Touch Me (Promise Me Book 2)

by Viragh, Brea

  It was strange to feel my entire body vibrate, to watch Duncan arch me away from him, groaning when my nails bit into his skin. Gripping his hips, I tugged him closer.

  A small part of me recognized the click of the door opening, a split second before reality erupted. “Duncan, I’m—holy shit!”

  Duncan and I jumped away from each other at the same time, innate reflexes urging me to grab my shirt to cover my nakedness. I shivered as white-hot heat turned to ice in my veins.

  Isabel stood in the doorway with round eyes, blood draining from her face. A pale specter, and the incarnation of poor timing.

  “Isabel! You’re back early.” Duncan stood transfixed by the sight of her, despite keeping his gaze trained on the floor. He was a living statue, bare-chested and mortified, faced by the realization of our indiscretion. “You weren’t supposed to be back this early. Why are you back? I mean—”

  I watched the myriad emotions flash across Isabel’s face, a terrible sort of triumph followed by enough rage to have me taking a step back. My knees knocked against the bed and I struggled to find the right words to say. Face burning, I ducked my head, swallowing my humiliation.

  What the hell was I thinking? No matter what Duncan said, or when he planned to speak to Isabel, they were still technically engaged. I’d come to end it with him and nearly fell into his bed like a common whore. My teeth bit deep into my bottom lip until I tasted the metallic twang of blood in my mouth. Grief filled me in a splendid attack. I could kiss my bakery goodbye now.

  “I see you were taking advantage of my absence,” Isabel said at last. Worse than her fury was the calm steel of her tone.

  I hadn’t moved, still clutching my top to my bare chest. My once-puckered nipples now rubbed against the fabric of my shirt in an almost painful way. I stood there in a holding pattern, waiting for the dam of tension to break at last.

  Duncan opened his mouth for defense, Isabel holding up a finger to stem the words. “Don’t even try to say this isn’t what it looks like. If I hear one hint of backtracking from you, I’ll grab the nearest spoon to practice my castration skills, although I sure do admire your package. Or at least I used to, before you shared it with another woman! Now who’s the lying sack of shit?”

  She screeched out the last syllable and I fought the urge to cover my ears. I wasn’t in the wrong here, and even though I knew nothing I said would make the situation better, I tried.

  I slipped the shirt over my head as fast as possible, giving the open door and world beyond a glimpse of my bare breasts. “It was my mistake. It wasn’t prearranged. Don’t blame Duncan. I wasn’t planning on coming over but I couldn’t stop myself.”

  Isabel’s voice stung like a whip when she spoke. “Gee, that sounds tough.”

  “Isabel...I’m sorry.”

  Cowering in the corner, I watched Duncan take small steps toward the furious woman. “It just sort of...happened. It was an accident.”

  I’d never been so mortified in my life. I’d never put myself in this situation before, either. There was a first for everything, I supposed, but I should have known better. Should have fought harder against my instincts and stayed away from him like my brain insisted from the beginning. I couldn’t even blame August for his harebrained scheme. This one was on me one hundred percent.

  Isabel closed her eyes, head shaking and fists clenched at her sides. I imagined how she felt, and knew I’d punched my one-way ticket to the big house for what I’d done tonight.

  “What was it you told me, Duncan?” Isabel swallowed back the tears I heard rather than saw. “I needed to act like an adult?” She grabbed my clutch purse from the dresser and threw it at him, the bag landing in the center of his chest.

  I jerked at the noise.

  “Is cheating on your fiancée acting like an adult to you?” she continued. “You lied to me!”

  Duncan let his chin drop to his chest. “Isabel, let me get some clothes on and we can sit and talk through this. It should have never happened.”

  Never should have happened, huh? It was one thing for me to think it, quite another to have him say it. I wasn’t sure what hurt worse—the guilt or the admission. This was the consequence of my action in living color. I wondered if it was possible for a person to feel lower than I did.

