Proud Mary

by Bette McNicholas

  “I don’t know how you can stand to stay away from this fabulous place, regardless of whether or not there’s a woman waiting for you,” she replied, downplaying his flirtatious remark.

  “Then I take it you don’t think ill of me for making you stay.”

  Carolina shook her head. “No. I’ve enjoyed being here. But I’m afraid I have to get ready to leave tomorrow, right after you check my ankle and remove my stitches. I was tempted to remove them myself last night; they itched.”

  “That’s great to hear. I mean about the stitches itching—” he chuckled “—that means you are healing. Do you mind if I get into my bedroom? I need a shower and want to change into some clean clothes.”

  “No, that’s fine,” Carolina said, lowering her gaze away from his. “You needn’t worry about deserting me, Jenny and I have to get dinner started.”

  “I understand you gals have planned a great meal for tonight, so I’ll hurry. Jenny and Manny will be up as soon as he tends to the horses and takes a shower.”

  Stede finished coming up on the porch, patted King on the head and said, “Keep the lady company, boy, I’ll be back soon,” he drawled, looking down at her.

  Chapter Five

  Wrapped in a towel about his waist, Stede came out of the bathroom whistling as he walked toward his closet. When he went passed his dresser, he noticed a piece of jewelry that Carolina had left there.

  He shook his head and his lips curved upward. Having a female guest was nothing new to him, but having one stay in his home while he was away was a new experience.

  Twice in his thirty-six years he had lived with a woman. Once when he was in vet school in Alabama and once when he did an internship in Texas. Both times he had moved in with the woman. But having a woman living in his home was a first.

  Evidence of Carolina’s presence was subtle but apparent. As he walked through the house he noticed books, papers, a computer, and one sock occupied the sectional sofa.

  And when he first entered his bedroom, the scent of her floral perfume greeted him. He picked up the bottle of Miss Dior’s Cherie moisturizing lotion, flipped open the lid and inhaled her fragrance.

  He entered the walk-in closet, then stopped and went back to take a second look at her jewelry. In disbelief, he picked up the familiar necklace, noted the initials etched on the back of the silver setting that framed the blue moonstone and tightened his fist over the silver chain and pendant.

  His grandmother’s. He remembered she used to wear that necklace every day until his grandfather passed away. Years later she mentioned she’d given the necklace away as a gift, which had surprised him when he knew how special the piece had been to her.

  She told him she had given the piece to a girl named Mary Fox. Then what was Carolina Palmer doing with his grandmother’s jewelry? Carl Fox, Mary Fox. He had never connected the names until now and was hit by the cold realization that Carolina didn’t stop by the trailer park to stretch her legs.

  He hurried, showered and dressed, placed the necklace in the tiny pocket under the waistband of his jeans and returned to the porch. He couldn’t wait to hear her story on how she had obtained the necklace and exactly why she’d been poking around the old Fox home.

  But, willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, he decided to wait until after Jenny and Manny went home before confronting her.

  ****

  “Tell me, did you girls enjoy watching the rodeo Saturday night?” Manny asked when they sat down to dinner.

  Jenny lowered her head and then laughed. “I’m sorry. You should have reminded me. We were busy visiting and getting to know one another, and I forgot to mention that the rodeo was on TV Saturday night.”

  “Wow, how quickly they forget.” Manny shook his head.

  “I would have enjoyed seeing you ride,” Carolina said. “But that’s my fault. I suggested we rent a movie.”

  “That’s fine,” Stede said. “Jenny certainly has seen enough rodeos to last a lifetime.”

  While Carolina enjoyed the dinner and the company of Jenny and Manny, she couldn’t help but become cognizant of the penetrating ice blue looks from Stede.

  Although he was forthcoming and shared in the details and descriptions of the rodeo and even went into a long discussion about the significant reasons he was addicted to the sport, his demeanor towards her since reclaiming his bedroom was for some reason guarded, unlike his cordial greeting when he first arrived home. What had caused the change?

