So Over My Head (2010)

by Jenny B. Jones

  I take a sip from my McDonald’s mocha. “Let’s see the map.”

  Ruthie looks at Luke. “Turn around please.” She twirls her finger in a circle.

  Obviously used to her oddness, he complies without question.

  Ruthie sticks her hand way down her shirt, her face scrunched in concentration. “I wanted to keep it protected, so I didn’t shower last night. I even slept with my bra on, keeping the map safe. And cushioned.”

  “Noble of you,” Luke says.

  She rustles around a bit more before drawing out the paper and holding it up like the Holy Grail. “Perfectly safe . . . if not a little toasty.”

  I take the map and spread it out on the nearest picnic table. “There’s the water tower. The school.” I slide my finger across the drawn path. “But . . . where’s the end?”

  Ruthie straightens her blouse. “Every good treasure map has an X that marks the spot. What kind of loser map is this?”

  Luke leans close and peers over my shoulder. “It’s not complete. It can’t be.”

  A breeze floats by, carrying his cologne with it. I struggle to focus on anything else but that familiar scent. “So when Red and Stewart were digging all over the place, they were just guessing.”

  “Then where’s the other half?” Ruthie asks. “And who has it?”

  When Wednesday night arrives, I am in serious need of some church. Our building isn’t finished yet, so we meet at Truman High. Like I’m not there enough.

  The worship pastor is doing an acoustical jam tonight, and it’s just the calm my heart needs. Though I’m sitting next to Lindy and Matt, I focus only on the music, as if I’m the only one in the room. As the pastor sings a spiffed up version of an old hymn, I close my eyes and let the words wash over me, imaging that I’m singing just for Jesus.

  When I moved into Jake’s house, I would climb out my bedroom window and sit on the roof and just think. And pray. And read my Bible. But I haven’t done that in such a long time. God may have blessed me with the gift of crime fighting, but I seemed to have let it take over my life. Lord, help me to just slow down and find some peaceagain. I can’t solve any mystery or help anyone with all this clutter in myhead. Oh, and protect me from crazy carnival people who might’ve committeda murder or two.

  I watch Dolly sneak into a seat in the back. Cherry sits beside her. I glance across the cafeteria and see Mickey Patrick has noticed her as well. His smile is slow and contented.

  After the service we file out into the parking lot. There sitting on my mom’s Tahoe is Jake, holding a bouquet of flowers. Budge and I lag behind, but Mom and Robbie run right into his outstretched arms. Jake swoops them both up like they weigh no more than a feather each. He swings them around, peppering them with big smacking kisses.

  “Let’s go eat pizza,” Jake says when Budge and I make it to the SUV. “I hopped an earlier flight to get here, and I’m starved.” Jake waves at Dolly and Mickey, calling out an invitation to them too.

  “Come go with us,” I say to Matt and Lindy, as they hover nearby. “The three of us haven’t hung out in a while.”

  “That would be fun.” Matt twists his class ring. “Lindy?”

  “Sure. Like old times.”

  Thirty minutes later, I’m thanking God that the only heavy thinking I have to do tonight is decide between pepperoni or sausage.

  “So how were your matches this week, Dad?” Robbie sits on Jake’s lap.

  “Mostly I trained.” Jake takes a giant bite, the cheese stretching from plate to mouth. “But a commentator got sick last night, and I got to sub at the last minute.” He turns his megawatt smile on my mom. “It was awesome, Jillian. Most of it’s on the teleprompter, but I got to wing it, too, you know? They said it went so well, they want me to do some more events.”

  Mom picks at a breadstick. “So you’ll be gone even more?”

  The light in Jake’s eyes dims. “No, I don’t think that’s what they mean.”

  “But you don’t know?”

  I turn away from the conversation, my own stomach in a knot messier than the emptied appetizer dish in front of me. And that’s when I spot Luke sitting in a corner booth with Ashley—her brother nowhere in sight. Like a bad movie close-up, my eyes zoom in on the two. I shove my plate away, having suddenly lost my appetite. I know I broke up with him, so of course he’s going to date other girls. But why not a nice girl from Tulsa? Or somewhere farther . . . like Poland?