  Isabel sent her glare around to the both of us, though I met her eyes. She turned back to Duncan. “If you think I’m staying another minute with you, then you must be insane. No, I can already see you’re crazy. You cheated on me with this...thing.” She pointed at me, disgusted. “Unbelievable. Goodbye.”

  Duncan and I shared a look and I hurried to button my shorts, spurred into action.

  “Wait!” he cried. “We can go someplace else and I can explain.”

  “Explain this, asshole.” Isabel shot her middle finger to the sky with the righteousness of a television preacher. “Your common sense must have left the building with your decency.”

  She spun on her heel and left both Duncan and me with our mouths flopped open. The instant the door slammed shut I collapsed, the adrenaline which had kept me standing ebbing away.

  My head dropped into my hands and I shook from head to toe. “She’s right. This is unbelievable.”

  “We fucked up.”

  I winched from the sting of those words. Duncan was still rooted to the same spot, staring at the door.

  “You don’t need to remind me. In fact, hearing you say it makes me feel pretty damn bad.”

  I expected him to lash out at me. Any other man would have turned the situation around, unable to admit to his own part in the behavior.

  Duncan seemed to shrink a little. “You remember what I told you the first day we went to get coffee?”

  He was bringing this up now? “Which part?”

  “You’re a good woman, Leda. And I let myself take advantage of you. This is on my shoulders and I don’t want you to forget it.” He crossed to the armchair and sank into it.

  “You can’t blame yourself for this.” I paused, dressed but still feeling exposed. At length, I asked, “Are you going to go after her?”

  Duncan sighed. “No. I’m sure she’s running to August right about now.”

  My stomach lurched. What could I do with myself? I should have brought a bigger conscience with me so I wouldn’t have indulged in the first place. Maybe one of those Jiminy Cricket deals where they sit on your shoulder spouting words of wisdom. Wouldn’t it be nice if they sold those over the Internet?

  “Duncan,” I stated, “I need to go.”

  “No.” The one syllable had enough force to keep me in place. “Please stay with me while we figure out where to go from here.”

  I tugged the ends of my shirt closer together. “There’s nowhere to go from here. We made a terrible mistake and I’ve done what I promised I wouldn’t do.”

  “Which is?”

  “Get involved with you.”

  His laugh was a horrible sound. “Do you think I wanted it to turn out this way? I didn’t plan for any of this.”

  “There are some occasions you can’t plan for.” On an exhale, I stood. “I’m not sure if we will speak again after tonight.”

  “Leda...” Duncan slapped his thighs. “You can’t just walk out on me. I meant what I said about wanting to talk to Isabel and end things between us. I just didn’t think it would happen this way.”

  “Look, I want to take the high road here, and what’s best for the time is to close the door behind me and never look back.” I could never return to him after this. I wanted to, and knew I would dream about it long after he was gone. It would take a long time to heal and I hoped to come out on the other side without breaking open my heart again.

  Duncan’s eyes widened. “Don’t do this. Don’t leave and cut me out of your life. I’m trying to figure out where to go from here.”

  “This was a mistake,” I reiterated, inching toward the door. With my purse grasped firmly in my hands, I turned back around and kept my gaze at the lev
el of his collarbone. “I was a fool in love, but it doesn’t excuse my actions.”

  It felt good to tell him the truth, although I saw the moment his face lost any expression.

  I flinched away. “I love you, but I have to leave, because we’ve built this on lies and cold feet.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  I left without another word, the click of the door behind me a final death knell for the future I’d pictured with Duncan. It might have been different if I’d controlled myself. Instead I’d acted like a child and thought of nothing but sex.

  Now the gossip would skyrocket until I’d be hard-pressed to show my face in town again. Forget about a loan. Any loan officer in a hundred-mile radius had a relative in Heartwood. Hand to God, they would know what I’d done within a week and have me on a blacklist. Even inner romantic could not smooth away the injustice.

  With my heart torn to shreds, I said little to my friends for the longest time, needing a few days to concentrate on the mental and physical ramifications of the moment rather than what actually happened. Before or after.

