by Tina Beckett
“I’d forgotten how chilly it was.”
“Do you want to go back?”
“No. Let’s walk for a few more minutes, please. It’s a beautiful night.”
Letting go of her hand and turning her toward him, he buttoned the top button of her coat and wrapped her scarf around her a little tighter. “Better?”
“Yes.”
Something about bundling her up against the elements made a rush of warmth flow through his chest. He...cared.
About her. About whether or not she was cold.
Damn. This was getting out of hand. He needed to stop mooning over things that could never be.
That didn’t stop him from sliding an arm behind her back and keeping her close by his side, though. Something any friend would do.
Right, Theo. Keep telling yourself that. Maddy is not your friend.
That was the problem. He didn’t know what she was. Didn’t have an easy category to file her under.
She seemed to snuggle closer, the arm that had been holding the collar of her coat closed slipping around his waist. He liked the feel of her pressed tight against him. It felt...right.
And Theo had no idea how he felt about that, especially after all that had happened over the last couple of weeks.
It had to be the recent spate of romantic unions around the hospital with Ryan and Evie, Finn and Naomi and now Marco and Alice all finding someone to love.
Was he just lonely?
He hadn’t felt the need to be with anyone for almost five years. Why now?
There was no answer for any of those questions.
“Are the university students all going home for the holidays? It’s busier than I expected at this time of year.”
“It’s always busy. Most of the students have gone home, though, although some have flats and stay year-round. King’s College, where the carol service will be held, isn’t far from here.”
Maddy hadn’t mentioned the ticket since he’d given it to her. She’d acted like she wasn’t interested in going because of her ambivalence over Christmas. But she seemed to be enjoying the lights in the town center. “Does it make you uncomfortable to be out looking at the lights? We can go somewhere else if you’d like.”
“No, they’re beautiful. I can separate the beauty from the more personal traditions. That’s the part I’m not crazy about.”
He walked a few more steps, wondering if it was any of his business. But he couldn’t stop the question. “Because of your mum.”
“Yes. It’s easier now. But when I was growing up, I hated receiving Christmas presents because there was only one thing I wanted back then. To be reunited with my mom.” Her shoulder moved against his side as she shrugged. “That never happened. And now as an adult I know why. She died.”
“I can understand that. After Hope died, I did my best to keep things going and to make Christmas special for Ivy, but for me personally...”
The arm around him tightened. “I get it. Really I do.” She sighed as they came to the far edge of the buildings. “But look at that sky up there. Those are the best lights of all. And they’re up there all year. No need to put them up or take them down.”
Looking up to where a bit of sky was visible, the night was unusually clear and cloud-free, and a few stars were indeed shining, like a small collection of twinkle lights. “There’s a better view from Castle Hill if you want to walk there.”
“I’m fine right where I am.”
Theo felt warm, and happy. And he realized he was fine right where he was too.
Maybe she wasn’t the only one who’d needed to get away. Ivy’s illness had taken a toll on him, with one day running into the next. Tonight would stand out in his memory as one of the few bright spots during a time of chaos and uncertainty. Could this be the turning point? They would go back to the hospital rested and refreshed and find that breakthrough in her condition they’d been looking for?
Christmas was supposed to be a time of miracles. Maybe he would even find his.
God, he hoped so.
“Are you sure you’re warm enough, Maddy?”
“Yes.” There was a pause. “Not many people call me Maddy anymore. Not since my mom left.”
He blinked. He’d been thinking of her by the shortened version of her name for a week now. He’d never stopped to wonder if it might bother her. “I’m sorry. Would you prefer me not use it?”
“No. I actually like it.” She laughed. “As long as everyone else at the hospital doesn’t suddenly start calling me that.”
So he was the only one allowed to call her Maddy? His stomach did a flip, and he stopped and turned her toward him, his arm still around her. He looked into her face, noting her nose was tipped with red because of the chill. And she was gorgeous. More than gorgeous, because her beauty wasn’t only skin deep. “Have I told you how lovely you look tonight?”
Her head tilted back and strands of her hair brushed over the top of his hand. He couldn’t resist opening his fingers to let the silky locks sift between them.
“You look pretty good yourself. And thank you for tonight. You could have just let me muddle through the shops and find the hotel by myself. But it was a lot more fun doing it with you.”
“Was it?” He smiled, his fingers moved higher, closing over her hair this time and tugging slightly.
“Mmm... Yes. I feel deliciously relaxed and mellow. Even if my feet are starting to grumble a bit.”
His smile grew. “I would offer to lend you mine, but I don’t think they would be any more comfortable. Shall we go back?”
“Do we have to?”
She linked her hands behind his back, sending his thoughts sliding a little further down a dark road that held wonders...and dangerous curves. Much like the ones that were currently pressed against him.
“We should, yes.” Something in him urged him to say what he was thinking. None of them had forever. Hope’s death had shown him that. Sometimes you just had to take those bits of joy where you could find them, while you could find them. That didn’t mean he had to demand forever, or the kind of promises that Marco and Alice had shared.
