Pause

by CJ Adler

  “You know how difficult that is for me,” Landon whines before pointing an accusing finger at me. “Plus, she's not nice. She's blunt…” he pauses in thought, “I like it,” he decides, throwing me under the bus. If he's going down, he's apparently taking me with him.

  “Yeah but that's Aqueela. We tend to exclude her in situations like these. She's abnormal,” Jay fills him in on the facts. “Asking her to be nice is like asking Grey to smile when she's around; it's not likely to happen.”

  Puleeaase, Grey always smiles when I'm around.

  “I really don't get why you all say things like this. Maybe I'm the normal one and you're all the abnormal ones. Bet none of you considered that.” I defend myself when it becomes apparent that Jay isn't going to.

  “Never considered it, never will,” Grey says, his lips twisting down into a frown as glares at me, stubborn and set in his stupid ways.

  “Grey, you can stop pretending? We all know that you secretly adore me,”

  I tease him. I enjoy his reactions. It's a thrill, almost as fun as a roller coaster ride.

  “What's black and blue and red all over?” Grey asks me randomly.

  My eyes widen in excitement as I clap my hands in enthusiasm. “Oooh, a joke! A joke from Grey Ferrot! Never thought I'd see this day. Let's see…mhmm…black and blue and—”

  “It's you, after I beat you up,” Grey cuts in, flashing me a smirk upon seeing my outraged expression.

  “How is that not violent, Nancy?!” I ask her, seeing as she has a different perspective on Grey altogether.

  “He's only like this when you're around,” she answers me.

  I give her a look, not believing her.

  “I'm dead serious,” she states upon seeing my expression. “Grey's usually nice,” Emma agrees with her.

  I can't believe it. I just can't fathom it.

  I glance over to Grey, bewildered by the information. “Why do you hate me so much?”

  “So many reasons, so so so many,” is his blunt answer. “Name one,” I resort to challenging him; it's what I do best.

  Grey takes me up on the challenge and completely annihilates me. “I barely knew you and yet you woke me up and dragged me from my home at five in the morning to kidnap your best friend. You prank called me seventeen times. You made me your fake fiancé. You almost made me drive over you. You told me Jay was in ICU. You—”

  I said, one. Idiot can't count.

  “We have like the best history ever,” I cut him off with a lazy grin as I reminisce back on the good days. “I'd say we're well on our way to being best friends. Who knows, you might top Bells someday,” I joke, throwing my arm around him as if to hug him.

  “Don't touch me,” he grumbles out angrily as he moves out of my reach, just dodging me.

  I laugh, amused. He always says that. “That should be your catchphrase,” I tease. “'Don't touch me,'” I mimic him in a deep tone, mocking him. “You're too much, Grey.” I only laugh more upon seeing him narrow his eyes at me.

  “I don't get why you hate her. I feel like I've finally found someone that I can relate to,” Landon says, a grin on his face as he winks at me, an indication that he's purposely messing with Grey for the hell of it.

  “Yeah…” Jay trails off with a teasing gleam to his expression, “she's alright…pretty average.”

  That, of course, earns him a hit on the head.

  “I'm just messing with you.” Jay chuckles, drawing me to his side as he plants a kiss atop my head. “You're way beyond average.”

  “Guys, this game is stupid. I'm out,” Landon declares, evidently not a fan of games seeing as this is the seventh time he has said that.

  I nod, agreeing with him. I let out an exhausted yawn. It's been a long day.

  Jay grins down at me in amusement. “You tired?”

  I shake my head before leaning against his chest, closing my eyes. “No,” I lie. “Not tired at all,” I insist. “I'm just going to sleep now, m'kay?”

  “That doesn't even make any sense,” Grey retorts cockily. “Why would you sleep if you're not tired?”

  I open one eye to scowl at him. The loser always has something to say.

  Xavier stands up, gesturing for me to follow after him. “You can sleep in one of the spare rooms.”

  I look at Jay and shrug. I reluctantly get up from beside my boyfriend and follow Xavier upstairs and down some passages. He eventually leads me to a room.

  “Make yourself at home,” Xavier tells me politely as he opens the door for me.

