by Ivy Smoak
“What’s up?” Tanner said when he joined me.
“What’s up? What the hell are you doing?”
“Hanging out with the guys…”
“I don’t mean that. Why do random women keep showing up saying they’ve heard all about me?”
“Oh, those are potential love interests. Sorry Abigail was a bust. But if you don’t like Georgia or Stacy, Beatrix is coming by in ten minutes. Give Georgia a go though. She has great ratings.”
“Ratings?”
“Yeah. In my binder…”
“Stop it with the binder!” I realized I’d just yelled and swallowed hard. “Man, I told you. I’m just hanging out with Penny for the sake of hanging out with her.”
“Yeah, but you’re going to have to start going on dates or she’ll catch on to your scheme. And it’s of vital importance that I’m the one that finds your match.”
“I’m not finding a match.”
“But…”
“Tanner, get rid of Georgia and Stacy. And call off Beatrix and whoever else is going to walk into the bar having heard all about me. I don’t want to be set up tonight. I just want to drink.” I lifted up my glass. “In peace. And catch up with the guys.”
“Right. But there’s a Jennifer due here at 10:15 that I think would really…”
I ignored him as I downed half my drink. “I don’t want to be set up. Not now. Not ever.”
Tanner sighed. “Very well.” He pulled out his phone to shoot off a few texts. “But if you change your mind, I’ve got you covered.”
With a whole binder full of women. Yeah, I knew that. “I’m not going to change my mind.” It didn’t matter that I had a stupid crush on Penny. Or if I slept with half the women in New York. I wasn’t going to find someone to replace Brooklyn. I just wasn’t. She wasn’t replaceable. She was everything.
“Okay.” He patted my shoulder. “No more lovers are stopping by. Let’s go have the best damn guys’ night in the history of guys’ nights.” He raised his glass to mine.
I tapped mine to his and we both took a drink.
“Let me get rid of Georgia and Stacy. Then please rejoin us at the table.” He nodded and then walked over. Georgia blew me a kiss before looping arms with Stacy and pulling her over toward a different table filled with hopefully single men looking for what I assumed was not true love.
I took a deep breath before rejoining my table.
“Are you two finished with your lover’s quarrel?” Rob asked.
I did not find that joke funny.
“Because if you really want to be set up, as your best friend, I have a few people in mind.”
I cringed. First Penny. Then Tanner. Then James. Now Rob too? Was Mason also suddenly going to be a matchmaker?
“I’m his best friend,” Tanner said. “And I’ve got this covered.”
Rob laughed. “You’re surely mistaken. I’m Matt’s best friend. Tell him, Matt. Tell him I’m the one that’s going to help set you up.”
James jumped in to save me. “Enough about Matt’s dating life. If he wanted any of our help, he’d ask us.” He gave me a small smile. “Anyway, how are renovations on your place going?”
Thank God for the change of subject. “Good. I’m almost done.”
“So are you finally going to have us over?”
I never invited anyone back to my place. Ever. None of my friends or family had ever been to my place. None of my one-night stands. I valued my privacy. And I didn’t want them poking around. “I’m actually just going to sell it, so no housewarming party needed.”
“You’re selling it?” Mason asked. “I thought you loved that place? You went on and on about how quiet the street was when you made a bid.”
Too quiet. I shrugged. “I changed my mind.”
“You decided you want to live on a noisier street?”
“I just outgrew the place. I have Bill stopping by to figure out the listing price.”
“Oh, so you mean like right away,” Mason said. “We all have to come over before you sell then…”
“Really, it’s fine. I’ll have you guys over to my next place.” I wouldn’t. They’d ask too many questions. They wouldn’t understand. Just thinking about them peeking around made me start to sweat.
“You okay?” Rob asked. “You look a little pale. Please don’t tell me you’re secretly a serial killer and have a bunch of dead bodies in your basement or something. Did you guys hear about all the crazy people in Penny’s old neighborhood? James was just telling me about it the other day.”
James laughed. “I’ve banned Penny from going home for a little while. There’s a serial killer loose. Or maybe a few.”
“Really?” I shook my head. “The world’s a crazy place.”
“Just imagine how crazy it was living in London while it was being bombed during World War 2,” Tanner said. “All those air raids?” He closed his eyes, his eyebrows pinched together, as he took a sip from his drink. “That must have been terrifying.”
“Are you a big history buff?” Rob asked.
Tanner opened his eyes again and cleared his throat. “History is a fascinating subject. As long as you don’t get stuck in the past.”
I felt like that was a jab at me.
“Hmm…” Rob looked back and forth between me and Tanner. “It’s interesting that you have a love for history. Matt finds history very boring. Most best friends enjoy the same hobbies.”
“History isn’t a hobby,” I said.
“Can we have a word in private, Matthew?” Rob said.
God, I was sick of all these sidebars. I followed him over to the bar. “If you called me Matthew I must be in trouble.”
“I need you to tell Tanner once and for all that I’m your best friend. This isn’t funny.”
“It’s a little funny,” I said, smiling as I took a sip.
Rob punched my shoulder a little too hard.
“Ow.”
