Put It Out There

by D. R. Graham

  “Hey. You’re early.” He motioned with his arm to invite me in. “You look nice.”

  “Thanks.” I stepped in and tried not to stare at his bare chest. He smelled amazing. Why? Why did he have to smell so amazing? I didn’t want to cancel, but I had to. It would have been selfish not to.

  “So, you can’t wait to get Footloose?” he joked.

  “I. It’s. Um, yeah.” I couldn’t speak properly because he looked incredibly hot. Not that he hadn’t always been hot, but looking at him as someone who might actually want to date me made everything appear different. “I. You look nice, too, by the way. Or, half of you looks nice. The half that’s dressed up. The other half looks good too. Sorry. What was I saying? Oh, yeah. I was really looking forward to tonight.”

  He seemed amused by my weirdness. “Was?”

  “Something important has come up. I really don’t want to, but I have to bail. I’m so sorry.” Really, really sorry. Devastated actually.

  “Is everything all right?”

  “Well, with me, yes. With Sophie, no. She called me, crying.”

  “Sophie was crying?”

  “I know, right. I couldn’t believe it. I’m not sure if I was more shocked that she called, or that she was crying.”

  “What happened?”

  “Her parents had a big fight. Her dad moved out. I have to go to her.”

  “Yeah. Of course. I understand.”

  Of course he understood. He was an awesome person. That only made it harder to pass up my chance to go out with him. Hopefully there would be another opportunity. I leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Thanks for being so sweet.”

  He smiled in an almost shy way and ran his hand through his hair.

  “I really am sorry. I’ll pay you back for the tickets.”

  “I got them for free, remember? Maybe Murphy can use them.” He balanced his toothbrush back into the corner of his mouth and talked around it. “Let me finish getting dressed. I’ll give you a ride to Squamish.” He turned to go back up the stairs. I watched his ass until he turned the corner. Oh my God, I just watched Trevor’s ass in an I-wouldn’t-mind-touching-that-ass way. What was going on in the universe?

  To distract myself from the very surreal idea of Trevor and me being a couple, I called my mom and told her we weren’t coming. She sounded nearly as disappointed as I felt. For the first few months after I moved back to Britannia, I really didn’t have any desire to see her, but more recently I had started to miss her. I promised to come down soon and hung up with a heavy feeling inside. In the living room, Kailyn leaned over the coffee table, flipping through an old telephone book. She rocked which she only did when she was upset.

  “Hey, Kiki. What are you looking for?”

  “My mom’s phone number.”

  “Oh.” I glanced into the kitchen to see if Jim had heard. He was distracted. It smelled as if he had burned something on the stove. “That phone book is only for Squamish. I don’t think she lives around here. Her number won’t be in there.”

  She kept searching as if she didn’t hear me. She ran her finger down the page and her lips moved as she read the names.

  “Why do you want to call her?”

  “I need to talk to her about girl stuff. I live with boys who don’t know anything.”

  “I’m a girl. You can ask me whatever you want.”

  “You’re too little.”

  I didn’t think I was too young to be of any use, but arguably I was too inexperienced, depending what she needed help with. “How about my mom? She won’t mind if you call her. Or, if you want, Trevor and I can take you down to Vancouver one day to see her.”

  “Colleen’s your mom. I want my own mom.” She stood and stomped across the room towards me. Her face was red and her hands were balled up in fists. She charged past me and out the front door. Trevor came down the stairs in jeans and a T-shirt. He peered out the doorway Kailyn had left wide open. He smiled and teased, “What did you say this time, Deri?”

  “She was searching for your mom’s phone number. I told her it wasn’t going to be in that phone book. I offered to take her to talk to my mom, and she got mad.”

  Jim walked up behind us, wiping his hands on a dishtowel.

  “Sorry I made her storm off. I was just trying to help.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Jim said. “She’s been asking about her mom for a couple weeks now.”

  “Don’t cave.” Trevor glared at his dad, then bent over to put on his boots.