  I offer him a smile, in turn.

  ***

  “It's like you want me to rip your head right off of your shoulders. I said to stay away from her!” someone shouts, not caring for the other people in the palace.

  “I can't! I don't want to. I like your sister, get over it!” the other person shouts back just as loudly.

  I try to ignore the voices yelling from the room across mine. I roll over onto my side, snuggling further into the blankets.

  “I will, as soon as I kill you!”

  “C'mon, Ruthless. Don't be that guy.”

  Ignore it, Aqueela! Ignore them! A life sentence for murder would not look good on your

  resume!

  “Emma deserves better!”

  “You think I don't know that?!”

  I take the pillow and place it over my ears in order to block out their screaming.

  “Yeah, 'cause you're a scumbag!”

  “Would you keep it down?! If you wake up Aqueela, you're dealing with her!”

  That's it! Someone is going to pay for waking me up!

  I huff to myself angrily and drag myself out of the warm comfort of my bed. I open the door and enter the hallway before slamming the door open to the room across from mine. “What the hell is going on?!” I shout, deafening myself and everyone else in the process.

  “He started it!” they, being Landon and Xavier, both shout simultaneously, pointing accusing fingers at each other in the fear of fessing up and facing my unbearable wrath.

  “I like you both so don't make me hurt you both.” I glare at them as I cross my arms over my chest. I actually prefer Landon seeing as he didn't try to kill Jay.

  “There's this new thing, Aqueela, it's called knocking,” Xavier, being a smart-ass, points out as he motions to the door that had been closed before I barged in.

  I roll my eyes at him as I mimic him mockingly beneath my breath. “There's this new thing, it's called not shouting at the top of your lungs when there's a girl sleeping soundlessly next door!” I hiss, still half-asleep.

  “That's quite a mouthful, Kitten.” Xavier smirks down at me in amusement.

  “I'm sure, for you, it is,” I insult his intelligence.

  “Burn!” Landon laughs in approval.

  Xavier places a hand over his heart, putting up a pretense of hurt.

  I point a finger at Xavier and gesture for him to step forward. “Come here.” Xavier lifts an eyebrow, distrustful. “How do I know that you won't hurt me?”

  “Just come here!” I command impatiently.

  He shakes his head, refusing to move.

  “It's going to hurt more now that you've failed to listen.” I walk up to him and punch him in the gut.

  He bends over, clutching his stomach in pain. “What the hell?” He coughs breathlessly. “You knocked the wind right out of me,” he rasps. “JT wasn't kidding, you do pack a hell of a punch.”

  Landon, by now, is laughing hysterically.

  “You like Emma? Man up and tell her!” I scold Xavier.

  Landon stops laughing when I turn to him next. “You love your sister, I get that, but your sister loves Xavier. You need to take a step back and allow things to fall into place. I know it's hard but maybe that's what needs to happen.”

  Landon argues. “I don't think she lo—”

  “She loves him!” I yell over him.

  “Got it,” he immediately agrees, backing down. “She loves him.”

&nbs
p; “Now…” I start calmly in a quiet yet frustrated voice, “which one of you can tell me where Jay is?” I think it's time Jay and I head back home. I'm sure the cops have given up by now. The roads should be clear.

  “I don't know. He left a little while ago after you went to sleep. Said he needed to—”

  “Think?” I finish for Landon.

  Landon laughs aloud as if what I just said is funny. “Yeah right.” He shakes his head at me. “No. Said he needed to smash things.”

  “He left me with all you idiots?” I ask, astonished, the whole 'smash things' going over my head. Typical Jay, if you ask me. He likes to vent via breaking stuff.

  “He didn't leave the house, you stupid. He should be somewhere around here,” Xavier clarifies.

  “It's a freaken mansion!” I exclaim. “It's like searching for a needle in a haystack.”

  “Stop being so damn dramatic,” Xavier grumbles before practically shoving me out of the room.

  I take it all back, I hate Xavier. I hope Landon kicks his ass.

  I wander the hallways aimlessly. My goal is to accidentally bump into Jay. It's easier if he finds me and not the other way 'round. However, I drift from my goal upon hearing a racket nearby. Of course, me being me, I follow the noise.