“Who’s known you the longest? Who was there for you when you had food poisoning sophomore year at Harvard and were projectile vomiting everywhere?”
That was a gross night.
“Who had sleepovers with you every weekend growing up? And acted like an idiot so girls you’d like would choose you?”
“You did that on purpose?”
“Shut up. Whose kids call you Uncle Matt?”
“James’ do too…”
“This isn’t about James. This is about you and me. I was your wingman. And now you have Tanner parading randos in front of you when you’re supposed to be hanging out with us?”
“Right. You were my wingman. But you guys are all married. I needed a single friend.”
“Daphne wouldn’t care if you needed me to wingman for you.”
“Daphne would care.”
“Fine, she might care a little. But she’d understand that you needed me.”
That was true. “It’s not easy, you know. Being the seventh wheel.”
“You’re not the seventh wheel. And if you’re actually looking for a girlfriend, I can help.” He lowered his eyebrows as he stared at me. “I didn’t realize you were ready. We’ve never really talked about…”
“I’m not ready.” I wasn’t going to have this conversation twice today. “I have no idea why Tanner brought those girls here. I’m not interested in anything but a one-night stand.”
“Oh.” Rob nodded. “Okay. Well, good. That makes me feel better. Well, not better for you. I’m sorry, man.”
“It’s fine. Really.”
“If you want to talk about it…”
“I really don’t,” I said. “You know what would make tonight great? If no one brought up my love life again.”
Rob laughed. “You know what would make tonight great for me? If you just told Tanner that you and I are besties.”
“You’re both my friends. Can’t you try not to be jealous and get along?”
“I’m not jealous. I’m protective. That shady guy is definitely up to something o
n Tuesday nights. And I’m going to find out what it is.”
“Until then…be nice?”
“Fine.” He put his arm around my shoulders. “I’ll be nice to your back-up best friend.”
“Not a great start.” We made our way back over to the table.
“So you and Penny are solid then?” Tanner asked. He was leaning forward a little too far on the table. It looked like he was running an interrogation. “You’re absolutely sure of that?”
James frowned. “I’m positive.”
What was Tanner doing? Everyone was out of control tonight.
“Interesting,” Tanner said. “The last time I saw her she seemed kind of…I don’t know…off.”
“I don’t think you’ve been around my wife enough to know if she’s off.”
“Who wants another round?” I asked, trying to distract my friends before we all got into a brawl like we were dumb high schoolers again.
Chapter 9
Sunday
I opened my eyes and blinked. The blonde hair strewn across the pillow next to me slowly came into focus. And for just a second. One stupid second. I thought it was Brooklyn. I reached out to touch her, and then my hand froze an inch away from her face. I felt like I was going to be sick.
I closed my eyes and turned away from…Georgia. I think. After my friends had left the bar last night, I’d gone back over to her. I wasn’t looking for true love. But I didn’t want to go home alone again. A fun night in a hotel with some random chick usually made me feel better.
But not when I mistook her for a ghost the next morning. My heart was beating too fast. I was having trouble catching my breath. I climbed out of bed too quickly, pulling on the sheet, startling her awake.
“Matt?” she said groggily.
Shit.
“Where are you going?” She sat up in bed, hugging the sheets to her chest.
I tried to ignore her as I pulled on my pants and looked for my shirt. There it is. I picked it up off a chair and finished getting dressed.
“Do you want to get breakfast or something?” she asked.
I could barely breathe. The last thing I wanted was to eat brunch and drink mimosas with her. I was never supposed to even talk to her again. I’d overslept. I should have been long gone before she woke up. “I have a meeting.” My voice came out croaky. I needed to get out of this room. I needed fresh air.
“But it’s Sunday. Can’t you take the day off?”
I grabbed my jacket and got halfway to the door.
“Wow, okay,” she said. “Tanner told me you were a nice guy.”
I cringed. I wasn’t a nice guy. “The room is under my card. Order whatever you want from room service.”
She sighed. “That’s not what I meant, asshole.”
But I didn’t care what she meant. I was already out the door.
The air outside the hotel was chilly, the temperatures feeling more fall-like every day. But the air was hardly fresh.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
I hailed a taxi and slammed the door behind me, blocking out the cold. I hated when my mind played tricks on me. Like fucking with me was some fun, cruel joke.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Dreaming of waking up to Brooklyn was a regular occurrence. But opening up my eyes and actually thinking I saw her?
Breathe in. Breathe out.
“We’re here,” the taxi driver said far too soon.
My heartbeat had evened out and my breathing was almost back to normal. I looked out the window of the cab. Bill was sitting on the front steps. I wished I’d had time to hop in the shower real quick to wash off this morning. And last night. “Sorry I’m late,” I said as I climbed out of the taxi.
“Long night?” Bill asked.
“Something like that.” I pulled out my keys and let him in. I needed a glass of water. And a shower. And maybe some aspirin. I took off my jacket and hung it on one of the hooks in the entrance.
Bill whistled. “Are these new floors?”
“Just refinished.”
“They’re impeccable. And the molding.” He ran his hand along the molding of the archway that led to the kitchen. “This is impressive work.”
“Thanks.” I went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from one of the brand new kitchen cabinets. “Want something to drink?”
