Eve

by Beverley Hughesdon

  Chapter Forty Four

  ‘…You are not going to become my mistress – tonight or any other night!’

  I exclaimed indignantly, ‘Whyever not?’

  ‘Because, Eve, you are a virgin – and I do not seduce virgins.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘No, it’s quite out of the question. It is simply not on – definitely not on. As it is, I went much further than I should have done.’ He sighed. ‘I really do feel rather guilty about that, you know.’

  Quickly I reassured him. ‘Ye only kissed me.’ We both looked down at my still somewhat crumpled skirt before lifting our eyes to meet in a moment of agreement. I told him firmly, ‘It was just kissing with your hands, that was all – and in different places.’

  He said, ‘So you think we could reasonably call it just kissing, then?’

  ‘Oh aye – definitely. I mean, that’s what it felt like tae me.’ I looked him straight in the eye.

  ‘Thank you, Eve – that is a relief.’ We smiled at each other – then his smile broadened. ‘You know, I did find your kisses most enjoyable – for a novice you made amazing headway in a very short time.’

  My own smile broadened to match his as I told him, ‘Ye were a verra good teacher.’

  ‘I’m flattered.’ We were both pretty pleased with ourselves by now, so it was probably only a matter of chance that he was the one who said, ‘You know, that night at Wenlock Court was most enjoyable, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yes,’ I agreed, ‘It was.’ We both laughed, reminiscently.

  ‘And to think that you’d never even kissed a man before, let alone—’ he shook his head at me. ‘You really were a rather naughty girl, Eve, but – I must admit that, disappointed though I am that we can’t – er – indulge ourselves further,’ (indulge ourselves in what? I still hadn’t got a clue) but he was continuing with, ‘And I am disappointed, naturally – any fellow would be to lose the prospect of his very own Eve – but, nevertheless, it’s even more delightful to think that you’d never ever done anything like that before. I certainly was in luck – just fancy my being the first fellow to enjoy your kisses! It makes that night rather special, you know. But puss cat – we really shouldn’t have done it.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Well, I suppose no harm was done – even though I wasn’t wearing a cover on my—’ he neighed softly, ‘on my tongue!’

  I grinned, I was beginning to see the joke myself, now. ‘Actually, I’m glad you weren’t – it was much nicer kissing without one.’

  ‘That’s true of the other – er, activity – as well – something else I was looking forward to! Well, never mind – as I said, in one way I’m rather pleased – disappointed but definitely pleased. The other type of girl are two a penny – and worth even less – but the Eve Gunns of the world are pretty rare, as I know only too well.’

  Ah yes, Eve Gunn. There was something I really ought to tell him –

  He said, ‘But there is something I really ought to tell you.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  His voice was serious now. ‘Eve, you put yourself in a position of considerable risk last autumn. I know the conventional view is that girls will only retain their innocence if they are left in a state of ignorance – but that is not a view I subscribe to myself. Quite the reverse. I think in this area a lack of knowledge places a girl in an extremely vulnerable position – especially a girl of your class. And even more especially in the case of one who has no parents to protect her. So although I do feel it would be infinitely preferable if you were enlightened by a female relative,’ he paused, waiting for my response.

  ‘I dinna have any female relatives.’ Bleakly I admitted, ‘I’ve no kin at all.’

  He said quietly, ‘I had rather begun to suspect that.’ Then his voice rose to its normal pitch of authority once more as he informed me, ‘Then you will definitely have to go back into domestic service.’ What! ‘I can see from your expression you’re not wholly keen on that idea – but Eve, there really is no other option. Don’t worry, I’m sure Mrs Hayter and I will be able to find you a suitable place.’

  I could see that drastic measures were called for – besides, there was nothing to be gained by retaining my alias – quite the reverse! So I said clearly and precisely, ‘That’s extremely kind of you, Lord Rothbury, but I don’t think I—’

  He ignored both my protests and my English accent with an emphatic, ‘Eve, good service is the only safe haven for a young girl with no home of her own.’

  ‘But-’

  He held up his hand to silence me, ‘But, even that haven won’t be safe, if you don’t know the most elementary details of how a girl gets herself knocked u—’ He corrected hastily, ‘Of how a man begets a child on a woman.’

