Total Meltdown (Hellfire Series Book 7)

by Elle James

  Yet, he’d wanted to dance with Lily. What was the difference? Neither woman was Marisol, the woman he’d promised to love, honor and cherish until death.

  Well, death had parted them, and Tony had forgotten how to get on with his life.

  “You’re Tony Delossantos, aren’t you?” Audrey asked.

  He nodded. “I’m sorry, should I know you?”

  She shook her head. “Not if you haven’t been in the Ugly Stick since I bought it. I just guessed. Some of my waitresses also work at the diner in Hellfire. They get all dreamy-eyed when they describe you.” Audrey grinned. “I can see why.”

  Heat filled Tony’s cheeks.

  “Oh, don’t get your shorts in a bunch. I’m not making a play for you. I have my man, and no other will do for me.”

  “Then why dance with me?” he asked, his gaze going over Audrey’s shoulder to Lily.

  “Because you looked like a guy who needed a little help. I’m all about helping my fellow man…and woman, for that matter.” She twirled herself out, tapped the man’s shoulder who was dancing with Lily, took Lily’s hand and twirled her toward Tony. By the time she was finished with her little dance move, Lily was in Tony’s arms, and Audrey danced off with Lily’s former partner.

  Chapter 3

  Lily felt that same electrical surge flow through her when her hand touched Antonio Delossantos’s hand as she had the first time they’d met. Now he had her hand in his and another around her waist, sending even more confusing signals along her neuropaths. She wasn’t used to it and didn’t know how to react.

  She stopped in the middle of the dance floor. “You don’t have to dance with me, you know. Audrey is a hopeless matchmaker.”

  “If that’s the case, why did she feel you had to dance with me? You looked perfectly content dancing with that other man.”

  Lily smiled. “Daniel is Lola’s guy. He just knows how much I like to two-step.”

  Tony cocked an eyebrow. “If you like two-stepping so much, why did you stop?

  Heat filled Lily’s cheeks. “It wasn’t your idea to dance with me. I wouldn’t want you to feel obligated.”

  When she tried to pull her hand free of his, he held tighter. “Actually, I was on my way across to ask you to dance, but Lola’s beau got to you first.”

  Lily’s eyes narrowed. “Really? You’re not just saying that to make nice with me?”

  With his finger, Tony drew and X across his chest. “What is it Robbie says…? Cross my heart?”

  With a smile, Lily quit trying to pull away from Tony. “Okay, then. Show me whatcha got.”

  Tony had just started to lead her across the dance floor when the song ended, and the band announced they were taking a break. Someone put money in the jukebox and a lively song came over the speakers. People left their seats and crowded onto the floor, forming lines and dancing in unison.

  “I’m not much good at line dancing. May I buy you a drink?” Tony asked.

  Lily would be better off cutting her losses and going back to the table where her brothers and Lola were sitting. Instead, she found herself shrugging. “Sure.”

  He led her through the maze of tables and chairs, back to the bar where two stools had been vacated. She sat in one, and he took the other.

  “What can I get you?” he asked.

  Feeling the need to keep her head clear and her thoughts sharp, she answered, “Ginger ale.”

  His eyebrows rose, but he didn’t question her choice. He ordered her drink and made it two. When their clear, sparkling drinks arrived, he lifted his to touch against her glass. “Here’s to refreshing drinks and starting over.”

  She smiled. “I’m afraid I wasn’t very friendly this afternoon.”

  “In a good way,” he pointed out. “Michael seemed to be happy he didn’t have to go with his father.”

  “I was talking about my comments aimed at you. It isn’t my place to tell you how to raise your children.” She stared down into her glass. “It’s just that Robbie is a special little boy, and he wears his heart on his sleeve.”

  Tony nodded. “He’s like his mother was, in that respect.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a tough little guy, but he loves hard and only wants to be loved in return.”

  “That’s very insightful of you.” Tony took another sip and set his glass on the bar. “Do you take as great an interest in all of your students as you do with Robbie?”