  She laughs over something he says. And my heart breaks. Just a little. He said to trust him—but this does nothing to convince me. What if their kiss at the carnival didmean something? I don’t want to be someone who gets cheated on—like my mom was before Jake.

  God, I have to move on and give up the bitterness. I’m just not goingto look over at that table. “So how’s the dog?” I ask Cherry, who sits between Dolly and Mickey.

  “Peg’s going to be okay. Once we got a good look at her, we could see she was in bad shape. She was starving . . . dirty. Who knows where she’d been or how she’d been surviving.”

  “It’s really important you keep her a secret from Red and Stewart,” I remind her.

  “I know. But they’re too wrapped up in the fact that Alfredo is on the loose to even care. Everyone at the carnival is a little jumpy right now.”

  “Are they afraid he’s going to come after them? Maybe kill some-one else?” I have to admit I didn’t sleep that great last night myself. Kind of spooky having an accused killer out there—whether he did it or not.

  “I think everyone’s just on edge. But we did finally get a replacement for Alfredo today. The new magician starts tomorrow.”

  Mickey asks Cherry a question, and my eyes drift back to Luke and Ashley. His back is to me, but she looks like she’s having a grand old time. He’s probably telling her about his chess club or the vocab flashcards he keeps in his glove compartment. Surely she won’t be attracted to that . . . like I was.

  My heart seems to beat a little slower tonight. Everyone around me is wrapped up in someone else. Even Matt and Lindy have been talking nonstop.

  “I can’t believe your time on that half mile at last week’s track meet.” Matt takes a big drink of Coke. “How does it feel to break the school record by two seconds?”

  Lindy laughs. “It was amazing. I wish you had been there.”

  His mouth curls around his straw. “Me, too, Lind.”

  My phone rings in my purse, and I reach for it. “Hey, Hunter. What have you got for me?” The laughter and conversation at the table are so loud at the table, I can’t even hear him. “Hang on. Let me find a quiet spot.”

  I walk out the front door, the bell jingling as I exit.

  “I don’t have a lot to tell you.”

  “Um, not what I wanted to hear.” The door behind me opens again, and Luke and Ashley file out. Great. If he kisses her in front of me, it will definitely suck up what little remains of my peaceful, easy feeling from church.

  “Yesterday I caught her leaving the hotel. I got a grainy shot of her with my phone. I sent it to your e-mail just now. I couldn’t follow her though, so no idea where she went. But tonight? Bella, I’ve been standing in this hall for like two hours. Room service came once, but other than that, I haven’t seen or heard anything. Well, I thought I spotted that hot chick from Gossip Girls, but I’m not sure. This is pointless.”

  “You can’t just give it two hours and call it quits.” Luke walks Ashley to her car, and though they stand close, he doesn’t touch her. “Have you seen Christina there?”

  “I’ve seen no one.”

  “What about getting the room next to hers and putting a glass to the door?”

  “Does that really work?”

  “You should try it and see.”

  Luke waves as Ashley drives away in a lipstick-red Mustang. No kissing. No hugging. Which means for me—no puking.

  “Hunter, please don’t give up on this. I know that woman in the hotel room is significant. I can feel it in my gut
.”

  “Maybe you have Irritable Bowel Syndrome like me.”

  Luke sticks his hands into the pockets of his slouched jeans and walks my way.

  “Go home, Hunter. You’ve done all you can tonight. But promise me you won’t give up.”

  “You know, you’re lucky I messed up so big. Otherwise—”

  With one finger, I end the call and flip the phone from palm to palm.

  “Hello, there.” With his azure-blue eyes, Luke looks down where I sit on the sidewalk.

  “On a date tonight?” I hope that didn’t sound jealous. Cause I’m sonot jealous. Not at all.

  He sits beside me, his shoulder brushing mine. “So what are you doing out here?” he asks.

  Okay, avoiding my question. I can take it. “I have Hunter spying on a hotel room in New York. Just getting an update.” I glance at my watch. “In fact, I really need to get home to catch his e-mail.” I could pull up the picture on my phone, but I want to see it full size. It might be a good lead.