  Jim frowned the same way Trevor did when he was worried. “A girl needs a mom to talk to sometimes.”

  “Yeah, she needs a mom, not Lorraine. Don’t call her.”

  Jim sighed, then looked at me. “You look pretty, Deri. Are you going on a date or something?”

  I glanced at Trevor to see how he reacted. His expression didn’t give me any indication as to how he felt about the use of the word “date”. It seemed more like he was waiting to see how I was going to react to the use of the word date. “Uh. Trevor and I were going to Vancouver for dinner and to see a play. But an emergency came up with one of my friends, so I had to cancel.”

  Jim smiled and his left eyebrow jumped up. “Oh, that’s too bad. Maybe some other time.” He grinned at Trevor before he stepped forward to lean his head out the doorway. “Kailyn! Dinner’s ready.” He turned, and his eyes darted back and forth between Trevor and me in an amused way. “Do you kids want some dinner?”

  “Thanks for the offer, but I’m on my way to Sophie’s.”

  Trevor moved to let Kailyn come back inside, then he stepped out onto the porch. “Save me some. I’m just going to drive Deri to Squamish.”

  Because I could imagine what Jim was thinking, I avoided eye contact with him and followed Trevor.

  “Have fun,” Jim said under his breath before the door closed behind us. Trevor was already at the 4Runner, holding the front door open for me.

  “Thanks.” I hopped in. He walked around the back of the truck and then slid into the driver’s seat. “Sorry I upset your sister.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “Maybe you should let her call your mom.”

  “No.” He turned out onto the highway and headed north.

  “Why?”

  “I said no.”

  “It’s been a long time. Maybe Lorraine has changed.”

  He shook his head and focused on the road. “I’m not letting her anywhere near Kailyn.”

  “She’s her mom. Don’t you think Kailyn should have a say in it?”

  “No,” he grumbled.

  “Why?”

  “Because I said so.”

  He was infuriating when he acted like his dad. So rigid, and kind of bossy. “Who made it your job to make decisions for Kailyn?”

  “Lorraine did. When she left.” He reached forward to turn up the radio. Another one of the annoying habits he picked up from his dad—avoid talking about anything that’s even remotely emotional.

  “Just because you’re mad at your mom doesn’t mean Kailyn shouldn’t get to have a relationship with her,” I shouted over the volume of the music.

  “Drop it, Deri.” His jaw muscles tensed and his hands clenched the steering wheel.

  The conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere. Not wanting to piss him off more, I didn’t say anything for the rest of the ride. When he pulled up in front of Sophie’s house, he sat back and turned his head to look at me. Then he did something his dad would have never done. “Sorry. I know you were just trying to help, but you don’t know everything about my mom. Just trust me on this one.”

  Relieved to leave each other on good terms, I said. “Okay. I’m sorry too.” I pulled the handle and pushed the door open. I fixated on the pavement below me and worked up the courage to say the next part. “I’m also really sorry about ruining our date. Maybe we can try it again sometime.” I hopped out and closed the door before he would have a chance to respond and correct me on the fact that it wasn’t officially
a date.

  I ran up to Sophie’s door and knocked. She answered, wearing an extra-large, baggy T-shirt like a dress. Her hair was tied in a messy bun, and her eyes were swollen and red. She lunged forward and hugged me. “I’m sorry I was such a bitch. I was upset and angry about my parents and took it out on you.”

  “I’m sorry I lied to you. It won’t ever happen again.”

  “I wasn’t really mad at you. My dad lied to my mom about where he’d been. That’s why they’ve been fighting. It was easier to blame you. I’m so sorry. I can’t live without you.” She released me from the hug and looked at how I was dressed. “Did you have plans?”

  “Trevor and I were supposed to go to Vancouver for dinner and a play.”

  “Shut. Up. Trevor as in Trevor Maverty Trevor?”

  I turned and waved at him. He flashed the headlights, then backed out of the driveway.

  “Damn, Deri. If I knew you scored a date with the God of the mountain men, I wouldn’t have asked you to come here.”

