Immortal Desires: A Depraved Gods Novel

by Elle Lincoln

  “Why?” Alloysius and Flynn say in unison.

  I pause before the answer to that question leaves my lips as I stare at the enforcers watching us. “Leave.”

  They look to Alloysius for approval, and at his nod, they finally go. “What is it, Mae?”

  I wait until the doors shut, and even though the black orbs remain, I’m less worried about them watching. I just didn’t want them involved in the conversation. “What if this is all a ploy?”

  “Mae?” Flynn shifts until he sits on the edge of the couch.

  “You told me yourself, Flynn—hell, both of you. A God of War isn’t one who fights, but one who manages a chess board, where all the pieces are living, breathing entities.” I lick my dry lips as my thoughts form. “What if this was done on purpose? To unite our factions for one common goal?”

  “What goal could that possibly be?” Alloysius sneers. “We both want very different things. He wants to rule like an emperor. We want to live freely without cascading into the Dark Ages where men were slaughtered for not having taxes to pay a fucking king.”

  “No, but Flynn made the point that without Neit, there are thousands who would rise up in his name. We aren’t a thousand strong.” I try to piece it all together, yet everything floods my mind. The game too vast to comprehend.

  “If, and I stress that, if we were united, he’d allow us to live as we wished.” Flynn scrunches up his face. “It’s possible, but my father enjoys organized chaos. It isn’t out of the realm of possibilities that this is staged. He has made it clear he wants Mae and her gifts under his rule. How else would he acquire that?”

  “The murders don’t fit in though,” Alloysius chimes in.

  Back at square one. Now, I flop into a chair. “I think it’s possible this is a setup so we’ll work together.” I almost resist telling them my feelings as I walked up here, but I squash it down and voice those thoughts. “I didn’t realize some of these men and women wanted to be here.” Especially after a man sold his soul for his god.

  “The answer there isn’t as easy as you would think.” Flynn stares out the window, his face impassive while his words hold the weight of the world. “Even before the fall, people, mortals, and immortals alike were just looking for a better life. I’ve seen my father do incredible things, and I’ve seen him do things that fell far beyond the scale of psychotic.”

  “Explain.” It’s going to take a lot for me to walk out that door and look for a man who wanted me out of his son’s life. A man who wanted to use my magic for himself, to manipulate me then discard me.

  “He thought long ago that teaching me culture would mold me into his little robot. We often went to operas, orchestras, and the like. One night, we were coming back from such a show—”

  “Sounds like batman.” Rocco somehow snuck into the room to stand in a corner, startling the shit out of me. I give him a dirty look as I wait for my heart to slow down.

  “Anyway, we walked through a shitty part of town. There were hookers and their pimps—you know the kind—and users high along the stretch of road we walked down. His steps slowed and I looked up at him as he scanned each and every individual. Yet his words… they will haunt me. ‘If you look for those who have nothing and yet everything to lose, you’ll find loyalty.’ He came upon a woman, her eyes darting toward a small apartment, even as she offered her services to the men driving by.”

  Flynn pauses to stand, glancing out at the afternoon sun. “He approached her before she could voice her sales, and leaned in, whispering in her ear. I may never know what was said, but she nodded, and he handed her a card. The next week, her and her kids lived here in this building, they still do to this day.”

  Rocco interjets, “What he’s trying to say is those in this building, those working here, some do want to be here because Neit played his cards very well. Instead of killing the scum of the earth, as some mortals say, he took them in. Gave them everything.”

  “And in return he gained loyalty.” I groan, realizing I’m about to go on a hunt to find a god that would love nothing more than to have access to my magic.

  Chapter 14

  Mae

  My feet tap along the street as I cross back into Flynn’s building. I left him and Rocco to come up with a game plan with Alloysius. This is the current difference between us, he talks, and I go for a walk. Hell, we could even talk and walk at the same damn time.