  She found his scrutiny of her deliberate and disconcerting. He had never looked at her quite that way before and she couldn’t determine if his stare was positive or negative. Unnerved, she shuddered as a chill ran down her spine.

  This look wasn’t the familiar smiling deep blue eyes with the fanning laugh lines. But she consoled herself that at least the subjects they discussed didn’t center on her. She wasn’t ready to divulge the purpose for her visit to that area of Arizona, and had convinced herself that she would leave in the morning, never to return.

  After they enjoyed vanilla ice cream and strawberries with whipping cream that Jenny had prepared, Jenny began to clear the table.

  “No way.” Stede took the dishes from her. “You and Manny go home and enjoy the night together. I kept him away long enough. I can do the dishes.”

  “Are you sure?” Jenny asked. “You and Manny did a lot of driving today; you both must be tired.”

  “Nope. I’ve tons of energy. Besides, I have Carolina here to keep me company. Go on…”

  As soon as Jenny and Manny said good night and left, Carolina stood up, prepared to help Stede clear the dishes.

  “Nope, sit and enjoy the evening air.” He led Carolina to the glider. “This won’t take long.”

  There was something about his subtle but insistent tone that convinced her that he had something on his mind and nothing she said or did would make any difference. And all of a sudden, she realized that he had sent Jenny home with Manny and wondered if he would be sleeping in the house or at the hospital tonight.

  Nervous, she patted the seat next to her and was pleased when King readily responded to her open invitation. At least she had an ally.

  “I see you made a friend while I was gone,” Stede commented carrying more dishes into the kitchen.

  “Yes, he’s a wonderful dog and I felt safe having him near me, especially when I was here alone during the day. Have you had him long?”

  “No,” he answered. “I brought him from my folks’ home a couple of years ago when he was but a pup. Glad you felt safe here with him.”

  “How long have you lived in Arizona?” She asked, happy for the small talk.

  “A little over two years,” he yelled from inside. “I’m almost finished; I’ll be out in a minute.”

  Carolina sat and waited and the silence sent goose bumps up her arms, making her body shiver. There was a beautiful antique lantern on the table that Stede lit earlier that gave the porch a nice glow and she attempted to relax rocking back and forth on the glider.

  “See, that didn’t take long.” He grabbed a chair from around the table and turned the back toward the glider, facing her. He straddled the seat, rested his arms on the back of the chair, looking at her face to face.

  Too close for comfort.

  She watched him reach into his small pocket and pull out her necklace. He hung the chain on his index finger and she watched the moonstone swing back and forth.

  “Thank you,” she said, reaching for the chain.

  “Where did you get this necklace?” he asked, withdrawing the chain beyond her reach.

  She gave him a quizzical look, feeling somehow baited by the question, and wondered why he wanted to know. She answered evasively, “Someone gave this to me a long time ago.”

  He eyed her at length before finally asking, “Who?”

  “Why do you want to know?” she frowned.

  Stede lowered his gaze to the moonstone, then slowly raised his eyes, looking straight into hers. “Beca
use this necklace belonged to my grandmother.”

  Carolina caught her breath. “Lydia Dugan was your grandmother?”

  “You know my grandmother?” he asked, puzzled.

  Carolina leaned forward and gently lifted the necklace out of his hand without taking her glance from his. “I used to know her. She gave this to me as a high school graduation present.”

  “How can that be, Carolina,” he challenged, “when she told me she gave the necklace to a girl named Mary Fox, whose dad had been an abusive drunk…”

  In an instant, his words peeled away the layers of her armor and brought all the years of pride and shame that she worked hard to erase, sweeping back to the surface until the muscles in her throat constricted.

  In one swift movement she stood, causing King to sprint from the glider at the same time.

