Insanity

by Tyree, Omar

  But she answered, “Like, ninety dollars.”

  “Ninety dollars? And he didn’t have that much on his credit card?” That sounded ridiculous.

  “That’s what I was saying. I mean, why even have a card if you don’t have any money on it? But then he pulls out like a thousand dollars in cash. And I’m thinking, For what? I mean, if you wanna show off something, then have enough money on your credit card to pay for it, or pay for it in cash to begin with. You know what I’m saying?”

  She said, “It seems like he had that whole thing set up just to prove that he’s a so-called ‘cash man’.”

  Queen laughed and said, “Wow. My date just told me the exact opposite; it’s not what a man has in his pockets, it’s all about what he has in his name.”

  “Now that’s what’s up,” Jackie told her enthusiastically. “So, you like this guy then?” It was better than talking about her date. Queen’s stories, when she told them, tended to be a lot more dramatic

  She answered, “Do I? Girl, I had to get away from his ass before I decided to fuck him over the dinner table. And how about his ass was slurping up crab legs at that. So you know what I was thinking about.”

  Jackie bowed over in laughter. “Girl, you are too much.”

  “Yeah, so once he got me all hot and bothered, I had to make a fast getaway and call up an old friend of mine to finish off the job for me. You know, I don’t wanna give this new guy the punany too early. He might try to act like that’s all he wants to do.”

  Jackie was tickled stunned at her audacity. “Girl, I know that feeling. Guys get some too early and don’t even wanna call you back anymore. But no you didn’t call up somebody else.”

  “Yes, I did,” Queen told her matter-of-factly. “I don’t play that. He’s on his way over here now.”

  Jackie continued to laugh and said, “That’s a sin.”

  “And you think that these guys don’t sin? He probably called up one of his old girlfriends too, because I know I had him hot. He was eating his damn food like he had just gotten out of jail somewhere.”

  Jackie responded with caution. “O-kay, I hear you, girl, but you still gotta hold it off. Then it’ll feel that much better when you finally give him some. But you can’t ruin the main meal with some meaningless dessert.”

  At that point, Queen figured it would have been best not to say anything, because she was not changing her mind. Jackie was a lot more conservative than she was.

  “Well, it’s too late now,” she commented. There was nothing left to be said about it. Lamar was already on his way over with the ice cream.

  After being her roommate for two years, Jackie realized how stubborn Queen could be. Once the woman had made up her mind, it would take a hurricane to stop her. So she backed off of her with a shrug.

  “All right then, do what you do.”

  Jackie said her piece and retired to her room for the night.

  Queen dashed to the bathroom, unperturbed, and freshened up for her company, including body scents and mouthwash to alleviate the aroma of fish. She expected him to arrive at any minute.

  “Shit, I’ma do whatever I need to do to get by just like they do,” she insisted into the mirror. “A girl got needs too.”

  FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

  Bag of coffee ice cream in hand, Lamar arrived at the familiar red brick, duplex apartment building in North Baltimore where Queen lived on the second floor, and he hesitated.

  At average build and height, dressed in his usual khakis, sharp shoes and a quality button-up shirt, with a low-cut haircut, the anxious man exhaled and shook his head before he asked himself, “What the hell am I doing?”

  He actually did have a situation. He had a new woman of three months who he felt rather serious about.

  “All right, I’m just gonna see what she looks like, talk some small talk, leave her the ice cream, and be back on my way,” he told himself as he marched toward the buzzer and intercom at the front door.

  The man had seen a number of gorgeous women from his college yaers change for the worse overnight. The stress of the real world and workplace, combined with the search for husbands and the struggle to maintain their weight, had brought out the worst in them. He now wondered if it was Queen’s turn. He pressed her buzzer and waited at the doorway, anticipating disappointment.

  “Hello?”

  Her sudden response from the intercom shook him from his thoughts before he composed himself. “Hey, it’s Lamar.”

  “You got my coffee?”

  “Of course.”