  “Lawson,” Grey greets rudely.

  “Ferrot!” I return his greeting in excitement.

  He gestures behind him to the balcony. “He's out back,” he tells me, actually being helpful for once. “You can thank me later.”

  “I probably won't,” I tease before nodding at him, appreciative.

  “You'll need this.” He throws a blanket over my face. “Chilly out there, and I'm not just talking about the weather.”

  “Uh…thanks?” I reply, confused, as I drape the blanket over my shoulders in an effort to keep warm. “What's going on?” I know he won't give me a legitimate answer but I take my chances and ask anyway.

  He gives me one last nod of acknowledgment before walking away. With much hesitance, I make my way out onto the balcony.

  “Jay?” I frown, at a loss for words, astounded by the sight before me. “Isn't all that stuff expensive?” I ask warily.

  He's throwing vases among other expensive looking things up into the air before swinging back with a baseball bat, smashing the stuff to smithereens.

  “Does Xavier know about this?” I question, basically interrogating him seeing as there's actually a need for it this time. I watch as he throws a porcelain ornament into the air before hitting it over the balcony with the baseball bat.

  “Who cares?” Jay finally answers me. “The idiot wrecked my car and almost killed me,” he mutters before breaking yet another priceless object with the bat.

  I shake my head at him, trying to sympathize.

  Unable to watch further, I step in front of him and take the bat from his hands before he can do any more damage. “Right now, you're being reckless,” I reprimand softly as I stare up at him, waiting for his logic to kick in.

  He glances down at me, meeting my gaze. “Don't give me that look.” He sighs before averting his eyes from mine in shame, looking anywhere but at me.

  Seeing Jay lose his temper like this is like seeing the Jay I first met all those months ago in Dylan's ice cream store. This is the side to him that I first came to know.

  I throw the bat aside before sitting down. I grab ahold of Jay's wrist and force him to sit down next to me. “Blanket?” I offer.

  He shakes his head, more quiet than usual.

  “So, tell me more about your relationship with Emma?” I prod, genuinely curious.

  I'm not going to ask him more about his foster parents. It only hurts him.

  He hates speaking about them. In general, I avoid the topic as much as possible, for his sake. I have other ways to be there for him other than talking about it in explicit detail. Sometimes, just being there, literally, is more than enough. People like Jay do better off without talking. He doesn't need to be heard, he just needs to be understood.

  “What relationship? I barely speak to her,” he answers civilly before a spark of recognition flickers across his eyes. “You're jealous?” he teases, his temper already cooling.

  I shake my head. “No,” I answer truthfully. “Why would I need to be jealous? I trust you,” I confess, expressing my faith in him. I grin when I see his expression drop. “You'd love it if I were, wouldn't you?” I joke, sensing his disappointment.

  You'd think he'd be happy to hear that I trust him.

  “Nuh-duh,” he mimics my usual wording, flashing me a playful grin, his mood having instantly lightened. “You never let me have the upper hand, you looney tune.”

  My mouth falls agape at hearing him copy me. “I will hit you,” I warn, threatening him.

  He laughs at that. “Go ahead and try.”

  I swat him on his chest anyway, despite knowing that it won't hurt him. Before I can move my hand off of his chest, he grabs ahold of my hand and places it above his heart.

  I raise a brow at him, perplexed. “What are you doing?” I ask, feeling his heart beat beneath my fingertips, his pulse jumping. I smile a little. “Your heart's pumping so fast right now.”

  He places his warm hand over mine in response, keeping the palm of my hand flat against his rigid chest. “That's 'cause you're the only person who can get my heart to race faster than what I drive.”

  I shake my head at him, unable to compress a smile. “You, Jay, are something else.” I sigh in content before leaning up to press my lips against his soft ones for a brief moment before pulling away.

  He sucks in a deep breath before taking my hand into his, gently intertwining my fingers with his. “On a serious note, you mean everything to me,” he whispers in affection, keeping me locked under his intense gaze.

  His eyes move off of me and onto the sky above us, the silver stars shining brightly through the darkness. I smile to myself before leaning my head against his shoulder. “In case it isn't obvious, you mean the world to me too.”

