Pause

by CJ Adler

  I'm a natural shot, according to Jay. The shooting range is my kind of place.

  He grins in response at my confession as he steps out of the car, expecting me to follow after him. “As much as I love hearing about you loving spending time with me, stop whining.”

  I leave it be and walk behind the persistent loser, stopping atop his all too famous cliff. I frown at the sight as I cross my arms over my chest and stand my ground. “Explain to me why we're back at your cliff. If you think I'm going cliff jumping with you again then you must be out of your damn—”

  “No cliff jumping,” he chips in, interrupting me.

  I glower at him, unsure if he's telling the truth. “I don't believe you.”

  He has the audacity to wink at me. “I promise.” When he sees my hesitation, he reaches for my hand and begins to drag me after him. “Just come,” he demands . He forcefully pulls me along the back route leading down to the lake, as well as the very bottom of the cliff.

  What am I? His pack mule?

  “Unhand me!” I exclaim just as we reach the bottom of the cliff.

  He ignores me and my stubbornness and leads me to a willow tree. He releases my hand before going under the tree.

  I pause, taking in the appearance of the tall tree hanging over the black, eerie lake. I shiver and it's not the cold evening air that has me shaking. Willow trees creep me out. It's not that I don't trust Jay with my life, because I sure as hell do, but this feels too much like a horror movie. All I see when I look at a willow tree beside a river at midnight is a perfect place to bury a body.

  Jay turns back to see that I've stopped. He must see my fear because he's out from under the tree and right in front of me in a second. “Hey, you okay?”

  I nod and sigh before reluctantly joining him under the willow tree. “Where did that come from?” I ask, pointing to the magnificent wooden raft before me. It's structured beautifully and even has small wooden railings along the side.

  “I built it,” he answers casually as if it isn't a big deal at all.

  “Of course, you built it yourself. Why do I bother asking?” I state aloud, more to myself. “Why can't you ever be bad in something?” I groan up at him, annoyed.

  “I've had a few courses in woodwork,” he explains, still unfazed that he can do pretty much anything he sets his mind to.

  “Have you perhaps had courses in perfection too?” I tease.

  He chuckles, pretending like he didn't hear me. “What?” he asks, cupping a hand to his ear, wanting me to repeat myself.

  “Nothing. Forget about it,” I say despite knowing that he definitely heard.

  He shrugs, choosing to let it slide. I watch him as he effortlessly pushes the raft into the dark waters lapping at the edge of the muddy bay. Once the raft is in the water, he straightens up and turns to face me. “I'm terrible at a lot of things, so, be reassured that I'm far from ever being perfect. In fact, I hate being called that.”

  “So modest, so humble,” I reply and shoot him a fleeting smile, merely messing with him.

  He motions with an outstretched hand to the raft while he holds it steady in the water. I obey and hop on with ease, deciding not to question him anymore. I'll just comply to his every demand seeing as he's being so sweet. He joins me soon after and steers us clear from the bank with the oar he made.

  “He oars too?” I mock as he steers us from the lake into the river. “It's called rowing, Aqueela,” he mutters, trying to hide his smile.

  “Why can't we go up the river instead?” I ask as I look down at the water splashing up against the raft every now and then as we float on by.

  The night is silent; the only noise to be heard is the flowing of the water. Jay shifts closer to me, putting his oar down and allowing the current to lead us further on. “Because we're following the current, not fighting against it. We go with the river. Besides, if we go up, we just land back up in the lake at the bottom of the cliff that you have grown to hate so much.”

  I don't hate the cliff, I just don't like jumping off of it. In actual fact, I love the cliff. It's the place where Jay and I shared our first heart-to-heart moment.

  The river branches off into a small quiet stream, the cold air nipping at my skin, yet somehow I'm not bothered by it. Jay's beside me and maybe that's all that has ever really mattered.

  Feeling lazy, I flop down onto my back and look up at the sky, the raft bobbing up and down as we slowly drift downstream. My eyes find the blanket of stars above. The stars have always intrigued me—constantly burning, dying, yet so stunning as they light up the dark sky.