  Poor Isabel. She’d been the one hurt. I remembered the flash of pain on her face, followed by swift and lethal rage before settling on cold ambivalence. I wondered how I would have reacted if I were in her shoes. With less grace, for sure. What a fool I’d been to think it would all be fine. No horrible end result. There I was in the middle, watching the ensuing chaos with breasts bared to the world.

  How would I forgive myself?

  I thought about going home to Papa, and knew that it was the right thing to do if I wanted more punishment. Instead I made a large breakfast which I had to pretend to eat. My stomach was tied up in intricate knots, making it difficult to keep food down. Still, I sat at my dining room table and stared out the window. The room was the same. Low ceilings, dated paint, and window bench in desperate need of reupholstering. I knew if I turned to the left I would see the kitchen, to the right the living room. Never changing, yet I was different.

  It wasn’t my first sleepless night and it wouldn’t be my last. There had been multiple times in the past where the moon rose, staring down at me and the tears dampening the pillow. Many times as an adult I’d tossed and turned with worry over bills. But somewhere out there were other people who stared at their ceilings because their heads were full of delicious, wonderful thoughts and happiness for the coming days. What I wouldn’t give to be among their number.

  Once the night turned into day and the cycle began anew, I reached out. There was no expectation of easy-flowing conversation. No normal brunch with imported chocolates and coffee strong enough to make the eyes water.

  Instead I drove to meet Nell at her secret spot, an area of her family’s property where their stream met the public domain of the Heartwood River. My body was stiff, tight in all the wrong ways.

  “You look awful,” Nell pointed out the moment I stepped foot from the car.

  “Yes, well, adultery tends to affect both the outer appearance and inner.” I rubbed at my eyes, wondering how rude it would be to go back to bed and forget I’d called her. “Please tell me you brought a drink to make me feel better.”

  Nell was dressed in a summer maxi dress hanging in a shapeless droop down to her ankles. For some reason she chose to hide her beauty, mask it under layers of fabric and hair. She padded toward me on bare feet and gestured toward herself. The picture of a fairy princess. “Do you see this?” she asked. “This is five-foot-five designed to make you feel better. No matter how you fucked up.”

  I never considered myself an overt toucher. Those kinds of people who took solace and comfort in physical contact with other people. Today became the exception. Though I kept my steps slow, the moment I stood in front of her I broke down.

  Her arms came around me in an automatic hug. “Shut up about the adultery, okay?” she groused against my ear. “I don’t want to hear another word about you blaming yourself. If you want to be stuck on technicalities, they weren’t married yet. You made sure to drop the guillotine.”

  I leaned back, sucking in a sniffle. “What did you say once? Semantics, Nell. It’s all a bunch of semantics.”

  Though she moved away she kept contact. Her arm against mine. “Stop thinking about it. Come on.”

  “I’m guessing this is not a meet-up so we can drown my sorrow in alcohol?” I asked.

  She led me down a slender path into the woods, into thick green forest where no trespassing signs kept the general public away. In these parts, where farmers and landowners protected their own, there were ample places to hide a body where no one would find it. I wasn’t sure what kind of property Isabel had, but I knew it would be better to stay far away from her.

  “You can drown if you want, but I wouldn’t suggest it.” Nell traveled through the trees on the same trail she’d taken many times before. Her feet knew the way, avoiding twigs and rocks designed to trip a normal person.

  I was clunky in comparison. Too focused in my head to notice the rest of the world.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

  “I’m pretty sure you can guess the gory details. It should be hot news by now.”

  “You slept with Duncan and Isabel caught you in the act,” Nell stated, though it was unnecessary. “The whole goddamn town knows, like a front page spread in the paper.”

  “I didn’t sleep with Duncan. It never...got that far.”

  “Semantics,” Nell chided.