  She buzzed him in as he grabbed the door open. He shook his head with continued trepidation on the way in.

  “No ‘Thank you’ or nothing, hunh?” he grumbled to himself as he climbed the stairway. But when Queen opened her door to invite him in, Lamar was pleasantly surprised.

  He looked her up and down and grinned. “Hey, I see you still look the same.”

  Queen frowned and shrugged. “So do you. What were you expecting?”

  He walked in and mumbled, “You don’t even wanna know. But I’m glad it’s not the case.”

  That made her stop and think. “Shit, it’s only been a few months. Did you hear rumors about it, that I had fallen off or something? Who’s out there talking shit?”

  “Oh, nobody. I’ve just witnessed a lot of different women going through it, that’s all.”

  Queen took a stance and told him, “Well, this is me you’re dealing with. So be thankful you’re one of the few guys that I still even bother to call.”

  “Well, what makes me so lucky; the ice cream?” Lamar asked her frankly.

  It caught her off guard. “Is that what you think?” she retorted. She needed time to think of a better answer.

  “I’m asking you.”

  Okay, this is fucking up my groove, Queen thought immediately. I don’t feel like going through all of this.

  “Why did you come?” she questioned him instead.

  “I was curious.”

  “Well . . .”

  He shrugged. “I’m still curious.”

  “About what? You see what you see, don’t you?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, and I’m impressed that you’re able to hold it together. So how come you’re not in a situation?”

  “Who said I wasn’t?” Queen questioned.

  There was a pregnant pause in the room. Lamar began to look around at the familiar living room furniture and decided to take a seat to keep his poise. He didn’t want Queen to bend his him like she normally did.

  “Well, are you?” he pressed her, taking his seat on the beige sofa.

  Queen took in his poise and became more agitated. The man was getting far too comfortable with his stalling.

  “I mean, does it matter? We’ve known each other for years now,” she reminded him.

  Yeah, this isn’t even working, she told herself. So let me get ready to throw his ass out.

  Lamar sat there continuing to smile. He was now amused by her frustration. Queen seemed pressed, which he wasn’t used to. He was used to her being cunning and seductively in charge. But now seemed outwardly bullish. So he planned to enjoy it while figuring out what was going on with her.

  He took a sniff and said, “You smell good too.”

  Unfortunately, that was the last straw for Queen. She had heard and seen enough. Lamar planned to act like an egotistical asshole, like so many other young men with chips on their shoulders. And she didn’t have the time nor the tolerance to accept it.

  She nodded to him and said, “Okay.” She walked over and grabbed the cold bag of ice cream from his hands. “Thanks for the ice cream. What do I owe you, five, ten dollars?”

  She grabbed her purse to pay him with.

  Lamar shook it off. “Naw, you don’t have to pay me for that. But we’re getting older now. I can’t just come over here and service you like I used to.”

  The acknowledgement of it turned her on again.

  Why not? She wanted to ask him. But that would ha
ve sounded incredibly desperate. She continued to listen and hear him out instead.

  “I mean, you asked me if I had a situation, and I do now,” he started.

  Queen looked into his plain face and no-thrills demeanor, only a six on a scale of ten, and she wanted to throw his ass from her second-story Her legs were literally bouncing up and down and flexing with exhilaration under the steering wheel. And her titties were standing at attention beneath her blouse, ready to be fondled by warm hands and sucked by soft, buttery lips. window. Of all the guys to try and get sophisticated on her, Lamar would have been the last one that she would have thought about.

  If I wanted to hear all of this, I could have at least called someone who got it like that, she mused. But he’s just a pussy licker. Now he’s trying to act like he’s more.

  She nodded to him and said, “I’m happy for you. But if you don’t mind, I’m gonna umm . . . let you go ahead and do whatever you were doing with your new woman and all. I’m sure she’s nice . . .”

  She let her words linger as Lamar took in her disappointment in him.

  She added, “So, I guess I can go ahead and stop calling you then.”

  He heard that and began to refute it. “I mean, it’s not like you ever really called me on the regular anyway.”

