Risking It All

by Jennifer Schmidt

  “Are you waiting for Brooks?”

  “Yeah. I’ve had him paged, but you know how he is.”

  “He’s a great asset to the hospital for sure. We’ll be sad to see him go,” she said.

  Kennedy narrowed her eyes at her, confused.

  “Go?” she asked.

  Bridget nodded.

  “Yeah. To Montreal.” Bridget returned the same confused stare at Kennedy’s blank look. “You don’t know about Montreal?”

  “What about it?”

  Bridget hesitated, her eyes shifting away from Kennedy, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation now.

  “What about Montreal, Bridget?” Kennedy pressed.

  “Brooks accepted a position there starting this summer after his contract is up here,” Bridget finally explained. “It’s been in the works for a while now. You mean to tell me he didn’t tell you any of this?”

  Kennedy half-laughed and shook her head in disbelief.

  “Un-fucking-believable,” she said to herself.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” Brooks asked, approaching from behind her.

  Kennedy turned and glared at him. “You’re moving to Montreal?” Brooks scowled at Bridget who quickly hurried away, throwing Kennedy an apologetic smile as she did. “You’re moving to Montreal?” she repeated a little louder this time. “When in the hell were you going to tell me?”

  “Keep your voice down.” He grabbed her arm, pulling her into one of the doctors’ lounges.

  She snatched her arm away from him once he shut the door, and crossed them over her chest.

  “Well?” she asked.

  “I wanted to tell you myself.”

  “Well, it’s a little late for that. You’re really moving to Montreal?”

  “Yes. I was offered a position there and accepted.” He acted like it was no big deal.

  “When did you accept?” He shifted his eyes away, and something clicked in Kennedy’s mind. “Did you know when you asked me to marry you?”

  Brooks hesitated and then finally nodded.

  “Oh, my God.” She ran her hands through her hair, pulling on the roots, and shook her head as she turned her back on him. “It all makes perfect sense now. The questions about whether I like working with Ryder still, the sudden interest in my work.” She spun around. “The trip you wanted to take this year. You just forgot to mention it would be permanent.”

  “Kennedy—”

  “What did you think? That you’d ask me to marry you and then I’d have to come with you?”

  “You’ll like Montreal, Kennedy. It’s a beautiful city.”

  “Do you really think I’m going to uproot my life just for a beautiful city?” she cried. “When were you going to tell me about this?”

  “I was going to tell you this weekend. I need to be there in eight weeks.”

  “This weekend? You thought it would be okay to spring this on me eight weeks before you have to leave? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

  “Enough!” he shouted. “I get that you’re angry, but that’s no reason to act like a bitch to me.” He took a deep breath to calm himself and tried again. “I thought once you were there you’d fall in love with the city as much as I did.”

  “And if I didn’t?”

  “You said you’d marry me, Kennedy. I assumed that meant you knew what you were getting yourself into. I have to be where I’m needed.”

  “What about where I’m needed? My life is here. My career. My friends. My family. You think I should just give all that up because it’s what you want?”

  “You can be an artist anywhere. You rarely speak to your parents, and friends can visit. I know it’ll be a big change, Kennedy, but it’s what we need.”

  “No. It’s what you need, apparently. I’m perfectly happy with my life here. I don’t want to move!”

  He took a step closer to her, and she took one back.

  “Just come with me to see what I’m talking about, Kennedy. I promise you’ll love it.”

  She shook her head and stared at him, completely bewildered by his denseness.

  “You don’t get it, do you?” She crossed her arms and looked away, biting her lip to keep it from trembling. She refused to break down.

  “I’m doing this for us, Kennedy.”

  “No. You’re doing this for you. As usual, it’s all about you. You made this decision all on your own. That’s not how it works when you ask someone to marry you, Ian. Marriage is a partnership.”

  “You never call me Ian,” he said, a little surprised.

  Kennedy shook her head and sank to one of the couches.

  “I can’t do this anymore.” She looked down at her hands and inhaled deeply. “I slept with Memphis.”

  The silence in the room was deafening.

  “You slept . . . with Memphis?” he finally managed to spit out.

  “Yes.”

  “When?”

  “In Alaska.”

  He was quiet again and then asked, “Once?”

  Kennedy shook her head. “No. More than once.”

  Brooks laughed sharply, and she looked up at him.

  “All this time you reassured me that nothing ever did—or ever would—happen between the two of you, you’ve been fucking him behind my back. I don’t know why I’m surprised, really. I knew something was off when you got back. I even asked you!” he shouted.

  “I know.”

  “This explains a lot, especially why you haven’t let me touch you in months,” he said bitterly. “Why did you say you’d marry me if you’ve been screwing around with Memphis this entire time?”

  “I haven’t been screwing around with him this entire time,” she said. “It only happened once since we got back.”

  “Once?” he scoffed. “I’m so impressed with your restraint. That makes everything better.” He glared at her and then asked, “Where?”

  Her cheeks warmed at the question, and she shook her head. “Doesn’t matter.”

  “I think I have a right to know.”

  Kennedy hesitated.

  “Well?”

  “The night we went to The Vine.”