  Luke nudges my knee with his. “You seemed down today at school. And tonight, you’re sitting outside while the rest of your party is in there having fun. And you barely touched your food— that’s not like you at all.”

  “How do you know? You didn’t even know I was in there until you got up to leave.”

  He holds me with his gaze. “I knew the second you walked in the door.”

  My heart flips like Cherry on the trapeze. “Oh, reporter’s instincts and all that?”

  “Something like that.” Luke’s eyes dip to my lips before he regards me once again with concern. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or not?”

  “I don’t know,” I sigh. “Same stuff. I guess I feel like everything is out of order. Like spinning debris in a tornado—just pieces of stuff floating all around me.”

  “What kind of tornado trash are we talking here?”

  I give a small laugh. “My dad’s getting married soon, and so far I’m powerless to stop it. I’m no closer to solving the murder of Betty and—”

  “We’reno closer to solving the murder. You don’t think Alfredo escaping is pretty telling—that he did it?”

  “No. Maybe he did kill Betty, but Red and Stewart are involved. We both know that.”

  “What else you got going on in that head?”

  I glance back to the restaurant door. “Mom and Jake are . . . in a weird place.” And you’ve moved on. Instead of pining for me forever likeyou were supposed to.

  He wraps an arm around me and pulls me to him. “I’m sorry, Bel. I’ll pray for you.”

  I close my eyes and lean into it, pretending for just a second that’s he’s mine and Ashley Timmons doesn’t even exist.

  “You really want to go home and check your e-mail, don’t you?” he asks.

  “Yeah.”

  He stands up and pulls me with him. “Go tell your family. I’ll drive you.”

  In ten seconds I’m buckled into his 4Runner, filling him in on Christina and the Manhattan mystery woman.

  “You know, maybe it’s nothing. You tend to assume everyone is shady and look for the worst in people.”

  “That’s not true. I just have this intuition.” Or an unlucky habit of stumbling onto things I’m not supposed to. Like psychos and dead people.

  “Face it, Bella. You don’t trust anyone. Like right now, you’re probably thinking Jake is going to end up screwing up and sacrificing your family.”

  It has crossed my mind. “But you have to admit I’ve been right. A lot.”

  “Maybe you should let this thing with your dad and Christina go. If he’s happy, what’s the problem?”

  I twist in my seat toward Luke, tucking one leg beneath me. “Haven’t you ever just had this feelingabout someone?”

  “Yes.” He stops the vehicle in my drive and angles his head my way. “As a matter of fact, I have.”

  A strange tension hangs in the air as Luke’s eyes stay locked with mine. My pulse skitters and begins to race like I ran Lindy’s half mile.

  “Bella, I—”

  “Luke—” Our words overlap. I fumble with the edge of my shirt. “Do you have one of those strong feelings for Ashley?”

  “Does it matter?”

  A sassy barb immediately comes to mind, but I push the words away and opt for raw honesty instead. “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  I contemplate the beaded necklace hanging down the middle of my shirt.

  With the light touch of his fingers, Luke tilts my chin up. “Why does it matter, Bella?”

  Why can’t I just tell him I like him? That when I’m not thinking about dead bearded ladies, clown wigs, and a wacko fiancée, I’m consumed with thoughts of him?

  He lets his hand fall only to lay it over one of mine. “Until you can explain that, there’s never going to be an us. I have no reason to think it’s anything more than jealousy.”

  I can’t seem to find my tongue. I know I need to defend myself here—defend us. How can he just give up on pursuing me? The rules are changing right in this car.

  He sighs and brushes his thumb over my palm. “You’re a competitive girl. Is this just a game to you?”

  I inhale all the air I can. “I don’t know why being with you scares me, but it does.”

  Luke presses his head to the seat. “I scare you.” More chuckling. “That’s a good one.”

  I laugh at his tortured tone. “I’m serious.”

  “I don’t know why I’m explaining this, but Kyle left just before you got here.”

