Tough Guy: PROVIDENCE PREP HIGH SCHOOL BOOK 2

by Allen, Jacob

  “I’m just saying, you know what you need to do. So go do it.”

  On a simple level, yes, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to get over myself and stop acting like such a coward before Jackie. I needed to just put forward the truth and let her decide.

  But man…

  Actually, what was I doing? I had a great example for me right in front of me.

  “What changed for you with Emily?” I asked. “Why did you go from being a dick to being someone who asked her out? It couldn’t have just been Nick claiming her.”

  “Yeah, let’s say that,” Adam said with a guilty grin. “It was a part of it, sure. But the reason that this has lasted beyond just a fuck you to Nick? I realized that the things I was actually angry at and her were not the same thing.”

  Her and the things I’m angry at. They’re not… are they the same?

  My father. My mother passing away. Those are things I’m angry at.

  Am I actually angry at Jackie? Or am I just saying that because she’s an easy target?

  And then it got worse.

  “I also realized that I was worthy of being loved despite my flaws. Took me a very roundabout way and the most circuitous way possible to get there, but I realized it.”

  That fucking hit me harder than any punch that could have dented a locker. It was a truth laid bare that only the most trained of therapists would have dared to bring up.

  My father was not shy about saying he hated me, oftentimes because of my flaws. My father hated whenever I didn’t get straight A’s in school. My father hated whenever I did a chore short of perfection. My father sometimes hated me just because I was me. I could never understand it, and even now, in the silence of detention, I couldn’t think of it.

  Mr. Sanders walked in, and for once, I was grateful for his presence. If I started talking after Adam had said that, I wasn’t sure I would have been able to keep it together. I wasn’t sure I would have been able to avoid crying and looking like, well, a goddamn puppy.

  Mr. Sanders actually didn’t take a second break, taking us all the way to 5 p.m. By that point, I’d gotten over the brief emotional spell that hit me around 3:45, but that didn’t mean that I hadn’t forgotten about it. It did mean, though, it was something I was going to have to examine in further detail at a later time.

  “You two are free to go,” Mr. Sanders said. “And there is no detention next week. You’ve both served your punishment. Try and keep your fists to yourselves, and this won’t be an issue.”

  “Yes sir,” we both said together, just looking to get out of there.

  We hurried out, smirking and laughing as we finally escaped the so-called hellhole that was detention. In actuality, maybe I wouldn’t do it a second time, but I sure was glad I’d done it once with Adam. If nothing else, I sure got my homework done awfully fast.

  When we got out to the parking lot, I turned to Adam just before he headed toward his car and extended my hand.

  “Sorry for the fight, man,” I said.

  He took my hand, tightened his grip, and shook.

  “And I’m sorry too,” he said.

  “May we never forget this,” I said. “Oh, and that we’re both assholes.”

  Adam and I laughed together at this, adding “truth!” and “damn straight!” into there.

  “If you need anything,” Adam said. “You let me know. Don’t be afraid to ask.”

  “Ditto,” I said.

  I nodded to him, smiled, and headed back to my car.

  “Hey, Kevin.”

  I turned around, about halfway to my Honda Civic.

  “You’re no puppy,” Adam said. “You’re a goddamn pitbull. Don’t you change.”

  I gave a thumbs up, a bit of a playful gesture, but it actually meant a lot more to me than Adam could have ever known. Those were words I’d probably been waiting since the start of eighth grade to hear, and to finally get them was an enormous relief.

  The day ended on the perfect note, as well.

  My father was passed out when I got home.

  I had a quiet, peaceful night for the first time since Sunday.

  13

  Jackie

  Kevin and Adam always walked in together the rest of that first week, a rather amusing sight considering Adam’s black eye and Kevin’s bruised knuckles and forearms.

  For the rest of that week, though, I paid very little attention to Kevin. I paid very little attention to either of them, in fact. Emily, Samantha, and I were hanging out again before school, as if Adam and Emily had split up. They hadn’t at all, in fact; Emily still saw Adam between classes, making out in the hallways, and she emphatically kept talking about how wonderful he was.

  It was, instead, a by-product of the fact that Adam wanted to spend his mornings with Kevin and Nick. That somewhat conveniently left out the fact that Emily had pushed Adam away for the week after the fight, but if it helped Kevin and Adam become better friends, she seemed fine letting Adam having the narrative.

  The result was that the three of us spent time together as we had the previous several years, with only minimal interruption coming from the occasional romantic interest or stressful test coming up. I held on to these mornings dearly, knowing we only had about twenty or so more weeks like this before we graduated. Emily was back to her normal ways, and we didn’t even talk that much about boys. Most of our talk was spent about schoolwork, teachers, and movies coming out.

  That was, until Sunday night, when the three of us got together to go to the mall and grab ice cream after.

  “So, are you still into Kevin?”

  Samantha sure had a way of just blurting out questions without the need for transitions or context, didn’t she?

  “You mean after this week?” I said. “I’m not very happy about him getting into a fight with Adam.”

  “Funny thing about that,” Emily interjected. “Apparently the two are super close now. The fight brought them together. Adam kept saying boys will bond over fighting and shit-talking, and girls split over compliments and bonding. I told him he made no sense.”