  He knows all about me. She had purposely spent most of her life avoiding intimate relationships because she didn’t want anyone to ever know how she had suffered at the hands of Carl, and Stede’s words stung her to the core.

  True, he hadn’t connected the dots yet, but when he did, he’d see her as Mary Fox and not the woman she’d become. She could already see his struggle to reconcile what he knew of Mary Fox with the woman standing before him.

  Unable to face the pain of his knowing about her past, she spun on her heel, blinking away the tears nearly blinding her, intent on going inside to pack her suitcase and leave. But she wasn’t quick enough.

  Stede blocked her way. He shoved the crutches out from under her with his foot and wrapped his arms around her in an unexpected gentle but firm embrace. She had never in her life been held like that and to her embarrassment, she couldn’t stop the emotional meltdown that overtook her completely any more than she could stop a desert storm.

  Uncontrollable tears spilled and dry sobs racked her body as she collapsed against him. She cried for all that was and all that had never been, for the child within and the woman without, for broken dreams and goals achieved, for lost family and new-found friends, for an end to the old and many new beginnings.

  Stede bent and scooped her off her feet, enveloping her in his arms. He carried her into his bedroom and gently laid her on the bed, removed her shoe and slipped the covers out from under her. She lay there like a rag doll, unable to think or feel or even move.

  He left her for a few minutes and returned with a cold compress and a snifter of brandy. “Here,” he said, “sit back and take a sip of this and then put this over your eyes. You’ll feel better.”

  But he wasn’t satisfied to leave her alone with her misery. He sat on the edge of the bed, took off his boots and crawled under the covers next to her. He handed her a handkerchief, slipped his arms possessively around her and pulled her to him.

  “I’m sorry, Carolina. Let me hold you and take away the pain,” he whispered, stroking her hair. She smothered her face into his chest. His heart beat strong and steady beneath her cheek as he allowed her to be alone with her thoughts.

  She cried like she had never cried in her life. In fact, she hadn’t allowed herself to cry in front of anyone—not when her mother left, not when Lizzie left, not when Carl beat her and not when she left town without knowing where she’d end up or what lay ahead.

  To have been strong in the worst of circumstances and now to fall apart with the kindest gesture was incomprehensible to her. This trip to Arizona was meant to be cathartic, but she never counted on this. Everything happened too fast. She wanted to die.

  When she exhausted all her energy and tears, she drifted off to sleep.

  ****

  Several hours later Carolina woke to discover Stede still holding her. The moment she stirred, he ran his hand up and down her arm soothingly, wiped away a tear with his thumb, and tightened his hold on her.

  Thankful her long hair curtained off his view of her face, she reached for the brandy sitting on the night table, but he held the glass to her lips while she took a sip instead. She choked on the brandy and pushed the snifter away, placing the compress over her eyes. “I can’t remember the last time I cried. I’m sorry,” she whimpered with pained emotion. “I owe you an apology.”

  He had provided her with his medical assistance and unparalleled hospitality, and what had she done? She squeezed her eyes shut summoning the courage to put an end to her idyll and what he surely must consider her charade.

  He had family, friends, and position. Her background was the antitheses of his. She didn’t have family that even wanted to claim her. How could she make him understand that her level of distrust ran quite deep and that she’d built a life on misrepresenting herself.

  She dropped the compress from her eyes, knowing she must look a fright from the amount of mascara on the cloth. She pursed her lips ruefully, and then with a toss of her head that removed her hair from her face, she stated without preamble, “I’m Mary Fox. I didn’t exactly lie to you, Stede. I’ve gone by the name Carolina Palmer ever since I left Arizona.

  “Your grandmother’s necklace is the most precious possession I own. Period. She gave this to me the night I ran away. I wear it every day as a memento of her faith in me; and everything she meant to me has sustained me through some pretty tough times.”

  She stared at the fireplace. Not looking at him made the telling somehow easier. “I remember that night as though it were yesterday.” Even to this day, her heart rate accelerated whenever she thought about what Carl might have done to her if he had caught her before she had gotten out of town.

