How to Date a Nerd

by Cassie Mae

  I feel sick. Not like vomity sick—got rid of that for now—but dirty. And I immediately try to scrub off the filth. I know I’m still dressed. I don’t care. I soak my body, dress too, with soap.

  Despair crawls all over me, and I fall into my knees. I try to remember how it felt to be happy. Like really happy. I mean, I thought I was. I thought being popular and going to parties and hanging out with Hope made me happy. And that stuff does because it keeps me from bawling my eyes out when I hear people are talking about me, but then I think about my books on my shelf. The Comic-Con tickets from a few years ago. The Nintendo games and speaking Elvish and all my awesome T-shirts I wish I could wear in public.

  That stuff makes me happy too—even happier when I can share it with someone.

  And no matter how hard I try, I can’t run away from myself.

  A knock comes at the door as I sit in the tub letting the water rinse me off. The soap didn’t work. I still feel like crap. And I’m crying which doesn’t help my head.

  Zak peers in, catching me sobbing like a fool in the tub. He checks over his shoulder and shuts the door behind him before climbing in next to me. Dressed and all.

  I tuck into his side and let it all fall out. I’m babbling, telling him how dirty I am, that all I wanted was to forget. To erase everything I’ve done to him, to me, to everyone. I’m not even sure if I’m making any sense with all the alcohol in my system. It doesn’t matter though. He just runs his fingers through my wet hair and doesn’t say a word.

  Chapter 16

  Miracle hangover drink should taste

  more like Sunny D.

  The water starts to get cold and Zak reaches over to turn on more hot water. I can see a stifled grin when he puts his arm back around me.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Hmm?”

  “What was that look?”

  “Just thinking.”

  I don’t prod. I’m also lost in thought. I think I’ve seen this scene somewhere before. In a movie or something.

  His voice rings through the room. “You remember when we saw Casino Royale?”

  That’s it. My lips turn up in a smile. “Yeah. I was just thinking about that.”

  My head jostles as he laughs. “I was afraid you wouldn’t admit it.”

  “Admit what?”

  “That you remember seeing that movie with me. Pretty sure you wanted to block out all our dorky days.”

  I swallow hard. “I don’t want to block them out.”

  “Could’ve fooled me.”

  I sigh, and try to lighten the conversation. “This isn’t exactly like James Bond.”

  “Yeah, the girl wasn’t wasted.”

  “And the guy had just killed about twenty people.”

  “And you’re trying to wash off dirt, not blood.”

  My forehead crinkles. “Huh?”

  “That’s what you keep saying. You can’t get the dirt off.”

  “Oh.”

  He doesn’t say anything else. He lets me cuddle into him, and I realize, even in my incoherent state, I really like it here.

  ***

  My mouth is full of cotton balls. My nose burns with the smell of cologne. My head feels like it’s going to fall off, and I kind of hope it does.

  What the hell happened last night?

  I open my eyes, but things are still dark. My face is stuffed in a pillow. A pillow that smells amazing and it makes my heart grow little wings and flutter around my chest.

  Groaning, I push my nose farther into the feathers. I make those embarrassing noises, and I quickly sit up to rid myself of the intoxicating aroma.

  Ouch.

  “Here,” a voice says from the edge of the bed, “take this.”

  Warm fingers open my hand up and something cold drops in the center of my palm. Wait a second. I’m not taking drugs from a stranger.

  I flick my eyes open and they land on Zak’s. He’s not smiling, but it doesn’t look like he’s mad either.

  Without any argument I pop the pills in my mouth and take the drink from his outstretched hand.

  “Bleck.” That is so not water. “What the freak is this?”

  “Something that’ll help the hangover,” he says, tipping the glass back up to my lips. “It worked for my mom when…” His face reddens and he shakes his head, making his hair flop. “Just drink it.”

  My nose scrunches as I take another sip. You’d think I was chugging pig guts on Fear Factor.

  “Uh…” Zak scratches the back of his neck, then digs in his pocket. He pulls out my cell. “You should probably call your parents.”

