My Insanity

by Martin Länger

  With a disgusted gesture of its hand, it shook the left-overs of his victim from its claw and walked towards the group.

  The once festively decorated hall was now reduced to a bloody field. Body parts, ripped clothes, and colorful tablecloths, everything combined to a painting of gruesome violence. The demon-like creature came ever closer, and Emily couldn't shake the thought that she had gone too far this time. She was in a world whose rules she had clearly underestimated. A world where she thought that sticking together would make it work out in the end. Effortlessly, it made its way to them.

  “What the hell is that thing?!” Olivia regained some composure as she stood herself up.

  “That's not important right now. Gieldan, be ready.”

  Ansia was seriously worried, and Gieldan didn't respond except for a nod. Olivia’s aspect was building herself up before her partner, driving out her claws.

  “Emily, hide yourself. NOW!” Gieldan ordered her as he went into his battle stance.

  She hesitated but after she took another look at was coming towards them, she grabbed Olivia and ran as far as she could into the destroyed room.

  “It's futile,” spoke the general and out of the nothingness it appeared before the two women.

  It grabbed Olivia by her throat and lifted her into the air. Emily, in her desperation, jumped after her and dug her nails into the arm of the monstrosity. Her fingers started to bleed. She took it upon herself to bite into his flesh with all her strength, but even that had no effect. With a small movement of his arm, he threw her to the side like nothing more than a little nuisance.

  “All of your efforts are meaningless. Your names will be forgotten in the gears of time. Your deeds will not be written home about, and your ideals will fade as your bones are reduced to the ash they came from. Your existence has no greater meaning,” it said with a calm expression, as it pulled the black haired woman further and further skywards. In that moment where she was about to lose consciousness, both aspects finally intervened.

  Everything happened within the blink of an eye. Ansia slipped underneath the arm of the beast and didn't hesitate to use her abilities. With a push of her bare palms against his underarm, she managed to generate a loud snapping noise and promptly Olivia had been let go, as the limb of the creature was falling lifelessly to the side.

  Instantaneously, she took her partner and brought her to safety a few yards further. Meanwhile, Emily used the opportunity to run away as well. It seemed as if multiple bones and nerves had been severed when Ansia attacked, yet the beast didn't react at all. Solely a small puff of breath and another cracking could be heard. This time it came from his arm which appeared to be regenerating itself.

  “As you can see, your desperate deeds are void. Such attacks will not grant you victory,” he said, but just as he scolded them for their lack of strength, Gieldan intervened and revealed himself at the neck of the creature. In just a few seconds he came out of nowhere. Like some sort of meat grinder, Gieldan managed to strike the general with direct blows to his body, before returning to a safer distance.

  For a short moment it felt like he had succeeded, but shortly after the individual cuts were fading away.

  The creature began to extend his arms and wings at the same time.

  “Do you realize now that your end is near?” As he said those words, a thin, dark blade formed itself in the palm of his claws. A blade that was nurtured by the shadows around him. Like a thin staff, it materialized before their very eyes, making them even more unsure about their victory.

  “I am Nihilare, at this moment in time, one of the four generals of Despair…”

  “I don't give a shit! Why are you doing such cruel things?!” Emily yelled across the room, fueled by anger and as loud as she could.

  The beast looked around with planned motions and turned his head back to the woman.

  “I don't know what you're talking about. You should be thankful that all of you get to be a part of the Void.”

  “WHAT KIND OF NONSENSE IS THAT?!” it came out of a corner where Olivia had raised her voice. Not only Emily, but everyone else was surprised to hear her shouting. “Why should we be thankful that you are killing us?! The here and now is everything we got!”

  “Ho? Usual ignorance. When confronted with the uncomfortable truth of your insignificance they all start to rebel.”

  “What are you trying to say?! Why are you irritated by the fact that we are struggling and fighting back,” Emily added, supporting her friend. The general sighed.

  “Since an eternity I've heard the same excuses and rationalizations from Personas and humans alike. You are wasting your time thinking about how you will pursue your true potential when that one magical day arrives, but you never will. Before anyone takes the first step, their existence is already coming to an end, leaving nothing but unfulfilled dreams and hopes.” With these words, the general flexed his wings and rushed towards Emily. Gieldan blocked him just at the right time and the impact sent forth another shockwave that shook the palace.

  While Gieldan was looking at the emotionless, terrifying face of Nihilare, the general continued his speech. It was as if his voice was being sent directly into their brains.

  “Even that low percentage of you that thinks they have found their answer are eventually realizing that all their efforts were in vain. Because what exactly awaits you in the end? What will become of your existence after you have reached all of your goals? When there is nothing left to pursue? What sense does it make, when everything ultimately turns into ash? Your insight always comes too late after you have lost everything. And that is why I will help you.”

  “Not if I have to say anything about that,” Gieldan said with an arrogant smirk, as Ansia was joining the fight and landed two blows, dislocating the shoulder of Nihilare.

