This Changes Everything

by Sally Ember, Ed.D.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Minutes from the Jesus Subcommittee

  MWC Planning Committee Meeting

  Capernaum, Galilee (Israel, Africa), November 13, 32 A.D. Earth Date

  Page 2

  DIALOGUE (Verbatim) (con’d):

  Council Leader: You have over thirty years, ‘666; at least fifteen with Jesus as an adult, with his wandering, preaching, teaching, performing the “miracles” we authorize. What is the problem? After Lazarus, it should be a done deal. If that doesn’t get more of the Romans and his fellow Jews on Jesus’ side, I don’t know what will.

  Is Jesus not motivated to avert the crucifixion and bring more Buddhist-like beliefs to the region? I certainly would be….

  Earthers Religion/Spirituality Contact #07666: It is the MWC policy to provide only a limited number of “miracle” authorizations, pre-canonization rituals.

  You know, Earthers aren’t Catholics anywhere, yet. Jesus’ death helps start them, remember? Without the crucifixion, what happens to Catholics? There won’t be any, that’s what. And, no other Christians, either. No crucifixion, no cross. No cross, no symbol of Jesus’ “sacrifice.” No sacrificial death, no “resurrection.” No Resurrection… well, you get the picture. The Christian storyline falls apart.

  Additionally, as the Jews continue becoming more and more corrupt and distant from their original premises, angering people left and right, the countries in the Earth’s “Middle East” region are continually overrun by Jews running from one enslaving nation or another, on and on, never ending. It is an even bigger mess in the 1930’s in Germany, believe me. Hitler has almost no resistance to and no trouble drumming up support to kill a lot of Jews.

  Earthers Gender Equality Contact #63132: You have much bigger problems if you let Jesus die on that cross, ‘666. You get Satan and other fiends, the way aliens appear in Clarke’s “Childhood’s End” [Copyright 1953, Arthur C. Clarke], depicting us [MWC members] as devils who appear with horns, claws, a tail and red skin! I dream-visit Arthur so many times to show him our members’ variety and he still libels us terribly.

  Even worse, it’s disgusting how superstitious, ridiculous and horrible the treatment of women and all minorities is on Earth, for millennia, all “in the name of Jesus” and later, his replacement, Mohammed. Witch trials, inquisitions, harems, slavery, indentured servitude, burning crosses and lynchings in racial attacks, forced wearing of veils and worse: these kinds of attitudes and behaviors are almost planet-wide and last for centuries, with many Christian and Muslim leaders’ blessings and participation!

  Council Leader: What are you suggesting, ‘132? Sounds as if Jesus is damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. What course does he take? Time is running out for him. He only has about two days before the “trials” and his conviction, sentencing him to die on that cross.

  Earthers Political, Social and Culture Contact #95472: Are we using distraction? I need a lot more notice than two days…. I don’t set up any more contacts for this time period, yet. I still don’t have a clear mandate: on or off the cross? Resurrection or not? And, what about his mother? If Mary doesn’t die in some fancy way….

  Earthers Religion/Spirituality Contact #07666: The term you’re searching for is “Assumption,” ‘472. Got it covered. if we go that route. We have the “Shroud of Turin” for Jesus all set, as well.

  Also, if Jesus gets to live longer, we provide him with a few other tricks up his sleeve. They like his walking on water so much, we give Jesus some levitation, you know? We teach the yogis to do this in India, Tibet and other Asian countries. Jesus spends some time with Buddhists in India, so he’s primed to fly.

  Next, we put Jesus in more than one place at a time (they’re going to call that “bilocation,” even when there are several of him, but we are fine with that), and more Excellent Skills displays. Lazarus’ rising from death works so well we add more like that and more of Jesus' miraculously multiplying loaves and fishes, healing lepers and others with obvious physical impairments.

  The Buddhists utilize tummo yoga, through which eligible yogis and yoginis sit naked on icebergs except for layers of frozen bedsheets draped around them. They heat up each of the frozen bed sheets until it steams, and they remove each heated sheet until they are naked on the ice. Humans can accomplish these displays by opening particular channels within their bodies and using appropriate meditations and breathing. Jesus can’t do tummo in Jeruselem (no icebergs), but something as impressive would be great.

  For example, through Clear Light yoga, Jesus makes smoke, fireflies and all kinds of light displays. Yogis do this kind of stuff for centuries in India; he fits right in. He is a hit for decades or longer.

  Let's keep the Jews going a little while more. Skip “Christians” and Muslims (they can’t agree on how to have Islam, no matter what we do). No Bahá'í, no to all the Christian “Protestants” and any Christian-based crazies, those fringe “Christians” who come later; go straight for planet-wide, non-deist Buddhism-type practices of meditation, compassion, kindness, etc., since Earthers accept all that in about two thousand of their years, anyway.

  When we make other contacts, I handle it.

  Earthers Gender Equality Contact #63132: You don’t get any argument from me on that. No Popes! No to Bishops, Cardinals, Crusades, Inquisition, second-class Catholic nuns, male-only Priesthoods, Catholic orphans being raped and enslaved, sexual abuse of children by Catholic Priests: I’m with you! No fighting over reproductive rights and contraception among celibate men, deciding for women, "in the name of Jesus." YES!

  Do you know that the Catholic Church is the single-largest “owner” of land, including prime ocean-front property, all over the planet, by Earth Date 2000? That’s a travesty. Eliminate Catholics and Christians and all the others who come from them before they begin. Let the Jews die out, too. Please!

  I have better uses for our Interventions: let me get started with preventing the gender problems with Buddhists, about not ordaining women. When we stop their keeping nuns and all women as second-class citizens, fix their false beliefs about women’s not attaining full enlightenment—all that gender distress that infiltrates Buddhism from Earth’s national and regional cultures—Earth may make it, after all. Let me have a go at it. I know exactly whom to contact….

  Council Leader: You show me that Earth’s religious and spiritual paths, gender and race relations, wars and other major movements mostly concentrate its beginnings right here, with Jesus.

  Dying this week or later, on the cross or not, more “miracles” or not, Christianity or not? What else? I need to hear more pros and cons for all Interventions. Earthers do not have to do without their religions and beliefs. We must find a way to moderate.

  Adjourn for R & R [Rest and Revival]. Back in one unit [one solar cycle]. Then, we’ll take an Implementation vote.

  Submitted, InterGalactic Council Secretary

  Verified, Council Leader