  Her cheeks heated again. “I like to think so, but that wouldn’t be true. I love them all, but Robbie is…well…like I said…special.” She touched his arm. “In a very good way. He’s smart, he learns quickly, and he cares deeply about others. You’re very lucky to have him as a son.”

  Tony smiled. “He was very close to his mother.”

  “Do you mind my asking what happened to her?”

  The smile straightened into a thin line He didn’t answer for a long moment. When he did, his voice was harsh. “She died two years ago,” he said through tight lips.

  “I’m sorry,” Lily said, once again reaching out to touch his arm. “It was none of my business.” She slid off the barstool and gave him a sad smile. “Thank you for the drink. I hope you enjoy your summer and get to spend time with Robbie. He really is a good kid, and he loves you a lot.”

  “Thank you for the dance. Will I see you at the fairgrounds Monday?”

  She shrugged. “Maybe.” Lily weaved her way back through the crowd to the table where her brothers and Lola sat laughing and talking. Though she sat in the middle of them, she couldn’t focus or tune into the conversation going on around her. She tried but couldn’t keep her gaze from drifting back to the man at the bar, sitting by himself, staring into his glass of ginger ale.

  He must have loved his wife dearly to still mourn her loss after two years.

  Lily wondered what it felt like to love that deeply. For all her twenty-six years, she could say honestly that she’d never felt that way about any of the men she’d dated. She’d vowed that, until she did, she wouldn’t marry.

  While all her friends from high school and college were getting married or had been married and were having children, she was still alone, with no boyfriend and no prospects.

  She’d focused instead on traveling as much as she could, determined to visit as many places as possible. Many of her friends who were married and had children didn’t go anywhere.

  Lily had convinced herself she was lucky to be single and able to go whenever and wherever she wanted.

  Staring across the saloon at the man sitting at the bar, mourning the love he’d lost, Lily suddenly didn’t feel lucky at all.

  Her brother Nash leaned toward her, a frown pulling his brows together. “What’s wrong, Lily Pad?”

  Lily forced a smile to her face. “Nothing. Why do you ask?”

  “Don’t play games with me. You know I can always tell when you’re lying.”

  She snorted. “I’m not a little girl anymore. What? Are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”

  “No,” he said and laid a hand over hers on the table. “I worry about you. You’re not having fun, and you seem a little down in the mouth.”

  She shrugged. “I’m disappointed my summer gig got cancelled. I was all set to go to Greece, and now…nothing. I’m stuck in Hellfire for the summer.”

  Nash squeezed her hand. “Is that so bad? You have me, Beckett, Rider and Chance. And Mom and Dad are back from their latest cruise. What more could you want?”

  She gave her brother a twisted grin. “To see new and exciting places? To have an adventure?”

  Lola leaned across Lily, reaching for her beer on the table. “What she needs is to fall in love and have half a dozen children of her own, instead of taking care of everyone else’s children.”

  Lily frowned at her friend and mentor. “I don’t need to have children of my own. I have twenty new children every year and the pleasure of being with children during the summer when I work as an au pair.”

  “Which you wo
n’t be doing this summer since that boat sank,” Lola reminded her. “The offer still stands… you can work with me this summer, and I’ll see what I can do to find you a man.”

  Nash groaned. “Lola, I think Lily would like to find her own fella.”

  “Well, she hasn’t yet. Seems to me the girl needs a little help in that department.” Lola hooked her arm through Daniel’s and smiled up at him. “There’s something about finding the love of your life that makes you want all of your good friends to be just as happy.”

  “Who said I wasn’t happy?” Lily pushed to her feet. “I’m happy, dammit. And I haven’t given up on finding another au pair position. The summer has barely started. The world awaits.” She gave the table full of all the people she loved a flippant wave. “With that, I’ll bid you adieu.” Lily hurried for the door, strangely on the verge of tears and not wanting anyone to witness this strange occurrence. The only girl child and the youngest of the Graysons, Lily had grown up trying to be like her brothers, all tough and invincible. She’d always refused to shed a tear in front of them, even when she was badly hurt or had her young heart broken.