  How the heck did he get my phone? I reach down the top of my shirt, only half aware that I’m digging around my cleavage for something I know isn’t there.

  “It fell out when you were… when you tried to…” He stops and shakes his head again, his ears looking like they’ve spent hours in the sun. “It was in the bathroom, but it didn’t get wet.”

  Tossing the cell on the bed next to me, he gives me a faint smile. “When I get back, that whole thing better be gone.” He gestures to the drink in my hand, gives me another sort of grin, then leaves.

  Okay.

  What. The. Hell?

  Last I knew, Zak wasn’t even talking to me. And my lame attempt at getting over him resulted in a big fat rejection. Not that I’m too upset about that. Thank the Starships I went after Levi and not Hunter. I’d probably never recover from that stupidity.

  What happened after that though? It’s so fuzzy.

  The pounding in my head won’t let me think, and it doesn’t help I have to drink this vomit-inducing…

  Oh crap. Please tell me I didn’t puke on Zak. Is that why I was in the bathroom? And why I’m dressed in one of Zak’s Indiana Jones shirts and his… Oh my gosh! I’m in his boxers!

  This is way too much for me to handle right now. And I gotta pee. I down the rest of the nasty cure-all and race to the toilet.

  There’s condensation streaking down the mirror, like Zak kept his door shut after he got out of the shower so all the fog didn’t really clear.

  Wait. He took a shower while I was here? I guess that’s not weird ’cause I was asleep, but just thinking about him naked…

  Shit.

  “Zo?”

  My breathing picks up, and I whip the shower curtain open to see my sopping wet dress hung over a hook and dripping into the tub.

  How could I forget I stumbled stupid-ass drunk into the wrong house and ended up in a shower with my dream guy?

  Oh, that’s right. All the alcohol.

  Gosh, if I forgot that embarrassing, yet amazing hour in the shower with Zak, what else have I forgotten?

  “Zo?” Zak says again.

  “Um, be out in a minute!” I call through the door. I have to calm down before I go out there. Splashing water on my face, I mentally yell at myself for thinking alcohol and sex were the answers to my problems. It didn’t help me escape at all. It landed me face first back where I was: struggling with two versions of myself. Trying to figure out if hiding Geek Zoe is really worth all this.

  But I don’t want high school to be like middle school again. I don’t know if I can handle it as well as Zak does.

  And Zak. Whatever that was last night, it was way more than I deserve. Again he’s pulling me back together after I’ve treated him like shit.

  I fill my cheeks and let the air seep out. Sick. My breath is rank! I grab the toothpaste and squeeze some on my finger, scrubbing the inside of my mouth till it’s foaming. I can’t believe Zak was that close to my face without yacking.

  Okay, I’m pretty sure my mouth is as minty as it’s going to get. And my head is actually feeling better. There’s less pounding and the light isn’t stabbing my eyes out.

  “Wow,” I say as I step back into Zak’s room, “that crap drink does work.”

  “Told you.” He sits at his desk and pulls out his Wii controller. “You’ll probably be able to go back to sleep now.”

 
Huh? My gaze flicks to his window. It’s dark outside. “What time is it?”

  The TV snaps on. Mario Party lights up the screen. “About six. You’ve only been out a couple hours.”

  I nod and lay back on the bed, trying not to breathe in his scent. Even my hangover nose thinks it smells yummy.

  “Did you call your parents?” he asks, keeping his eyes locked on the video game.

  “No.”

  “You going to?”

  Whoa. Something’s wrong. He’s not looking at me, his voice is all strained like he wishes I was still asleep, or wasn’t here, and he selected Donkey Kong on the game.

  “Are… are you okay?”

  “Fine.” He shifts in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees. He’s such a liar.

  My cheeks puff up and I make my way to him. I don’t care if I’m the problem, he’s so not okay right now and I don’t like seeing him like this.

  Parking my butt on the floor next to his chair, I narrow my eyes at him. “You’re not ‘fine.’ What’s wrong?”