  And at last I realised where he was heading and asked in my broadest Scots,

  ‘Sae are ye gaeing tae tell me, then?’

  ‘Indeed I am. Clearly someone needs to – and the sooner the better.’

  ‘Thank ye, ma lord – I’m verra grateful.’

  He smiled, ‘Now, just wait for me up here – no, the schoolroom would be better, and there’s a decent table up there. Meanwhile I will have to run down to my study.’ He explained, ‘When I felt the time had come for my younger brother to be enlightened on what I suppose we could call ‘the secret of life’, I asked Dr Travers, as a medical man, to prepare me some diagrams of, er – internal plumbing. As in other fields it’s always wise to get a blueprint from the horse’s mouth. I’d prefer to go down and run an eye over them again, before I let you into the secret of life, too. After all, we don’t want you picking up any false notions, do we?’ A soft neigh. ‘And perhaps while you’re waiting you could find me some sheets of plain paper, and a well-sharpened pencil?’

  ‘And a rubber?’ I offered.

  He laughed, ‘I hope my field sketching isn’t that rusty!’ Fields? I was all at sea. But not, thanks to Horseface, for very much longer.

  * * *

  He was brisk, efficient and thorough. Which was just as well, since although initially I asked some questions – I was, as you can imagine, spellbound to learn of the intricate complexities of my own body – yet even before he’d begun to sketch in the corresponding male anatomy I’d begun to have this uneasy suspicion… And as he progressed with his explanation I became more and more subdued by the dawning realisation that what I’d been up to with him wasn’t actually all that different from climbing round the Old Man of Wick with the tide coming in.

  He put down his pencil. ‘Right, I think that’s all the relevant angles covered.’ Then, ‘You’ve gone unusually quiet, Eve?’

  I fidgeted – I couldn’t take my eyes off those drawings of his. The secret of life. My throat was dry and my voice rather croaky as I said, only still managing to speak in Scots because I’d been doing it for so long now, ‘It’s no like kissing at all, is it?’

  ‘No.’ I remembered Flo saying, ‘Don’t let a man poke you anywhere, Eve —’ But I hadn’t even known I had anywhere there to be poked – let alone – I just kept looking at those sketches of his, stunned. Finally I whispered, ‘It’s sae much more than kissing – kissing’s simple. But I should have realised that something as important as that,’ I reached out a finger and tentatively touched the curled-up baby in the womb that he’d drawn for me, ‘Something as important as that, just couldn’t be sae simple.’ Raising my eyes to his impassive face I said, ‘It’s no a game at all, is it?’

  He gave a small shrug. ‘Some pepple treat it like one.’

  ‘But it shouldn’t be! I mean, a woman – if she does this, she’s letting a man into her own body. An’ then, if he’s no wearing a cover – and ye said lots of people think they’re wrong – well then, she likely has a wean.’ I put my finger out to that curled-up baby again – I was still struggling to grasp the enormity of the whole thing. It’s true I had had some awareness that women grew babies in their bellies, but even that had never seemed real to me before. But now �
� now it was real alright.

  And, inevitably, thinking of mothers and babies, I thought of Anya – and of Apa. Apa, who’d loved Anya and so performed this incredibly, unbelievably intimate act with her, to produce me.

  Looking up at Horseface I asked, ‘A woman, by doing that, she’s choosing the father of her children, isn’t she?’ He nodded. ‘And if she gets it wrong, and she dies, then—’ I could hardly keep my voice steady as I exclaimed, ‘Suppose my mother hadn’t chosen Apa, for me!’

  He said quietly, ‘It is wise for a woman not to allow intimacies to a man she doesn’t trust.’ Then he gave a small shrug. ‘But – some women make different choices.’

  I reached out, and laid my hand for a moment on the sleeve of his jacket.

