Breathe: A Love’s Complicated Novel

by Wynn, Hollis

  Chapter 21

  It seems like forever since I’ve been to Lemon & Lavender when in reality it hasn’t been that long. So much has happened since my birthday—Matt and Kyle’s accident, telling Matt I love him, and moving in with him. Making a baby. When I walk in the door I spot Matt standing in the corner. He always stands or sits with his back to the wall so he can watch the door, checking who’s coming and going.

  “Hey, baby,” he says and leans in for a kiss. “You are even more beautiful tonight.”

  Can he tell I’m pregnant? Does it show? Ugh. This is stressing me out so much.

  “Thanks,” I say. “You look very nice too.” He always looks amazing but the navy button down and dark jeans fit perfectly.

  “Hi,” I say as we walk up to the hostess station.

  “Good evening. How are you, ma’am?”

  “Doing well. Do you have a table for two tonight?” I should have made a reservation but I was too busy trying to get myself together.

  “Sure, I’m sure I can find something. Just give me a minute.”

  We step back and Matt reaches for my hand, then pulls my wrist up and places a kiss on it. I feel a flutter in my belly every time he does it and this time is no different. He makes sure to always touch me or hold my hand. Public displays of affection don’t bother him, more like he wants everyone to know that I’m his and he’s mine.

  “I can seat you guys now.” She reaches under the podium for a couple of menus before we follow her hand-in-hand to a two-person table in the back by the windows. Matt pulls out my chair before moving to his side while she places menus in front of us.

  “Someone will be right with you. Enjoy your meal,” she says before walking away.

  “I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you,” he begins. “How was Texas?”

  “Texas was good,” I say. “It was nice to spend some time with Geoff. I can’t believe it’s been so long since he moved away.”

  “That’s good. Did you enjoy the food?” Matt is so funny. He knows I love to eat and that I’m never going to be the woman who eats like a bird to impress a man.

  “I did. I ate as many chips and salsa—and queso—that I could all weekend. I can’t believe how good the food is.” I’m going to have to remember to ask Geoff for a recipe for queso, so I can make my own.

  “Good evening. My name is Austin, and I’ll be your server tonight. Can I get you something to drink?” our waiter asks, stopping me from saying anything more about the Texan delicacies I ate.

  “I’d like some water with lemon,” I say.

  “Same,” Matt says.

  “Do you have any questions about the menu I can answer?” Austin says.

  “No, I think we’re good,” Matt tells him.

  “I’ll be back with your drinks in a few,” he says and walks off.

  “Why did you choose to meet here tonight?” Matt asks. “Knowing this is your celebration place, I’ve been wondering since you called what we have to celebrate.”

  Do I tell him now, before we order? If he decides to walk away, I won’t have to pay a huge bill. Or do I wait and tell him after we eat?

  “I just thought it would be nice to have a good dinner.” He gives me a look that tells me he doesn’t believe me, but he’s not going to push it yet.

  About that time, Austin walks up and places two glasses of water and a bowl of lemons on the table. “Would you like to hear the specials for tonight?” he asks.

  “Sure,” I say before Matt can reply.

  Austin pulls out his notepad and reads off the specials. “The soup is a lemon chicken and the entrée is pasta limone.”

  “Give us a couple of minutes, please,” Matt says.

  I take a drink of the cool water and let it run down my throat. I’ve not eaten much lately, though the pills Dr. Jane gave me are helping, I’m not going to push it and I think I’ll just order the soup and a salad.

  “I’m ready when you are,” I say to Matt.

  “I think I’m going to have the special. What about you?” he asks me.

  “Just the soup and salad tonight. I don’t want to push it after feeling so poorly this week.”

  “That’s probably a good idea,” he says. “Did you go to the doctor?”

  “Actually, I did. I practically begged Mom to take me.” I stop and take a drink of my water before deciding it’s now or never. I need to tell him and I’d like to just get it over with so I can try to enjoy my food. “Unfortunately, it’s not likely to get better anytime soon.”