  I take the stairs two at a time, heading to the roof. I break through the door just as a whistling, bitter wind rushes across the buildings. Undeterred, I head to the edge, looking out at Neit’s green house. I hate that I misjudged him. Oh, not that he’s an incredible person, I still don’t think he is, but he is strategic and manipulative, and too fucking smart. That’s what immortality granted him. And perhaps he’s right, it will take years until I become similar to him and the others, losing traces of morality as I age.

  Either way, the day has been full of issues. Many of which keep flooding my mind before filtering out in utter fucking confusion.

  “We need to talk.” Rhia doesn’t startle me like Rocco. I felt her presence moments before she spoke, another reason I took off on my own. I felt her hovering, just waiting to speak.

  “Why did you insist I take down Neit?” I ponder, while eyeing the greenhouse for any indication of how he went missing.

  “Did I?” Always a fucking word game. “Or did I insinuate you’d need a spy?”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose, knowing she’s right. “Why?”

  “I think you know that answer. Don’t waste time on pointless questions. You are smarter than that.” I peek at the blonde-haired warrioress. She stands in a military stance, making me wonder how many fae were in the military.

  “Fine, Rhia. Who took your baby daddy?” I cross my arms, staring her down even though I feel like the child here. I’ll probably always feel like the child in this relationship.

  Her lips quirk up just a bit. “How should I know?”

  Riddles, so many hidden riddles. “Why was there a shrine of you in a dead man’s apartment?”

  “Tell me, Mae, why is there a man gutting immortals?”

  “Rhia, how many children did you have?”

  Her eye twitches just a bit. “Where are the hidden, Mae?”

  This is making me hostile. “Who are the hidden?” I grind out.

  “All the creatures who walk this world you have been blind to. Where are they?”

  “Changelings.” It isn’t a question, but a statement. “Is the changeling yours?”

  “Can you own another being?” she counters, just as she fades away.

  “Dammit! Get back here, you fae demon!” I groan into the day.

  “Mae?”

  Cold washes through me at Flynn’s voice.

  “Who were you talking to?”

  I spin the lie on my lips, but with one look at Flynn’s face, I falter. Indistinguishable sounds fall from my throat before I can gather my thoughts. “What did you hear?”

  “You were asking about a changeling, and then cursing a fae.” His steps are slow as he walks up to me, his eyes tearing through my soul. My heart beats wildly as his hands cup my face, his lips brushing mine. So fucking gentle. Too gentle.

  My heart breaks. “Rhia.”

  He stumbles back as though I’ve slapped him, his eyes wild as they look around for the woman whose mind became diseased by time, torturing him until she snapped, trying to kill him. Until his father, his own fucking father killed her.

  “My... My mother.” He swallows as he tries to process the possibilities that yes, his mom is still around. Haunting him.

  “Why would you go and do a foolish thing like that? May as well let all the secrets out, shall we?” Rhia rests on a sword, leaning slightly forward, her armor glinting in the late afternoon sun.

  But my eyes never fall to her. No, they stay on Flynn. Flynn, whose eyes jerk to his mother. Eyes that hold unshed tears.

  My thoughts tumble as time crawls and ev
ery feeling flees my body in a numbing wash of baptism by fire. “Flynn?”

  He looks at me, his own eyes widening at his mistake. The mistake that makes my mind keep whispering, how?

  “Mae, it’s not what you think,” he begins.

  But his mother beats me to it. “Oh, it’s exactly what she thinks.” To me, she points out, “Remember you started this.”

  Fucking fae. “I did no such thing.” I can’t stop looking at Flynn.

  “You did, you told him I was here. I popped back in and here I am.” I can’t tell if she’s enjoying this or not.

  “Flynn. How?” But he really doesn’t need to tell me. I already know. I’ve known from the moment I woke up last month. “You moved too quickly earlier.”

  He steps toward me, but I jerk away, moving back. “Let me explain.”

  “Your father had a syringe.” I return to that fateful day in the stairwell. My body exhausted and beaten as I pushed that syringe into my chest. “I didn’t get it all.” My lungs puffs with each suffocating breath as my emotions flood in like a goddamn tidal wave.