  Why now? Why were tears filling her eyes and threatening to spill down her cheeks before she made it outside and into the privacy of her SUV.

  At the door, Greta Sue, the bouncer, stopped her. “Hey, Lily, are you okay?”

  That the big bouncer could read her face and know she was in distress was Lily’s undoing. “I’m fine,” she blurted and dove for the door. She barely made it through before the tears spilled down her cheeks.

  What was wrong with her? She shouldn’t cry over the fact her trip to Greece had been called off. She had savings. If she wanted to go badly enough, she could.

  No, more than that, she didn’t want to go. Not if it meant going by herself.

  There it was. She was tired of being alone. What fun was it to go explore new places if she didn’t have anyone to share it with? At least as an au pair, she could share the joy of exploration with the children she cared for. And she loved children, even if they weren’t her own. They all needed love, and she had lots of room in her heart for all of them.

  And she had room in her heart for that ever-lasting love she’d been waiting her entire life to find. Why had it been so elusive?

  An image of the tall, dark father of her favorite pupil flashed in her mind. Her body warmed, and her fingers and waist tingled where his hands had been earlier. What would it feel like to be loved by a man like that? A man who’d loved his wife so much, he still mourned her two years postmortem.

  Tony closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on and wondering why he’d bothered to stop at the saloon he and Marisol had come to so long ago. The saloon was different. Not in a bad way. Some of the people were the same, and some were different. But mostly, he had changed. He wasn’t the young, carefree man he’d been when he’d been dating Marisol. He barely knew that man. In fact, he could have been someone else entirely.

  Leaving the saloon, he drove to Hellfire and marveled at how the town seemed to roll up the sidewalks at six o’clock in the evening and keep them rolled up until eight o’clock the next morning. The only signs of life were the lights in the windows of the houses. Everyone who wasn’t at the Ugly Stick Saloon was tucked into their homes with their families, getting ready for bed if not already in them, some making love. Others simply snuggling.

  Tony sighed, turned around and drove back out to the Double Diamond Ranch where his family was. As much as he loved his children, and they were everything to him, his life had never felt quite as incomplete as it did tonight.

  He entered his house, let Ariana know he was home and climbed the stairs.

  He entered Mari’s room and tucked her in with her favorite blanket, marveling at how much she’d grown since her mother’s untimely death. Marisol would’ve been delighted at how beautiful her little girl had become.

  Then he went into Robbie’s room and found him with his cheek resting on his hands, curled up in the middle of his bed. On the nightstand lay a stack of his school papers he must have brought home in his backpack. By the limited glow of the nightlight, Tony flipped through all the pictures he’d drawn. In most, he’d drawn a little boy, a smaller girl and a tall, dark-haired man, standing at a distance from the children.

  Had he been that distant with his children?

  Tony thought back over the past two years, and his chest squeezed so tightly it caused him physical pain.

  He’d been so busy keeping busy to escape the pain of losing Marisol, he’d left behind the two people he cared most about.

  He flipped to the last of the drawings and found the same dark-haired man, little boy, little girl and a woman with orange hair and green eyes. He shot a glance toward his son, wanting to wake him and ask what the picture meant? Did Robbie want his teacher to be a more permanent part of his life?

  Tony straightened the pictures and laid them on the nightstand where he’d found them. They’d been more revealing than he’d thought a six-year-old could portray. He vowed never to underestimate his son again, and to make up for the two years he’d been in a blue funk over the death of his wife. Every time he’d considered dating, he’d been struck by a guilt so strong he’d walked away from the idea.

  Marisol had died. He hadn’t. And his children obviously needed him.

  Tony left Robbie’s room and entered his own. The king-sized bed looked so big and empty. Could he ever share it with another woman? The bed he’d shared with his wife? The duvet and curtains were the ones Marisol had chosen. The soft antique blue had been soothing when they’d first had them made and installed. Now, they seemed more depressing than soothing. Marisol had even chosen the modern white furniture. The furniture suited her. Not him. He liked to see the grain of wood. Stained furniture felt warm and had more character than the sleek, shiny white finish of the nightstands and dresser.

