadeus finally looked away and the pain finally disappeared. I glanced around to make sure no one had noticed our reaction.
Did you see the face too? I silently asked Kain.
Skull head? Kain’s thoughts asked, Yes.
I rolled my eyes. The one downside to being able to share thoughts with another person was that there was no such thing as filtering. You couldn’t exclude any thoughts once you turned it on. That meant you shared the good, the bad, and the embarrassing. It was soon our turn to walk up and give our condolences to the family and so Kain and I stood up and made our way to where Lee and his father stood. I gave both of them a hug and tried my best to ignore the deja vu feeling I was getting after seeing the strange man in the vision I had just had. Did Amadeus cause me to see this man’s face? It seemed like too big of a coincidence that we had just so happened to make eye contact only for him to cause me immediate pain and then see some strange skull-like face. But if it was done intentionally then what was the purpose? To confuse me out of my mind? Well, if that was the case then it had definitely worked.
“Are you coming to the reception at dad’s place?” Lee asked me.
“Of course,” I assured, “who’s all going to be there?”
“Everyone, I think,” he shrugged.
Wonderful. Being trapped in the house where the worst event of my life happened with Amadeus lurking around sounded like a perfect idea. But I would just have to stomach it. It was the least I could do considering the circumstances. The service was soon over and we made our way back to the cars. The air was thick and humid from the rain, making it uncomfortable to breathe. I missed the weather in New York when I was here, but when I was there I missed school so I just had to deal with it. Despite the major weather swings, being able to get away from all the toxic family drama was the best feeling ever. Even if it was Oklahoma. We pulled into the all too familiar drive to the Walker family’s house and as Lee parked his truck I felt myself pushed against the passenger’s seat by my demon self. I saw my eyes and it was as if I was Sara Walker. I gasped as I felt my own breath on my ear and I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or going insane!
“Izzy!”
I heard my name being called and I tried to snap out of it. I shook my head and soon the vision disappeared and I was back in the truck. The passenger side door was open and the guys were standing there, probably thinking I was completely mental. I probably was.
“Coming,” I said, trying to act as nonchalantly as possible.
I saw the look in Kain’s eyes and I knew he could see the whole thing from my thoughts. We couldn’t keep secrets from each other and
I couldn’t decide if this was a good thing or not.
Let’s remember to avoid Amadeus, Kain’s thoughts whispered to me.
That’s for sure, I agreed.
We entered the house and soon the room was buzzing with conversations as the house filled with guests. Lee’s dad didn’t seem to move from his chair and I could tell it took all of his energy to even say hello. I turned to find a seat and as I did so I felt a cold breeze hit me square on the chest and I froze as I saw myself on the upstairs balcony staring down at me. My emotionless red eyes were beating down at me and I felt something cold and wet drip down my chest. I looked down and saw the whole where my heart should have been. I panicked and looked around to see if anyone else saw what I was seeing. As soon as I blinked the scene returned to normal and I no longer saw myself staring at me from above. I looked down to see that I was also not covered in blood. No one seemed to notice my abnormal reaction and so I decided I needed some fresh air. I went to the dining room area where friends of the family had brought refreshments to share. I grabbed a bottle of water and snuck out the back door. I couldn’t be in that house anymore. I headed towards the open fields where a few of their horses were roaming. I climbed up the fence and made myself comfortable seated on the ledge. I took a deep breath as I tried to push whatever was haunting me away. This didn’t work as well as I had hoped and out of nowhere the whole world seemed to turn into liquid form as a ripple ran through it as though a pebble had been dropped in a river. I grabbed my head, trying to focus my vision on something else to no avail. Soon the world stopped rippling and everything around me had changed. The horses disappeared and all I saw was a giant field and a group of brilliantly shining light. It was so bright I had to squint my eyes just to look at it and even then it still stung with how bright it was. It was truly breathtaking! I hopped off the fence and started walking towards it. As I got closer to it the light seemed to get even more brilliant. I stretched my hand towards it and as I did so the light transformed into an assembly of angels. I saw their faces and I felt something inside of me churn with disdain. Their faces contorted into looks of hatred and I began to back away as they lifted their hands towards me. I spun on my heel and began to run as fast as I could back towards the fence. It was strange, the house and barns seemed to have disappeared. I looked over my shoulder and I saw that the bright angels had taken flight, their silky white wings soaring towards me. I grabbed the fence and flung myself over the side, falling to the ground. I leapt up faster than I had fallen in order to defend myself for what was coming, but all I saw were the horses grazing the field. I turned to see that both the barn and the house were all as it should be and I was no longer being chased. What the hell just happened? Was I hallucinating? I looked back towards the barns and suddenly I saw myself walking with Lee that first morning I stayed here. He had taken me horseback riding for the first time ever and I remember feeling terrified, but too infatuated with him to turn the offer down. I felt a tear escape my eye as I watched the past I wished I could get back. I closed my eyes as I turned towards the house and knew what I would see. I opened my eyes and saw myself in my black winged glory as I left the house that morning covered in blood. As I looked into my own eyes I felt a piece of my heart break. The assembly of angels were after me. I was everything that was wrong in this world. But why? I felt like every rock we overturned revealed to us more questions than it did answers! First the school wanted us dead and now this mysterious light and all for what? Whose toys were we?