Immortal Desires: A Depraved Gods Novel

by Elle Lincoln

  “I can see the bloodlust in your eyes. We all feel it after our first taste of immortality. That inane desire to be more, to seek more, to fucking feel more. The lust that we cannot control, but with time, you feel it every time you kill. Every time you send a soul across to the otherworld. You hold that power over them. You can’t stand there and deny its magnetism.” He’s all but upon me now. His hand reaches out, touching my hair where he grips a silky lock, rubbing it between his fingers. “Right now, you have no power. And you would give anything to have it back, would you not?”

  I can’t deny that. I’ve become so much more. More than I’ve ever been, and probably more than I ever will be.

  “You killed my friend,” I speak, my voice a harsh whisper.

  “To give life.” He licks his cracked lips. “A price to pay.”

  “Magic always comes with a price,” I remind him. “You steal that which does not belong to you. Tell me, Cian, what is your price?” It’s been bugging me all this time.

  “There are ways to divert that cost.” He shrugs and backs away.

  But I don’t think he gets it. “No, Cian. That price is yours and yours alone to pay.”

  He spins on me, his face flushed. That mask is cracking and breaking away as his true nature comes forth. “It is not mine to pay! It is his!”

  “No.” I shake my head. “He pays for his own actions. You pay for yours. I can’t imagine what it was like to grow up with him or Rhia, but I know this—you have a choice. And you chose wrong.”

  “You know nothing.” Spittle flies from his lips. “She beat me once she discovered I was a boy, as a babe. Their ridiculous relationship left me with him, an abuser, until she fell pregnant and I was replaced, left to the wayside. He sent me back to the Realm to struggle. Do you know what it was like growing up mortal amongst the fae?” His anger rises further, his magic crackling in the air.

  “You kept dissecting my enforcers,” Neit shouts behind him, “just to see how they worked!” Neit’s own rage matches Cian’s.

  “You dissected immortals?” More bile rises to dry out my throat, to burn it with a sour taste.

  “He did more than that, he experimented on many to perfect his craft.” Neit spits that word.

  “My craft will save mankind!” Magic crackles once again, bouncing around the room. Sparks flying out, lighting up the ceiling in a hue of green magic, full of symbols that fade.

  He’s going to break his own spell.

  “Or damn mankind,” Neit hisses at me, but before Cian can look at me, I jerk my eyes to the ceiling. Neit looks up once as Cian’s full attention lands on me. “We are as we are for a reason, Cian, and you are messing with a design greater than you or I. Eventually, that will catch up to you. You have to know that.”

  He breathes heavily. “It’s been taken care of,” he sneers. “I transfer all debt to those I kill.”

  Here’s the issue with those who are insane—they are fucking insane. “It’s a revolving door, Cian.” He has to know that it doesn’t work like that. Even I, a new immortal, can understand that. “You can’t hide what you’ve done from nature.”

  “You think the world still lives? Can’t you feel it? The dead air inside this bubble. The Realm died. There is nothing but the Earth.” He cracks his neck.

  I need to piss him off somehow to get him to break his own spell. “I can feel it. I feel her pulse with each rush of a stream. I feel her breath with each wave upon a shore. The wind with her exhale. The dawn, the dusk, the colors that taint the clouds, expressing her moods. You are wrong. The world lives. And you are killing off the souls she created.”

  “You foolish child!” he shouted, his magic cracking the spell in the ceiling. A small, ever so fucking small rush of magic nearly brings me to my knees. I hold my breath, hoping he didn’t notice. “They were nothing but an ingredient so that I may thrive. So that I may grant those who lived as I, a mortal amongst the fae, immortality. They beat me, they used me, I was nothing to them, and now it is they who will pay.”

  “And what of Rhia?” His pseudo-mother.

  There are a few moments in life where you know you’ve fucked up. That the words spoken or the action taken will fundamentally change you. Right now, I’m feeling that. Cian’s breathing becomes ragged as magic spirals out of him, slowly destroying the spell. But it’s the look on his face that has me feeling like a thousand spiders are crawling over my skin.

  I shiver. My heart pounds as his head tilts and his eyes cast downwards.