  However, it's the full moon that really catches my attention. It's at its peak and the view of silver is exquisite. These are the times where I'm adamant there has to be a creator.

  “Do you now understand why I brought you here?”

  I almost forgot about his presence entirely—the sight is that mesmerizing.

  As if realizing, he smiles and lies down beside me, crossing his arms behind his head to stare up at the sky too. A wave of tranquility washes over me at the comfort his presence brings.

  A sincere smile of my own overtakes my features as I nod. “It's really something,” I admit, agreeing with him. I now get why he comes out here so late.

  “Yeah. It is.”

  I love this side to Jay, the real side to him. It's rare that I see it. He's not as cold as he makes himself out to be. It's just a defensive mechanism because of all the hurt he's been through.

  Content, I curl up to him, leaving no space between us.

  He turns his head to study my actions carefully, his breathing hitching for a second or two as he visibly swallows before averting his eyes back to the sky above.

  I reach for his hand and lace my fingers through his. He tenses, clearly uncomfortable, yet, still, he doesn't pull away. I smile all too happily to myself, satisfied for the moment. My happiest days are the days where he features.

  I pay no attention to his anxious state and carelessly rest my head on his toned chest. His heart is beating quickly. I can hear it thumping loudly. It only makes me smile more.

  I feel him stiffen in unease. “Aqueela…” He trails off, faltering mid-sentence as if trying to compose himself. “What are you doing?”

  “You're so comfortable,” I murmur in response, half-asleep.

  He shoots up like a lightning bolt. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” he says in one rapid breath. “You cannot fall asleep on me,” he says as he readjusts his position to an upright one, taking me with him.

  I pout up at him, barely taking note of the fact that I'm practi-cally on his lap. “Why not?” I ask moodily before dropping my head against his shoulder in exhaustion – I can barely keep my eyes open.

  “Because I have to say something,” he says as he pushes me back up, only for me to automatically flop back down against him.

  “You can say it in the morning,” I mumble into his chest, my eyes fluttering closed.

  “No. I need to say it now or I'll never say it,” he persists, shaking me gently by my shoulders in order to wake me. “Aqueela…” he drawls when I don't respond, “please.”

  That last word, that single word, somehow gets me. I can hear the plea and decide to comply. I force my eyes open and push myself off of him in a weak attempt to hear whatever it is he has to say. “I'm listening,” I reply softly as I rub at my eyes in fatigue.

  He falls silent when he realizes that he has my full attention.

  I gaze up at him in bewilderment, confused. “I'm listening,” I repeat, now genuinely curious as to what is holding him back from speaking his mind.

  “Right, right,” he murmurs. “Where to start?”

  “The end,” I answer bluntly. “The ending is always the best.” I hate beginnings. They're too slow-paced.

  He nods in understanding. I hate it when people beat around the bush and he gets that about me. He knows that I like it when people get straight to the point. His fixates his gaze onto me and draws in a dee
p breath before coming out with it. “I want…”

  I arch a brow at him, growing impatient. “You want what?” I ask, encouraging him to go on.

  “Just give me a second. This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do,” he confesses, willing me to be patient with him. He clears his throat. “I want a proper relationship with you.”

  “We have one, it's called friendship, or, as I prefer, archnemesisship,” I joke, trying to ease some of his tension and lighten the mood. His anxiety is killing me. He's making me nervous. I don't enjoy being nervous.

  “But I want more than friendship and archnemesisship with you. I just want you,” he blurts out on impulse. “Go out with me,” he says, sounding more confident.

  “Look, as you know, I'm not good at opening up and getting close but I meant it when I said that you were the best thing to ever happen to me. All I know is that I need you in my life. I don't want to watch you slip through my fingers. I can't do that again.”

  I blink up at him, totally puzzled. He's got me tongue-tied. “I uh…I…wow,” is all I manage to say. I stare up at him in disbelief , unable to find any words. The sky opens up and gives way to some rain. I don't care, not now, not with what he just said.