  “You saw him before I picked you up?”

  Kennedy shifted her eyes away.

  “Not exactly.”

  “What does that mean? When did it happen, then?”

  “At the restaurant,” she said, uncomfortable.

  “Jesus Christ, Kennedy,” he spat. He pounded his fist on the wall, and she jumped. “Your actions make you no better than a common whore!”

  “What do you expect, Ian?” she shouted back, jumping to her feet. “You practically pushed me into his arms. You’re never fucking there for me! I’m tired of never coming first. I’m sick to death of defending your selfishness to every goddamn person and trying to convince myself that you do really love me. Memphis makes me feel like I’m important. I don’t have to question what I am to him. He shows me!”

  Brooks sneered.

  “Oh, I’m sure he showed you, all right.”

  She wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, but she took off the ring and dropped it onto the table. “I’m sorry I hurt you, but I’m not sorry for what happened with Memphis. I shouldn’t have agreed to marry you when my heart wasn’t in it, but you shouldn’t have asked me when you knew it came with conditions I would never agree to.”

  “So that’s it?” he asked, staring at where she had placed the ring. “You’re just done and walking away?”

  “I was done a long time ago and should have walked away then,” she replied. “I hope you’re happy in Montreal, Brooks.”

  As she walked past him and out the door, she felt like she could breathe for the first time in months. She had her life back in control; she no longer had to pretend to be someone she wasn’t.

  And it felt good.

  ~*~

  “That’s the last of it,” Joe called as he loaded the last box into the U-Haul and slammed the door closed. “You’re ready to go, kiddo.”


  “I can’t believe you bought a house!” Vanessa bounced Samara on her hip playfully. “You’re all grown up.”

  Kennedy laughed. “No, you can’t believe I bought a house just down the street from you.”

  “That, too, Miss I’ll-Never-Leave-the-Heart-of-the-City.”

  Kennedy shrugged. “Everyone needs a little change. I was tired of wasting money on rent for the apartment and the studio. And that house was a steal!”

  “I know, right? Helps to know someone who works in realty, doesn’t it?” She winked at Joe.

  “Do you want me to drive the truck?” he asked, casting a sideways glance at his wife.

  “Please! I’m not all that confident in my driving to do it,” Kennedy said, handing over the keys.

  “Okay. So you go on ahead and open everything up, and we’ll meet you there.”

  “Great!” Kennedy clapped her hands, kissed Samara’s cheek, and jumped into her car.

  It was hard to believe it had only been five months since she had broken up with Brooks and taken her life back again. She was living the way she wanted to live, doing the things she wanted to do, and loving every minute.

  She and Vanessa had taken a week-long trip to New York for a girls’ only getaway three months earlier. Vanessa had wanted to wait until Samara was six months old before she was comfortable being away for that long. It had been an amazing experience, and once they returned, Kennedy was ready to make another big change in her life.

  She’d enlisted Joe’s help in finding her a house, and he had worked his magic and come through for her with the little gem she was about to move into. She had been anxiously waiting for moving day and felt like screaming at the top of her lungs that it was finally time.

  Her art was selling successfully, and she had another show scheduled in three weeks. Alec had been back and forth between Vancouver and Alaska a few times, and he had insisted on flying down for the show. They had spent some time together during his visits, but despite knowing he wouldn’t mind having more with her, she just wasn’t ready to be with anyone.

  Her heart still belonged to someone else, and she feared it always would.

  She hadn’t spoken to Memphis in nine long months. The hole left by his absence closed a little more every day, but she still missed him like crazy. Vanessa had tried to get her to call him countless times, but it just didn’t feel right for her to make that move. He was the one who ended their friendship, and as much as she wanted to call and beg him to forgive her, she wasn’t going to. Especially not since she had ended things with Brooks. It would only confirm his accusations.

  Kennedy tried to push the thoughts of Memphis out of her mind for the day. She didn’t want to dampen her good mood, and she refused to bring bad Karma into her new home by moving in feeling depressed.

  She parked on the street so Joe could back into the driveway and make unloading easier. She practically skipped up her steps, and beamed as she unlocked the front door and stepped into her house.

  She quickly checked the place to make sure nothing of the previous owners’ had been left behind. When everything looked to be in place, she went back to her car and started unloading her luggage. Six trips later she had everything that belonged in the bedroom stashed away and was placing a box marked “bathroom” when she heard the front door open.

  “Joe?”

  His reply was muffled, but she was pretty sure she heard him say, “Yeah.”

  “Everything’s marked where it goes,” she called to him. “All the art supplies can just be put in the spare room.”

  She left the box on the bathroom counter and went in search of Joe. She thought she heard him in the kitchen, but when she peeked in, the box was there, but Joe wasn’t.

  “And Kennedy moves to the ’burbs.” She froze as she heard his voice behind her. “Never thought I’d see the day that would happen.”

  Slowly she turned around, and her eyes instantly filled with tears at the sight of Memphis standing there. His hair was a little longer and his jaw had a pretty good five o’clock shadow covering it, but it was really him. Black leather jacket, ripped jeans, biker boots, and all. Memphis was standing in front of her after nine months, smiling at her like nothing had ever happened between them.