  ‘Thank ye for telling me.’ For telling me the secret of life. I almost shouted, ‘But this shouldna be a secret! After all, it’s every bit as important as death – and no-one makes a secret of that. When a person dies everyone talks about it, and exactly how it happened. And ye see the body before it goes for burial – if someone’s your kin you sit with them while they’re dying—’ I broke off for a moment, before adding bleakly, ‘No, there’s nae secret about death.’ Especially not in India where the vultures perch, waiting – lifting my face to his I asked, ‘So why should there be secrets about birth – and what goes before?’

  He gave a small shrug. ‘It is not considered – appropriate – to talk openly of such matters.’

  ‘But they matter so much!’ Then, yet another light dawned. ‘And surely, in the Bible, this is what the serpent told Eve – by giving her the fruit to eat? It is, isn’t it? It must be – I mean,’ I paused to quote: ‘“And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked.” As I had been in the lake at Wenlock Court. My face flamed, and bending my head I hid it from him. Too late. He said, ‘Bit of a shock, eh?’ And just sat quietly there beside me, while I calmed down.

  When my cheeks were finally cool again I lifted my face to his and pointed out, ‘Still, that time at the lake, you did make off with my clothes, didn’t you?’

  ‘True,’ he admitted. ‘Though I could say in my defence that I was not aware you were bathing in – er – how shall we phrase it? A state of Eve.’

  I defended myself. ‘And I was not aware about all this, I just didn’t know it – I didna ken.’ I stabbed indignantly at one of his sketches, ‘I didna even know I had anywhere there for a baby to come out by!’

  He asked, ‘Have you never seen an animal give birth? Surely if you had a dog or cat at home—’

  I shook my head. ‘Apa wouldn’t ever let me have a dog, in case it went mad.’

  He looked surprised. ‘Rabies isn’t that common in Caithness, is it?’

  Well no, it wasn’t. But I was staring at those diagrams again. it really was incredible. For the second time I said, ‘Lord Rothbury, I’m verra, verra grateful tae you for tellin me all this.’ I was, too – and I still am. Especially as I know now what an excellent job he made of it.

  He shrugged, slightly. ‘I wasn’t really the right person to tell you – but somebody had to.’

  I told him firmly, ‘You were the right person, because you knew I needed to know.’

  He neighed softly, ‘That’s certainly true. Though it took me long enough to realise – you certainly are a quite exceptional bluffer, Eve Gunn.’ Eve Gunn. An even better bluffer than he knew. He went on, ‘You know, I’m reckoned to be a good poker player with a poor hand of cards, but you – you played the entire game with no cards at all!’ He laughed, and I couldn’t help feeling rather pleased with myself. Until he added, ‘I suppose on the fish pier at Scarborough you really were only talking about herring?’

  ‘Yes of course – weren’t you?’

  ‘No, Eve – I was not. You see I distinctly remember your telling us all about roe being different from milt – which, you emphasised, was produced by male herring – and your insistence on spelling the correct Gaelic term for this, even when my poor friend was getting flustered—’ he paused.

  I looked down at those sketches of his again and said, ‘But I’m sure herring don’t do it like this.’ ‘No, true – they don’t. But the act by which a man discharges his seed is generally called ‘spending’ – so when you referred to a ‘spent’ being no use to you—’

  Oh dear. And I’d told him he was a large full, and he’d thought I’d meant – oh, no!

  He said conversationally, ‘I really didn’t think you could blush any redder – but you have done, haven’t you?’ I couldn’t even look at him as he went on, ‘I was intending to finish my exposition with a short lecture on the importance of young women being circumspect, and saving the bestowal of their intimacies for marriage – but I’m not sure I need to go all through that, now.’

  I said, ‘I think I can probably guess most of it.’

  ‘Yes, I rather suspect you can.’ I looked up at him, ‘I was pretty stupid, wasn’t I? I really should have known better.’

  ‘I must definitely take my share of the blame there, puss cat. Having made my initial deductions on your level of experience I did rather push my luck. And you know,’ he added reassuringly, ‘I do believe that if I’d pushed it further, you would have stopped me.’

  I said glumly, ‘Before tea, I didn’t stop you touching me – touching me where you did – did I? And I should have done.’