  “I’m glad you asked.” He rounds on Neit. A longsword pulled from the ether whistles through the air as everything moves in slow motion. For a moment, my heart stops as Cian slams the sword upon Neit’s shoulder. “Father, I have a secret to tell you.”

  The world freezes, my eyes widen, and there is nothing I can do. I call to my scythe and I swear I can hear my magic beating inside me like a fist, demanding to be let free.

  Neit stands perfectly still, unmoving though a blade rests at his throat.

  “Aren’t you going to ask me about Mother?” That lazy grin spreads across his face.

  “No.”

  “I’m going to tell you anyway,” he whispers. “The fae are no more insane than the rest of us. You killed Mother in cold blood.”

  I watch as Neit’s eyes widen just a fraction before an impassive mask falls upon his face. “Impossible.”

  “You doubt my research, Father?” He leans in a breath closer. “They wear insanity as a mask, an excuse for their deeds. But the truth is, immortality isn’t natural. It never was, and I’m going to make sure that every creature’s time is limited.”

  Chapter 24

  Mae

  The ground beneath my feet quakes.

  “They’re here,” Cian announces with a giddy delight.

  Warning bells go off in my head. The fae aren’t insane with age? Their minds don’t disease? What did he mean he was going to make sure immortality becomes limited?

  Cian backs toward the door. The small sliver of magic still fuels me, slow and steady, like filling a bucket on a slow drip. If Cian notices, he doesn’t show it, but I wouldn’t dare put it past him for being aware of it. Especially if he can feel his own spells. Unless...

  “Come now, we don’t want to keep our guests waiting.” He claps his hands, opens the tower door, and walks through while leaving it agape.

  I stare wide-eyed at Neit, his composure a complete mask. One I can’t read, nor do I dare to. He gestures for me to go first. I’m not sure I want to be in the position of having one insane man in front of me and another behind me, but I’m beyond curious as another rumble shakes the castle.

  I roll my shoulders, passing through the magical barrier at the door. My body shivers in delight as my magic returns to me, seeping through my skin and into my bones where it rests with a contented sigh.

  Ahead, Cian smiles back at us, full of excitement that terrifies me. Nothing good ever comes from those who are crazy and smiling.

  “Keep your eyes peeled.” Rhia pops in and I hold back my gasp.

  “Nice of you to show up now,” I grumble, hoping no one notices as I do my best to speak with my mouth closed.

  “That room was sealed to us too. My son has done some questionable things,” she remarks. Her tone is matter of fact, but her emotions are either hidden from me or nonexistent.

  “You consider him your son?” I shake my head as I come upon a doorway revealing spiral stairs. They look steep enough that I’d make a bet someone died on these steps. “Where the fuck are we?”

  “My family’s estate. Once on the great lands, shrouded by mist. It emerged here, or we emerged here. Either way, it’s full of booby traps and I have no doubt my son has kept them up.” She steps in front of me, working her way down.

  “Did you not think to check first?” What good is a ghost if they don’t spy for you?

  “No.”

  “Are you speaking to my wife?” Neit’s voice is somehow full of amusement.
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br />   “We were never married,” Rhia states blandly.

  That’s when realization hits me. “My goddess, you two are the same damn person.” I pinch my nose. “How is Flynn normal?”

  “He isn’t,” Neit comments while Rhia grunts.

  “You weren’t married.” I throw back at Neit.

  “We were together long enough that it doesn’t matter.” I don’t look back at him, because really, these steps are horrible. I debate ghosting down there, but I don’t trust Cian. He has something up his sleeves and I’m not in the mood to find out what, even if my choices are limited.

  “You killed her.”

  “She was insane,” he counters.

  “Not according to your son.” Stolen baby son, same thing, right?

  “He doesn’t know of what he speaks.” I can hear the dismissal in Neit’s voice, but I’m not sure.

  “Rhia, were you insane?” Since she was once closest to the original fae, she would be the one to ask. I almost lean in too close to make sure I don’t miss her answer and fall down the stairs.

  “It’s impossible to say.”