  “Of course he did.” How convenient for Ashley.

  He removes his hand and rests it on the steering wheel. “Until you can trust me and just believe in us, then that’s that. Kyle Timmons is a good friend and, frankly, so is Ashley.”

  “Can’t we just—”

  “No.” In the dark vehicle I see the hard set of his jaw. “When you’re ready, we’ll talk. But as long as you’re afraid of me, I’m not the right person for you.”

  Those words stab my chest. Who else could be more right for me than this yummy, infuriating boy? Why am I so messed up in the head?

  “Are you going to continue seeing Ashley?”

  He turns the key, and the 4Runner roars to life. “Good night, Bella.”

  “If I gave you a reason not to, would you?”

  “You and I both know you’re not going to do that,” Luke says as I open the door. “I’ve proven I didn’t cheat on you.”

  “Are you kidding? Hanging out with her seems to suggest the opposite.”

  “You know the truth.” He pauses. “You know me.”

  “I don’t know what to believe right now.”

  “Bella, you chose to let our relationship go, and I respected that. I still do. I’m not going to push anything.”

  “So I have to be the pusher?”

  He nods.

  “But if you go dating every cute, blonde reporter, it might be too late.”

  “Definitely a risk.” He puts the SUV in drive. “Now you have to figure out if it’s worth it.”

  chapter twenty

  Chocolate-chunk cappuccino ice cream.” I pass my money through the window at the Dairy Barn drive-thru and try not to think about my dismal life. My e-mail from Hunter showed a picture of the back of someone’s head. Like that did any good. And don’t even get me started on Luke. “Better make the ice cream a double please.” The man slides the glass closed with a nod.

  “Did that guy look familiar to you?” Ruthie asks from the passenger side of my Bug.

  “Didn’t notice him.”

  “You didn’t noticehim? He was at least seven feet tall.” Ruthie flicks off the radio. “What’s wrong with you? You’ve been in a mood all day.”

  “Nothing. I’m fine.” Or will be as soon as I have chocolate.

  “You got a double scoop andyou didn’t even notice that man used to work at the carnival.”

  “Oh.” I try to see into the window. “Did he?”

  When t
he giant appears again with my ice cream, Ruthie leans until she’s nearly in my lap.

  “Lars, what are you doing working here? You’re the tall man. Not the ice cream man.”

  He sticks his order pencil behind his huge ear. “I’m telling you, I’ve had it with carnival life. I want to be known for more than just being a giant.”

  I lick the top scoop. “I personally think serving ice cream is an admirable trade.”

  “You can’t quit!” Ruthie yells. “We’re your family, and family sticks together.”

  “Kid, you ain’t carny folk. I’ve only known you for a month.”

  “But I had just written you into the encore performance for next week.”

  “Really?” His demeanor softens. “That’s so sweet. Nobody’s ever included me in a unicycle ballet before.” Lars shakes his head, sending his long blond ponytail swishing. “No, you won’t tempt me back. There are weird things going on there. Spooky things.”

  “Like what?” I ask.

  He shrugs a shoulder the size of a small country. “I’m just saying things haven’t been the same since Betty died and Alfredo went to the big house. Something ain’t right on those carnival grounds. And when those trailers pack up and leave, I won’t be going with them. I’m staying right here in Truman where there are so many opportunities.”

  “Like what?” I ask.

  “The manager’s already told me she’d teach me how to work the deep fryer.”

  “You gonna make chicken fried steak and fries the rest of your life?” Ruthie yells so close to me her blue spike jabs me in the neck. “You have a gift.”

  Lars sniffs, his blue eyes downcast. “What gift?”

  “To entertain children of the world with your outrageously weird tallness.”

  “I’m not going back. Fran quit too.”

  I try to bring this woman to mind. “The lady with the talking pig?”

  “Yeah, he also oinks a few Elvis tunes, so it’s a pretty big loss.”

  My ice cream drips onto my hand as the May sun seeps into my car. “We’ll see you later, Lars.” In fact, I’ll probably be by after tonight’s show.

  I roll up my window and aim my car toward the carnival grounds.