  “What makes you think there’s something wrong?”

  “You always pick Donkey Kong on Mario Party when something’s bugging you.”

  He cocks his eyebrow and finally looks at me. There’s a tiny throb in my head, but I shut my eyes for a second and try to force it back.

  “You should go back to bed.” His gaze goes back to the game.

  No. That’s not happening. I move so I’m kneeling in front of him, forcing him to look at nothing but me, but it doesn’t work so well. He hits pause and keeps his eyes on the controller.

  “I’m not going back to sleep till you tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Why the hell do you care?” His voice is so low, I’m not sure if I caught that right, but I’m pretty sure that’s what he said.

  And he deserves honesty. After everything he’s done for me. After what I did last night.

  “I-I want to make you feel better, if I can.” Things are totally coming out wrong. All ’cause he makes me so jittery.

  His brow furrows and he shakes his head. “Go home, Zo.”

  If he hadn’t just used my nickname, I may have listened, but I don’t.

  “Please, Zak.” Wish he would look at me.

  He stands, running a hand across the back of his neck. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  “Why not? Your mom’s not home.” Or at least, I assume she’s not.

  “That’s not what I mean.” He pauses. “We’re not… it’s not like that between us anymore.”

  My jaw clenches, and I take my time getting to my feet so I don’t let the crappy hangover win over what I have to say to him.

  “I’m not leaving.”

  “Dammit, Zo. I don’t want you here. You don’t care, and you never did.” He opens his bedroom door and waves his hand. “So go home.”

  I should listen to him. I should head home and forget all about last night. Forget the conversation we had in the car the other day. Forget whooping his butt at Lord of the Rings. Forget when we’d play video games and trivia all night long. Forget when we kissed… that one time. It just happened. One night a few weeks after his dad left, I don’t know what I was thinking, or if I was thinking at all. I wanted to help somehow, make him feel better. Next thing I knew my lips were pressing against his and they didn’t leave for a long time.

  My first kiss. I’m not sure if it was his. We didn’t really talk about it. But that kiss has never been beat. Even with all the guys who were more experienced.

  I should do what he says and go home. And forget everything.

  But I have a reputation of doing things I shouldn’t do.

  Chapter 17

  I’m just as bad as Douchebag Dad.

  I walk to the door and shut it, standing so close to him I can feel his breath on my forehead.

  “Sorry, I’m not sure what to do here.” I’m about to suck air into my cheeks but I stop myself. “But I hate seeing you like this. And I’m not leaving till I can help fix whatever’s wrong.”

  He finally turns to me, confusion all over his face. Not saying anything, but at least he’s looking at me. His dark eyes focus on mine, hair still mussed from the shower and flopping across his forehead. But what gets me most is his lips. Tight in the corners like he’s suppressing some giant emotion. Anger, maybe, but it seems more like pain.

  He’s… oh gosh, he’s hurt.

  Don’t know what comes over me. I don’t care that my head is starting to throb again and my whole body aches. This stupid hangover doesn’t matter right now. I don’t want to see his pain anymore and next thing I know, I’m trying to erase the pain from his lips by pressing them with mine.

  He’s hesitant at first, refusing to respond and keeping his hands firmly at his sides. Am I still doing things wrong? Or did I just shock the hell out of him? I mean, I don’t know how I ended up kissing him, but I don’t want to stop. Like, never want to stop. So I don’t pull away. Instead, I bite on his bottom lip, hoping he’ll kiss me back.

  And he does. Like, hell yes he does! He gives in with a sexy grunt, picks me up by my butt, and allows me to wrap my legs around his hips.

  Ho-lee crap, I like that. A lot.

  He whips me around so I’m trapped between him and the door. His tongue slides past my teeth and I suck on it, hoping he’ll never take it back. Oh yes, yes, yes. He’s the best kisser in the whole freaking world! Even with the frenching, it’s not sloppy or gross, it’s just so flippin’ fantastic!