  His dark hair flattens under the rain as a frown touches his lips, his electric blue eyes demanding a response from me of some sort. When I fail to speak, he reaches up and scratches the back of his neck — a clear indication that he's uncomfortable.

  “Well, I'll admit, that wasn't the response I was hoping for,” he says quietly, taking my silence as his answer. “Forget I said anything. It's starting to storm out here, might as well get back home in any case.”

  My eyes widen at this as dread and panic seep into my veins. “Wait!”

  He furrows his eyebrows in confusion as he repeats what I just said. “Wait? Wait what?”

  “Yes,” I finally answer.

  I don't get the chance to say more. As an impatient Jay would have it, he cuts me off from rambling further with a tender and unexpected kiss on my lips — right in the middle of a thunderstorm.

  I begin to move my lips softly against his warm ones with the slightest amount of friction. I reach up and thread my hands through his wet hair. His hand comes to rest on my waist.

  His pace is slow and so sweet as if cautious not to cross any boundaries. I can't help but get lost in the moment. Even the thunder isn't enough to capture my sole attention. A fire has been lit in my chest. His mere touch is like a ripple effect, spreading throughout.

  I've never had someone like him in my life before.

  I move my hand over his chest, right above his heart, only to feel his own pulse racing.

  Eventually, he pulls back from me in reluctance. I pout, my eyes still closed, as disappointment sinks in. I hear a chuckle resonate from him as a result. I open my eyes to face him. His expression is undetectable and his gaze unreadable.

  I tear my eyes off of him when I see a beautiful flash of lightning streak across the black sky, the rain still pelting heavily down from above. We seriously need to leave.

  Jay sees the questioning glimmer in my eyes. “I don't want to jump into things too quickly. I'm already in over my head as is.” He breathes out softly before confessing to the truth. “To be honest, I don't even really know what the hell I'm doing.”

  “Then you shouldn't have just kissed me, you…you…” I falter, unable to insult him when my heart is doing flips inside of my chest. I don't have it within me to insult him right now.

  He laughs aloud at this, having noticed.

  I glare up at him and cross my arms over my chest, unimpressed.

  In turn, he stops laughing and shoots me his infamous smirk, a mischievous fleck of silver embedded in his blue eyes. “We're officially dating now which means I'm allowed to kiss you. At least, that's what I'm going for. If that's not the case, then something went seriously wrong in this conversation.”

  I break under his gaze and give way to laughter. He always manages to put a smile on my face, even on the worst of days. “Does this mean I can tell people that you're my boyfriend now without you whining about it like a little girl?”

  He shrugs and suppresses a grin. “I've never really been into labels.”

  I swat him on the chest. “You're the one who asked me out, let's just get that fact straight before this goes any further,” I remind him before he can turn this on me. “Which, by default, means that you want me to be your girlfriend.”

  He sends me a lopsided grin, obviously amused by my reactions. “That's not the case. Any girl will suffice.”

  I whip my head up quickly, only to spot the cunning grin on his lips. I let out a breath of relief and hit him on his arm, realizing that he's just messing with me. “You're evil.”

  Another chuckle spills from his lips as he tugs me to his side yet again. “And you're abusive.”

  “You deserve it.” I defend myself, resisting his hold.

  “You can call me whatever the hell you want, 'Queela, as long as you know that I'm the only guy that gets to—” he stops mid-sentence and leans down to kiss me again, “do that to you,” he finishes with an affectionate smile.

  Chapter 45

  Slavery of the Sinners

  After we got back from our date, despite it being two in the morning, we came home to find some of our 'friends' waiting for us. They're afraid Jay and I are angry at them. Here are the facts, we are definitely annoyed with all of them.

  “Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. Krrr. Krrrrrr. Kkkkrrrrrrrrrr,” Max whispers aloud to ease the thick tension and to gain himself his beloved spotlight. He can't go for very long without attention.

  Bells hits him upside the head. “What are you doing?!” I hear her whisper-shout at him.