  “Rhia!” She doesn’t even know. In death she can’t lie, but something about that whole admission has her questioning it. “You heard him?”

  “The door was open.”

  “No, it wasn’t.”

  “Just a hair, he’d never actually lock himself in there with you two.” She shrugs. “Yet, despite his absolute insanity, he is very intelligent. He understands the mortal and immortal anatomy unlike anyone before or after him.” Her voice holds just a hint of something more, an emotion I didn’t notice before. Perhaps caring.

  “The fae are known to be ruthless and insane. It is who they are.” Neit once again stakes his claim that the fae are insane.

  “But what if Cian is right, what if it was all a show? An excuse for their actions?” I pinch my lip between my teeth as we step on to a red carpeted landing that leads to a long hall. “What floor is this?” I want to look out a window, but none exist. Only electric lanterns. Which feels wrong in a castle.

  “Nonsense.” Neit once again dismisses me, pulling ahead to take lead as if he knows this place inside and out. Which he just may.

  I drag my feet just a bit as the castle rocks once more. I keep my eyes peeled as Neit rounds a bend. “Where are we going, Rhia?” Before she can answer, I interrupt my own question. “We can talk more about the insanity issue later, right now, I want to know what I’m walking into.”

  “You don’t dismiss what has been considered fact for so many years, not even a thought the fae assumed was real.” She taps her chin, her chainmail clinking. “We shall talk later. But for now, just outside these walls, Flynn has broken the barrier. They are trying to breech the doors, but they shouldn’t because Cian has a spell on them that will kill any who walk inside.”

  My eyes widen and my heart pounds too fast for me to acknowledge right now. “How do I get out of here?”

  “Cian has no hold on you right now. Instead, he chooses to watch you grieve.” She shrugs a shoulder.

  “Oh, my goddess, woman, you couldn’t have told me any of that up there? I shriek while pointing above me. “Why the hell did you wait?”

  “Because Cian wouldn’t dare kill Flynn.”

  “I don’t believe it. You’re insane, the whole fucking lot of you.” I throw my hands up, leaving her and opening a door to a beautiful suite that I hardly glance at. I rush to the wide-open windows, push the shutters out, and peer below.

  Just down and to the right, I can make out a tiny little Flynn engulfed in fire with a horde of wolves and a bunch of others. Okay, so maybe those meetings did something. If we survive this, I swear I’ll show up. It’s a hopeful thought.

  “No hold on me?” I look back at the icy-haired warrior princess. Her thin lips tilt up in a smile as her eyes glide to the side.

  “No hold, daughter.”

  Not the best time for approval, but I’ll take it. I toss myself out the window, once again free falling. All my worries vanish as gravity dies and my body becomes weightless. I ghost to the otherworld, allowing the clouds to cushion my fall. A reaper glances down at me from his dark hood and tilts his head to the side. I give him a sly smile before popping back to where I was.

  My feet hit the ground running, the soft dirt turning into mud in some areas, but my steps are sure and true. My muscles burn as I push them faster, farther. Ahead, I can make out the group as they pull back a ram. I don’t yell in fear of Cian hearing me.

  My body shakes as I run up to Flynn. His wide eyes stare at me for a moment before he douses his flames, and I jump up, wrapping my legs around him.

  His body shudders beneath mine, his relief palpable, but all too soon he pulls back. His eyes glisten in the misty sunlight. “You’re okay?”

  “I’m okay.” I smile before scrambling down, remembering why the hell I ran so hard in the first place. “You can’t open the door, he has it spelled. You walk through, you die.” My words run together as I struggle to give out the warning.

  “Stop!” Flynn yells, not once taking his eyes from mine. “What do we do?”

  “First off, well done finding me, what state are we in?” I glance around, trying to understand the location that seems both familiar and yet not at the same time.

  “Not far from the cabin.” His lips turn down as his face pinches sourly.

  “Figures.” I shake it off. “Cian has a plan to somehow rid the immortals of their immortality.”

  “That’s impossible,” he growls.

  “Flynn, he was excited about it,” I warn, finally looking around and seeing Gramps. Wait... “What the hell are you doing here?” I screech.