  “It probably wasn’t really a date. I’m glad you called.” I wrapped my arm across her shoulder and clung to her as we stepped into the house. “Let’s get this girls’ night started.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Sophie was a wreck for a couple of weeks after her parents announced they were officially separating. She and I spent a lot of time together, talking. Avoiding her own house, she came down to Britannia on the days Doug was busy and hung out with me while I worked at the front desk. I also did her homework for a while because she couldn’t concentrate, and she didn’t care if she failed. The insurance company hadn’t completed the review of our claim, but the renos had to be finished regardless of who paid for it, so the contractors were still on site every day. I avoided discussing anything to do with the Inn with my granddad. Unfortunately, I could tell by the phone messages from the bank and real-estate agent that the sale was obviously in the works. My homelessness appeared to be imminent.

  Trevor didn’t ask me out again. Obviously, he hadn’t intended it to be a date. Or, he was hurt by the fact that I chose to support Sophie instead of going out with him. But probably not. He would have told me to go to her if I had asked his opinion. Loyalty was a big deal to him. Helping people was an even bigger deal. He would have definitely been disappointed in me if I chose a play over a friend in need. I knew I made the right choice, but I still felt horrible about the golden opportunity I had to give up.

  Steve asked me out a lot. We went for coffee a couple times a week. He drove me home so I wouldn’t have to take the bus. He also asked me to do other things like dinner, a movie, and snowshoeing, but I turned him down for everything except coffee. I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t into more than a friendship with him because I wasn’t ready, or if it was because I clung to the ridiculous hope that another chance with Trevor might come up.

  In November, the student council organized a collection for the local food bank. We held it on a Saturday. Steve couldn’t make it because he was visiting the hospital in the morning and had plans to play hockey with friends in the afternoon. I took Kailyn with me to help. Her job was to tell the volunteers which area they were assigned to. My job was to sort the food items the public dropped off. The second volunteer to show up was Mason and, to my horror, I became tongue-tied in his presence. He was dressed more casually than he ever did for school, in beat-up jeans and an Abercrombie zip-up sweatshirt. Kailyn grinned at him for a second, then remembered her job. “Who are you?”

  “Mason Cartwright.”

  Oh, God. Even his voice was dreamy. Kailyn scanned the list with her finger until she found his name. “You’re supposed to load the truck. Go there.” She pointed to the back doors of the gym, where a truck was backed in with a ramp set up.

  “Thanks.” He glanced over at me. My mouth widened in a strange motion that I could only pray resembled something close to a polite smile and not the grimace of someone suffering the discomfort of gas.

  “You’re cuter than Austin Sullivan,” Kailyn said matter-of-factly.

  He ran his finger over his eyebrow in an embarrassed way and quietly said, “Um, thanks. Too bad I don’t sing as well as he does.”

  Kailyn agreed and chattered with him about music and some movie Austin starred in. Apparently, I was the only person on the planet who hadn’t heard of the guy. Kailyn had always been a good judge of character. If she didn’t like someone, she didn’t speak at all. The fact that Mason had her engaged and laughing was both impressive and interesting. Attractive, willing to spend his Saturday volunteering, polite and seemingly friendly—I debated what his flaws might be. Nobody was perfect, but none of his imperfections were immediately obvious.

  They ended their conversation and I watched him walk to the back of the gym. He took off his sweatshirt and hung it on the back of a chair. His shoulders were not as broad as Trevor’s, but he was fit in a slim way. Watching him lift flats of cans into the truck became an instant spectator sport for every other girl, and one or two boys. It was probably only the handsome, mysterious, new kid cliché that had everyone hooked, but I had to admit he intrigued me.

  “Do you want to marry him?” Kailyn asked me.

  “Who?”

  “Mason Cartwright.”

  I chuckled that she noticed me gawking like a groupie. “No. He’s cute, but I’d rather marry Austin Sullivan.”

  “Trevor looks like Austin. You can just marry Trevor instead.”

  Yeah. I would have been happy with another invite to wing night at Rusty’s with the Search and Rescue guys. Marriage wasn’t even on the radar. “Who do you want to marry?”