  “Are you okay? That doesn’t sound good,” he says. His brow is furrowed and concern written all over his face.

  It’s then that Austin walks up to take our order. I swear it seems as though every time we’re at a vital part of the conversation, he interrupts us. But it’s not like he knows what’s going on tonight.

  “I’ll have the soup special and a house salad, please,” I say before taking another drink of my water.

  “And I’ll have the pasta special,” Matt says.

  “Would you like anything else to drink?” Austin asks us.

  “No,” we both say at the same time. He smiles before walking away.

  “You were saying,” Matt says.

  “I’m not dying or anything so dramatic,” I say and force a laugh.

  “Well, that’s good to know. What is it?” he asks.

  I take a deep breath and count to five. It’d be so much easier to confess this when my heart doesn’t feel like it’s going to beat out of my chest and my breathing isn’t shallow and fast.

  “Before I tell you, I have a question for you,” I say. “How do you feel about marriage and children?”

  That’s when the color drains out of his face. This is not good.

  “Why do you ask? Did Ryan say something to you?” His voice is thick with tension.

  “Ryan?” I ask confused. “I haven’t seen him since the night we had dinner at the apartment.”

  “Ugh,” he groans and runs his fingers through his hair.

  Austin refills our water glasses while telling us our food should be out in a few minutes. Before he walks off, Matt stops him.

  “Could you wrap up our dinner and bring us the check? Everything is fine,” he says. “We just had a change in plans and would like our dinner to go.”

  Matt is usually so controlled and level headed. On a night like tonight, when I have a huge confession, why is he acting like this? Does he know?

  “What’s wrong, Matt? You’re not acting like yourself.” I lean over and grab his hands which are slightly shaking.

  “Everything is fine, I promise. I just want to go home and have this conversation there.”

  “We’re going to your apartment?” I assume based on what he said previously, but I need to the reassurance tonight.

  “Of course,” he says. Moments later, Austin drops the food and check off at the table. Matt pulls out his wallet, places cash inside the check folder, and moves it to the edge of the table. I sit there chewing on my lip. My anxiety increases with every passing moment. I have to tell Matt I’m pregnant and know he’s going to break up with me. At least he doesn’t want to do it in public. It’s not like I would make a scene, I’m not that girl. Though I guess it is better for us to break up in private so we’re not fodder for gossip all over town.

  Austin walks by and Matt waves to get his attention. “Keep the change, Austin. Have a good evening.”

  Matt pushes his chair back and makes his way to the other side of the table to pull my chair out. Then he picks up the to go bag, grasps my hand, and leads us out the door. Matt’s apartment isn’t far and, instead of waiting for a car, we walk in the direction of home. Neither one of us say anything on the walk home.

  I don’t know what to say. If Matt’s going to break up with me, should I let him before I tell him about the baby? I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. Or should I just blurt it out?

  We walk up the stairs and dow
n the hall to his apartment. He unlocks the door and ushers me inside and I can’t keep quiet any longer.

  “Are you breaking up with me?” I ask as he places the bag of food down on the kitchen table.

  He spins around and looks at me as if I have three heads. “Break up with you? Where would you get that idea?”

  “Umm, well . . .” He interrupts me before I can continue.

  “Hold that thought, I’ll be right back.”

  He walks into his bedroom and closes the door. I hear him opening and closing drawers and shuffling things around. It sounds like he’s mumbling to himself. The door swings open and it’s obvious he’s been tugging on his hair because it’s standing straight up.

  I stand in front of the couch, still holding my purse and wearing my shoes. If he’s going to break up with me, I need to be ready to run. Matt stalks toward me wearing a look of determination on his face.

  “Put your purse down and sit,” he says as he sits on one side of the couch. I place my purse on the coffee table and slowly lower myself to the other end of the couch. I turn slightly to face him and lift my dress to get comfortable.