  “Ah, kid, you look good.” A knowing smile lights up his face. If I didn’t know any better, I would swear he’s enjoying this. Cheeky man.

  “We’ll talk about that later, but just stay out of the way.” Gramps lowers his brows. “Please.”

  “Alright, I’ll stay hidden. Mostly.” That boyish grin spreads across his face while something inside of me breaks just a little. One day, I’ll have to say goodbye to this incredible man. I’ll have to watch him die, because I know he wouldn’t want anything to do with immortality as an old man.

  I cough, trying to expel the tears and emotions that threaten to consume me. “Okay we need a plan, keep pretending to ram through.” The last is said as an afterthought as I lean against the wall.

  Flynn circles his fingers as the guys pull the ram back, and do their best not to fully knock down the door, but they need to bump it to look real. Ah hell, this is a clusterfuck.

  “What do we do? Cian will pay for his crimes.” A look of dark intent passes across Flynn’s face.

  “I would never deny that.” I lick my lips, staring out over the crowd. “Where’s Argos?”

  “Should be around here, why?”

  “Can he take that spell down?”

  Flynn turns around, scanning the crowd for Argos.

  “You know…” A mock southern drawl has me jumping out of my skin. “I could show you a different way.”

  I turn around as Gram floats there with a Cheshire smile on her face as she eyes up Gramps with a sultry expression. “Gram!” I shout, earning Gramps’s attention.

  A broad smile crosses his face as he chuckles to himself. He wags a finger at me. “We can talk about that later.”

  I’m going to have a conversation backlog, is what I’ll have. “Right. And tell me, Gram, how are we going to accomplish that?”

  “The same way your sneaky witch friend went,” Gram replies. Flynn jerks his head around, squinting his eyes at Gram. “What?” she gasps, affronted. “I just saved you from having to look for him, didn’t I?”

  “Lead us,” Flynn demands. It’s going to take me some getting used, knowing he can see what I can now.

  “Oh fine.” Gram floats off. I follow quicker than Flynn, who stands back and gives the men instructions. He only grabs Killian.

 
“Where’s Rocco?” I call back.

  “Right here, sweets.” He materializes beside me. “I was looking for your witchy friend.”

  “Gram found a way in, it’s the same direction he ran off in.” I frown, knowing he has only one goal in mind—revenge. Grief will fuck a person up, tear their soul out from the inside, and rip it to shreds.

  “Hush,” Gram scolds behind me.

  “We need to be quiet,” I tell the others. Flynn catches up with Killian and a few additional wolves. They all look scarily similar to Marrok. Bald head and all. More revenge seekers.

  Gram leads us down a small hill, where I crouch in the tall grass. The blades are a truer green than I’ve ever seen, as purple flowers bloom even in the cool, crisp air. Rhia was a part of the Summer Court, where the warmth rules. Their magic peaking on midsummer, before fading back out to winter. Even now, as winter encroaches ever closer, a flourish of purple blooms without a thought for the harsh weather to come. I allow my mind to wander to thoughts of jewel toned flowers blooming through drifts of snow.

  I slide down a small slope, and Gram looks back as rocks tumble beneath my feet. Her bright green eyes are wary and true to the situation, indicating she, too, feels the gravity weighing on all of us with this unknown character.

  Life was a bit easier when it was only Neit we worried about. We knew our enemy. Or I thought we did. Though he turned out to be smarter and more cunning than I thought possible. His observations running deep. And perhaps, just perhaps, his words hold an echo of truth. A truth I’ll have to look at sooner rather than later.

  But until then, Gram leads us up to a moat, or beneath the bridge to a moat. Water sits still and dead, moss growing in an unusual red up the side to the grass.

  “Don’t touch the moss,” she warns.

  “Why?” I look at it, my arm shooting out as Rocco reaches out to touch it. “Don’t.”

  He gives me the same questioning look I gave Gram.

  “There are fae creatures you aren’t even aware exist yet, Mae.” Her eyes jerk to the still water just as a ripple spreads and reaches toward us. The red distorts as a head peeks up, and deep scarlet eyes latch on to my own. The corners crinkle and I swear whatever it is, it’s laughing at me.