  “Right?” I said with a laugh. “That seems unnecessary and violent.”

  “Yeah, well, I’ve been going out with him since October and I don’t try and understand him,” Emily said.

  None of us do.

  “You haven’t answered my question though,” Samantha said.

  “Yeah, see, I don’t know,” I said. “The fight’s not great. But I know he’s a nice guy. Well, he can be a nice guy, maybe. I don’t know.”

  Trying to explain why I liked someone who was so mean to me on the outside was a struggle that I don’t think anyone could probably elucidate. It was like trying to explain why swimming with a rip tide and sharks around you was thrilling; everything about the situation should have screamed stupidity, but there was a certain draw to it that words either failed to encapsulate or did a very poor job of.

  “I think he’s still single for Sadie Hawkins,” Emily said. “You could ask him out if you wanted.”

  “I could,” I said. “But I think I need to see him go on a date first.”

  “Ohhhh,” both of them said, which made me laugh. That was not a response I was expecting.

  “I keep thinking that the private Kevin is much more vulnerable and sweeter than the public Kevin,” I said. “I’ve never seen Kevin in a setting where we’re truly alone. We’re always either in front of other classmates or we’re at a Broad Street Boys party. I’ve never seen him just passing in the store or at a coffee shop, and frankly, if I did, he’d probably run and hide behind his parents.”

  “His Dad,” Emily corrected.

  “Right,” I said, although I didn’t know much about his family situation so even that was more just deference to Emily probably knowing more than me believing it.

  “So you’re going to ask him out?”

  Again, Samantha just had a way with words.

  But this time, there was something about the way she said it that suggested s
he wasn’t just being awkward. She was being serious. Sadie Hawkins was, after all, a dance where the girls asked the boys out. And after everything that Emily had said and everything I’d experienced…

  Well, maybe it was time to be a little bit bolder than normal.

  “Check back with me tomorrow.”

  * * *

  When I got to school the next day, I decided to resume my normal routine of smiling and saying hello to everyone, Kevin included. I didn’t know that I’d have the guts and courage to actually ask Kevin to the dance, but at the very least, I wanted to put myself in position to do so if I wanted to.

  The worst case was that I had seriously misread him, he’d laugh at me, and then I’d walk away. It would suck, but I’d just throw myself back into my time with Emily and Samantha and I’d be fine within a few days. They’d help me find someone else worth asking out, anyways.

  I found Kevin at his usual spot, slumped against the lockers, headphones in, rocking out to whatever music it was that he listened to. I felt a surge of nervousness enter me as I thought about this. This was less asking out a guy I liked and more believing that the guy I liked existed if I got him into the right spot, so it was a much riskier move than normal. But it was a move I was willing to make.

  “Good morning, Kevin,” I said.

  He looked up at me immediately. That almost hinted to me that he didn’t actually have his headphones in, that he had only worn them for show.

  “Hi, Jackie,” he said.

  Well, that right there is off to a great start. He hasn’t insulted me yet or mocked me. Still need to be careful, though. Be bold, but don’t grovel.

  “See, you didn’t have to ask me to say it this time.”

  Kevin chuckled.

  “I wanted to, but you just wouldn’t let me. So selfish.”

  I smirked and got to the point before I could think better of it.

  “Well, speaking of things that I wanted to do…”

  I let the words hang for a little bit as a smile started to grow. Kevin arched an eyebrow. He was trying so hard to play it cool. It would have been cute if not for our history. I wanted him to just drop the facade and show how he was really feeling.

  Still, for whatever was going on in Kevin’s life outside of me, it wasn’t good. I remembered back to what I’d said to him in the library and how he had reacted so strongly when that happened. I thought back on all those little moments when it was obvious there was more to Kevin than met the eye.

  He had a shitload of barriers to be broken down. For now, I would just take him listening and not mocking me or interrupting me.

  “I’d like to ask you to Sadie Hawkins.”

  A smile flashed over his face before he went back to playing it cool. Good enough for right now.

  “But only on one condition.”

  “Oh?” Kevin said. “I didn’t know that romance was a negotiation.”

  I chuckled but played it cool. I didn’t think Kevin was trying to deliberately throw me off or make me feel uncomfortable.

  “You have to take me out on a date before the dance.”

  Yeah, I knew it was kind of cheating. I knew this meant that Kevin would first be taking me out rather than me taking him out. I suppose someone would be upset that I wasn’t the one taking charge here, but this is how I wanted it done, and I believed that it was the best way to get what I wanted without leaving myself vulnerable to getting severely hurt by Kevin later.

  “A date, huh?” Kevin said, still playing it cool. By now, I just wanted him to drop the act, but as long as he said yes, I supposed there wasn’t much in the way of complaining. “You’re gonna make me take you out? Seems like a high price to pay for—”

  “Hey, the choice is yours,” I said, trying to keep it light-hearted but admittedly a little annoyed that he was still being this way. Maybe it’ll get better when you’re alone one on one.

  Finally, he let out a sigh and a shrug.

  “What do you like?”