  “Evan.”

  “Is he a singer or a movie star?”

  “Gah! Derian. You’re so silly. He’s my friend. He works at the library and goes to the centre with me.”

  “Oh. I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.” Apparently she was correct when she assessed I wouldn’t be of much use to her.

  She doodled a Hello Kitty in the margin of the job assignment list. “He’s not my boyfriend. He’s just a boy who’s a friend.”

  “Does Trevor know you have a boy who’s a friend?”

  “Yes. He made Evan go out for lunch with us. He asked him lots of questions and embarrassed me. I got mad at him after.”

  “He was just trying to make sure Evan is a nice guy.”

  She added the bow and whiskers to her drawing. “I can tell if someone is nice all by myself.”

  “I know.” I took a donation and sorted it as Kailyn directed two more volunteers. “Trevor does the same thing to me, if it makes you feel any better,” I added after it quieted down again. “He makes sure the boys I date are nice too.”

  “Trevor should date you.”

  I nodded but didn’t say anything. As I went back to sorting, I couldn’t help but wonder if he had ever mentioned the idea of us dating in front of her. I was tempted to ask her, but the answer was obvious. If he wanted to date we would be dating.

  It was late in the afternoon before it quieted down enough for me to talk to Kailyn again. I sat down and said, “You know, my mom kind of left me too. I know how you’re feeling. Sometimes I want to talk about girl things, and she’s not here, so I have to talk to my friends. You and I are friends. I would be happy to listen whenever you want to talk about things, like boys or whatever.”

  “Does your mom hug you?”

  “When I see her she does.”

  “Then, you don’t know how it feels.”

  Struck by how sad she sounded, I wasn’t sure what to say.

  Randomly she asked, “Where are you going to live when the Inn gets torn down to make a new hotel?”

  “What? Where did you hear that?”

  “From the man in the suit who has meetings with your grandpa.”

  That blow hit me in the gut. I stared at her for a while, then said, “I don’t know.” It made me angry to know it was happening whether I liked it or not and whether my dad would have liked it or not. It seemed like such a
waste to do all the renos only to tear it down. I turned around and threw soup cans one at a time into a tote. I fired each shot with progressive aggression. After a dozen, I was chucking them like a baseball pitcher, and the tote rebounded loudly against the gym wall with each impact. The tins got dented, but I didn’t care.

  “Um, Deri,” a female voice said behind me. I turned, realizing how unstable I must have looked. It was a classmate named Jane. She stared at me to gauge my volatility, then said, “We’re shutting down the donations for the day. Mr. Orton wants everyone to shift over to load the trucks.”

  “Okay thanks.” I placed the tin gently down on the table to appear at least partly normal.

  Kailyn and I carried the last tub over to the parking lot exit, where the other trucks were parked. Mason happened to be standing in the doorway but stepped aside to let us pass. There was something intense about the way he looked at me. Not creepy. Not flirty either. Just penetrating. Based on the size of his fan club at school, it must have been how he looked at all females. Not that I kept tabs on him, exactly. God, he smelled good.

  “Hey, Deri,” Trevor said, startling me.

  I blinked and tried to zone back into reality. “Oh. Hi. Is it five o’clock already?”

  “Yeah.” He shoved my shoulder playfully. “You look wiped. Are you guys ready to go home?”

  “Not quite yet. Sorry. There was a better response from the community than we anticipated.”

  “What can I do to help?”

  “The last truck still needs to be loaded. If you don’t mind.”

  He nodded and walked over to help Mason and two other guys. About half an hour later, they shook hands and Trevor made his way back over to where Kailyn and I were taking down the tables. “The new kid seems like your type,” he said to me. “Does Steve have a little competition on his hands?”

  Mason was everybody’s type, but that was irrelevant. “Steve and I are just friends. We go out for coffee to talk about his sister—that’s it.” I picked up my bag and coat, and we all walked out the side door of the school gym.

  “So, you like the new kid?”