  “I feel like there is something major about to happen here.” My heart is beating a million miles a minute. I take a deep breath and say, “Just tell me what’s going on, Matt. I’m scared.”

  And I am. I’m terrified he’s changed his mind. That he doesn’t love me or want to be with me. That he’s not going to want a child and I’m going to have to take care of a baby all on my own. That this child will never know his or her father. I start hyperventilating and place my hands over my face.

  “Breathe, baby,” he says. “Just, breathe. I promise everything is going to be fine.” He leans over and rubs his hands up and down my arms. “Count to five. You’ve got this.”

  I do it. I count to five, over and over. Finally, I’m in control again. “Just tell me. I can’t wait anymore. I’m panicking,” I blurt out.

  “I know we haven’t been together for very long. But I’ve known since my accident that I am in love with you. That I want to be with you—forever.” He slides off the couch, pushing the coffee table out of the way before he kneels at my feet and places his hands on my knees.

  “You’re one of a kind, Amber. You are so kind and loving and I love you.” He takes a minute and I can tell he’s trying to compose himself. “A couple of weeks ago, I decided that I wanted forever with you,” he says as he pulls a beautiful ring out of his pocket.

  “Oh shit,” I say and start laughing. But he doesn’t miss a beat.

  “Amber Burke, will you spend the rest of your life with me? Through the good times and the bad? Forever and ever, amen?” he asks, then he slides the ring on my left hand.

  I look down at the beautiful, art-deco ring sitting on my finger. I want to scream “yes” at the top of my lungs but first I need to come clean with him. He stares at me waiting for an answer and I lean in and kiss him with all the passion in my body.

  “Before I answer you, I need to tell you something,” I say looking at him straight in the eyes. I reach for his hands and hold onto them to stop the shaking.

  He nods at me and I know that he’s laid his heart and everything on the line and all he wants is an answer.

  “When I went to the doctor she gave me some unexpected news. I’m not dying, but . . .” This is so difficult.

  “Just spit it out,” he says. “We can handle anything, I promise.”

  I take a slow, deep breath and gaze into his beautiful green eyes.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  There, it’s out. Done.

  “We’re going to have a baby?” He jumps up and picks me up swinging me around. “We’re going to have a baby!” he shouts to no one in particular.

  “Yep. We’re going to have a baby.”

  “We’re going to be a family,” he says with his voice so full of joy and a smile from ear to ear. Matt sets me down on the floor and leans in for a kiss. A very intense kiss. My lips part and it’s a tangle of tongues, full of passion and joy. I pull away trying to catch my breath and he leans back in for more.

  I push back from him and smile. “Yes,” I say. “I’ll marry you. But only if you’re sure.”

  “Of course, I’m sure. I wouldn’t have asked you if I wasn’t.” We stand toe-to-toe, trying to get our emotions in check.

  Then it hits me—I just agreed to marry him and jump up and down like a mad woman screaming, “We’re getting married! Holy crap! We’re getting married.”

  Matt laughs and bends down like a linebacker, runs at me, picking me up, and throwing me over his shoulder. He spanks my ass before he tosses me onto the bed. “From now on this is your home—our home.”

  Then he leans over and plants his lips on mine. “Tomorrow we go to your parents’ house and pack up your stuff. But tonight, I’m going to ravage you.”

  And he does—in the best way possible.

  Epilogue

  “I do,” I say, my voice full of joy.

  “You may kiss the bride,” the officiant says.

  And Matt does. He kisses me and places a hand on my stomach.

  Then the crowd erupts in cheers.

  “And now, to all the friends and family who have come to celebrate this union, I take great pleasure in presenting, for the first time anywhere, Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Greenstone.”

  We face the audience and walk back down the rose petal covered aisle holding hands. My dress is a simple white, A-line style dress with a spaghetti strap top and pockets in the skirt to hide my tissues. Matt’s dark navy suit and cream shirt make his green eyes pop. Carrigan’s fitted navy dress blends with Miles’ suit.