  “Everyone's quiet. I was making like a cricket. Felt right,” he reasons pathetically as always.

  Benley speaks up next, the rest of us ignoring Bells and Max arguing in the background. “So, let me get this straight, you two—” he gestures from Jay and then to me, “—are together now? An item?”

  “Yes,” Jay answers for the both of us as he narrows his eyes at Mason as if to get the message across in an explicitly clear manner.

  “This is ludicrous!” Grey scoffs before turning his attention to Jay. “I'm disappointed in you. You could have had a bright future. Now you're in for a tunnel of pure darkness. Your life is over. You've thrown it away.”

  I scowl at Grey. Although, I have to say, he's handling this better than I expected.

  “Called it!” Max says, grinning at Benley and Grey. “Now pay up, son! Pay up, sons!”

  Benley groans in defeat before handing Max five dollars. “I really didn't think they'd come back as a couple.”

  “I'm not paying you,” Grey tells Max, not caring that he lost the bet.

  Max, in turn, frowns. “Nuh-uh, bro. You agreed. You and Benley owe me for being wrong. Pay up, son!”

  “Call me that one more time and I will sell you on the black market and have your organs harvested,” Grey replies, nonchalant, as if what he just said is totally appropriate.

  “Grey, c'mon, man. Relax. Stop giving Max flack for being his annoying self,” Jay speaks up, stepping in to defend Max from Grey's harsh attacks.

  The only other person that Grey hates, other than myself, is Max — probably because Max is the male version of me. Birds of the same feather party hard together!

  Max gulps and nods profusely, well aware of the fact that Grey is a man of his words. “Yo, it's cool, dude. Chill,” he says, backing away from Grey, his hands held up in surrender.

  “Don't tell me what to do, Mills!” Grey snaps at him yet again. “I'll put your body on a slab of ice and then you can 'chill'.”

  I roll my eyes at Grey when his gaze happens to fall on me. “Okaaaaay, Grey,” I drawl lazily, unfazed. “We get it, you're a criminal. Now shut it. Nobody cares,” I tease him, knowing full well that I'll tick him off.

  However, Grey doesn't resort t
o threatening me like he does with Max. He knows that the black market will just return me.

  My eyes find Bell's blue-green ones as a grin filters it's way onto her features. “So, Aqueela and Jay, we've all been watching you two. We knew you two had the hots for each other but we also knew that neither of you'd cave seeing as you're both equally as stubborn as the other, so we gave Jay a push in the right direction–”

  Jay crosses his arms over his chest before cutting Bells off with a scoff of his own. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  Bell meets his intimidating gaze of blue. “Well, seeing as you, Jay Taylor, do everything in your power to do the opposite of what people expect of you, we knew that if none of us wanted you to be with Aqueela, then you'd subconsciously do the exact opposite of what we wanted and finally get together with her. It worked. My plan was a success!”

  She's clearly a 'Jay' fan now.

  A sincere smile lights Bell's expression before she closes off all distance and pulls both Jay and me into a warm embrace. “Congrats, you two! Finally! I'm so happy for you both.”

  “This is weird. I have so many questions,” Jay replies.

  I remain unfazed. “Well, I'm going back to my house to change out of these wet clothes. Later, guys,” I say, having forgiven everyone already. I turn in my place and eye them all for a second longer. “Oh, and you two,” I point at Bells and Max, “should expect revenge from me.”

  I'm not that unfazed.

  “Of course, she has to go after us only,” Max whispers loudly to Bells by accident.

  They deserve it!

  Jay, on the other hand, makes his peace with everyone before leaving Oog's tree house to go change. I follow after him while sending Benley a death stare for the hell of it. Benley raises a shocked eyebrow before taking a step back as if genuinely worried.

  ***

  It's the second day that Jay and I wake up sick. Fortunately, it's a Saturday.

  “Despite feeling awful, thank you for the date,” I tell him, sincere. “It was great.”

  A smile filters its way onto the corners of his lips. “Definitely don't thank me,” he replies before leaning over and kissing me on my nose. “Just expect more.”