  His fingers linger on my sides as deep moans escape his throat. Damn, that’s hot. I can’t stop my own passionate noises when his hips press into mine, making the door creak with every movement we make. Oh. My. Gosh. Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh. Everything gets warm as I feel every part of him I’ve wanted for so long against me. His hand moves from my side to the inner workings of my knee, pulling me closer, which I didn’t think was possible.

  Is this really happening? Is he letting go of everything I’ve done to him? Everything I put him through? Does he want me just as much as I want him?

  The weird thing is I’m not afraid of this. With every other guy it was so different. Like, it wasn’t me kissing them. And when things got too heated I’d jump back in my body and tell them to get their paws off. But with Zak, I’m here—like the real me, Geek Zoe, and she wants this too.

  I leave his lips for a moment to kiss behind his ear, biting his lobe and involuntarily moaning as I let him explore my body with his hands. But before I get back to his amazing mouth, he backs off, dropping me flat on my butt.

  “No,” he says between breaths. “Zoe, I can’t.” He starts mumbling a whole bunch of sorries and keeps his front from my view.

  It takes me a minute to catch my breath and get in a comfortable position on the floor. And for the room to stop spinning. “Why… why not?”

  “I can’t do it again.” He interlocks his fingers behind his head and starts pacing, still keeping his back to me.

  “Do what again?”

  “This!” He finally turns around. “You. Me. I don’t think I have it in me.”

  “What?” I can feel everything inside my chest tighten. Oh gosh, I don’t want to have this conversation. I don’t want to hear how horrible I am, because I already know.

  “I can’t fall for you again, Zo. Especially now.”

  My eyes widen, but other than that, I try to keep my composure. “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t know who you are anymore.”

  There’s more tightening in the chest area, and something heavy falls into my stomach as what he says sinks in. “But, you know exactly who I am. You’re the only one who knows who I am.”

  “That’s my point. Why am I the only one who gets to see both sides of you?”

  My eyes drop to the floor. “You should know the answer to that.”

  “Why should I know? You’re so hot and cold. One minute you’re the girl who used to be my friend, spouting off inside jokes, playing video games, laughing. But th
en you become someone who’s ashamed of not only me, but yourself.” He stops as I take it all in. I don’t know what to say because he’s right. And I have no idea how to explain it.

  “What happened last night?”

  I gulp and give him the only answer I have. “I drank. A lot.”

  “And kissing me just now. Was that some kind of side effect?”

  I shrug as waves of stupidity roll over me. “T-that’s not why… I-I mean I didn’t mean to… It just sort of happened.”

  “Like before? It just happened and then you…”

  He pauses for a second, and I shift on the floor to my knees in case I need to bolt from the room crying.

  “Look,” he says, his voice softening, “my dad left when I was thirteen. My mom was a mess, and she used work to help her escape it all. I only had one thing.” He pulls me up from the floor. “You.”

  My heart thumps an extra beat as his eyes meet mine, and he drops my hand.

  “You took my mind off everything. Playing video games, going to conventions, watching Lord of the Rings all in one day and repeating the Elvish language to me. You made me laugh, and it was something I could only share with you.”

  “Is that why it’s important to you?” I whisper.

  He ignores me. “I couldn’t help but feel something more for you. I thought you felt it to, but then things got all screwed up.”

  I wrap my arms around myself, trying to hide the word “guilt” which I’m sure is painted all over my body. He turns away, and leans his forehead against his door before punching the wood with his fist.

  “You cut me out, Zo. The one person who helped me through everything, and you left. Just like he did.”

  My mouth drops. Is that seriously how he feels? Comparing me to his prick of a dad?

  Crap, he’s totally right though. I did bail. I didn’t think it was possible to sink into a lower spot than I was before, but here I am, plummeting down into the pits of emotional hell.

  “And now both of you are trying to get back in my life, without so much as an ‘I’m sorry’.”

  He turns back around, his hair falling in his eyes. They’re watery, but he’s not crying. It’s more like he’s torn. So frustrated with himself. His dad. Me.