  His spoke softly, but firmly. ‘I’m quite sure that it was your genuine affection for me which led you to allow me liberties that you would not have permitted from any other man.’ I’ll say. ‘And, you know,’ his voice rose encouragingly, ‘I’m rather inclined to think that despite your lack of basic knowledge your instinct did tell you that what you and I indulged in at Wenlock Court was not actually the – er – genuine article.’

  It was very nice of him to make excuses for me, but I had agreed to spend the night in his bed, for goodness’ sake! I mean, I knew men and women didn’t normally share beds unless they were married to each other, but somehow, being Eve Gunn I’d felt free to break all the rules. Which is fair enough if you know what the rules are – like with poaching – but to break rules you don’t even know exist – No, not clever, Eve. I shook my head. ‘No, I was pretty stupid. I should have had more sense.’

  Still making excuses for me he said consolingly, ‘Well, you are only nineteen – which is not that old.’ I fidgeted, then, bracing myself I admitted, ‘I didna actually say I was nineteen, it was just that when I first went for the job at Wenlock Court—’

  He interrupted. ‘Come on, spit it out – how old are you? Or how young, rather?’

  I confessed, ‘Seventeen.’

  ‘Oh, Eve!’ He was reproachful. ‘You really are the limit. If I’d known that I wouldn’t have even suggested what I did – I never, ever make advances to girls as young as seventeen – it’s just not on.’

  Like lots of things I’d done over the past seven months. I said, ‘An’ there’s something else I ought tae tell ye.’ By now I was clinging to my Scots accent as if it were a life raft – but it was no use, I’d have to let it go and swim in English.

  But he forestalled me. ‘Look, young Eve – even younger Eve, I should say,’ he gave me a look which set me off blushing again – which in turn provoked a soft neigh of amusement on his part – gosh, he was being so nice, and all this time I’d been deceiving him – ‘Before we embark on another round of revelations, I’m quite thirsty again – tea having been of a somewhat interrupted nature today.’ He added a touch plaintively, ‘I do usually have four cups. So would you just pop down to the nursery kitchen and order a fresh pot?’

  Eagerly I offered – any excuse for delay – ‘I can boil the kettle on the gas ring in there and make ye one masel’, if ye like – Elsie put a caddy out for me.’

  He smiled approvingly, ‘Good girl.’ Good girl? He wouldn’t be saying that in a few minutes’ time. On the other hand, he had taken the little question of my age very well, in fact he’d taken eve
rything very well – so with luck, when I explained—

  I wasn’t looking forward to it, though, and I took my time over that kettle, and waited for the tea to be fully brewed before I picked up the tray to carry it upstairs – slowly. But I had to tell him the truth – especially now that I didn’t have any reason for concealing it. And he had been so kind – even taking the trouble to tell me – No, I’d got to stop playing Eve Gunn. The blunt truth was I’d become so caught up in the game I’d played it to the very brink of folly. Besides, if I didn’t watch it he’d have Eve Gunn packed off to another housemaid’s job, and I wasn’t having that. So, take a deep breath, Eve, and dive in.

  But as I came through the schoolroom door he was standing over by the window, surveying his domain – and he looked so very big, and so very much in charge that I decided perhaps I wouldn’t dive in after all, I’d ease myself into the water gently, by dropping a hint or two, letting my Scots speech slide – He turned to face me, and I said, ‘There’s something aboot masel’ that ye dinna ken, the while.’

  Chapter Forty Five

  He gestured to the view behind him, where I could see the crown of Rapunzel’s Tower peeping from the trees. ‘I suppose while you were at Wenlook Court you were climbing up and down Lady Stokesley’s outside walls?’ I nodded. ‘So when I warned you that morning not to take silly risks, you assumed I’d spotted you at it?’ ‘Aye – I did. And I kept wondering who it was in the Bible who climbed!’

  He brayed loudly. ‘Well, well – it really was one misunderstanding after another, wasn’t it? Never mind, we’re all straight now.’ I opened my mouth – and closed it again as he requested, ‘Pour me a cup of tea, would you?’ I took my time over that, too – I really was in no hurry to take that first plunge. I carried it over to where he now sat comfortably in the big armchair to the left of the hearth. ‘Thank you, Eve. Pour yourself a fresh cup, if you want – and then come and sit down in front of the fire.’