  “Mae, listen—”

  “No. You stole a piece of me that was never yours to take.” My voice cracks as my eyes fill with tears. My heart breaking at his betrayal.

  “I did it for you!” he roars back at me.

  “No.” I shake my head over and over. “That’s not how this works. You stole from me. Just like your father did.”

  He flinches at that. Good. It should hurt. “You kept my mother a secret!”

  I laugh as tears break free from my lashes. “I didn’t even know who she was at first.” I sniffle as Gram pops in. “Did you know?” I lash out at her.

  “Well, we had decided not to tell you,” Gram starts, but Rhia growls at her, rolling her eyes.

  “Brigit!” Rhia scolds.

  Flynn’s head goes back and forth. But I’ve heard enough. He couldn’t trust me, so he stole a piece of me I had only just gained. A piece I didn’t even fully understand yet. I won’t let him see me cry. Not this fucking time.

  I turn to the ledge of the roof, marching toward it with a purpose. I need to get out of here. I need to just be away from him.

  “Mae!” he shouts. “Stop!”

  But I’m already at the ledge, jumping off.

  The wind rushes by me and by body loses its weight—metaphorical and literal. All the burdens weighing me down. The games and the plays. The world stops and the shouts fade as the ground edges ever closer.

  I’d never kill myself. But the rush of falling, the complete loss of control in the moment is how I feel in my heart. I ghost through the veil, popping into the otherworld just as a cloud catches me.

  I roll, looking up at the vast sky above. Today, the colors are brilliant with specs of stars and worlds far away. Around me, reapers flutter, carrying souls to the next stop. Here I feel the call of death. The need for me around the world. This new world. Tír Na.

  I can’t be here either, so I ghost away, rushing through the layers of reality, heading toward my favorite pub—McCleary’s. I wink into existence, not even disturbing the bartender, Marrok. Instead, he sets a cider in front of me, holding up a finger as he pours a shot of something amber, but with a sparkle to it that gives claim to that otherness.

  “Will it make me forget?” I grab the shot from him, my finger sliding up the glass to catch a rogue drop.

  “Alcohol in any form won’t help you forget, but it can take the edge off for a while if that’s what you’re into.” The bald man leans on the bar, ignoring other patrons. “Am I calling Argos?”

  I sigh, throwing the shot back anyway, even if it won’t take away the pain or the memories. I wash it down with the glass of cider. The burn of alcohol floods through me, stealing that edge of pain caused by Flynn.

  “Yeah.” I could use the company and a friend.

  Marrok nods, growling at patrons demanding his attention before going off to somehow call Argos. I’m guessing one of those communication charms.

  I sit and sip the cider as I glance around. The bar is bustling more than ever. Happy hour was once from two to four in the afternoon, and if I had to guess, it’s probably directly in between those times. However, there is a huge difference in the month since I was here last.

  Laughter.

  Hope shines in many eyes as the fear of darkness slowly fades away. I may have gained the vampires’ loyalty, but now as I sit and think about it, it doesn’t even compare to how Neit gained loyalty. He did so by freely presenting an answer to those in need. Aside from the panther sisters, most want to be there, worshipping him. We gained loyalty by making the evening safe again. At least for the most part. This work is ever in flux, changing, and with it, loyalties. Vampires flock to me because they seek the blood that pumps through my veins.

  I just wanted a better future for them and somehow, Neit made that future better. We put a band-aid on an ever-growing dystopian situation.

  Yet smiles still spread across the sea of faces before me. Their lives slowly getting better. Mortals and immortals alike converse. It’s the one thing I hope stays, but I worry it won’t.

  All around me, dim lights sparkle throughout the pub, since this is one of the places solar panels went up first. Eventually, they will drain those warehouses of the luxurious items. Though I’m sure something will eventually take its place. I bet my drink the witches are already up to something tricky.