  “Memphis,” she whispered, her voice pitchy from the tears she tried desperately to hold back.

  “Oh, Christ, woman, don’t cry,” he groaned playfully and grinned wider. “Come here.”

  Every fiber in her body screamed at her to fling herself in his arms and never let go. But she didn’t. She didn’t move an inch. She stood there, staring at him until finally he lowered his arms and gave a sad sort of nod, as if he understood her hesitation.

  How could he expect her to just throw herself at him like everything was okay? As much as she wanted to be wrapped in his arms, she couldn’t pretend like it hadn’t been nine months since she last saw him—since he told her to get out of his life. They had both said some very hurtful things, things that couldn’t be forgotten about or forgiven just like that.

  “I guess I shouldn’t expect it to be that easy, huh?” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

  “I wish it was.” She was unable to tear her eyes away from his. “Where have you been?”

  “I was in Fiji on assignment after I finished with Alaska, and then I went to the South of France for a few months.” He shifted uncomfortably. “My, uh, dad has a place there, and it was the only place I could think to escape where no one would find me.”

  “You just left. You disappeared on everyone. On me,” she added, her voice catching.

  “I know. I just needed to get away so I could think and sort shit out.”

  “You ran away.”

  He nodded. “I did. Yeah.”

  Kennedy wiped at the tears that ran down her cheeks and cleared her throat, hoping her voice didn’t sound as shaky as she felt in that moment.

  “So did you—sort shit out?”

  “I did. Yeah,” he repeated and took a step closer to her.

  Kennedy refused to back away like a coward or scared little girl. She raised her chin a little higher and tried to gather as much strength as she could to stand her ground and not throw herself at him.

  “I like the place,” he said.

  Kennedy arched a brow at his attempt at small talk, debating whether or not to play along.

  “What made you decide to move?”

  “I guess I decided it was time to grow up.” He gave her a knowing look, and she couldn’t help but smile. “Okay. And I was tired of paying rent for two places.”

  “Seems I recall telling you years ago it would make more sense to buy a house than shuffle back and forth.”

  “Yeah. Well, buying a house is a big commitment. It’s not something to be taken lightly or jump into, right?” Hostility made her words sharper than she intended. “I mean, once those papers are signed and the deal is made, you can’t just flake out and take it all back. It’s there waiting for you whether you’re ready for it or not.”

  Memphis watched her as the words sank in. “I guess that makes you the house?”

  Kennedy blinked back tears and looked away.

  “Is that what you’ve been doing? Waiting for me?”

  “I’ve been waiting for you for years, Memphis.”

  “Funny, because how I remember it, I was the one waiting for you.”

  Kennedy glanced at him before shifting her eyes away again.

  “I didn’t come here to fight with you, Kennedy. Although, I admit I miss seeing you get all fired up,” he teased.

  She ignored his last comment. “Then why are you here? I think you made it fairly clear the last time we saw each other what you think of me.”

  “You know I think the world of you.”

  “Yeah. When I’m not being a two-timing bitch who only keeps you around as plan B, right?” The words sounded as bitter and angry as she felt.

  “I’m not the only one who said things that can’t be
taken back, Kennedy,” he reminded her, but she stayed quiet. “I stopped by the gallery,” he said, changing the subject.

  “You did?”

  “Ryder told me about the new show, and how he’s working with Alec now also.”

  Kennedy waited for the jealousy to seep into his words like they had before, but there was none. Her heart sank, not knowing if that was a good thing or not.

  “He’s doing well,” she said, not offering any more than that.

  “So are you.”

  “Well, we can’t all run away to the South of France. Some of us have to stay and continue on with our lives as best we can.”

  She wasn’t expecting the grin that spread across his face. She was trying to be hard, to show him that she wasn’t going to just give into her hormones and heart and forgive him for disappearing, and he had the nerve to stand there and grin at her.

  “What?”

  “You have no idea how much I’ve missed hearing you be so snarky.”

  Kennedy bit the inside of her cheek to keep from returning his smile. He was winning; he was breaking her down and he knew it.

  “How have you been, Kennedy?” He took another step in her direction.

  “Miserable.” He stopped walking toward her. “How did you expect me to be, Memphis? My best friend thought I was using him and only cared about myself, and then he told me to get the hell out of his life. That wasn’t exactly a high point or something to be happy about.”

  “I guess we both said some pretty hateful things. I’m sorry. For everything.”

  “Everything?”

  “Well, not everything.” He gave her that sexy smirk that made her insides melt. “I’m not sorry for being with you. I’ll never be sorry for that. But I am sorry for everything I said to you that night. I was angry and hurt and confused.”

  “I know. I’m sorry, too.” She knew her resolve was weakening and she decided to let go of trying to be the angry, bitter woman and just go with how she really felt. Memphis was there, after all. He was right in front of her, the place she had wanted him to be for months. “What did you figure out, Memphis?”

  He took another step closer to her, so close that he was almost touching her.

  “Remember when you told me that your life just doesn’t work without me in it? Turns out my life doesn’t work all that well without you, either. You were all I thought about while I was gone.”