“I guess you’re right.” She sounded so despondent that he smiled.
“That doesn’t mean tonight has to end just yet.” He leaned down and slid his cheek against hers, the chill in her skin making him yearn for warm covers and even warmer bodies.
“My apartment?”
“There’s always the hotel. Marco gave us his room, remember? It’s booked until morning.”
She blinked, looking into his eyes. “And our things are still there, after all, so we do have to get them.”
And then do what?
Go out to eat? Or stay in to eat.
“What are you thinking?” He needed things spelled out so he could prepare for disappointment if he’d misunderstood her intentions.
“That I don’t want this night to end. Not yet.” She pressed her face to his chest. “And, like you said, maybe it doesn’t have to.”
“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”
“That we utilize Marco’s gift? Yes.”
A sudden sense of rightness came over him, although he had no idea why that was. Maybe it was just relief at having the decision made. “Are you sure about this?”
“No, but in my line of work, sometimes you just have to go with your gut. And my gut is telling me to let loose and do something dangerous tonight. I can play it safe tomorrow.”
“Being with me is dangerous?” Something shimmered just below the horizon, a need that he was going to have a hard time extinguishing, if things took a wrong turn.
She leaned up and bit his chin. “You are the epitome of dangerous.”
“Well, lady, so are you. I vote Marco’s room.” He reached into his pocket and held up an entry card. “He gave me
the key.”
Somehow they made it back to the hotel, via a late-night chemist to buy protection, but the memory of actually walking there was a bit foggy. It was like they’d coasted along, peppered with small touches of the hand, a palm pressed against her back, a moment spent kissing beside a brightly lit Christmas tree. The journey was winding toward its final destination. And Theo was having a hard time believing this beautiful, kind, intelligent woman actually wanted to be with him.
He knew he wasn’t the same person he used to be. Cynicism had become his calling card. Oh, he hid it from patients well enough, but those who knew him well? They’d seen the changes and were warier around him than they used to be.
There. The front doors of the hotel. Finally.
As long as they didn’t run into the newlyweds, they were fine, not that they would. Alice and Marco weren’t likely to come out of their room, and neither were he and Maddy.
No need to let Judy or the hospital know he’d be a little bit later than he’d planned. He wouldn’t be spending the night at the hotel. Just...a few hours. He hoped.
Soon they were on their way to their fourth-floor room. The elevator had several people in it, but Theo couldn’t resist slinging his arm around her shoulder. He wanted—no, he needed to touch her.
He glanced at the electronic door key in his hand as they got off on their floor. Room 423. To the left, according to the sign on the wall and his own memory. He took her hand and headed halfway down the corridor. The key unlocked the door with a slight snick, a green light displayed on the reader. Theo pushed through the solid barrier and re-entered a room that was on par with what he would expect of a hotel of this caliber.
“It’s gorgeous. A little different from the one Alice was in.”
Maddy’s soft words were filled with wonder as she came out from behind him to survey the space. The huge bed sported a brown damask coverlet that was puffy in a way that could only mean it was filled with the finest down. The walls went along with the style of the city around them, dark bare timbers interspersed with white plaster walls, more beams crisscrossing the high ceilings.
“I know something that’s even more gorgeous.” He waited for her to turn and look at him. “Are you glad you came?”
Her eyes met his, shining with something he was afraid to examine. Then she came over and took his face in her hands, her thumb brushing over his lower lip in a way that made him see stars that were even brighter than those in the night sky. “So very glad.”
That did it for him. He leaned down and took her mouth, one arm going behind her back and dragging her against him. Soon their surroundings were put out of mind as his hands went to her shoulders, barely able to believe she was his to explore without fear. Without worrying that someone would come upon them and see them.
Without worrying about what tomorrow was going to bring.
Live dangerously, that was what she’d said.
It had been so long since he’d lived like that, or had dwelled in the land of here and now. And he was ready to. With her.
No fears of forever. Or, worse, the lack of them.
Maddy would be going home when her time in England was over. He could kiss her, lie naked with her. Lose himself in her.
Without losing himself.
At least that was what he hoped. What he needed to believe.
He didn’t have to ease her toward the bed, she was already moving there on her own. Slowly stepping backward and coaxing him to come with her with tiny kisses that he couldn’t quite deepen without following her. Not that he minded.
She half turned him and pushed, the pressure of the bed at the backs of his knees causing them to buckle. But he sat, rather than allowing himself to fall flat on his back. And when he did so he reached and found the hem of her dress and eased it up, his palms gliding up the soft creamy skin at the back of her thighs. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to her belly, knowing he was going to kiss her there once he’d rid her of her clothes. Then he was going to press his lips against every inch of that gorgeous body. “Come up here with me.”
She blinked at him as if not sure what he was asking, so he used light pressure just beneath her bottom to tell her what he wanted.