  “Nah, it's pretty obvious,” he insists obnoxiously. “I am your world,” he replies back in an arrogant voice, messing with me.

  I push him off of the seat and giggle at the sight of him on the floor. “That's what you get.” I laugh as he frowns up at me, unimpressed. He did not see that one coming.

  “What the hell happened to all my stuff ? Where did you even get a baseball bat?” Xavier asks, popping up out of nowhere.

  “We…uh…got robbed,” I lie, refusing to let Jay take the punch for this, even if it really is all his fault.

  Xavier stares at me blankly. “So, they just broke all my stuff and didn't actually steal anything?” he asks skeptically, making it clear that he's not buying it.

  “It was clearly personal,” I clear my throat awkwardly.

  “Take it easy, man, just blowing off some steam,” Jay grins, confessing. “Besides, you did try to kill me.”

  “For the billionth time, it wasn't intentional!” Xavier argues in spite of Jay just kidding around.

  “Time to go, Jay,” I say as I stand up and pass Xavier by. “It was all Grey, just know that,” I add, patting his upper arm in sympathy before leaving, Jay quickly following suit after me.

  “You're a terrible liar!” Xavier calls over his shoulder.

  “And you're a terrible host to call a guest a terrible liar!” I shout back and then halt in my steps. I turn around and quickly hug him. “I hate you but thank you.”

  Xavier, bewildered, pulls a face. “You don't make any sense.”

  “Neither does your existence!” I snap back on instinct.

  “I don't think I'll ever understand you,” he says after first rolling his eyes at my immature comment.

  “Give up, I did,” Jay advises him. “You simply can't understand the unsolvable.”

  I tug on Jay's arm in order to get his full attention. “Oh, before I purposely forget again, Troy burnt down the entire tree house.” I decide to break it to him then and there
with my perfect timing.

  Jay's smile fades behind a frown of confusion. “Wait, what?!”

  Chapter 60

  Wherever Life Leads Me

  “Best day of my life!” Max shouts atop his lungs when we all throw our graduation caps into the air as an act of celebration.

  “You said it, bro!” Laiken nods, agreeing with Max as he fist bumps him.

  The two have become somewhat friends as of recently.

  You always know that you're going to finish school someday, yet, still, you're never quite prepared for it, never really prepared to detach yourself from the present and welcome the future.

  “It feels weird, right?” Bell asks me as we make our way out of the school, the fuss of graduating refusing to die down.

  “It does,” I admit. “Didn't think that I'd ever graduate school,” I confess. “I was sure I'd fail. If it weren't for Principal P assigning me tutors, I would probably be repeating.”

  “You did okay,” Bell replies, earnest.

  “I didn't pass with amazing results but results nonetheless. I'm just grateful that I don't ever have to come back here,” I say, gesturing to the school building.

  I've never been that big on school The only thing I will miss, for sentimental reasons, is the oak tree in the school garden. I will also miss Principal P, just because he's such a legend. Despite our issues, he's always been there for me. He's always had my best interests at heart.

  Bell's expression turns serious. “Look, Aqueels, I know we've had our rough patches throughout the years but I just want to say, that in spite of it all, you're one of the greatest people I've ever had the privilege of knowing. You're not just my best friend, hell, you're my sister.” She chokes up and hugs me tightly, my lungs just about collapsing under her strength.

  This girl.

  “I don't know what the future holds and if we're still going to be in touch after we go our separate ways to study but, honestly, I just wish you the best. All the very best, because that's what you deserve.” She breathes out in a hoarse voice, tearing up as she finally releases me from her death grip.

  I hate mush. I hate sappy.

  “I know you haven't had an easy life and I know that you try and act like you're fine all the time when it's obvious that you're not, but, thing is, Aqueela, you truly are the toughest person I know. You're as tough as nails. I've seen you at your best and I've seen you at your worst. I know you better than anyone else here. I know how you think, how you act…how you love unconditionally without it being obvious. You took in a hobo, for goodness sake! Just promise me that if you happen to fall, you'll get right back up and start all over again, m'kay?” she finally concludes, the tears now rolling down her cheeks.