  I’ll take that as a yes, I guess. He would’ve said no more directly. He’s not that mean. I think.

  “Well…”

  But then I decided that he needed to show a little bit more. For as much as he’d bullied me and mocked me, it was a miracle I was even giving him a chance to redeem himself. I wasn’t going to do all the work for him so it would be easy for him to make me forgive him.

  “You’ve known me since eighth grade,” I said. “I think you can figure out what I like. Surprise me.”

  “Surprise you?” Kevin said. “Ah, damnit, I suck at surprises.”

  “I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” I said. “You’ve paid enough attention to me in the last four years.”

  Kevin glared at me, but I didn’t back down. He knew I wasn’t wrong. He knew that was my way of taunting him for being so mean to me over the past several years.

  “Well, I’ll tell you what I know,” he said. “I know you’re exotic. I know you’re hot. I don’t know much else, though.”

  “Wow, so you’ve only paid attention to my looks,” I said.

  I knew that wasn’t true, just as he knew more about me than my looks. But I liked keeping him on edge a little bit. I was enjoying it more than I would have suspected, teasing him and coercing him to do more. It was a little bit of the bullied getting back at the bully.

  “I guess I can go find someone else who does know more about me. There are a couple nice boys—”

  “OK, fine, fine, I’ll think of something, damn,” Kevin said.

  To an outsider, he sounded frustrated, but I just found it funny. Even Kevin almost cracked a smile, though it was a pretty well-hidden smile, not one that came through for long.

  “I suppose you’ll also tell me what days work well for you as well.”

  “Any weekend night.”

  “Keep your Friday open then.”

  I smirked.

  “I will. Let’s see what you can do. Thank you, Kevin.”

  I stood up as he snorted, looked up at me, and then shook his head as I turned away. I knew his eyes were following me as I exited his presence. That was just how I wanted it. I liked having control over him in this regard.

  Just as I got to the spot where I normally hung out, Adam and Emily came in, the couple back together in full force as Emily had promised. Adam still had a ring around his right eye, but it had obviously reduced in swelling compared to before. I had no idea if that fight for him was a taboo subject to talk about, but then again, I could never understand if fights for boys were awesome or humiliating.

  “Well, you look happy,” Emily said.

  “Kevin is going to take me on a date on Friday,” I beamed.

  “About damn time that asshole asked you out,” Adam said with a chuckle. “Good on you, though. If he sucks at making plans, I’ll make sure to kick his ass.”

  “No, no, no need to do that,” I said. “I trust that Kevin will come up with something. He claims he doesn’t know what he’d do, but I only asked him five minutes ago. He’s got five days to figure it out.”

  Now watch him decide something the morning of. Hey, that might be fun. Impromptu dates can often be some of the most fun ones.

  “Well, speaking of plans that need to be made,” Adam said. “The Friday after Sadie Hawkins, which is Valentine’s Day. The Broad Street Boys are throwing a big ass party. You and lover boy over there are invited.”

  “Wait,” I interrupted. “He didn’t invite me!”

  “He doesn’t know about it yet.”

  And he’s a Broad Street Boy?

  “I decided it with Emily just now, literally as we were walking up the stairs.”

  Oh. Well. That’s a first. The Broad Street Boys and Girl?

  Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. But it’s still cute that Adam would be planning a big party in conjunction with Emily.

  “Maybe you two can be love birds by the time the party arrives.”

  I rolled my eyes even as I smiled. It was a little
early to presume such a thing would happen. I knew if Kevin found out that Adam had said such a thing, he’d be pretty pissed.

  But you know what?

  For the first time since eighth grade, rather than having such an idea seem downright preposterous, if not outright insulting, such an idea actually carried with it a faint glimmer of hope.

  14

  Kevin

  I did not think Jackie could be that bold.

  To say that I was stunned, sitting there, actually hearing Jackie say she’d go to Sadie Hawkins with me, and then put a term on it… did I just dream that?

  And I didn’t mean that in a non-literal sense. I’d had dreams before about Jackie and I going out on dates. I never admitted it to anyone, often times not even myself, but this was quite literally like a dream of mine come true.

  I just didn’t see Jackie as the bold type. The sweet type, the empathic type, the kind type, the annoying type, the pushy type, the naive type… but bold? I would have sooner used the word sweet for Adam than I would have bold for Jackie. And, well, last week was kind of that, if the word “sweet” can ever be used to describe a guy.

  What a weird fucking start to the last semester.

  “Hey, asshole!”

  I looked up to see Adam shouting at me. I smirked, liking this nickname a hell of a lot more than puppy. At least I wouldn’t have to start week-long detention brawls over that nickname.

  “Sup, fucker?”

  “Broad Street Boys Valentine’s Day party the Friday after Sadie Hawkins,” he said. “And you’re coming.”

  “I am?” I said, more confused that a party was planned without me than at the prospect of me attending. “Wouldn’t you want—”

  “You’re the first other Broad Streeter to hear it,” he said. “Emily and I just planned it just now. We’ll figure out details later at a hangout.”

  “Oh, OK.”

  “And make sure you’re plus-oned up by then. Otherwise, I’m going to force you to be.”