  “Okay, well, you don’t have to worry about me calling you at all,” she told him.

  She started walking toward the front door for him to follow her.

  Suddenly, the man realized that he had gone overboard in his smugness.

  Is she serious? he asked himself. The cool, calm and calculating delivery was what he was more used to from Queen. She was reverting to the regality that he feared. He quickly began to reminisce on how overjoyed he had been to please her before, and how she moaned and squirmed, so incredibly satisfied with his imaginative tongue. But his new woman didn’t like it at all. She couldn’t handle the cold, squeamishness of his edible delights, while being too easily pleased by the usual bores of missionary and doggy style sex. So Lamar thought about it all before he moved.

  Just do it for the hell of it, he told himself. She’s practically begging you for it.

  He even attempted to make a deal out of the situation. “Well, if I could finally feel it instead of just tasting it.”

  “No,” she reacted immediately. There was no wiggle room argue his point. Queen went ahead and opened the door for him to leave.

  Lamar nodded from the sofa, still not budging. “So, that’s all you want from me, hunh?”

  She stared at him without a word. Either he would do it or he wouldn’t. There was nothing left to talk about.

  “Well . . . ?” she asked him with the door still open.

  He slowly looked to the brown bag of coffee ice cream in her hands. Then he stood from the sofa and walked toward her bedroom instead of the front door.

  Yes! That’s what I’m talking about, Queen exalted. She smiled with glee and closed the front door back to follow her human sex toy to her room. After she shut and locked her bedroom door, she immediately began to strip. She had a hot and throbbing pussy to please.

  Lamar sighed from the foot of her comfortable bed and slipped out of his shoes. Queen handed him the bag of ice cream without a word. She even gave him the silver spoon that she had placed in her room earlier while freshening up for him.

  He looked at it in his right hand and said, “You even got the spoon ready?”

  It was a rhetorical question. Nevertheless, Queen smiled with glee as she answered it.

  “I missed it.”

  Yeah, she missed IT and not ME, Lamar mused. But there was no turning back. He had decided to give her what she wanted and leave. He could fuck his own woman later in doggystyle.

  Queen returned from her adjoining bathroom, butt naked with a towel wrapped around her. She removed the towel and placed it under her on the bed and spread her treasure with knees up high for her toy to climb in between her legs and play. It didn’t even need batteries.

  Lamar obliged with his first spoonful of ice cream on full lips and a skilled tongue.

  Queen braced herself for his ice cold pleasure by gripping the crown of his smooth head with both her hands.

  And “Ooooohhh, that’s what I missed, baby,” she moaned. “That’s what I missed having from you.”

  Her voice and body trembled from his ice cold stimulation as he slowly and diligently lapped her up.

  “Is this what you wanted me to do?” he teased her, extending only the tip of his ice cream dream tongue inside of her.

  Queen shook and yelped as if struck by lightning. “OOOHHH!”

  Lamar proceeded to tease her again. “Is this what you wanted?” and plugged his full tongue inside of her.

  Queen squeezed her eyes shut and yanked the back of his head as if she was trying to pull his entire dome inside of her treasure. But would it fit?

  “Mmmm, hmmmmm,” she groaned, beating the reckless energy of her naked feet into his lower back as she wrapped her legs around him.

  As her toy continued to delight her, her cell phone rang beside her on the bed. She picked it up in her left hand only to see who it was.

  Oh shit, it’s Bryant, she pondered. She figured she’d call him back as soon as her session was over and tell him that he had caught her while in the shower. However, Lamar mumbled to her with a delicious alternative.

  “Go ahead and answer it. Let’s make it fun.”

  Queen’s eyes stretched wide with intrigue as her cell phone continued to ring in her hand.

  Noooo! He did NOT just say that, she told herself.

  “Are you serious?” she asked him, still trembling from his cold tongue pleasure.

  “Mmm hmm,” he hummed in the middle of his work. “See if you can do it.”

  The idea of it excited her. “And you won’t say a word?” she asked for certainty.