  “I hear I’m needed.” Argos plops into a chair beside me, hardly winded, which has me wondering exactly where he was.

  “Flynn stole my magical essence.”

  “He cut out that little organ?” He sounds almost shocked as he tries to peek down my shirt. Marrok cracks a laugh as he refills our drinks.

  I slap his hand away. “No, in the stairwell during the confrontation with his father. Neit used a syringe to extract my magic, and I thought I got it all, but apparently Flynn stole it.” I take the shot set out before me.

  “Oh. Well, I mean, are you really mad about that? It isn’t the source of your magic, just a little bit of it, and it will regenerate as long as the organ is in place.” He waves away my worries like they deserve nothing more than a gentle slap on the wrist.

  “Seriously, Argos? That’s it?” That’s my magic! How can he be so dismissive?

  “Flynn loves you, sweet child.” Oh no, now he’s using that voice reserved only for those not understanding something. His teacher voice with a hint of condescension. “He would never do something to intentionally hurt you. Neit figured out how to pull magical essence using a syringe, yes, probably a spelled syringe, but Flynn didn’t, and he only took what was left over.”

  “How you can just think nothing of it?” I feel my cheeks heating in anger.

  “A lot of immortals do it. It comes at a price, one that’s usually subtle and only felt years after the fact. Centuries even. But don’t worry! You’ve probably already regenerated that small bit and it most likely only allowed him a teensy bit of your magic. Not the whole shebang.” He smiles manically. “Do you think he can conjure a scythe?”

  I rub the bridge of my nose, feeling cheated by my best friend and his nonchalance. Typical man. Well, typical of Argos. Though odd things bother him more. Like not getting the right creamer, which isn’t even a worry anymore. Fuck, I’m spiraling into the overanalyzing thing my mind produces as a result of conflict.

  “I have no idea—”

  “Fight it out.” He sips something sparkling and red with an umbrella. “This is delicious. Doesn’t he make the most delicious drinks?”

  I shake my head at him. “Fight it out? Ugh, that’s how we’ve been working through some arguments. I doubt it would truly help any.”

  “Then demand a bit of his magic.” Again, he shrugs like it’s no big deal before dropping a bomb on me. “But you have to be careful, sometimes fate laughs at us and you will be bound for all eternity.”

  “I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of commitment.” I rub my eye
s until I see specks of light dance behind them. “What’s your advice?”

  “Weren’t you listening to me?” He rolls his green eyes at me.

  “I’m listening. I’m just not sure what to do next.” I lean over the counter, grabbing a straw for my cider. Argos very much judges that move, but I don’t care as I lean on my hands and sip.

  “You know most civilizations in the Dark Ages only drank alcohol because the water was foul.”

  “That... What the hell, man?” That juice is going straight to his head.

  “I’m just saying, you’ve been wound tighter than a hooker in a brothel on a slow day.” He wags his brows.

  “How did that turn sexual that quickly? Argos, not everything is about sex.” I continue to sip through my straw.

  “I’m not saying it’s about sex, I’m saying it’s finding a healthy outlet for all that pent-up aggression you have. There’s shit you just aren’t dealing with, and it has nothing to do with Flynn. I think you need to stop and think about it, it’s long overdue.” He nods to himself, knowing he’s right, and I partially hate it. “And sex is an added bonus everyone enjoys.”

  Had to have the last word be about sex, didn’t he?

  Chapter 15

  Flynn

  There isn’t much that scares me—considering the way I grew up under the thumb of those in the immortal world—but watching Mae dive off the building with my mother nonchalantly stating that she’d be fine scared the shit out of me.

  “Flynn, let her go. We all have our own demons to face. Do you really think a fall like that would kill her anyway?” It’s like she never died.

  “Mae!” I shout, pausing at the ledge of the roof and watching in horror as Mae free falls toward the ever-approaching sidewalk. My palms sweat and everything in me demands I go after her. But how? Then she flickers out just before she hits. I sag down onto the roof, the adrenaline flushing out of my system far too quickly.