Straddling his legs, she came onto the bed, her knees on either side of his thighs. He hugged her close, feeling the sweet pressure of her coming to rest against an area of his body that had been dying for this for what seemed like forever.
“Maddy. Hell.” He wrapped an arm around the curve of her behind and tugged her tight against him, her slight exhalation washing over his cheek.
He wanted it like this. Just like this. With her rising and falling above him and taking him into the clouds.
As if she knew exactly what he was thinking, she slid down him, still fully clothed, but she might as well have taken him inside her. This was it. The moment they’d been heading toward for two weeks.
Her eyes shut tight, lower lip pursed as she moved against him again. Taking his hands from their perch, he trailed them up her spine until he reached the top edge of her dress, which was just off her shoulders. Tucking his fingers beneath it, he coaxed the stretchy fabric down inch by inch until it slid over her breasts. Breasts that were contained in a whisper-thin layer of lace. Peach. The color of her skin. A peekaboo effect that he couldn’t resist.
Leaning her back slightly, he moved in and closed his mouth over the tight ridge visible at the center of the cup. The nipple was tight and exquisite, and he pulled on it, lapping his tongue over the fabric-covered mound.
Her hands went to his shoulders and she pushed herself closer, and a low whimper was followed by a rub of friction to the front of his trousers. He hadn’t lost control while fully clothed since he was a teenager, but there was a real danger right now that he was going to fly over the edge.
He didn’t want to do that without taking her with him. So he held her hips still while he continued to tug and kiss and lick, until he could stand it no longer.
“Take it off,” he whispered, afraid to let go of her.
Her hands left his shoulders long enough to reach behind her back and unhook the strapless bra, letting it fall to the side of the bed. Then she was bare to him, except when he went to take her in his mouth, she leaned away from him.
“Your turn.”
Denied of his prize, he frowned. “What do you mean?”
She climbed off the bed and said. “Unzip them.”
He hesitated, noting the lift of her brows.
“Unzip. Them.”
Then she did the unthinkable. She reached under her dress and did something. When her hands came back up, there was a lacy strip of cloth that matched the bra.
He cursed softly.
“That makes two things I’ve given you in exchange for...” She leaned forward, her palms gliding along his shoulders, breasts tantalizingly close to his mouth. “Unzip your trousers.”
One nipple trailed across the seam of his lips and he immediately closed over it, giving a long hard pull that he thought would alleviate some of the growing pressure from behind that zipper. It didn’t. It just ratcheted things up until they were at boiling point. He was going to lose it, and it was either with her or without her.
He reached down and grabbed the tab on the fastener and slid it down, undoing the button afterwards. Then he reached in and freed his aching flesh. But not without biting down on her nipple.
She moaned and arched in, before climbing back on the bed, her dress tugged up.
Then they were flesh to flesh, and he was pretty sure this was where it would end. But it didn’t. He cupped her face, moving her within kissing distance. And kiss her he did. The way he’d wanted to that first time. Tongue and teeth and snatched breaths, the building of an empire that was going to explode long before he was ready.
Expertly whipping a condom on, Theo lifted her slightly, but
she was already anticipating, reaching for him and positioning herself. Then she engulfed him in heat. In sweet, sweet heaven. Taking him to a world where everything was tight and wet and filled with a pleasure beyond anything he could imagine.
It had never been like this before.
Not even with Hope.
A bright flash of guilt stabbed through him.
He gripped her hips and urged her to move, needing to squeeze out everything that didn’t involve Maddy. And what she was doing to him.
God. She did it for him.
Her fingers pushed into his hair and gripped the strands as she continued to ride him, holding his face against her shoulder as her breathing roughened.
He wasn’t going to last. And he didn’t want to. But he also didn’t want to go without her. Holding tight to her hips, he lay back until his shoulders touched the mattress, and then he watched. Watched her rise and fall. Watched his erection disappear inside her.
So close.
Pressing a palm against her lower belly, he followed her rhythm, his thumb dipping in and discovering the tiny bud he was searching for. He circled it, touching and not quite touching in at random intervals.
She moaned, a long low sound that was half need and half frustration. But he wasn’t quite ready to finish her yet. He wanted to wait. Wanted her to wait. Until they were both ready—until they were wound so tight they were ready to snap—to break into a million pieces.
“Theo,” she panted. “Please.”
The plea didn’t fall on deaf ears. He touched her, applying steady pressure that increased every time she reached the bottom of a stroke. He hoped the little jolt of pleasure would match his own each time her body took him all the way in.
It evidently did, because her eyes slammed shut and she increased the speed and the force of her thrusts as he struggled to hold on.
Just a little. Hell, just give me a little more...
Maddy’s body slammed all the way down, and her breath whooshed from her as a strong series of contractions hit him and blew him away.
That was it. Her eruption became his, and he came harder than he’d ever come in his life, the squeeze of her body forcing his to give everything it had.