  “Hmpf,” he fixated his shoulder in an instant and shot ahead into the two aspects. With pain and misery, Gieldan and Ansia managed to hold him back, yet it was only possible because they were fighting together. Again and again, they managed to strike Nihilare, not stopping him in the slightest. No matter how many bones were broken, or arteries cut. Nothing could stop him. The intensity of his blows were draining all of their stamina as it took both aspects everything they got to deflect him.

  The two women had found to each other while the fight raged through the hall.

  “Even if…” Olivia whispered

  “Hm?” Emily held her ear closer to her friend.

  “Even if everything is meaningless in the end, that doesn't mean that the present is without worth.” Tears began to roll down her cheeks, as she was speaking directly from her heart. Emily took her hand and laid it on her chest.

  “You're right, Olivia! I share the same ideals as you, and that's why we're not giving up!”

  For an instant it looked like Nihilare was distracted by the conversation of the two women and stopped his barrage of attacks. Just as Gieldan and Ansia tried to take advantage of the situation, they were hit by Nihilare's tail and sent flying through the hall. With a mighty jump, it took off and landed right in front of the two women, towering before them.

  “Just look at both of you. Everything you have done in your life was leading you to this point and will end in your death. This is no tragedy, this is your predetermined fate as humans. Confess your mistakes and embrace the endless ash.”

  Nihilare extended one of his claws and began to point at them. The debris and destroyed furniture were starting to tremble. Gradually, nearly every small thing in the room was pulled towards the point where his claw pointed. A black orb had manifested at the tip of his claw, which send out dark sparks and lighting that were striking down into the ground.

  Olivia couldn't run away anymore. Rather she pressed herself tightly onto Emily’s chest, who still stared down Nihilare with her unwavering, unyielding look.

  Both of them knew that there was no escape this time.

  When even the combined strength of their aspects wasn't enough,
they knew this had to be the end of the line. Strangely enough, they weren't miserable or desperate anymore. Nihilare was impressed as well, as he tilted his head sideways out of curiosity.

  “What are you waiting for? That we agree with your twisted logic and say that all of it had been for nothing?! That our life was nothing but a senseless linkage of random events and human encounters?! NEVER!” Emily yelled into his face one last time, closely holding Olivia in her arms. Her heartbeat was racing so fast that she had trouble hearing anything over the throbbing inside her chest. Even Olivia noticed it.

  “It's just like always,” Olivia thought. “It never was like that she was completely without fear, or never had any doubts about herself, no. That what separated her from all those that came before, after everything that happened, was how far she would go for what she believed in. She was never without faults, but even in the face of her bittersweet doom she stands by my side, trying to comfort someone like me,” Olivia had put on a sad smile.

  “It doesn't matter what you think about the order of the world. Your body will be pulverized shortly, rendering further discussions irrelevant,” Nihilare answered coldly.

  Everything happened much faster than the two friends were actually experiencing it. The pull from the orb was getting stronger with every breath they took while growing larger in size.

  “Someone like me. Someone who tried to give up so many times, even though it was far from over,” Olivia continued her thoughts and whispered to herself in Emily's arms. The brown-haired woman noticed how Olivia pulled at her dress and looked down on her crying face with her trembling lips.

  “Th-thanks Em-Emily.”

  “What for? We have started this together, and we will end it together,” she answered with a comforting smile despite their hopeless situation.

  “N-no,” Olivia objected. “Right now, it doesn't matter to me how pathetic or wimpy I sound.” She gulped down the clod in her throat. “So many times have I thought about killing myself – about ending all of it. A life of a nobody doesn't interest anyone in the slightest. The negativity has eaten me up from the inside ever since,” she tried to wipe the tears from her face, and her green eyes were looking at Emily with the same determination that Emily always had when talking to her.

  “I have never met a human like you, and even if it seems too late for me now. I realized that it's worth fighting for my life, trying to find my own way.” She paused. “That even I could be needed and loved.”

  Emily put her finger on her lips and shook her head with appreciation, as her eyes started swelling up as well. Olivia started to smile, stopping her tears.

  “She understands it, and yet she doesn't judge or demand anything. 'I will find my own way.' That's the biggest gift I ever hoped to receive from you.”

  Both of them closed their eyes and hugged each other in, what they believed to be, their last moments together.

  They only knew each other for a short amount of time, but what bound them together were the things they experienced as friends. Making them feel closer to each other than anybody else.

  Out of nowhere, a familiar voice echoed through the hall.

  “Where did all of your fighting spirit go, my favorite bitch? First, you steal my most precious possession, and now you're just giving up? How pitiful. And here I went, expecting more from such a thickheaded cow.” It was Ansia who took the time, waiting for a signal from Gieldan, throwing herself between Nihilare and his terrifying attack.

  “I can be quite repulsive if you know what I mean, sweetheart,” Ansia winked at the beast before ramming her claws into her own hips.

  “What good does such foolery d-” Nihilare could barely finish what he was saying before a force field was pressuring him off his feet.

  Even flapping with his wings did not help. Wave after wave it hit him, and the orb of destruction had stopped. For the first time, it was his turn to be sent flying.

  “Would you have a look at that? I'm leaving you two alone for a few seconds to take a little nap and you're giving up immediately. I don't know what I should think of that,” Gieldan said with his usual confident smirk as he revealed himself to be their shield from Ansia's counterattack. “Unfortunately it's not over yet.” His face became serious again “ANSIA, NOW!”