“I’m good.” He tapped his knuckles against the countertop. “Granite?”
I nodded and downed half the glass. It felt like I’d just run for miles instead of panicking in the back seat of a cab. My heart had been racing faster than when I did sprints.
Bill shook his head. “You’re really sure you want to sell the place?” He was staring at the custom stone mantle above the refurbished fireplace. “It’s gonna go quick. So if you’re not sure…”
“I’m sure.”
“Let me just check out the bathrooms.” He walked out of the kitchen, but I didn’t follow him. Bill knew his way around and he knew what he was doing. He didn’t need me breathing down his neck.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a text from Tanner.
“Georgia? Good choice. But I checked, and it wasn’t true love. Sorry, man. Maybe next time.”
Rob was right. Sometimes Tanner was really freaking weird. “I know it wasn’t true love,” I texted back. “That’s why I fucked her instead of asking her on a date.”
“Interesting. Well, it was worth a shot.”
I went to slide my phone back into my pocket when another text came through.
“Also, I called Penny and let her know I wasn’t feeling well enough today to hang out. I did the whole fake cough thing to really seal the deal. She believed me. So it’ll just be the two of you.”
That was nice of him to bow out like he’d promised. But I wasn’t really feeling up to anything today. Maybe I should just cancel my plans with Penny too. I pulled up her name on my phone, but my thumb paused. Would hanging out with her make me feel better? Or worse?
Another text from Tanner popped up. “And I have another surprise for you. You’re welcome.”
I waited a few seconds. But of course he wasn’t just going to tell me without me asking. I wasn’t falling for that again. “What exactly am I grateful for?”
“You’ll see. It’s a surprise. But you’ll know it when you see it.”
I shook my head. “Does it make up for the fact that you purposely pissed off James last night?”
“When did I piss him off?”
“When you kept asking him all those questions about Penny.”
“Oh. That. I don’t think he minded.”
James definitely minded. “Just for future reference, when he does that whole thing where he lowers his eyebrows? It means he’s pissed.”
“I don’t think so. It means we’re having an engaging, intellectual conversation.”
About his wife’s happiness?
“Your friends are a hoot.”
A hoot? I would have called him out for using such a weird word. But he said stuff like that all the time. I heard Bill’s feet on the stairs and put my phone back in my pocket.
“Did you do anything to update the room that’s locked upstairs?” Bill asked.
My fingers tightened around my phone. “It’s the same as the other spare bedroom.”
“Do you mind if I take a peek?”
I patted down my pockets, pretending to look for a key. “I think I left the key at the office,” I lied. “But really, it’s almost identical to the other. Even the same crown molding as the master.”
He nodded. “Well, I’ll definitely be able to turn a nice profit on this place for you. Not a problem at all. And what are you looking for next? Besides four bedrooms?”
I didn’t really know. Did I want another fixer upper? Or some empty apartment? None of it sounded great. “I don’t know. I’ll need to think about it.”
“You’ll need to think fast. This is going to be a hot home for a family. I’ll pull some ideas for you in the me
antime. Maybe we’ll be able to pinpoint your next investment. Or where you’ll settle down.”
Settling down. I wasn’t sure that was something I was interested in. But I nodded anyway.
“Great. I’ll work on the listing.” He took a peek into the family room. “And we’ll need some stagers asap.”
I didn’t see why there was anything wrong with my furniture. Maybe families preferred less leather and more…throw pillows? I had no idea. “Whatever you think it needs.”
He snapped a few pictures with his phone. “And I’ll get some photographers out here to take pictures once everything is ready.” He pushed an end table two inches to the left and I laughed. “It was blocking the natural flow,” he said.
“Sure.”
Bill chuckled. “I’m not going to pretend I know about interior decorating, but I’d definitely run into this thing all the time if it was at my house.”
He wasn’t wrong. I’d hit my shin on it a few times, but didn’t care enough to move it. I’d needed a place for whatever I was drinking when I was stretched out on the couch. And as far as I was concerned, an end table went by the end of the couch.
“Does all that sound good?” he asked. “I’ll text you the times for the stagers and photographers.”
“Sounds great, Bill.” I shook his hand and watched him leave before heading up the stairs. I needed a shower before I met up with Penny. But instead of heading toward the master, I pulled out the key that was very much in my pocket, and unlocked the door to the third bedroom.
I pushed it open and smelled the calming aroma of paint and sunshine.
The floor was covered in tarp and there was an easel in the center of the room with a half-finished portrait.
Another thing I did when I was missing Brooklyn? I painted her. I stepped into the room and looked at the canvases stacked along the wall. Dozens of them. Everywhere. They almost filled up the whole room.
If I could paint anything else, I would. But I only ever came into this room when I wanted to think about her.
Some days I couldn’t look at pictures of her without falling apart. Other days? I felt like I couldn’t remember her face. On those days, I’d come in here and look at old photos. And sometimes I’d paint her face from them. It was all I had. An old photo album and some memories. This room was the main reason I didn’t have anyone over. Because if any of my friends or family saw this, they’d look at me the way they did after Brooklyn died. Like I was broken. I hated when people looked at me like that. Even if it was true.