  I hissed in a breath. My quest for forgiveness began with the rising sun, although it was always hardest to forgive oneself. Nell would not sugarcoat her opinions or ideas. She would tell me the truth and set me on the correct path. I hoped I had the fortitude to listen this time.

  Burbling sounds of running water became loud the farther we walked through the trees. Soon the trees gave way to a great open space. Here the stream widened, and down the way it would join with the mighty river toward parts unknown. For some reason the sight made me miserable.

  Nell stopped me a moment before I tripped over a large rock. “Ditch the duds, dear. We’re going in.”

  I looked pointedly at the water, then at Nell. “The water is cold.”

  “And you’ve gotten weak.” She placed her hands on her hips, scowling. “Off with the shoes and the rest of it, unless you don’t care about getting everything wet.”

  “I’m not skinny-dipping with you when I’m miserable.” Still, I bent and removed my sneakers.

  Nell kept her clothes on as well, hiking her dress up to her hips and looping the ends into a knot. “You don’t even skinny-dip with me when you’re cheerful.”

  “Your obsession with naked women is adorable. Have I told you that before?” I knew she was trying to bolster my foul mood and appreciated the effort.

  She waded into the shallows; I trailed after her, wincing when my skin came into contact with the cold. The water stayed chilly despite the roaring summer temperatures. I’d never been one for outdoor activities, although I knew Nell was a fan. She found solace in the silence, the isolation.

  Now I followed her lead.

  “Come on.” Waving me forward, Nell led the way toward a large rock splitting the current. The wide, flat surface provided the perfect platform for meditation during arid summer months, and for diving when the water was much deeper.

  “I’m trying.” Shivers took hold of me and goose bumps rose along my legs. I fought against chattering teeth and hoisted myself onto the rock.

  Nell ran her hand along the length of my spine. Our feet dangled in the rushing water, perched on a rock in the middle of the stream. I never would have thought of this for my day.

  She’d planned it to calm me down. As though somehow the stream would wash away my troubles and carry them far. I didn’t have the heart to tell her how they’d taken up residence like stubborn squatters.

  “I told you this would happen.” She took no pleasure in the statement, though she’d mentioned it twice. “But I hate to see you upset.”

&
nbsp; I sniffled, wiping my nose on the back of my arm. “I’m so stupid.”

  She slapped the back of my neck. “Stop it. You love the man. You have an excuse. Even though you know you did a bad thing and were aware of the possibility from the start.”

  I splashed water on my legs to cool down, my insides overheated. “There’s no excuse good enough for what I did.”

  “Try not to focus on that. What about your cupcake business? We’ve got to focus on the positives here.”

  Positives? What were those? “Didn’t I tell you? The bank turned me down for the loan and I haven’t heard from Essie. I’m sunk.”

  Nell held her breath, cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk. She let out a slow exhale. “Okay, let’s move on from the bad news.”

  “There’s nothing but bad news. My life went up in flames.” I blew my bangs out of my face and stared dejectedly at a raft of passing leaves caught in the current.

  “And...?” she asked with unveiled impatience.

  “And what?”

  Nell gasped in mock horror. “Oh no, you have a paying job and enough money to cover your bills? See, there you go. A little silver lining action.”

  “I’m not in the mood for silver linings.”

  Dimples disappeared when Nell lost her grin. “How about you focus here.”

  “I can’t. My tingle is six feet under and public opinion on me is B.A.D. I lost Duncan.”

  “You haven’t lost...ugh!” She narrowly refrained from slapping me a second time. “Talk to him. You don’t know what’s happening until you sit down and have a conversation. I’m willing to bet you haven’t said a peep since it happened.”

  Well, no. There was only so much a person could do before they threw up their hands. This was me with my arms in the air. “He has enough issues to work through without me. No, I’ve interfered for the last time.”

  “You’re giving up?”

  “It appears so,” I said diplomatically.

  Those were not the words Nell wanted to hear, and most assuredly they were far from what she’d expected to come out of my mouth. “I am surprised at you. The Leda I know would have burst into his hotel room with guns blazing.”