  As the irritated Nihilare was getting out of the rubble, not fully realizing what had happened, a furious Ansia appeared before his face. Unlike before she seemed much faster and more agile than ever. With a kick that didn't even come close to his body, he felt the full impact of the strike and was pushed backward. With quite the effort the demon tried to regain his balance, but something was blocking his senses. Multiple hits were raining down on him, pressuring Nihilare even further.

  “I wonder how long you'll be able to keep that up, little aspect,” he spoke calmly as his body was regenerating after each hit.

  “Oh, don't misunderstand. She doesn't have to,” Gieldan came to her aid after she had finished her most recent punch. His blades were glowing fire-red with a golden glimmer, as he was about to strike into Nihilare’s torso. Precisely, his daggers targeted the points that were already broken by Ansia in her previous attempt. He even managed to cut off one of the most persistent parts of him - one of his arms. Not to their surprise, it still moved after dropping to the ground, desperately searching for its host.

  But all of their efforts were in vain. Exhausted and defeated, they had to watch as the wounded Nihilare looked around himself in an unimpressed fashion, focusing his empty gaze on Emily.

  “Is this what you wanted? Do you feel validated now? 'As long as we put up a fight our life wasn't meaningless'? Is that really the whole extent of the capabilities of your mind? Pitiful, little human.” Nihilare's wings extended and the damage on his flesh was already healing itself.

  “Ash to ash. Dust to dust,” he exhaled.

  Abruptly the demon catapulted himself from one position of the destroyed festival hall to another, until he stood in front of Ansia. Like an angel of death, covering her with his black wings, blocking out the light, he buried the aspect inside his darkness. At once he pulled out the dark blade from before and flung her across the room with a gaping wound inside her stomach.

  “ANSIA!” Olivia screamed, trying to catch her before she smashed into a wall, but failed and was directly pulled into the debris with her.

  Gieldan tried to intervene himself but was pushed away with ease. With his last remaining strength, he returned to Emily's side, protecting her with his body.

  “Even you aspects will find your end here,” Nihilare said. “Desperately searching for a reason to exist you don't stop at anything. There is a reason why so many of you have never succeeded.”

  “Tsk, always these tough words coming out of that disgusting mouth, but I'm still standing, ain't I?!” Gieldan replied, trying to fake confidence and cover up his deeply wounded body.

  “OLIVIA!” shouted Emily as she was more concerned about the well-being of her friend than what was about to happen in front of her. She was torn between the two options of staying with Gieldan or running towards her friend. She desperately tried to get a glimpse of her in the rubble, making sure she survived. Emily screamed her friend’s name over and over until something seemed to move between the rocks.

  Olivia’s eyes twitched, she had lost consciousness for a moment and was slowly regaining control over herself.

  “Someone is calling… someone is calling my name. What happened? Emily, is that you? I have trouble opening my eyes. It’s all so blurry,” her eyes twitched again, but she couldn't make out her surroundings.

  “Emily, I can hear you. I will be with you shortly. I promise.”

  Eventually, her eyes began to open up a little, and she could make out the first blurred silhouettes in her field of vision. “Looks like I need my glasses after all, but I will stand up, have no worries. I feel like I've been hit by a train, but I can do it, Emily. Don't you ever worry about me again,” Olivia panted.

  With
shaking fingers, she tried to stand up with the support of the scattered rocks around her, cramping up her muscles in the process of her feeble attempt.

  “Come, I'll help you. Take my hand,” she heard the sound of a familiar voice talking to her.

  “Ansia? Is that you?” she asked as she saw that another silhouette appeared in her blurred vision. Though the shadow had been much smaller, it could have meant only one thing in Olivia's mind.

  “Emily, you're helping me even now? You are too nice for this world. I could've gotten up by myself,” she mumbled.

  “We are a team. Here, let me help you,” answered the trustworthy voice and the silhouette extended its arm towards Olivia. Her head felt empty and dizzy at the same time.

  She incidentally noticed something running down from her forehead. With an uneasy feeling of numbness, she took the extended hand in front of her and stood up. It felt weird since she could hear another voice screaming in the distance, making her wonder where all that noise came from.

  “What just happened? My head is pounding. Are we still fighting that monstrosity?” Olivia said while feeling stunned.

  “OLIIIIIVIIAAAA!!” it screamed from far away.

  The dark-haired woman was still standing upright, holding tightly onto the hand that helped her up. She smiled and let her eyes wander to the silhouette standing before her.

  “Thanks for your help, Emi-”

  A sharp pain was spreading throughout her body as she began to cough up blood.

  “URGH…” she gargled.

  “That was the least I could do for you,” answered the figure with a smile that Olivia was just now noticing. Shortly after her eyes became blinded by the red of her blood that was running over her face.

  Emily had to helplessly watch everything unfold from a distance.

  Long tentacles were winding themselves along the hand that Olivia was still holding onto, penetrating her body, piercing her organs from the inside. In her last moments, she recognized the figure before her, leaving her with an expression of terror.