  Perhaps he needed to make changes. Drastic changes. Before he left for Costa Rica, he’d hire an interior designer and have her start the transformation. To get on with his life, he had to let go of the past.

  With a new direction in mind, he showered and dropped into his bed, willing sleep to come quickly. And it did, but not before a certain auburn-haired teacher flashed into his thoughts, determined to invade his dreams.

  By morning, he was so hard he had to shower again to calm his urges and get his head on straight. He spent a good part of Saturday with an interior designer he found through a friend of Ariana’s. She came to the house and walked through every room, asking him what his preferences were and what colors made him happy. He involved Robbie and Mari when it came to their rooms and the living room they shared. By the time the woman left, Tony was ready to climb the walls. Instead, he saddled up his horse and a pony for Robbie. With Mari riding in front of him in his saddle and Robbie on his pony beside him, they went on a trail ride through the ranch, stopping to have a picnic by a stream.

  They enjoyed the afternoon wading in the water and chasing tadpoles. By the time they headed back to the house, Mari was so sleepy she fell asleep against Tony. Back at the barn, Robbie insisted on brushing his own mount, while Caleb took care of Tony’s.

  Tony carried Mari upstairs and helped her with her bath and into her pajamas.

  Once Robbie had his shower, they sat down to a meal Ariana had prepared of tacos, refried beans and rice.

  Then Tony curled up on the sofa with Robbie and Mari and watched a Disney cartoon movie until all three of them fell asleep, exhausted from the day of adventure.

  Later that night, Tony carried Mari up to her room and came back down to carry Robbie.

  Robbie woke long enough to wrap his arms around his father’s neck. “Thank you for today. Miss Grayson says we should remember the days we love most, so that when it’s raining or we’re sad, we have a memory to cheer us up.”

  Tony’s heart swelled as he laid his son in his bed and pulled the blankets up around him. “Are you
planning on rain or being sad?”

  Robbie nodded. “When you leave to go to Costa Rica, I’ll have today to remember when I’m sad.” He hugged his father’s neck. “Thank you, Papi.”

  Tony pressed a kiss to his son’s forehead, his gut clenching at his son’s words. “I love you, Roberto.”

  He yawned and closed his eyes, murmuring, “Mama used to call me Roberto.”

  “It’s your name,” he reminded him.

  Tony’s son turned on his side and tucked his hands beneath his cheek, his eyes firmly closed. “I like it when Miss Grayson calls me Robbie.” And on that last word, his voice faded, and he fell asleep.

  There she was again. Lily Grayson, popping up in his son’s thoughts as well as his. He turned off the light on the nightstand and left Robbie’s room to return to his own.

  He’d gone the entire day, filling it with memories with Robbie and Mari. All the while, he’d worked hard not to allow a certain auburn-haired, kickass female from intruding on his day. And, for the most part, he’d been successful.

  Until Robbie brought her front and center to his thoughts. Right before he went to bed. How the hell was he supposed to sleep when his body was on fire with a need and desire he hadn’t known he’d missed for the past two years.

  All because of a sassy teacher who could take him down if he so much as pissed her off.

  He vowed to spend all of Sunday Lily-free, working his ranch and making sure he didn’t leave Caleb with any headaches he couldn’t handle on his own.

  He’d decide what to do with the children on Monday. Hopefully, Rosa would be well enough to resume their care. If not, maybe Ariana?

  Whatever happened, he had to make the trip to Costa Rica. He’d been away for three months. Any time he was gone longer than three months without checking in, things seemed to fall apart. Though the hotel manager was quite capable, the staff needed his direction and insight. He’d taken what his parents had started and had grown it into a high-class resort, worthy of celebrity visits. But it required hands-on guidance by phone, video conferencing and—most importantly—being there.