  “Mmmpt mmm, I’m busy.”

  Queen composed herself, entranced by it all. She thought quickly and said, “Okay, but don’t say nothing.”

  Lamar leaned up and grinned before taking another scoop of coffee ice cream into his mouth.

  “Go ahead and do it. I promise,” he mumbled with his mouth full. He figured he’d at least make his service more interesting while she attempted to control her moaning on a live phone call. How fun would that be? And he would get a chance to listen and be nosey. So Queen answered her cell phone as he went back to work.

  “Hel-low,” she answered with a flutter.

  “Hey, I just ah, wanted to call you back and tell you that I had a good time tonight,” Bryant told her.

  “Ooohhh, thank you. That’s so sweeeet,” she moaned to him, quivering from Lamar’s incredible service.

  Bryant chuckled and said, “It sounds like you just jumped out the shower.”

  “Unh hunh, you got it. How’d you knooow?”

  Bryant laughed and said, “It’s obvious. When you jump out the shower and walk into a cold room, your voice be all shaky with goose bumps all over your skin.”

  “Yuuup, you know it,” she agreed, rowing her body snake-like into Lamar’s cold, wet and slippery mouth. “But I answered your callll anyway, hunh?”

  Her voice trembled up and down, as she was unsuccessful in containing herself. However, Bryant failed to know the difference.

  “Yeah, and it sexy,” he commented. “I love a woman with a fresh shower.”

  With Bryant suspecting a cold-air shower voice, Queen became bolder with her moans.

  “Oh yeah? Whyyeee?” she asked and trembled again.

  Bryant answered, “Cold, naked, fresh, clean . . . I mean, what’s not to like.”

  “Oooohhh, yeaaah, I see what you meeean,” Queen moaned crazily. “So, what would you doooo?”

  Lamar became so amused by it that he began to chuckle beneath her. Queen squeezed her legs around his head and popped him with her free hand to stop him.

  “I guess we’ll just have to find out when that time comes,” Bryant teased her ove
r the phone. Little did he know how well she was already being indulged.

  “Ooooh-kaaay,” she moaned to him. “Let me go ahead and get toweled off though.”

  “Yeah, and then call me back. But I like that cold shower voice. I’m tempted to stay on the line with you,” he admitted.

  “Noooo, then I’ll catch a collllddd,” she squealed into his ear. She could feel herself nearing a climax from the coffee ice cream sundae between her legs. It felt so good that tears began to run from her eyes.

  “All right, well go ahead and call me back,” Bryant told her.

  “Thank you.”

  As soon as she hung up the line with her date, she gripped Lamar’s head again with both hands and humped his face furiously.

  “Mother-fucker that was gooood,” she cursed and moaned simultaneously.

  “Mmmm hmmm,” Lamar hummed between her legs.

  “Now I’m about to cuummm,” she quaked and quivered, seizing his head like a vice grip.

  Her toy held steady between her legs and allowed her to shake, shiver and cream, with her eyes rolling up into the ceiling.

  Damn his shit is HEAVEN! she told herself in exhaustion. How can I ever replace this? . . . Maybe I’ll just have to keep Lamar on the side, she thought, . . . even if I have to eventually give him some.

  Lamar detached himself from her legs and wiped his mouth and face with the dry part of her towel. She had made a mess of him.

  “Service with a smile,” he joked to her. “Now I’ll need something strong to drink before I’m back on my way.”

  Queen sighed and didn’t budge. “Okay, let me get a little bit of rest first.”

  Lamar inched up in the bed beside her and looked up at the ceiling himself.

  He said, “It feels good to be pleased, doesn’t it?”

  Queen smiled. Her answer was not even needed.

  Lamar added, “But some of us are never pleased enough as we would like to be.” He shrugged. “So we learn to please others. Does that make any sense?”

  Queen paused before she answered him. “That makes perfect sense,” she told him. The weak serve the strong every day. But she kept that part to herself. No sense in throwing salt into a weak man’s wounds.