  The reception is just what we dreamed of—dinner and dancing. The food is impeccable and the cake is even better. This baby has decided queso and brownies are a favorite so the cake is as close to a brownie as I could get for a wedding cake—chocolate cake with ganache poured over it.

  “Well,” Chris says as he puts his hand on my shoulder. “Has it been everything you’ve ever dreamed of?”

  “Even better,” I beam.

  He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me in close. “I love you, sister, and I’m so glad you found your happily ever after.”

  “Thanks for everything, Chris. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

  “Anytime.”

  The small room is full to the brim with love. I can feel it everywhere I move and with everyone I speak. I look around realizing how lucky we are to have the ones we love in one place.

  The last couple months have been a whirlwind between planning a wedding, setting up the baby’s room at the apartment, and getting to know Matt’s family. They’re a really special group of people. When Miles’ wife left, he and Aly moved in with his parents. The last couple years haven’t been easy being grandparents and having a young child under foot all the time. Seeing how they interact with their boys and Aly, it’s easy to see where Matt learned to love.

  Once the toasts are made, the food eaten, and people starting to leave, we decide to make our own toast.

  “You ready, husband?” I say to Matt.

  “I sure am, wife.”

  Matt grabs a knife off a table close by and clinks his glass while we stand in the doorway to block the exit. “Before you leave, we want to take a moment to thank you all for coming and supporting us. We both know that this has been a huge amount of work on the part of our families and we don’t know how to express our thanks. You’re all a special part of our lives.”

  He turns to me and smiles. “It’s your turn, babe,” he says then he reaches for my hand and brings my wrist to his lips for a kiss.

  “I want to echo everything that Matt said and add one thing. We’re having a boy.”

  The room explodes with applause, whistles, and congratulations.

  Both sets of parents race to us to give us hugs and express how excited they are for a grandson. It’s a whirlwind of emotions. My mom is crying and laughing. Matt’s mom is t
elling him how amazing it is to have boys.

  I signal to Matt that I’ll be right back and head to the ladies’ room. I can’t wait anymore. I may only be a little over four months but I have to pee every hour already. I walk in and see Carrigan wiping her face as if she’s been crying. It feels a bit like déjà vu considering the last time we had a serious conversation in a public bathroom she confessed to Whit’s wife that she still loved him.

  “Don’t move,” I say as I stroll past her. “We’re going to talk about this but I have to pee first.” Since this isn’t the first time I’ve done this in this dress, I’m an old pro. It doesn’t mean I’m fast, it just means I know what I need to do to keep the dress from landing in toilet water.

  “Talk to me. What’s going on? I can pee and listen,” I say to her. She starts laughing which is exactly what I wanted.

  “I’m just sad. I want to marry Whit with all my being but he keeps saying ‘in time.’ I know we live together but it’s not the same.”

  I open the stall and fix my skirt, getting myself back together before walking over to where she’s standing to wash my hands. “I know you want to be married but I also know that you guys have been through a lot and both of you need to make sure it’s the right time.”

  “You’re right,” she says. “I just have to have faith in the timing. I know he loves me and that has to be enough for right now.”

  We clasp hands and I walk her back out to where Whit is standing waiting for her. I see him and shake my head as we walk toward him, trying to keep him from calling her out on her red rimmed eyes.

  “Your prince awaits,” I say to Carrigan and give her a hug before transferring her hand to Whit’s. “It’ll all work out,” I whisper in her ear. “I promise.”

  In the middle of all my wedding craziness, Whit called and we had a long talk. He knew that I wasn’t his biggest fan after everything that went down in the beginning of their relationship but he promised me that he loves Carrigan with all that he is. When he asked for permission to propose after my wedding, I gave my blessing. He didn’t have to ask, but he knows how close Carrigan and I are and he didn’t want to impose on my day. She’s going to have a wonderful night and within the next year we’re going to have a baby to celebrate and another wedding to plan.