  “I don’t know how much your grandmother told you about me and my family, but Carl Fox was abusive, especially when he drank, which was most of the time. My mother abandoned us out of self-preservation and my sister left several years later the same way, leaving me to deal with him alone. Believe me when I tell you I know about bruises, and the one on my face is nothing in comparison.”

  She knew she had his full attention because he remained silent. She was apprehensive about looking at him because what she didn’t want to see in his expression was pity. She stared at the fireplace again. Somehow she couldn’t stop pouring out all the feelings she kept to herself for years.

  “Your grandmother gave me a box with a lock that she kept hidden in her barn where I hid money I saved and the evening of my high school graduation she drove me to the bus station in Phoenix.” She continued between whimpered breaths and told him about her relationship with his grandmother. She felt Stede exhale and knew these words about his grandmother brought him a bit of comfort.

  Clearing his throat and breaking his silence, “No wonder my grandmother thought to give you her favorite necklace. For a young woman of eighteen, you were very mature and heroic.”

  “Your grandmother purchased a ticket for me on the first Greyhound out of town. I didn’t care what direction the bus was headed. I’d made up my mind that I’d ride as long and as far as I could until I ran out of money,” she said, blinking away a few errant tears.

  Stede blotted her swollen eyes with the cool cloth, as she continued.

  “When I stepped off the bus in Columbia, South Carolina, I had no idea what would become of me. I was frightened and alone. But, maybe like you, in your determination to stay on a bucking bronco you’ve felt like this, too, strong-willed and excited at the same time. I endured those years alone with Carl and I was convinced I could survive in a strange city without any friends. I legally changed my name, taking Carolina after my new state and Palmer as my last name for the palm trees I saw upon my arrival.”

  “Innovative.” He chuckled. “After all that you’ve been through, what made you decide to come back here?”

  “I want to confront Carl,” she said, as her body gave a slight convulsion. “I need to forgive him and move on with my life. Running away and changing my name wasn’t a full resolution.”

  “When are you planning to meet with him?”

  “I don’t know.” Exhausted from the emotional drain, she sighed with exasperation to be so close and yet fa
r from settling the matter. “I was surprised to find he no longer lived in the trailer.”

  “I see. Well, that explains what you were doing poking around the old trailer. Did you think Manny was your father?”

  She nodded and whimpered. He wiped her face with the cloth and kissed her eyes. “Maybe we can work on discovering his whereabouts together. My grandmother gave me this property and the Ruizs’ and I purchased the trailer park, but we have to get rid of the trailers in order to help them build their log cabin.”

  “That’s what Jenny told me. I’d like to help find Carl, but while you were gone, I didn’t have much luck. I’d planned to ask around town tomorrow before I left for home.”

  “You can’t leave, yet. My grandmother would never forgive me if I let you get away.”

  Carolina sat up abruptly. “Your grandmother is still alive?”

  “Yes,” he said, propping his head on one hand. “She lives in a senior community not too far from here. She’ll be ecstatic to hear you’re alive and well, except for the ankle and the stitches,” he teased.

  “I would love to visit her.”

  “That can be arranged.” He reached and ran the back of his hand gently over her warm cheek. Then he took the cloth from her and wiped the mascara off her face with care. “You’re without a doubt the strongest woman I’ve ever met. I am amazed at how much you’ve accomplished on your own without any family or loved ones for support and yet you seem to have thrived in spite of all the hardships. I have nothing but pure admiration for you.”

  “That’s sweet of you to say, thank you.” She looked down at her hands. “Strong? I’d always thought of myself as fairly weak because I hadn’t been able to prevent Carl from beating up on my mother. I hadn’t been strong or brave enough to report him to the authorities. And I apparently hadn’t been valued enough by either my mother or my sister because they never sent for me and in the end I ran away, too.”